Z

they don’t tell you this but you can actually call the real estate agent and tour a house on the market just because you’re nosy, even if you have zero interest in buying the house and could not afford it in a million years. just be nice and polite and don’t mention you’re broke

the beach that. makes you dead

accidentally wrote "maid of horror" and I think I'm on to something actually. new wedding role responsible for releasing a chainsaw clown into the chapel if things get boring

You know I gotta learn shitpost brevity. Most of my successful posts are like 3 paragraph essays, minimum. Fucking dissertations. Terrible note-to-word ratio. Inefficient. In this economy? In this economy? Unsustainable. Everyone else posting "blowing my balls up at the bomb factory" and getting 50,000 notes. Amazing ROI. They're the future and I'm on dial-up. The market's gonna out-compete me.

Get your ducks in a row. Now get them in a circle. Get them in a Socratic seminar with that duck in the middle. Get them in a mosh pit. Get them moshing. Get them moshing.

RIP King

phone somehow autocorrected "the joker" to "the worker." why so devoid of class consciousness, batman

the secret cheat code for women is realizing you dont have to date men

this doesnt just go for lesbians it goes for bi women and straight women too. i cant even count how many times straight women have told me “i wish i was a lesbian so i didnt have to date men” but guess what … u Dont have to date men 

to be clear this also isnt necessarily saying ‘go date women instead!!’ its just saying…. u dont have to date men. u dont have to be dating women in order to not date men! in fact if ur not attracted to women at all please dont date women just as a substitute for men. but if dating men isnt making u happy… u dont have to do that. u dont have to make a space in ur life for men