AllThingsWednesday

Wednesday: You have a cold.

Enid: You don’t know that!

Wednesday: I do actually. I’ve researched dying extensively.

Enid: Why would you-

Wednesday: True dying involves organ failure, respiratory collapse, or catastrophic trauma. You are experiencing nasal congestion, a low-grade fever, and an inflated sense of self-importance.

Enid: I feel really weak-

Wednesday: Because your body is diverting energy to your immune system. If you were dying, you wouldn’t be complaining. You’d be quiet. Disturbingly so.

Enid: That’s not helping-

Wednesday: You’re hydrated, responsive, and still asking for validation. These are not the behaviors of someone nearing death.

Enid:

Wednesday:

Enid: Can I just have a blanket?

Wednesday: *thinking about all the caffeine Enid had that night* Shocking.

Enid: Can you tell me a bedtime story?

Wednesday: Once upon a time someone went to sleep.

Wednesday:

Enid: Is that it?

Wednesday: I was going to say ‘and they never woke up’ but then you never would have gone to sleep.

Enid: …Well never mind, then. Do you want to stay up?

Wednesday: I’m not doing anything. I’m literally just standing here.

Enid: That’s the problem. Your resting murder face is working overtime.

Tyler: Yeah, one kid asked me if you were planning to kill someone.

Wednesday: Only one?

Enid: WEDNESDAY—

Wednesday: I can’t control my natural expression.

Tyler: Could you at least pretend to look friendly?

Wednesday:

Wednesday: I was pushing you out of the way.

Enid: Yeah, she shoved you so hard you had to grab her hand to stay upright.

Tyler: So we’re calling that a romantic moment?

Oh. my. Wenclair.