A Contradiction in Mind and Body

I don't think I've ever really gotten depressed. I'll be sad or angry for a few hours but its held too long. When it does I usually don't feel it anymore I just think about it. I do know that some times it takes a different path which is like how I am right now. A weird indescribable, mellow feeling. I know I'm already a calm quiet person but i guess i can be even more quiet. I'm not mopey. I also somehow lose track of why I'm sad some times. I don't even know if I'm mad or irritated. I'm just here. Bottled up.

No read more on mobile, fuck it. There's just so many coicidences this year and it's barely been a few weeks in. Over the weekend till now my minds been bothering me and I can't escape the thoughts. I'm surprised I didnt cry more than once. I had the sudden urge to get out today, outta Menifee. Usually I don't because gas or time or just feeling lazy. But today I was willing to go. Yet I can't, I only have a few hours before picking them up. If only I was at SDSU right now, every thing would be so different. I wouldn't be all mopey, i'd have friends to keep me company. I would get to go out when I wanted. Probably have at least a small part time job. No, I'm in Menifee bored sad and cursed with a facebook full of people always enjoying themselves. The year have only begun yet I feel like I've been stressing for like ever. Trying to keep busy isn't really easy, I tried putting my phone aside to concentrate on homework or chores but I keep checking it even when there's nothing to reply to. Conversations die fast, or they're busy. How were we even friends? I guess my last resort is working out. Even then it hurts emotionally because it seems everyone is taking their weight into consideration and actually doing something about it but for some god damn reason I can't. Maybe that's why I haven't been online a lot, because I don't need to. I don't need to see what people are doing on fb. But I want to, makes me feel like I'm apart of something. You win and lose right?

Leah came over around 7 so we could scan her pictures which didn't save in the end. Kathy wasn't allowed to sleep over. I'm so mentally tired right now. Gonna go bed

Family drama just made me not miss SD as much

I look at it like, eh only 5 days a week. Then, ugh I have to wait 2 weeks? But also so many hours in a day DX

Last night he slept over. Yay~ Well more like he-was-too-tired-to-drive-back-to-cbu-so-he-just-rested-here. It was still nice to wake up knowing he was there. But after he left I took a nap and had a wave of depression hit me. I didn't even feed Sophie till I went to pick the kids up. 

Go to sleep happy, wake up depressed.. Go to sleep crying, wake up fine? Sleep is a strange thing