I'm married to my work...and Jesus.

Summer sketch ☀️

“When our childhood homes are chaotic and dangerous, we learn that the way to stay safe is to always be on alert — hypervigilant. Our nervous system never calms down because it’s constantly on the lookout for the next bomb that is going to explode [...] As the show goes on, we will learn that underneath Ilya’s extremely hard shell is the heart of a squishy teddy bear wrapped in a warm blanket, but it takes YEARS for Shane to see it. When we look at Ilya through the lens of what he learned as he grew up, it makes sense why he behaves the way he does. We can even have empathy for the level of hypervigilance and fear he lives with. I like to lay things out this way because it’s usually a hell of a lot harder to give ourselves that same grace. We have an idea of who we “should” be in our heads, and when we don’t live up to that we assume it’s because we’re a failure, a useless waste of space. None of that is true: we are behaving in ways that make complete sense when we understand how our nervous system was trained to respond to our environment.” — Reading Ilya Rozanov through the lens of trauma.

foreplay

Rozanov looked exhausted. He had dark rings under his eyes, and his face was very pale. But the most noticeable—and alarming—change was in his eyes. The playful spark that always made Rozanov’s hazel eyes dance was just…gone. Extinguished.

ILYA ROZANOV APPRECIATION WEEK — day four: favorite trait

and if there is a god, he’s the bond that’s between us two

when Shane takes over and arranges Ilya legs...

via byemypuppylove

Summer sketch ☀️

today I am thinking about Ilya’s love for the freckles Shane has on the back of his neck. I am thinking about them cuddling, Ilya’s face in the crook of Shane’s neck & shoulder, squeezing him tightly & sighing happily bc that little group of freckles mesmerizes him.

shane: is he wrong?

a look into shane's mind during ep 5

apologies if anyone has already pointed this out but i just realized ilya chose to wear a turtleneck to his father's funeral therefore his mother's necklace is not visible......

but of course the moment when he's alone in moscow in ep 5 after his father has passed and he's speaking to shane, it's out. the details of this show will make me go insane