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You weren't the only one reaching your limit, the rest of the team — that had all gathered at the cue of the team's captain to discuss game strategies and training plan — were also nearing theirs.

"Kaiser, leave the room."

Hell, even Noel Noa, the man who prided himself for his calm and cool demeanour was beginning to show cracks in his appearance. A sight so unbelievably unbecoming of the composed, cyborg like man.

The worst part about all this, however, was that the man victim to the hiccups of doom and despair was none other than Kaiser himself.

Of all eight billion people living on this floating rock, and it to be him— him!

Of all goddamn people, it was him!

Fate had decided to play a cruel prank on the guy who could least handle it, dragging you all along with it and pitting you against the guy who's temper rivalled that of Zeus himself!

"You think I ain't tryna— hic-! Fuck! You think I'm, hic—! Shitting hell- hic—! Yoichi, stop fucki— hic—! LAUGHi- hic—!"

What an absolute and utter disaster.

Perhaps you were all being tested by God. Either that, or the whole lot of you had done an unthinkable deed of evil in your past lives and were now being punished for it with the athlete's uncontainable fury.

There was no sensible explanation for something quite as disastrous as this, and if there was, you would find it! You would find whatever the cause of Kaiser's endless hiccups were and put a much needed end to them!

And it seems, Noel Noa also seemed to share the same sentiments. Except, in a rather literal way…

His voice is thin as he addresses you, etched with the kind of irritation only a man considering the perks of retirement would have. "Do something about his hiccups."

"What?!" You aren't able to contain your disbelief, and neither does the man who's about to become your biggest headache.

"You can't possibly expect me to just— do something about it!"

"Hah— hic-!"

Kaiser throws you a bewildered glance, brows pinched together and mouth curled downwards, as if he's actually offended by your completely valid reaction. Just how much of a self-centred asshole was he, to have the absolute cheek of feeling insulted under the truth of your words?

"I've made myself clear." Noel says with a unbothered sigh, because he clearly isn't at all bothered by something that he can easily shove onto your plate. "You're the one in charge of the players' health, this is something that concerns your abilities."

"But—!" One look at the captain's cold stare and you're positively shitting yourself. Though you try not to let your fear fester, the endeavour pathetically futile under his frosty expression— a veiled threat of your forthcoming dismissal if you so much as thought of refusing.

"I, uh… I understand..."

How very not compliant of you.

"Hey wait—! You didn't even, hic—! Consult me— hic-! First!" Kaiser tries to get his two cents in, a rather pitiful sight that sends Isagi and his court of hideous goons into a fit of endless laughter.

"The both of you are dismissed." Noel chose not to entertain any of Kaiser's disapproval, not when the latter could barely get a word out without being interrupted by himself.

How ironic, Noel thought to himself humorlessly.

He was doing the hopeless athlete a favour and yet, still, the young man remained a hard-headed fool unwilling to acknowledge his feelings. He cast you one last and fleeting glance, taking in your slouched posture of defeat and your sorrowful expression before humming to himself with self satisfaction.

Exposure therapy was the best kind of solution to this sort of problem. You may not have realised it, but Noel was helping you out in a way you didn't even know was possible.

Was there shit in your pants?

Most definitely.

How could there not be?

This was Kaiser you were dealing with. The very same guy who threw food, curses, hands, fuck— even people at the slightest inconvenience!

You were under-reacting if anything!

"Haha…" You laughed, hoping to break the tense silence with the universal sound of humour. But rather than the mirthful response you were desperately praying for, the noise of his current predicament rung aloud.

"Hic!"

"…."

You didn't even have to meet his gaze to know he was pissed, the dark energy surrounding him enough of a telling sign to his dampened mood. Ah, Noel truly had dealt you the worst card as of yet.

How the hell were you supposed to even start with hiccup remedies when you were barely knew how to communicate with Kaiser?!

All the guy ever did was stare you down from a distance, distaste evident in his narrowed eyes as you happily conversed with everyone and anyone that wasn't him!

"Well, why don't we start by holding our breath?" Ness, picking up on the awkward air around the both of you, quickly stepped up before things could get nasty.

Like the angel on earth he was, Ness had offered, so kindly and sincerely, to help you find the cure to Kaiser's strange hiccups. You nearly fell to your knees with reverent gratitude, your unbridled tears a clear sign of your relief as you profusely thanked him for his involvement.

"We should!" You let a small smile slip at his comforting presence, being with Kaiser alone would have given you a heart attack and an early death, you've never been more thankful for Ness' presence than now.

Pointing to the illustration of a man holding his breath on the medial encyclopedia, Ness read aloud the text that accompanied it. "Remedies to get rid of hiccups: start by holding your breath for five minutes..."

"Five minutes?" You quickly interrupted, taking a peak at the inside of the book to confirm the bullshit he'd just spouted. "There's no way Kaiser's surviving holding his breath for five minutes! He's end up with irreversible brain damage!"

"Really? Well… what about two then?" Ness proposed after a thoughtful hum.

"Even that's quite long…" You pinched your chin in ponder, trying to rack your brain for what could be a more appropriate amount of time to hold one's breath for. "Well, we can just go until he can't!"

You would later eat those words, or rather, choke on them.

Because Kaiser, for some unexplainable reason, was able to hold his breath for an abnormal amount of time. You could not say the same for yourself.

"Pah—!"

You had tried, really, with every amount of effort you could muster to hold your breath alongside Kaiser— but you simply couldn't hold a candle to him. Unlike you, he was still going strong, face fixed into a deadpan as he comically clamped his mouth shut.

Sure, he was an athlete who had to have amazing breath control along his stamina, but this simply was beyond what a normal human could do! Even Ness had given up a short while after you, the need for oxygen taking precedence over anything else.

It truly was a wonder how Kaiser was still able to hold his breath, so much so that you were beginning to think he was cheating…!

He had to be breathing through his nose sneakily!

There was simply no other explanation for this, and deep in your thoughts of Kaiser's betrayal and fraudulence, you'd been unaware of his sudden silence.

Kaiser was no longer hiccuping, and if you hadn't been so enraptured in your head, you would've noticed! But you didn't, and you were still under the impression he hadn't been holding his breath properly.

So, much like the ignorant fool you were, you decided to take matters into your own hands.

You'd approached him, eyes dark with intent and brows furrowed solemnly. With no further warning, you grabbed his nose, pinching it tight, an endeavour meant to confirm that he was actually holding his breath.

What was meant to help get rid of his hiccups did quite literally the opposite.

Your sudden proximity knocked the wind out of him, the strength in his knees evaporating at the warmth of your hands on him— touching him.

"Hic—!"

His ears flushed with heat, tinting them a quaint hue of pink that you would've otherwise cooed at had Ness not pulled you off of him.

"[Name]! He can't breathe anymore!"

"Oh—! I'm so-" You were quick to apologise, guilt consuming you as you took in the sight of him: hunched over himself, knees drawn close to his chest as he chocked on his own spit, trying to collect his winded breath. "I'm so sorry!"

"It's- hic! S'fine…" Kaiser heaved, using the back of his hand to wipe the drool on his chin as he casually brushed you off. "I'm used to— hic- it… I choke myself oft— hic!"

God, it was so hard to take his trauma dumping seriously when he was still hiccuping like a hungry child who'd eaten their food too quickly.

"Hah…" Your shoulders drooped with the kind of despair that came from being tasked the impossible. "What's next on the list…?

This, was going to be so much harder than you expected.

And just as you suspected, it really was a task much harder than you'd initially thought.

The next remedy on the list to get rid of his hiccups was to have him inflate balloons. Much like the previous method, this method was meant to stimulate his vagus nerve whilst also raising the level of carbon dioxide in his blood — 'resetting' his diaphragm and stopping the muscle spasms.

It sounded simple enough, and it was, considering how Kaiser was surprisingly quick to heed to your advice. He'd listened to you so well — so well that you'd lost count of how many balloons he'd inflated!

Goodness!

Usually with others he never folded as quickly, matter of fact, he never folded at all. Always having something snarky to refute with just for the pure sake of ticking them off. But then again, he wasn't exactly in a state where he could refuse you given how he couldn't say a single sentence without interrupting himself…

So maybe..! Maybe he was trying to quickly get rid of his hiccups so he could spout all the nonsense he usually did?

"What's all this for? To decorate the clown's circus?"

You never took Isagi as the type to provoke people, he was always so kind when speaking with you, it hadn't ever crossed your mind that he could be so foul mouthed.

Hmm…

Though, considering how he was always on the receiving end of Kaiser's tom-foolery, it was actually more surprising that he wasn't more vulgar than he currently was…

"Hah? The fuck did you just say."

Kaiser, obviously didn't take well to Isagi's comment. The man liked to dish out so much sass, but the moment it was returned to him in full swing, he just couldn't take it.

If you weren't so in your head about the looming threat of his twitchy limbs that were itching for a fight, you would've maybe noticed by now that he'd uttered those words were without a single interruption from his hiccups. But you weren't, and now, he was trying to take a physical swing at his supposed rival.

To think a simple remedy for hiccups would turn out this badly… Well, you wouldn't have cared if there actually was someone to stop the fight.

Unfortunately for you, however, Ness seemed more inclined to join it than put a stop to it. Leaving you with no choice but to intervene.

"Kaiser! No, stop—!" Your arms were around him in an instant, feet pressed firmly against the ground as your tried to hold him back. An endeavour that was… surprisingly much easier than you thought?!

HUh?!

Kaiser didn't squirm in your hold like you'd expected, instead, he just stilled. Rigid, frozen solid, every fibre in his muscles becoming taut as you embraced him from behind.

What?

A deafening silence ensued following your sudden 'attack', the kind that stretched awkwardly long and painfully slow.

The only thing you could make out in the awful absence of noise was the tremor of his heart against his ribs and… sigh, you guessed it, his hiccups.

"Hic—!"

You just stood there, head pressed to the heat of his spine as you revelled in your umpteenth defeat. None the wiser to the fluster crawling up his neck from your touch and to the fact his hiccups

"Look at him! His ears are the colour of Chigiri's hair— pftt!"

"Shut— hic! Shut up, Yoichi!"

You payed no mind to their banter, not when the future with a 'no-hiccuping' Kaiser was looking awfully grim.

Damn it.

After the little stunt Ness had pulled on you earlier — dragging himself into a physical altercation with Isagi and his goons — you decided to relieve him of his self-imposed 'duties'.

Forget angel on earth, he was the devil.

There was no need for someone quite as heinous as him on your side to help figure out how to get rid of Kaiser's hiccups. Sure, the former's patience was that of a saint, but only under some circumstances.

You were probably better off figuring it out yourself, being blamed for injured athletes and their inability to play in the upcoming season was not something on your bucket list.

What was on the list of 'remedies to getting rid of your hiccups' however, was drinking lots of water in an uncomfortable position.

And that's exactly what you had dragged a shockingly willing Kaiser into.

You had tried every fucking position possible, face down and ass up— you name it.

And yet, because your predicament was just so pathetically amusing to the one responsible for all this, Kaiser's fuckass hiccups were very much still here — nowhere gone and clearly with no intent of leaving any time soon.

You cast a defeated glance to all the empty water bottles around you, a bone deep type of fatigue clinging to you as you thought about having to clean them up just like you did to all the balloons Kaiser had inflated in your previous attempt to get rid of his issue.

No one had the heart to help you! Leaving you with no choice but to pop each balloon individually and pick up after them on your own.

It was absolute hell, and now, you were about to suffer that same horrible fate again!

"Hic-!"

As if matters couldn't get worse, Kaiser just had to remind you of his sorry situation — his endless hiccups of doom and despair — that had still yet to make its disappearance!

"Ugh! Kaiser you're not drinking the water fast enough!" You couldn't hold yourself back from lashing out on him, your frustrations bleeding through what was supposed to be a reliable and composed front.

"I'm, hic-! —trying to!" He groaned, arms growing weak from his weight as he tried to balance himself upside down.

"Not hard enough!" You yelled right back at him, your earlier fears of the athlete now nowhere to be found as you nudged the water bottle closer towards his lips, something he was trying his absolute hardest to avoid.

His form immediately crumpled when you grabbed his face with no formal warning, a means to forcibly feed him more water. And you yelped from surprise when his body landed right on top of you, a crushing force that you hoped would quickly put you out of your misery.

God, he's been trying so hard!

Drinking so much water in the most uncomfortable position known to mankind to get rid of his stupid hiccups. And they worked, they really did!

But then you just kept coming closer towards him to examine his state or whatever bullshit you were spouting— and his shitty hiccups would fucking return again! More painful than the last, each one in synch with the fucking palpitations of his even shittier heart that hammered against his ribs!

How clueless were you?! How had you not connected the dots yet?!

You were praised endlessly as an intelligent member of the team, but you were arguably the dense-est fool he had the misfortune of ever coming across!

Kaiser heaved, each breath heavy with regret as one hand massaged his bloated stomach. Fuck, you'd been giving him so much water he thought he was about to explode from the sheer weight of it.

"Kaiser… get off of me…" You huffed beneath him, realising that being suffocated under his weight would not be a quick death.

"Don't tell me- hic-! —what to do.." He warned pitifully, his voice weakened from the constant strain the hiccups were having on his throat. A pathetic sight from the usually cocky man.

You didn't response to him, instead, you watched him from the corners of your eyes, taking in his furrowed brows and clenched jaw, all telling signs of the painful headache he must be experiencing from the ceaseless hiccups.

Ridden with guilt, you reached out to hold his head from your constrained position, paying no mind to the way he flinched from the sudden contact. Deft fingers worked to massage his tense expression, working their way through the lengths of his two-toned hair before they settled on his throat — a rather intimate placement that knocked the air clean out of his lungs.

"What- hic—! What are you—!?"

Your face contorted with sorrow, the kind of expression that quickly shut his mouth free of any complaints, replacing them instead with spluttering fluster.

"Your head must be in pain, right…?" It was almost comical how your eyes glazed with compassion as you imagined the kind of agony he was in. "I'll find a way to get rid of them, I swear."

He didn't heed well to your promise, pushing off of you with record breaking speed and unbelievably pink ears.

"Shut— hic-! up…" He whined, rubbing his hot cheeks with the back of his hands as if that would physically wipe away their quaint shade of rouge. "You tryin- hic—! …to kill me?!"

What the hell was with you, suddenly attacking his weak heart with that concerned expression?!

The next and final method in the medical encyclopedia was to scare the person with the hiccups.

So you did exactly that.

You grabbed his unsuspecting shoulder with no warning, appeared before him when he least expected it whilst yelling a quipped but spooky 'boo!' as you held your hands out like claws— hoping to startle the hiccups out of him.

What you didn't expect, was for your jump-scare to knock the consciousness straight out of him.

Kaiser had frozen still as a log, not before his eyes rolled to the back of his head, and then— he was falling!

Not head over heels for you, but to the ground headfirst!

The impact was loud.

And gosh, just remembering what conspired after that was spiking your cortisol.

An eerie silence accompanied his sleeping form, but even then, his ridiculous hiccups had yet to leave. It truly felt like the divine was mocking your predicament, finding cruel amusement at the mere prospect of you losing your job.

And that's how you were here right now.

Sitting beside him in the monitor room with too many screens to count, not to watch any reruns of previous games, but to play a two player horror game…

You didn't want to have to resort to this, but seeing as how scaring him yourself turned out to be an absolute failure, you were left with no other choice.

Watching a horror movie was one thing, but playing a horror game was another thing entirely. Actively participating in the paranormal activity was much scarier than just being a passive observer.

You tried not to let your terror show, but your trembling hands along with your unmoving character were a dead give away. It wasn't much help that Kaiser, despite not knowing much about video games let alone the horror ones, was doing all the carrying.

Gaze glued to the screen, his fingers moved the joystick with the ease of a veteran, expertly manoeuvring his character with flawless precision and zero wasted movement. He was quiet for the most part, occasionally consulting you with any questions he had and just hiccuping away as if he hadn't just casually completed almost all the tasks on his own, whilst you had yet to even begin your first one!

Who would've thought, that the athlete who's barely ever played video games would've been such a pro?

You'd given up a long while ago, choosing to sit close by his side and watch him wordlessly take on the workload you'd just piled upon him.

Kaiser, strangely, seemed to enjoy it.

Perhaps not outwardly considering how his face was fixed into that bored expression he always wore, but the way his eyes glimmered with the slightest bit of anticipation, and the fact that he was still playing along, not all bothered with having to carry the both of you to victory, it was safe to say he was having fun.

And the mere notion of it had you sit with your fears, forcing yourself to enjoy the moment of shared intimacy.

It was nice… well, sort of.

The character picked up the ringing phone call per Kaiser's command, a monologue sounded from the speakers as the audio rung out in the quietness of the 'night'.

"Uh, hey, do me a favour. *bang bang* Maybe sometime, uh, you could check inside those suits in the back room? Yeah..? *bang bang* I'm gonna— shit, try to hold out until someone checks. Maybe it won’t be so bad. *bang bang* Uh, I-I-I-I always wondered what was in all those empty heads back— t-t-there. *phone call cuts*"

You immediately grew tense following the noise of static screeching from afar, your stomach churning with unbelievable amount of dread as you tried to keep your wavering eyes on the screen.

The character put the phone back down onto the desk, moving across the room to open the CCTV cameras that were placed haphazardly all around the building in different rooms.

The static noise of camera shutters sounded as Kaiser apathetically flipped through each of the live footage, carefully checking to see if there was anything out of ordinary, only to sigh with something that sounded akin to disappointment as he lingered on one particularly empty screen.

He scratched his head for a moment, as if quietly accepting his defeat, a quirk that went unnoticed by you who was intently staring at the screen with growing confusion.

Why the hell did he just suddenly go afk—?

Your countless questions were quickly answered when he clicked off of the camera footage.

"ARGHHHHH!!!"

You're pouncing the closest thing next to you in your bout of fright, your scream louder than the animatronic's screech — the kind that breaks the sound barrier with its sheer volume and gave people irreversible hearing damage.

The scent of Kaiser's shampoo instantly invades your senses, a familiar fragrance that calms your hay-wiring nerves into one of stillness. Your trembling heart follows suit, finding quaint comfort in Kaiser's warmth as you settle against him—

Hmm?

There's barely a sound that escapes him. Even as you press your ear snug against his rigid chest, your hands palming his rounded pecs with zero shame, you can't make out anything…

No way—!

The realisation slaps you hard, knocking the confusion off of your face and replacing it with unbridled excitement. Your arms are around him in an instant, squeezing him into your proximity as relief tugs on your features.

"Kaiser!" You call out so damn happily, your head turning to face him as you cheer with just as much glee. "You're hiccups are—!"

"Hic—!"

"…." He's never seen someone's smile drop so quickly, not even his taunts have ever had this much of an effect on anyone.

"Hic-!"

"..not gone… sigh."

Running your hand across your face, you refuse the urge to bang your head against anything from the absolute crushing despair that overwhelms you. Though the effort is as futile as your many attempts to get rid of Kaiser's hiccups, so instead, you break down with absolute defeat.

"WAH!"

Kaiser's eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets as you weep into his arms, all decorum you usually kept thrown out the window as you wipe your snot all over his shirt.

"I've tried everything! Everything, sniff, and nothing is— hic—! WAHH! Now, sniff, I have the— hic—!"

The athlete is left at a loss for words, completely gobsmacked as you lament your sorrows away in his chest. Somehow finding comfort, or irritation, he's not sure which of the two it is, in your shared discomfort of hiccups.

"I'm, sniff, I'm so sorry…! Hic—!"

"Stop, hic-!" He finds himself petting your head like you did to him earlier, his calloused fingers pressing at your temple with gentle firmness to ease the pain that came with hiccups. "Stop crying… ugh, hic—!"

"But Michael—-!" Your lips are wobbly as you address him, chasing the heat the pads of his fingers emit with desperation. "What will we do—!?"

"Tch," his hands wander to the blobs of tears that collect on your lashes, wiping them away with foreign tenderness he'd always feared he was incapable of. The feeling of comfort is a foreign concept to him, but he wishes to return your softness with his, if even if it's unbecoming of him.

"You've got the hiccups cuz', hic—! B'cause you keep crying…"

"Huh..?" Your noise of confusion is mistaken for more sorrow by Kaiser who consoles you in the only way he knows.

"Stop crying… hic-! You look unsightly…"

Kaiser says one thing, but he does another. His words are cruel as they insult you, but his actions are so unbelievably soft for a man who knew only how to be rough, brash and difficult.

"I have the hiccups, hic—! B'cause I'm crying…?" You repeated with great effort, glossy eyes finding his amidst the wells of your tears.

"Yeah…"

"Then…" Your voice trailed off as you neared him even further, gaze tracing the way his throat bopped with rapt intrigue. "What about you…?"

"I—" He stops himself before he realises, eyes widening a fraction as he took in your features and how they curved with the feeling of concern. "I…"

"You…?" You urged on patiently, your hiccups slowly fading away as your sorrow began to ease within his warmth.

Kaiser wasn't stupid, he knew why his hiccups refused to cease, and it was all because of — because you!

But he couldn't tell you that, he couldn't admit the truth! Not when you mentioned earlier how you'd get rid of whatever it was that caused him this annoyance! You said it so seriously, so readily— and Kaiser feared that if he really was honest with you, you'd end up doing something terrible to yourself.

"Food…" He hesitated for a moment, "I eat too- hic—! fast… and drink too much—"

"You drink too much energy drinks..?" You finished for him with a curious tilt of your head, your brows furrowed so cutely he thought his heart was going to jump out of his throat at the mere sight of it.

"Yeah…" He let out a shaky nod, his arms unconsciously finding their way around you, pulling you infinitely closer as he revelled in the way you melted into him with no complaints.

It's better this way, he told himself.

Yeah, no longer being allowed to have energy drinks would be hard, but it was far better than having you gone from his sight.

Kaiser would much rather suffer eternally with these hiccups if it meant spending time with you.