something, everything is wrong

the way a couple would usually sit, like husband and wife

but, with how long the table is, it actually pushes them farther apart. these roles they play are what creates the distance between them

and it’s intentional on his part because he does it precisely to maintain distance from nanami

he doesn’t want to embrace their relationship as siblings because he’s become disillusioned to the idea of family at all

the only love touga knows is sexual and the only idea of a household he has is of the power dynamic between parent and child, which is, in his experience, also sexual—i like to interpret his backstory in the movie as a part of the show canon because it explains a lot of his behavior and relationship with nanami and sexuality in general—and that’s why he mirrors akio’s relationship with anthy in the apocalypse arc, which also takes on that father/child dynamic

what he doesn’t realize is that nanami does genuinely love him as her older brother. she doesn’t want to be his lover, she never did. but he can’t allow her that, because he no longer believes in that kind of love

still, i think its significant he didn’t make advances towards her or really reciprocate her feelings until then. he just instilled a one-sided enmeshment in her

i think in a way he may have wanted to protect her from their parents and from maturity in general, the way he did when they were younger

or at least he wanted to monopolize her innocence and refuse her the opportunity to lose it, by making him the only man she’d ever aspire to knowing he’d never fulfill those feelings

the way a couple would usually sit, like husband and wife

but, with how long the table is, it actually pushes them farther apart. these roles they play are what creates the distance between them

i think one of the things i hear people joke about with monogatari all the time is the gratuitous fanservice but i've started to wonder about what this lens of sexuality means to koyomi

especially when we open with it for this arc

just after he focuses on hanakawa's panties, he starts his recollection (in the fastest frames i feel i've seen so far, but it may just be for sheer volume) of spring break:

"it was also a crushing one."

its almost entirely framed around that initial encounter with "kiss-shot." at this point i want to assume she's the one who'd turned koyomi into a vampire, and i'm wondering if it had been something like sexual assault that had affected his relationship with women and sexuality in general:

the sentiment of being "unlucky" in the course of events, but also considering himself irresponsible not to admit he was to blame, that overall, someone else probably wouldn't have had the same fate: it all reads to me like the resignation of a victim of abuse. he'd fallen prey to some misfortune, but it was also partially his fault because its something no one else would've suffered, because he'd involved himself. araragi is overly considerate: no matter who it is, he would attempt to save them.

so, why would it be that it was because he was who he was? that's the explanation that comes to mind for me at the moment. when "kiss-shot" appears, she's a "beautiful demon" as he describes her later: an older woman, a monster. i just find it interesting that bakemonogatari opens this way, and with this arc, with its themes of bodily autonomy and reclamation: that a seemingly mundane interaction, that seeing a glimpse of something erotic, calls his mind back to this place so immediately, or that these two situations are juxtaposed

the non-linear structure and how quickly the sequence passes by also make it feel as though these are things koyomi doesn't currently wish to address, things that he may be unwilling to confront, or to confront only so quickly as to be insignificant

i also think its significant he calls senjougahara a demon here

when we remember what, or rather who, he associates with the word "demon"

i think he does associate women with his past abuse. senjougahara is only like a demon because she isn't a mature woman, she's just a girl. and while she's exerting power over him, denying his autonomy by removing his ability to protest or resist (she's reenacting the conditions of her assault onto him), she isn't sexually exploiting him. but, still, he could associate older girls in general, in that transitionary phase towards womanhood, with the same corruption. the same way senjougahara likely associates him with her older male abuser.

araragi's profile as he turns is seriously too pretty. such an innocent expression for a lecher. its satisfying when it gets ruined the next frame

senjougahara's aura here is seriously unmatched

as soon as i heard her voice i had to pause the episode cause like i'm particularly weak to chiwa saito but especially this archetype of sharp seemingly apathetic and sadistic self-contradicting girl so its only fair i would fall in love with her at first sight

but i feel like she's a character thats deeply rewarding to love because even without that unique appeal to me she's very convincing

i wondered at the significance of an injury to the mouth in this scene

she gives him no room to protest or retaliate to give herself the grounds of total negotiation. when she'd been assaulted, her protests had been ignored, and she only escaped through violence. she was forced to become a violent person to protect herself

from the moment her eyes fall on him you can see the genuine terror in them. it isn't the gratitude of a girl who had just been saved from a fall, but the certainty of someone who realizes they have been vulnerable when they cannot afford to be. as an abuse victim, she has to defend herself against any intrusion into her sphere to survive.

the loss of her weight made her physically vulnerable, light, almost "not of this world." she's so light and inconsequential, she could disappear. but i think this is as she'd intended it

senjougahara had been terminally ill. she'd already had little experience of the outside world. when she was ill, before the miracle of her recovery, she wouldn't have suffered at the hands of the stranger that came into her home. it was because she'd gained the bodily autonomy of health that it had been taken away from her. of course she would embrace being "ill" again, to return to that state of near nonexistence that had protected her from the danger of being perceived. senjougahara, even though she'd been in his class for three years, had been "just a sickly girl" to araragi, and that was exactly the indifference she'd wanted from everyone. it is that much easier to discard the weight of what had happened to her

she feels the need to threaten him, even if she doesn't actually incite it against him once, to protect herself, for her sake