I'm married to my work...and Jesus.

@yearnalisms requested to bring this beautiful text post by @honeyybrii to gif form! all inspo credit to op of the text post! 💜 this tag is especially a good sum up of the set:

He doesn't get much useful advice and soon the guys are arguing about how long you can pursue someone before it starts getting pathetic. Holmberg is at one end of the spectrum at two weeks ("We're rich professional athletes, man, we shouldn't have to try that hard.") and Wyatt Hayes is on the other at three months ("Maybe she likes you but just doesn't want the WAG lifestyle. You need to prove to her that you see her as a person with her own goals separate from yours.")

Then someone notices that Ilya, despite his wealth of experience, hasn't chimed in yet and asks, "What do you think, Cap?"

"Two years."

The entire room goes still.

"What?"

"Two years," Ilya repeats, completely unashamed. "Is not pathetic to go for what you want. Not if you think they're worth it."

In sync, every person in the room turns to look at Shane, who's pretending to fiddle with the laces on his skates, looking pink-faced and vaguely pleased.

Finally, Holmberg turns to the rookie. "Okay, I guess two years is fine if it's Shane Hollander. Is your girl Shane Hollander?"

The poor rookie has no response to that. His girl is, indeed, not literally Shane Hollander.

"Man, gay people move different," LaPointe mutters.

tips $81 no matter how small the purchase

partied/met with every celebrity from 2009 - 2016 AND has their numbers (“who’s ‘barack’ in your phone” “barack! i played golf with him you know him hollander” “barack obama?!?!?” “him! yes! michelle is so nice”)

hypochondriac (“shane i might die” “ilya it’s a paper cut don’t piss me out”)

gets PR from so many companies it just piles up in his house (he insists his house keeper take anything she wants) (svetlana got first dibs in boston)

got offered a cameo in a fast and furious movie

featured in music videos (rose tells shane about them and he watches them obsessively to see younger ilya having fun)

insane investments that make him a lot of money ALSO he has gold bars bc he’s russian (yuna and shane constantly tell him he should invest in property)

everything in his life is automated

when he forgets his ID, he googles himself to prove his age

is on so many close friends stories on instagram (shane loves looking at them)

loves to go to zoos to see the animals hates that they’re captive - would love an african lion safari (almost bought an exotic animal when shane was in the playoffs - got a tattoo instead)

constantly invited to any and all sports games in boston (sits court side at basketball games and flirts with the cheerleaders)

he’ll say he cleaned but he just tidied and now everything is lined up on the counter

snapchat menace (thirst traps (workout videos), insanely high score, when shane finds out what people are using snapchat for he's AGAST (he was sending streaks to his cousins))

chirping and lying on twitter is his favourite activity

loves dressing for the occasion = insanely diverse closet and doesn’t get rid of anything; shane goes to grab a hoodie and finds pilot costume from 7 halloweens ago

he always “knows a guy”

has an insanely popular sex playlist (people don't know it's his account)

goes to a salon for haircuts not the barbers (also gets his nails done)

he had a lost and found box for his boston hook ups

ilya's english handwriting is chicken scratch his russian is gorgeous

all the ottawa centaurs players parents love ilya and include him in everythinggggg (he's been to baby showers, he's been to weddings, he's been to graduation parties for younger siblings, he regularly attends family dinners, he's even joined on a roadtrip to niagara falls, he's visited an elementary school because some kid kept telling his class "my uncle ilya is a hockey player")

finds out people make shane hollander shirts and ends up with a collection: