One day, roughly 33 years ago a young woman named Mary began having pains in her "danger-zone" as she called it. She told her husband George she hadn't felt anything like this in 12 years, when her oldest and only wanted child was born. George, having learned women's aversion to being called a fat-ass, especially those you're married to tried to suggest what he had been afraid of for the past few months. "Mary, sweetheart" he began, "have you, maybe noticed that... well you have put on some weight?" "How dare you, George!?" Mary said thunderously, "I haven't gone up a single clothing size in years!" She hadn't. Mary turned like a model showcasing the latest fall line, somehow completely unaware that her favorite jeans looked more like a tattered rag now with a protruding belly. Mary goes to sit down, one hand on her lower back she arches back and slowly lowers herself to the chair, holding her belly with her other hand. "Ok, so I may be experiencing some bloat because I haven't had my period for like nine months. That's why all the weight is in utero." George took a deep breath and decided he'd just tear the band aid off. He reaches down and tears the band aid off his fingernail, he winces in pain but he's now free to concentrate on his wife. "Mary, you're pregnant." Mary gasps looking offended and pissed. She rolls back and forth trying to get out of the chair. "George help me up!" George quickly helps Mary to her feet. She slaps him across the face. "I am not pregnant! I would know if-" Mary's face contorts, a contraction hits! She grits her teeth, sweat begins to pour from her brow, she's holding back screams and reaches out taking Geroge by the face with one hand and stains to scream "I... was... pregnaAAAHHHH" Mary screams and clenches George's face who is also now screaming with his own pain. "Mary we have to get you to a hospital, now!" George rushes around looking for his car keys. "Why?" Mary asks clenching her teeth and holding her belly, "It's nothing, I think I just ate something that doesn't-" Mary screams bloody murder, "agree with me" she's begins to cry, "I"m fine." The one and only son they always wanted runs into the room. "What's happening, why is mom screaming?" John said worried. George quickly broke the news to their perfect son, "Guess what John, you're gonna have a little brother or sister, mom is having a baby!" "No, no she is not!" Mary said waving her hands. "We don't know that. I could just be dying, mom is dying here Johnny." She said sounding almost relieved. "You stay here, John grandma will come get you later. I'm taking mom to the hospital." George pulled Mary up who's going along with it for now. George gets Mary into the car and they speed down the road, passing car after car. Mary is freaking out while George ties to take her mind off the pain. "So Mary, we're thinking... keep it? Like theres an alley next to the hos-" "We're keeping it! I mean, we'll look at it when it comes out, keeping and raising are two-" She screams in pain again. "Of course we'll keep the child. What if you or I, or even our perfect and only ever wanted child, John needs an organ?" George and Mary make eye contact and suddenly it clicks. They take each other's hand as Mary rubs her belly, "Our little organ donor." They smile lovingly. George whispers into her belly while still keeping his eyes on the road, "I want that kidney." "I'll take the other one!" Mary says as they both laugh. George barrels the car into the ER's parking. Several people rush out and help Mary into a wheelchair. "Only what my insurance covers!" George yells. All the hospital employees stroll back into the hospital after dumping Mary out of the wheelchair, a crutch is tossed at her out of nowhere. After several clipboards of paperwork, room switching and hallway walking Mary's womb emptied and a baby exploded out of her vagina and into the arms of two loving parents, of John. Mary and George took turns holding their precious little Organ Baby McMorran (who [fun fact] seven years later was renamed, Steven McMorran.). "We're gonna raise you like you were a real child." George said with a twinkle in his eye. "What about a wanted child?" Mary asked. The two look at each other intensely, then back to Organ-Baby, to each other and smiled, then laughed, a lot. "No, of course not." "That's ridiculous." "Will it always be so fat?" "Until he's around 30 I suppose." They said.
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