Little Lion Girl

I was an avid roleplayer for three/four years. Roleplaying was the reason I started writing. It was the reason I went to school for writing. It had become a fun way to get out characters that I had created and fallen in love with.

I have cut it from my life over the last year savagely. And for very important reasons, but most of all, for my own well-being.

ROLEPLAYING IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN. Or at least, the roleplaying I had been apart of (AKA the Tumblr roleplaying community) was. It was where groups of fandoms could come together to create versions of characters they loved, where they could write and create characters that were dynamic and beautiful. Where people wrote together, created bonds.

It no longer becomes fun when people stop caring.

Roleplaying is no longer fun when writing is hardly a side-note. Instead, interactions are text posts that are inconsequential, just a way to get people to talk to them. When there are no gifs, when suddenly people don’t care what their blogs look like because what they care about is getting their character a relationship in the first day they’ve been there.

It’s no longer fun when suddenly the realistic world is dropped and suddenly characters are getting things that only the luckiest people get. You’ve never been on stage? But suddenly your character got a leading role on Broadway? Characters who become severely out of character like the player forgot what they had applied with and instead need a way to make their character important again.

It’s no longer fun when people feel the need to make a character feel important.

Roleplaying isn’t fun when one person has four characters. It isn’t fun when your character creates a connection with this person’s fourth character that they hardly ever get on and then eventually drop. It isn’t fun when people have more than one character that they can’t develop because there isn’t a way for them to realistically develop multiple characters when they can’t give the time to both.

A character can hardly develop if you don’t interact, write, well-written, well-thought out things instead of some text post talking about them spending the night drinking wine alone in their room.

It’s no longer fun when characters get together and then get married two days later.

It’s no longer fun when characters never talk, don’t get along, but for some reason they’re really in love and everyone watching can point out how toxic the relationship is. Toxic relationships are not fun. Especially on a platform people use to feel good.

Surprise pregnancies aren’t fun. Completely unneeded pregnancies aren’t fun.

ROLEPLAYING ISN’T FUN IF YOU CAN’T TREAT EACH OTHER WITH RESPECT.

Admins who play favoritism over people and characters.

Admins who say they’re your friend, but then beg you to stay because their character “needs” yours when they hardly ever interact—while you’re telling them that you’re highly uncomfortable.

It isn’t fun when characters, but you know it’s actually the player itself, attack characters viciously. When words said to your characters become so harsh, and dangerous, that you feel personally attacked and wish you could block them without getting in trouble. Instead, people will complain about them, and then the admins will do nothing, and you’ll be left feeling like you’re stupid, that you’re just overreacting. Then they’ll still be there, months after you left.

Characters who group together to hate on one character—and then get angry when you point out their shit.

Characters who group together in general, to create a cliques in a place that shouldn’t have clicks. When two characters only ever interact together, ignoring everyone else. But then act like they’re being attacked when someone points it out.

Roleplaying is no longer fun when people tell you how much they love you, how much they adore your character, but only ever want a friendship with him. When they never interact with you, but swear that your character and their character are best friends. When you’re completely ignored though you are the only one who tries to reply to everyone, to be nice to everyone, who opens you heart to people who could give two shits about you.

Roleplaying is no longer fun when people make you feel like you’re doing something wrong.

When you have partners who leave you. When you have multiple partners who drop their characters altogether. When people make you feel inadequate. When they make you question your writing because no one wants to write with you, because no one wants to interact with your character.

Roleplaying is no longer fun when it becomes toxic to you, and your character. When you’re getting upset because you’re not able to write because you think people hate you. When you check the dash over and over in hopes someone will want to talk to you, but no one does, and instead you lurk because why make another opener when you know you’ll get at the most two notes?

When you’re uncomfortable with situations happening and you go to an admin and they do nothing. Where they shrug their shoulders and act like it’s okay that one of their players are feeling uncomfortable with a situation because it’s only one person—though that person has been there for months.

When you tell admins you want to leave but they beg you to stay even though you’re telling them that you don’t want to, that you don’t feel good, that the roleplay is no longer fun, that you’re feeling attacked and uncomfortable, and they don’t care.

When admins act like they care, but the moment you leave, they gladly open your characters spot—while saving spots of characters that were important to them. Where they put faceclaims out of service because those faceclaims were an old boyfriend, an old fling, anyone important to them that wasn’t you even though you thought you were important enough. Your character who was developed, made multiple friends, had an entire life created that was beautiful and that you were proud of--but only you, you guess.

Roleplaying is no longer fun when your group has literally ruined you for any other group roleplay. Where you get anxiety over roleplaying because the last roleplay ruined your confidence, left you feeling like no one actually liked you, that your writing was awful, that your character, though one of the only realistic characters, was horrible.

Roleplaying is no longer fun when it has been almost a year and you still lurk on the role-play. Watch people take your character’s face claim, re-create your character again because they were there when you were, they saw how much people liked your character even though they were ignored, and wanted to have what you had. When you’re getting upset because you feel like you weren’t important at all if an admin who calls themself your friend yet lets someone blatantly steal your character when they know how important he is to you.

When no matter how hard you try, this role-play still roots itself in you because it has ruined you. Has actually affected a way that you interact with others online, affected the way you write. The way you look at your writing and your characters. When you want to apply because you miss it in some wickedly, ugly way, but at the same time know you’d just put yourself back into the same toxic environment that you found yourself in. Where people would act like they are excited for a day. Then drop you like an old piece of popcorn found beneath a couch.

It’s a shame when role-play can make you feel like complete shit when you had given them your all, for months, even years.

Roleplaying is no longer fun when you don’t feel good doing it anymore. I want people to know that. I want people to know that they don’t have to go through pain just to role-play. Believe me, if you drop a toxic role-play, you’ll feel so much better, you’ll feel so alive. You no longer will feel the need to make yourself feel important to these people who don’t care about you.

Please keep that in mind. Save yourself because no one should feel as shitty as I do over a group of people playing characters on the internet.

And yes, this is an entire call out post at @willcoxrpg