Whirling Derby

Call me typical, but it never ceases to amaze me at the creativity that can go into a derby name. Skaters choose derby names for various reasons, mostly because it is fun and, really,  how often do you get a chance in real life to select a new persona and create a new life for yourself (aside from being in a witness protection program, or maybe Whitey Bulger – and even Whitey’s name game came to an end).  

Some derby names are obvious (Abbey Normal, Beaster Bunny, Scarlette Fever), while others are a bit more obscure (Ada Hatelace) or just out and out strange (Robot Unicorn Attack, The Skater Formerly Known as Malice N Derbyland). There are also skaters who might have hung up their derby alter ego and go by their real name – gasp! (Julia Rosenwinkle, I am looking at you!).

While Flash Nordin might not be extremely creative or obscure, it has always puzzled me that so many people do not understand it and get it completely wrong.

Flash Gordon vs. The Flash!

I have gone by Flash Nordin since playing high school powder puff in 198… never mind, the date isn’t important. What you should know is that during that decade, there is not a movie that truly exemplifies total cheesiness in acting, special effects, garish color or theme song more than Flash Gordon.

(What about Xanadu, you might be saying. Well, even the effects in Xanadu were better than in Flash Gordon – plus, they were roller skating in Xanadu – WIN! But, I digress).

Anyway – my last name was Nordin, and I was, and will always be, a sci-fi geek, so Flash Nordin was the obvious choice when coming up with my powder puff name. It is a nickname that I always carried with me close to my heart – and every time I hear Queen belting out “FLASH ….. AAHAAAAAAH!”, my chest puffs like a peacock and I would be the savior of the universe once again, in my shiny blue leggings, tearing down the field ….. not that I actually did any running down the field, I think I sat on the sidelines during that powder puff game.

Flash Nordin doesn’t invoke fear; it isn’t very menacing, nor does not conjure up an image of a hulking behemoth destroying all in her path. It is cheese all the way pure and simple ~ shooting a ray gun with a “Pew Pew Pew”, space travel, an evil nemesis with a Fu Manchu beard. … maybe a robot sidekick, I don’t know.

So, it is a bit annoying when people talk about how fast I must be on skates, either in the positive (“Oh, you must skate fast”) or in the negative (“you should be skating faster with a name like Flash”). I get tired of explaining that they are talking about The Flash, a comic book hero who has the power of super-speed.

I am named after Flash Gordon, a former polo player and Yale graduate and a hero of science fiction adventure with a nemesis called Ming the Merciless.

The Geeks Get Me

I generally just blow off the misconception of my name. It’s like explaining to your grandmother a billion times that you don’t date Jeff anymore. The billionth-and-one time you just respond “Yeah, Jeff’s doing great, I will tell him you say hi” and leave it at that. So it was for Flash Nordin.

Plus, it doesn’t help that you can’t even find anything Flash Gordon-ish – it’s all The Flash. What’s up with that! What, so The Flash is super fast – does he have a ray gun? No! Does he travel to Mongo and fight the baddies? Hell no! So why is it so fricking hard to get a t-shirt or a pin or some other representative paraphernalia? It’s always and a lightning bolt The Flash pin this, and a lightning bolt The Flash t-shirt that! Even target is selling adult The Flash underwear (which I SO wanted to buy!).

I guess that’s why I gave up explaining who I was, and just accepted the lightning bolt and tried to skate faster. That is until I went to Comic Con recently.

The geeks get me.

They have instilled in me a sense of honor, to hold true to what my name really stands for, to put away the The Flash t-shirt, and take up my ray gun and battle on – to save the Universe from misconception and tyranny! TO FIGHT ONE… MORE…. DAY ……

Plus, they actually HAD a Flash Gordon t-shirt which I promptly bought (the same red ringer tee worn in the 1980 movie).

So, What’s in a Derby Name?

Everything – and nothing at all. It is a chance for derby people to escape their mortal lives as executive assistants, telemarketers, teachers, parents, unemployed poets, and everything else you can think of doing - and to become for a few hours a week someone, or something, else entirely.

At the end of the day, we pack up our sweaty gear and go home to our normal lives and become that person others need us to be, and sometimes what we need to be for ourselves as well. All the league mates who are parents wouldn’t be complete without tucking their kids in each and every night. Chicago streets are safer because Mia Bustya puts away her mouth guard after practice and puts on her holster and handcuffs. I couldn’t skate if I wasn’t working in an office for financial reasons.

But truth be told, I couldn’t work in that office if I didn’t have Flash Nordin. She lets me escape to a world that is fast, and hard, and sometimes painful but always awesome. Flash Nordin allows me to be physical and work out the days (weeks) frustration through sweat and contact and laughter in an environment that says it is ok for me to do so. Flash gives me guts to take a hit and attempt to give one in return (boy, would that ray gun come in handy!). She couldn’t sit in this cubical day in and day out, and I could get on that track without her.

When I talk to people about roller derby (who are not skating roller derby), they generally gravitate immediately to one topic: HITTING!

It's not surprising. What other sport showcases women getting physical (and violent) to each other. You could just go to the mall on some summer afternoon and probably see some women getting into it over a huge sale, but a cat fight roller derby is not. This is where you see women strategically aim their power unto another, where the skaters can most of the time TAKE the full force of it and stay skating upright, or, even more spectacular, just see a good, hard hit which sends the receiving skater flying across the track with the trajectory of a rock ejected from a slingshot.

Ah, derby love.

Now, I am as full of pent up rage as the next person and will not back down from a verbal fight when I am in the right (which is always, right?). Unfortunately, I don't think anyone would talk of me as some physical threat (psycho - yes; muscle - m'eh). This is a huge part of my derby image that is at stake, and one that we have been addressing at practice the last few weeks as we have entered into CONTACT AND BLOCKING (bah bah baaaaaaah!)

Terror(ized) on Wheels

There is more to blocking (or hitting) a skater than just hauling off and ramming into them (although that is a start). There are rules and safety issues that every skaters needs to know and follow. For a full list of what those rules and regulations are, please surf over to www.wftda.com for the full lowdown.

But what you generally need to know is that there are zones of the body that skater A can use to make contact with skater B; there are zones of the body that skater A can make contact with on skater B; and there are picky rules about hitting within the bounds of the track, within an engagement zone, and so on and so forth. So, once you have all that bunched up in your tiny helmeted head, the rest is up to you.

For me, it is one thing to be shown how to execute a skill and understand the tactic or maneuvering to execute it - and it is something COMLPETELY different to actually pull it off.

Oh - and there is a whole bunch of math and physics! Gaaaah!

One Part Math Equation + One Part Power = Awesomeness

I would say a good block is made up of 2 parts; timing and power.

The timing is where the math and physics come in to play. We are skating in an oval of sorts, wo you have to factor in your speed, the speed of your intended victim, where you are coming at them from (the inside of the track or the outside), and where on the track you will be making this contact (straightaway vs on a turn).

I have a hard enough time actually just hitting someone without having to get my PhD in roller derby physics. I think part of it is also I tend to think about all that stuff too much, and in my planning my move the moment has passed and I generally slide right past them. So, much to what many people think I actually DO think a lot.

Power is the other part of this equation which I am handicapped. Like I mentioned, it is more than just catapulting yourself at an opposing skater. How you block, the way your hips make contact with the other skater, and when you unleash that umph onto them and get them out of the way is key. You don't necessarily have to blast them out of the track, although that is a bonus. Sometimes you just have to hold your own and pen them back just so you can get your jammer through and past them. So, the power there is less of the "blast 'em" kind and more of the "none shall pass" Gandalph the Grey kind.

I am working on moving up from Hobbit to Wizard.

Knock Knock. Who's There?

I am not sure how to transform myself from an obstacle into a force to be reckoned with. For me, it is something I have to do mentally as well as physically. I am not a brute of thing, and while I am in the process of building up my muscle and power, for me it will be less hitting hard. I have to remind myself that the point of blocking is not that I am out to hurt someone (although that can be a consequence of it). Blocking, for me, will be better understood in the view of just taking my body and moving another skater out of the way.

In other words, I will be that annoying pest that gets in your face and won't get out of your way. I will be that slow walker on the sidewalk that, no matter how much you try, you cannot get around. I will be that shopping cart in your way that makes you have to go down another aisle if you want to get to the chips.

I was so excited about our speedy pace line practices that I forgot to mention last time that we were again tested on our agility last week.

This time through, I gave it up to the Derby Gods, and decided I was going to do as good as I was going to do - so there was no sense in getting all worked up again.

Ninja Moves

Of course, deep down inside, just beneath the central core of the earth, I did harbor that sense of dread and fear of not passing the agility test yet again. It was that slight flutter that pops up unexpectedly in your gut, tapping on your soul to remind you that no matter how much you think you are cool, calm and collected it knows the real you, and "tap, tap, tap, flutter...." yes it's still there, watching you, reminding you ....

And, like Glenn Close in  "Fatal Attraction", it will not be ignored.

Even when you put your mind onto something else to shush it, it takes another tactic, one that is its signature Ninja move that is much harder to dodge as it jumps on you from out of nowhere - that of planting the seeds of doubt directly into your brain.

Picture this: la la laaaa, doing the dishes, la dee da daaaa

>you haven't been to any speed practices in months<

Fa laa ... what?

>nothing<

Er, ah, la la ... hmmmmm.....

>you know it's probably nothing really, but you did fail the speed laps part the last time<

hmmmmph ..... (f*ck)

>mustache twirl<

Private Lies

So, walking into the practice space that Saturday I feigned nonchalance as I geared up and took some laps. But, as practice proceeded, we never did do the agility tests, and soon all was forgotten as we practiced hockey stops. As practice went on, inching closer and closer to the end of the 2 hours, I was buoyant and set at ease as it seemed we were not in fact going to retest our agility!

I think that my deep sense of dread and fear actually had a meeting with our coaches, and I am sure the conversation went something like this:

>testing agility again, ladies?<

Yup - can't wait to see how they have improved! We will get it over with at the beginning of practice so they can relax.

>Really? Interesting. If it were me, and this is only a suggestion mind you, I would wait until the last 15 minutes of practice to retest. Really, they will be nice and warmed up, and if they don't do well it will really bring their spirits down and practice won't be fun ...<

Hmmm, that's true! Good thinking!

>mustache twirl<

48.7

So, you know what happened. While it seemed we were in the clear, in fact we retested agility at the end of practice.

Again, agility consisted of line jumps (40 in 30 seconds), slaloms(15 in 30 seconds), and the dreaded 5 laps in 50 seconds. We started with the laps, and I started in the first heat of 4 skaters.

Gulp  

>tap, tap, tap, flutter<

I realized part of my problem with the last time I did the laps was I was behind another skater, and I didn't do much to really push past her - in essence riding her coattails. It's not that she was skating slow by any means, but by not knowing where we were with the time while skating, I never really thought to bust past her and skate faster. That cost me, coming in at a respectable 51.6.

On the whistle, as we entered the turn, I found myself again behind my partnered skater. This time I knew what I needed to do, and at the second turn I got in front and never looked back. I just kept pushing faster, getting lower and digging in. In lap 4 I really felt my chest getting tight, my air coming in gulps as my asthma took over. All I wanted to do was slow down and try to catch my breath, but really - that was not an option.

At this point, not being able to breath for one more lap was not going to make any difference. Instead, I pushed harder, knowing I had only one more lap to go and then I could slow down. I crossed the 5 lap mark and coasted one more lap, gasping and wheezing, but definitely feeling that I made better time than in my first time trial.

In fact, I did better on all three drills: 50 line jumps, 21 slaloms, and yes, 48.7 seconds for my 5 laps.

The Rioters have seen our practices starting to morph from the basics that we were covering the first 4 weeks of practice. Each Saturday morning now brings with it a more dynamic pace which is exciting and fun!

Not to say that the 4 weeks of plow stops, knee falls, Mohawk turns, and crossover work wasn't fun and exciting - because it was. To learn something new on skills you have been doing for 2 years really breaths new life into your skill set. To realize that how you were skating before can be improved upon is refreshing! But, there is one thing we had not been doing that I didn't realized I had missed until our recent practices started to change; FAST PACE LINES!

I love me a good and fast pace line!

I miss zoning in on a spot on the back of the skater in front of me, focusing on that one area, getting into my zen space, and letting the stride carry me through 20 or more minutes of swiftness.

I love watching skaters drop out while I keep going, proving to myself that I can overcome, telling the tightness in my chest to shut up and suck it up.

Being tucked up right behind the skater in front of me, tightly matching her turns, getting a good stride, pushing with power and getting low while cutting the corners... yeah, I totally miss that.

We used to skate long endurance pace lines in Derby Lite, but that is not something that we have done recently. We have tended to keep a moderate pace to keep everyone going, a nice happy medium so to speak. While it is good to keep everyone moving, I don't think this is challenging to any skater. It doesn't push anyone to skate beyond their comfort zone, and it doesn't let those who want, and who can, skate faster do so.

So the last few Rioters practices have seen us moving into more pace line work, weaving, and whipping - AND at a good fast pace! It brings a certain sense of thrill back to the track for me, and I generally sense of "WEEEEEEEEEEE!" as I am swerving the line or being pulled through. There is nothing like it. For me, it borders on terror mixed with sheer joy.

The first practice that saw this change in our training introduced us to pure pace line work with some weaving mixed in. There was emphasis on the step through and moving your feet - instead of just coasting through the pack. By constantly keeping your feet in motion you will maintain (or increase) your momentum, as well as enabling your feet to quickly and deftly get out of the way (aka, AGILITY!).

A few weeks ago I also took part in the all league agility practice which really put the speed and agility back into my skates. It was a unique practice as it was composed of a mixed group of Rioters and seasoned WCR skaters. I always find it a mix of trepidation and inspiration skating with the ladies I have ogled and cheered on from the stands for the last few years - for me, it really does help me improve and push myself when I get these opportunities to share the track with them (so thank you, ladies, for letting us invade your practices once and a while!).

The practice began with a lot of off-skates foot work which exhausted my legs almost immediately, followed by "Steal the Bacon" (where 2 people race to the middle to try to steal a cone), a drill which was fun and turned into an almost deadly attack on the poor cone as ladies raced and tackled and screamed their war cry - all to obtain the bright orange prize.

Next came the on-skates portion which had us once again doing fast pace line weaving both forward and backwards, as well as a 2-line  pace line drill which had you weaving through your line, racing to the other pace line, weaving forward and then backwards, then coming to a quick STOP! until your original line caught up with you and you matched it pace and got back in line. There was also plenty of partner speed and agility drills, racing around the track and slaloming to and fro at frenetic speeds, making me feel like Indiana Jones trying to outrun that giant ball (yes, I had the theme song running through my head during this drill).

Welcoming back the speed has also introduced us to new skills. We have been shown a new type of assisted whip: the inside track whip assist, where the whipper reaches under their left arm with their right hand and pulls the whippee through on the inside of the track. The whippee also needs to step through with their right leg, helping them to clear their partners skates more agilely. 

Yesterday we added directional assisting, where the whipper pulls the whippee through close and in front, leading them more to the side of the track. The closeness to your partner was different, and getting that hop over their skates proved very essential.

Flash Nordin - always ready with her ray gun, as captured by Electra Fire of Outer Focus Photos.

4 weeks of training equals time for an assessment.

To pass this assessment, we must be able to do:

5 laps in under 50 seconds

15 slaloms in 30 seconds

40 line jumps in 30 seconds

Not sure I am ready for that.

As a general rule, I dislike being tested – I don’t like to be compared to others on any sort of similar level, mostly due to an overwhelming idea that I lack what most others exceed at, and I exceed at anything inconsequential (albeit perhaps unique and interesting). It’s not that I fail everything, and in fact I do excel at some things, or don’t fall too short of that mark. But, every test is yet another potential to prove to myself where I will fail. I am a most harsh critic when it comes to me.

So, faced now with this news from Coach Kola that us Rioters will be having our agility test sets up a lot of anxiety on my end – as well as the other ladies. It’s been 4 weeks, have we actually gotten any better at being agile on these 8 wheels?

We shall see.

So, what have we been doing for 4 weeks then that deems it necessary for such tests of this caliber?

Our Saturday mornings revolve around 4 basic drills; crossovers, plow stopping, turning backwards (via a Mohawk turn) and knee falls. While such repetition might seem tedious, I have realized some method to their madness. With each passing week, we are hopefully honing each of these skills at a more defined level – starting with the basic form and function on week 1, and refining it and picking it apart to instill more efficiency and strength of function.

For example, I have learned that while I do a crossover, I tend to straighten my inside leg – thus propelling my torso in an upward (think standing) movement. While not technically incorrect, by straightening upwards I become less balanced and a better target for a takedown. So – instead, I am learning to keep myself in a nice bend, ensuring my head stays level throughout the movement (it’s kind of like the modeling drill where you walk all tall and proper with a book on your head without it falling off, except I am bent, wearing skates and a helmet…. Yeah – the same thing).

Plow stops are a work in progress, but I am retooling my thoughts on weight transfer – pushing down and out with my wheels rather than just out and forward; trying to remember to learn farther back with my rear – aiding to that push and stop.

The knee falls are pretty good in theory, so my homework is learning to rise without raising my arms up or out like a goober. This involves 2 things at this time: holding my hands in front of me with my arms straight down – preventing either arm to rise up on its own ghostly accord; and really pulling in and up with my abs. Oh, and of course grunting like nobody’s business.

My nemesis though is the Mohawk turns. Well, namely turning to the left.

Mohawk turns involve skating forward, transferring your weight to one foot (the lead foot), opening up your hips, turning your back foot in reverse, and then transferring your weight to your back foot – thus now being turned around and skating backwards.

Me and my Right Mohawk go way back, and are pretty happy with each other, although I am trying to encourage Right to do these turns at a faster clip. But, faster equals doing a curving flailing turn, no doubt taking out many skaters with me. Right is beginning to trust me though – so we shall see.

But Left will have nothing to do with a Mohawk turn. “Why should I do a Mohawk when Right does it so well” it mocks me every time we try to do it. “Because,” I say, “you are weak and I want you to be strong and versatile.”

Left ignores me. Left can be tricked into doing it though from a standstill, but add any speed to the movement and all is found out, and Left refuses to turn, laughing as I trip over my toe stops trying not to fall.

We are now in counseling.

So – agility test …. Where does this come in? I am not sure! Other than as a benchmark right now – as none of us feel we will actually pass it 4 weeks in as we have only touched once on the agility skills since we had tryouts. But, I think some of us are in for a pleasant surprise.

Take 25 women; add quad skates, pads and a helmet; instill fear, perseverance and raw nerve; add a dash of insanity – that’s the recipe for a Windy City Rollers tryout.

On March 26, 2011, 25 women showed up to give this roller derby thing a go. This group consisted of women in every shape, size, color, and background. Some had previous derby experience, while others had just put skates on their feet for the first time this year. I was one of those women.

Ever since joining Derby Lite, I have always gotten all a twitter when WCR would hold tryouts. And every time, I would not go through with it. The excitement would fade to nervousness coupled with a feeling of inadequacy. How would I ever think to compete with these women of obvious physical superiority, intense competitiveness and stamina?

But, this time was different. This year I am turning 43.

I think that says it all – no? A midlife crisis perhaps, and since I cannot afford a Ferrari and I can afford a new pair of skates, the choice was easier to make.

But, along with my confrontation with my mortality, I had come to a level in my skating where I was missing “something” – and not really sure what that was. I felt like I had come to a plateau, and while practices were always fun and sweaty, I felt at a standstill and my wheels wanted to keep rolling into a new territory of learning.

To Tryout or Not To Tryout?

I sent an email to get on the tryout list. To my surprise, I got offered a rolling tryout (a rolling tryout is where a skater comes in and practices with the existing skaters to see if they are at the appropriate level to jump right into skating with the group). So – I showed up on March 7 at 9pm, and for 2 hours skated with a very skilled group of skaters. I kept up and kept going, and pretty much was wishing for 11pm to arrive – it was a very intense and exciting 2 hours.

I did not make the Rioters after the rolling tryout – for although I am a good skater, the concern was getting me up to par with my blocking and building up my leg muscles to minimize the risk of me getting hurt. While I was a little disappointed, after skating with the existing Rioters I totally agreed with that assessment! They would kill me!

I was invited to come to the regular tryout on March 26. As the weeks progressed, I went back and forth so many times as to whether I was going to go back. Part of me was pretty sure I would pass the tryout – but a little part of me kept asking “what if you don’t”. If for whatever reason I did not make the team, I am not sure my little ego could handle it. So as the date approached, I had pretty much talked myself out of it, content in my place with Derby Lite and my world of skating.

The Heat Is On!

A few days prior to the tryout date, I found out that 4 other DL ladies were also on the roster to tryout. Talk about pressure! We were all in the same boat – to try out or not to. We all expressed the same fears and excitement, and it was nice to know I was not the only one with these weird conflicts.  But, I finally took my friends advice and decided to have the experience I have been telling myself to have for the last 2 years – I was going to try out, and whether I made it or not wouldn’t matter. I would never again have to wonder “what if”.

Here We Go ~

We showed up that morning, and for the next 3 hours we were all committed to doing this thing. The tryout consisted of a 30 minute or so warm up and then about an hour on skates, followed up with one-on-one 5 minute interviews with each skater.

I thought the warm up was going to kill me! It consisted of the following drills, in no particular order:

 5 push ups; foot weaves in and out of sets of cones; 3 tuck jumps; 5 push ups

5 burpees;  45 degree jumps; 5 burpees 

5 side planks with hip dips; crossover weave between sets of cones; 3 frog jumps; 5 side planks with hip dips

It might not sound like much – but it was exhausting and I was totally winded. If this was the warm up – what the heck was the skating portion going to hold!

·         Thank goodness, the skating part was easier for me. We did:

5 laps for time

weave through cones

stepping back and forth over the line

slaloms back and forth across the track

front to backward Mohawk skating transitions

 getting up off the ground from on your stomach, and then from on your back

25 laps in 5 min

The interview portion contained questions from the coaches and trainers like:

Why do you want to be a Windy City Roller

Do you have kids

What is your fitness background

Are you nervous about taking a hit

Are you competitive

 Do you understand the time requirements

Riotous Good Times Ahead!