Wednesday. ✨

“I don’t-” Theo peeled her naked body off his, the comfort they both found there stalled by the news she’d just shared. “I don’t understand. It’s-”

Hermione rolled over, facing away from him. “I don’t have to keep it. No one has to know.”

“But what if it’s his?” Theo leaned his head against the window, eyes pressed shut. “I can’t- I can’t do that knowing that could very well be his heir. His legacy. Everything he fucking wanted.”

“I can just say it’s his.” Her voice was tired. She’d clearly run through this conversation in her head before he’d arrived. “I can’t really see another way around this if we decide to keep it.”

“And what happens if the baby arrives and it’s obviously mine? I mean, then they’re my heir and I would want them to-”

“You’d have to tell Pansy to do that. Then she’ll do the math and figure out that this all started right after the funeral.”

Her words stung because he knew she was right. He looked around the room for his clothing in silence as it was almost time for him to meet his wife for dinner.

“You never told me where she thinks you are when you’re with me.”

“Told her I’m helping you through all this. Which wouldn’t be a lie, but I also gave the impression that you needed my legal advice.”

She scoffed at him and herself and the situation they found themselves in.

“I’m tired of this, Theo,” she whispered into the couch cushion. “I miss him so much that every part of me is simultaneously on fire and empty. The only time I feel anything remotely comforting is when you’re here, but then you leave to go back to her and the guilt consumes me.”

She sat up, voice steadily raising as her rant hit its stride. “And now this. We, he and I, tried for over a year for a baby. We had dreams of filling the Manor with a bunch of kids. Then, one day, out of nowhere, he’s gone and if I hadn’t done the thing I don’t even want to quit doing, I would know in my heart that this was him giving me one last gift. But now, I think it’s a curse. A curse we both absolutely deserve.”

“Granger.” Draco Malfoy shook the his wife frantically. “Granger, wake up!”

After a three-day labor, Hermione Granger awoke with a start, convinced something horrible had happened.

“Granger,” Draco’s voice was now a whisper. “I broke the baby.”

Wandlessly, she added more light to the room where she saw her husband holding their newborn son, Scorpius, with a nervousness she’d never seen from him before.

He placed the baby in her arms where she saw that little Scorpius appeared to be breathing just fine with all his fingers and toes. As she watched the newborn’s tiny belly move up and down, she once again found herself in awe that this beautiful creature could have come from her and her husband.

After a moment where she was utterly unable to identify anything that could be amiss with her child, she felt an intense annoyance bubbling inside her. Did her husband, by all accounts a bright man, not realize that roughly 72 hours of labor had left her worn completely out?

“Draco, did you hit your head?”

“No!” He was completely exasperated now. “Watch more closely this time!”

It was hard to tell because of the tuft of hair Scorpius claimed as his own was so fine but when Draco picked him up, his hair definitely lightened to a pale blonde to match his father. Then, when he set the baby back in her arms, his hair darkened to match hers.

Chopping it up to her exhaustion and a trick of the light, she sighed and handed the baby back to his father. “Draco, I’m exhausted. The Healers looked him over nearly a dozen times because you were so convinced something was wrong.”

“It did take a long time for him to finally pop out.”

“And yet, none of those with years and years of Healer training were concerned. No, the only one with any concerns was the one with a Potions mastery.”

His nostrils flared in anger. “Hey! I worked hard for that and you know it.”

“Yes,” she said while closing her eyes. “But it doesn’t qualify you to determine if the baby is healthy.”

“So they said,” he mumbled under his breath before shaking his head and remembering what he’d woken her up for. “Granger, listen! His hair changes to blonde when I pick him up! And then it’s darker when you hold him.”

“We can ask the Healers about it when you no doubt call them for a non-emergency,” she said without bothering to open her eyes.

Off in his own world now, Draco began to rant, “I didn’t charm him, I swear! I don’t understand how I broke him. Maybe he got into my Potions stock? I mean, I baby proofed it a week after you told me we were gonna have a baby, but maybe I missed something? But no, that doesn’t make sense since I was holding him the entire time. But you know, kids can be little troublemakers. I wasn’t because, I mean, you met my dad, but I’ve heard your school stories. I should have guessed that our children would be prodigies at trouble making. Maybe you should be in charge of him because you obviously think like him. I’m so sorry that I’ve already failed at parenthood. I knew I would struggle with fatherhood but I thought I’d make it longer than a day before…”

Hermione impatiently interrupted him. “Merlin, Morgana, and all the other gods, you are the most dramatic human to ever walk the earth.”

“Wow,” Draco mouthed as she picked up a piece of parchment and a quill.

“I’m going to write to Andromeda and get her to visit us soon. This sounds like what Remus described when Teddy was born.”

Draco paled. “You think he might…”

“Yes, I think it’s entirely possible that something in your gene pool causes metamorphmagi.”

“So it is my fault!” Draco moaned as he sat down in the plush armchair next to her bed.

She picked up the quill and began furiously scratching out a note she also dictated,

“Dear Andromeda,

If you could please visit Malfoy Manor at your earliest convenience, Draco and I would appreciate it greatly.

I have no doubt that Narcissa has already informed you that Scorpius James Malfoy arrived this morning after an arduous labor and we’d love it if you could take a look at him. When Teddy was born, I recall Remus saying that his hair changed colors within hours of his birth and that Nymohadora did the same thing. It appears that our sweet child may have the same qualities.

If you could pop in to confirm our suspicions and impart some of the wisdom you no doubt have, we would appreciate it greatly.

Oh, and I’m sure little Teddy would love to meet his baby cousin.

Hoping to see you soon,

Hermione

P.S. If you speak to Draco before you get to me, ignore him. Childbirth appears to have made him hysterical.”

“Hey!” He cried with a light laugh at the last line. “I am not hysterical!”

“Well, something is definitely wrong with you,” Hermione snapped before she handed him the letter, “Send this to your aunt immediately. And Draco?”

“Yes?” He asked frantically, clearly noticing that she was prepping to go back to sleep and leave him alone with the baby again.

“You are and will be a great father. I’ve believed this for a long time.”

“But Granger, how could you ever say that? Even my mum says my dad was awful and I didn’t have any other examples. My godfather was Severus Snape, for Salazar’s sake!”

“Hush,” the finality in her tone shut him up at once. “You are a great father who cares very deeply and I love that about you. But even great fathers need guidance sometimes, that’s why there’s mothers. So I’m here to tell you what great fathers do.”

“What’s that?”

The voice of Harry Potter was hard and even as he took in the sight of his soaking wet best friend wrapped in a towel on his couch. 

Softer this time, he asked her, “Hermione, you have to give me something.”

“You have to promise not to do anything stupid, Harry.”

“I- I cannot promise that. You show up here, clearly scared to death, and I need to know who I need to kill.”

“Please.” 

Perhaps it was morbid curiousity since it was obvious that she wouldn’t tell him anything until he agreed. Perhaps it was the way her voice was small and so very desperate, but Harry simply nodded his head in his agreement.

“When I left six months ago-“

“Disappeared,” Harry corrected harshly. “Without a trace.”

“I did it because I found out that-“ She pulled her cloak back to reveal a rather large baby bump.

“Oh.“ He simply stared at the protruding stomach until he asked, “And it’s not Ron’s?”

“Hah.” Hermione’s laugh was harsh. “No. The father is a bit, uh, busy at the moment.”

“Too busy to be a father? Who has a job that keeps them that busy?”

“Not a job,” she replied quietly, and it took a moment before comprehension dawned on Harry.

“Ah, and I’m guessing his family found out?”

“Yes, the Malfoys apparently have their ways of knowing things like this and they tracked me down in Italy. I barely escaped their attacker, my wand was snapped in the scuffle and now I have nowhere to go. Honestly, I’d hoped that since Lucius is locked up too, it wouldn’t be this bad.”

Still confused, Harry joined Hermione on his couch and gave her a big hug. “Does Draco know?” 

“I don’t know, but I haven’t told him,” she sniffled. “I can’t contact him because Narcissa’s  lawyers track his visitors and-“

“And I’m The Chosen One,” Harry grinned slyly at the memory of Hermione chastising him for wanting to use the title to his advantage. “I can get you a truly private meeting with Draco. Just let me ask Kingsley.”

“You’d do that? Why?”

“I know you’re gonna find this hard to believe, but I’ve known that you were in love with him since fifth year.”

“Harold James Potter, you did not.”

There were a few more scuffling noises, but by the time the door crept open, it was silent until Theo jumped up and the group yelled, “SURPRISE!”

Slow-blinking at the scene in front of her, Hermione turned to Draco and asked, “I thought your birthday was in June?”

“Yeah,” he agreed, confused by the sight of Blaise in a party hat. “And yours is in September so I’m not sure-“

“Here,” Theo shoved a baby doll into Draco’s arms. “I know you don’t have much experience so I thought you might want to practice.”

“Did you buy your weed from that guy behind the Leaky?” Draco scoffed. “Because, Theo, we told you his shit is laced with all sorts of dangerous stuff.”

“No! I mean, yeah, I still buy from him. I’m his only loyal customer, I can’t abandon him. But I’m sober right now, and here to celebrate the two of you as you take the next step in your lives.”

“Oh. Oh no.” Hermione gasped as she took in the sight of the banner declaring, “Baby Malfoy! Coming soon!”

Paler than usual, Draco snarled, “Theo, what the fuck is that?”

“You can’t read now? Damn, fatherhood has you all fucked up.”

Glaring at everyone, Draco looked at Hermione with panic etched in every feature, “It can’t possibly be true, right?”

“I mean, I went to the doctor last week because I’d been ill and I wanted to make sure it wasn’t a side effect of Bellatrix’s curse and I am waiting on the results…”

“Oh, leave her alone, Draco,” Theo put his arms around both their shoulders. “She’s finding out right now too. I was here earlier, looking for snacks.”

“So you are eating all my muggle snacks, you thief!” Hermione yelled.

“Of course it was me,” Theo replied simply. “Anyway, then an owl dropped off the results of Ms. Granger’s medical exam and that’s when I learned that I’m gonna be an uncle.”

“You read our private post,” Draco clarified. “And instead of hiding that you committed yet another felony, you decided to throw a party to share the news?”

Proudly, Theo answered, “Yes. How many times am I gonna get the opportunity to tell you that you’re gonna be a parent? I figure just the once, so I had to make it worthwhile.

With more dramatic flair than was strictly necessary, Pansy popped off her seatbelt and jumped out of the car; Draco following closely behind her. Coughing from the smoke billowing out from under the hood of his Lexus, she waved her arm as he kicked a tire.

“Fuck. FUCK.”

Throwing himself down in a fit of rage, he kicked his feet like a petulant toddler screaming obscenities into the trees behind the car.

“So what do we do now?” Pansy asked when she’d finally quit coughing. “Do we call a- whatever it is that muggles call when their death traps malfunction?”

“No,” Draco groaned. “Because I left my muggle wallet at home.”

“Cool. So then we call-”

“No.”

“I’m sorry, do you even know another muggleborn? Much less one that would help us?”

“I have some muggle connections, I’ll have you know.”

“Anyone who isn’t related to Granger? I mean, yeah, you know her dad, but I can’t imagine you wanna call up Richard Granger and say, “Hey, remember me? Your former son-in-law that served your daughter with divorce papers right after Christmas Eve Mass two years ago?”

“Well, that was low.”

“Yeah, that was really petty. We all thought so.”

“NO. It was- Look, I don’t want to call her.”

“Fine. I’ll call her.”

“And the reason,” Draco raised his voice dramatically. “I don’t want to call her is because I don’t want her to know that I-”

Pansy gave him a look that plainly said, “You what?” But she refrained from asking the question aloud.

“I promised her when we were engaged that I would learn to drive one of these.”

“Oh, so you don’t want her to know that you’re learning now so you can pick up muggle women? I don’t think she cares. I mean, you two work together fine now. She didn’t even care when you went out with Astoria last week.”

“No,” he sighed and laid back on the ground. 

“Oh my god.”

“Pansy, don’t make a big deal out of this.”

“You’re trying to win her back.”

“Pleasepleaseplease do not make anything out of this.”

theo: is it true that you knocked up ginevra the same day you ended you-know-who?

harry: [sighs] yeah

“You are all here for our wedding,” Hermione smirked as she held Draco’s hand in hers.

“No,” Harry shook his head vigorously. “For years— years, Mione— the two of you have insisted that you were just friends.”

Draco raised an amused eyebrow. “Did we though?”

“Yes!” Ginny shot back passionately. “It was a whole thing where Draco would call Hermione his girlfriend and she would yell back, ‘I’m not your girlfriend, Malfoy!’”

“I wasn’t his girlfriend,” Hermione shrugged before a house elf shoved a bouquet in her hands.

“So you were, what?” Theo asked from where he was picking at the finger foods laid out for after the ceremony.

“Friends,” Draco said easily. “Who practically lived together. One day, we realized we didn’t want to just be friends.”

“That one day was yesterday,” Hermione added before she was tugged into a backroom to put on her dress.

“And we considered becoming boyfriend-girlfriend, but we’re nearly 30,” Draco reasoned. Who has time for all that? If we wanna be together, we should /be/ together.”

“Your friend is so weird,” Harry muttered to Blaise, Pansy, and Theo before taking his seat on the bride’s side.

“Our friends,” Pansy corrected. “And this feels far more like some Gryffindor nonsense than anything Slytherin.”

“I have to give it you,” Draco set down The Daily Prophet with a horrifying smirk. “You’ve put on a fantastic show for the past six months, Granger.”

“How’s that?” She shot back with malice as she poked at the poached egg on her plate.

He had spoken to her exactly six times during their Ministry sanctioned marriage, and four of them were to tell her to shut the fuck up, so she knew any conversation he initiated would be awful.

“Rita Skeeter has quite the scoop this morning.”

“Rita Skeeter is a lying piece of human garbage.”

“A lying piece of human garbage with fantastic sourcing.”

“Get to the point, Malfoy.”

“She says that, while the rest of us mortals had no say in our pairing, recipients of the Order of Merlin had a list of options early in the process, which means-“

“I chose you,” she sighed heavily. “Yes, between Marcus Flint, Antonin Dolohov, and that horrible Carrow fellow, I picked you. Don’t get too excited.”

“Your acting skills are top notch,” his smirk was becoming more and more insufferable with every passing moment. “Rita has the lists.”

“Oh-“ Hermione mouthed, her defense shattered.

“You don’t know what it does for my ego to know that you picked me over the Weasel.”

by Rita Skeeter

Draco Malfoy, 19, currently on trial for crimes committed as a Death Eater, spent the first hour of his trial being revived after he fainted upon seeing his son for the first time.

War heroine Hermione Granger, while testifying on behalf of the younger Malfoy, told a grand tale of a boy who was forced to do his parents’ bidding while leading a secret life. In her telling of it, she spent most of their sixth year at Hogwarts pregnant. When pressed for details on how no one noticed, Granger rolled her eyes and said that basic charms were more than enough to fool most Gryffindors who weren’t the most observant lot.

Granger claims to have given birth to Leo James Granger a week after Albus Dumbledore’s funeral and, in an attempt to keep him safe from You-Know-Who’s reign of terror, she sent him to live with her parents in Australia.

Any viewers convinced this whole story is a charade cooked up by Granger, a well-known lover of attention, will be comforted to know that while Granger was telling her tale, Healers with St. Mungo’s were analyzing hair samples from Granger, Malfoy, and their child. It took longer than normal, but they were able to confirm Leo Granger’s parentage.

Solicitors for Malfoy claim that Granger’s testimony over the next week will paint the story of a boy who did his very best with an unfortunate set of circumstances. They hope that their client will be sentenced to time served.