Hopefully Only a Little Disintegration

Well...maybe this is the year I blog more? 

I’m living at home with mom, dad, sister, brother in law, nephew, and 3 dogs. I have a long distance boyfriend. I’m working night shift in a women’s homeless shelter. Pandemic is still going strong. Oh and I turn 30 in 5 months...scary.  

Currently watching Succession with my boyfriend. 

Currently reading A TON of books but most recently..Normal People by Sally Rooney

Currently listening to Hazeldene by Royal Yellow 

A lot has happened and I don’t feel the need to rehash it all here. I did spend a good three hours reading through old posts, emails, journals, and landed on the idea that in order to map a road of your life, it’s important to leave yourself bread crumbs. As ridiculous and stale those bread crumbs might be to digest years later.  I think it’s time to leave some more. 

My boyfriend of three years and some months has moved back home to his hometown in Illinois. He has left me and our little twelve week old baby puppy Harvey here in Wilmington where we will be leaving soon to go back to my hometown in Maryland (temporarily) to regroup. We are trying the long distance relationship thing but so far it has to be the most unsatisfying painful thing I've ever had to do. There is so much more worry and doubt and random thoughts that creep up into your mind and you've got no one there to comfort you or anything . I've tried to do practically everything I can and yet I feel the amount of effort from his end keeps dwindling. It will only get worse yay something to look forward to. So there is that and a whole lot else. It is upsetting and unnerving.

I didn't want this to be the first post. But i guess I want it to be clear that I'm trying with everything I have, if this relationship doesn't make it through this it is because of something on his end. And fuck that if i he expects me to wait around for him while he does whatever the fuck he wants.