hell on earth

to unmake a home

You enter, a party. Everyone is there, past, present, and future. You blink, as there is no harsh light, and this hurts your eyes. Someone squeals your name, but you confide to them that you are unaware of yourself. They laugh, all of them, together. Unease sinks into you. You try to retrace your steps, think of why you allowed them to bring you here. There is no resolution, nor a right answer. People tend to not see you, and you are fraught with all the pieces of you that seem to be strewn across the floor. They instead make them conversation pieces, while ignoring you. You reach for a glass, feeling God’s Eye on you. You exit, looking for a window.

I was born in a morgue.

To this day, I wonder if you ever felt it? The rising of weightlessness. The things you did, claims of knowledge and kindness while you conquered. Does it still chill you? Do you dream of falling, like I do? Neverending holes in the ground, catastrophic tendencies?

i want to be angry. i want to be vivid.

starrotten. deprived of blessings and good fortune, attuned to the nastiness of the universe.

sometimes i feel my body go limp, like the dead have possessed me. there is no movement and no motion, even the counterreactive portions of my mind cease. there is no stimulus, no awareness. there is no tenseness to my bones, anymore.

I will feed my own fear, make if grow strong and lifelike, let it seep out of every corner, into everyone. It speaks screams you cannot understand, agitated by its own existence.

"there is little to do in situations like these," but I smell smoke in every crevice of this place.

O monstrous child, live life deciduously. Hardly a thorn or a claw shed at the end, an agelong war with those unlike yourself. Pity, find comfort in the growing unease and the lakes you make yourself home in. Praise monstrousness and monstrosity, pain yourself with the humane and humanity.

unclean, but smelling of chlorine

close your eyes and count to Ten one: there are people who count on you two: you cannot and will not do well enough three: you'll have to lurk in the shadows better than that four: can you hear the bells from here five: help me six: lifeless. bodiless. seven: absolutely fucking vile eight: trust is just a name trust is just a name trust is just a name nine: you left without so much as a single word ten

i am an animal, gnawing its leg off