I'm alright in bed, but I'm better with a pen

“How you feel is the important part though. Ready to spill all your secrets?”

Wow that’s so rude of you to say, so so rude, shrugs. “I just told the guy I needed to loosen up a high-strung man and he gave me that.”

"Fucking brutal is what that was.”

“Damn Wesley, back at it again with the lack of compassion!”

Rolls his eyes and downs the drink bc lets be real he needs to be drunk in order to deal with her. “What the hell even was that?”

“You’d rather me try it and die?”

“Obviously.”

“What? Why? It’s your drink, dude. You drink it.”

“How else am I suppose to know if you poisoned it or not?”

Comes back with some random concoction. “Here you are. Go crazy.”

Looks at the drink before making a face and handing it back to her. “You take a sip first.”

“Bad choice, Wes. I’m awful at choosing drinks. Be right back.”

Just rolls his eyes and stands there with his lame grumpy face until she comes back. 

“God, fine. What would you like?”

“Surprise me, Barney.”

“Maybe if you let me get to know you I would.”

“---Get me a drink and I’ll think about it.”

“If there’s anything I learned in the short time we became friends, it’s that you have no compassion.”

“Maybe you don’t know me as much as you like to think.” 

“Because if you did you wouldn’t continue talking to me.”

“Maybe I just pity you.”

“Because I’m adorable. And when I annoy you it’s endearing. If that guy annoyed you you’d want to punch him.”

“Who says I don’t wanna punch you literally every time we speak?” 

“Yeah, yeah, you hate the world. But I’m special, right? Like, you’d rather be annoyed by me than that guy over there for example.”

“And what exactly makes you think that?”

“Oh god no! It’s a 24/7 kind of job. If I’m not around to annoy you, who will?”

“Oh, I don’t know. How about every other person in the entire universe?”