We’re All Mad Here.

I've been saying since Detective Pikachu that Justice Smith is a star so I'm extremely, extremely alright with this casting. I've seen him do drama (The Get Down), comedy (Dungeons & Dragons), tragedy (I Saw the TV Glow). He can do anything.

I know people are sad that Harris isn't plus-sized. I get it. It would be great to see a plus-sized romantic lead. That said, he's described in the book as soft and short, not necessarily fat or even all that chubby. There's always a lot of projecting when fan canon enters the conversation, and that can't be the way we do things.

Connor Storrie isn't huge like BookIlya either and Francois Arnaud is much older than BookScott and not blonde. Let the actor's performance speak for itself, not whatever expectations you have after seeing descriptions in a book.

I saw a post on here saying casting a black man as Harris is like "diversity bingo" and shut the fuck up?

alt text is an accessibility tool. use it like one.

He saw Bee off and on through his years at Palmetto but never truly opened up to her. There was always just something holding him back from being honest with, and the unofficial title of "Andrew's" that makes him balk.

He coasts through his years as a Pro but things come up as they always do: gaps in his memory, sleep walking, sudden intense rushes of anger, mood swings, etc. He wakes up to Andrew turning the lights on and realizes he is at the kitchen table with a knife in his hand and no memory of how he got there. They stare at each other and Andrew lets him decide how he wants to tie this rope.

So Neil goes to therapy.

And after his first session nearly breaks his hand punching the wall in the waiting room.

There is just so much anger. And Neil knows he's angry person, he plays Exy for the love of God, but it is so much worse than he ever thought. He feels it like a physical burn in his chest and his throat.

Anger for how hard life was on the road and anger at his mother for her death and leaving him alone. Anger at how years later he is still grieving and struggling over some bag of bones buried somewhere in the California sun. He skips his next appointment and no shows until the alerts asking him to reschedule stop coming.

And then Andrew visits and just asks Neil if he's running again.

Neil makes another appointment. It's touch and go and takes three new therapists until one sort of sticks. It's Andrew getting twitchy when they bring up medication, and Neil ghosting a follow up until someone gets smart enough to ask. He feels raw after some sessions and wrong in his skin. Andrew asks him during a spiral how old he is to help ground him and he says seventeen with such genuine belief they both freeze.