woke af

And when we build our walls

“Be prepared to let go of familiar faces throughout your journey. Be ready to let go of anyone who doesn’t clap for you the way you clap for them.”

“Do not mock a pain that you haven’t endured"”

You must grow without direction. The moment you try to control it is the moment it is no longer your true self.

I couldn’t fall in love with you because you wanted to save me, you wanted to carry me in arms that could never even learn to hold my weight. You wanted me to become someone I was not in order to become someone you could love without difficulty. But I was never easy. You fell in love with me because I was complicated and contradictory, endowed with an infinite number of crossing lines and tangled thoughts and fingertips that never stay still. You weren’t prepared for the fact that you could never untangle me, you could never understand I was never even made to be deconstructed. You wandered into my skin like a pilgrim who couldn’t begin to fathom the jungles and oceans that lied before him. You were so used to being needed by women who didn’t know any better that you were confused when I had the audacity to throw you out of the land you had fallen in love with. You’d ask me “why did you do it?” My friends would ask me “why did you do it? He loved you.” And I will tell them, with all of the oceans and horizons raging inside of me:

“Being alone may scare you, but staying in a bad relationship will damage you.”

“I wanted myself to so badly fall in love with you and so I did, forcing myself to accept parts of you that I hated in people the most and making myself settle for less than what I deserved. Yet it’s funny how it wasn’t me who ended up being half hearted in the end. Things were so much more different with him. I didn’t want to love him, but I couldn’t help it. I loved the way he laughed and smiled and was able to turn my bad day around with just a few words. That’s how you know it’s real: when you try to stop yourself from falling but you do so anyways. That real, uncontrollable love I had for him was worth the pain.”

“I gave you things I wasn’t sure I even had.”