She tries. She really does. All of her fights to KEEP IT TOGETHER ( ! ). Steven needs you. Amethyst needs you. Garnet even needs you sometimes. Amethyst. Steven. Rose. By now itâs been more than a decade, and yet on some cloudy days she still swears she can see her in his eyes, or that his black unruly hair has turned pink and silky.
Pearl described in one word â by many of those around her â would be â fluttery â. Her instructions are speedy, her movements erratic, and her urge to CONTROL is unlike any other. She tries so hard to be the kind of person she would like to be but isnât yet. She wants to be a leader, and she wants to be strong, not just because sheâs only a pearl, but because she has to be that person. Otherwise all they have is Garnet, because even though Amethyst and Steven are wonderful, they arenât leadership-material ( yet, in any case ).
She misses Rose. Rose wouldnât even have to try. She just ... DID. And then the rest followed. Pearlâs legs dangle over a cliff, her back leans against a tree, and she thinks she can hear the birds singing about her loss. Their loss. Rose was everyoneâs â and no oneâs, all at once. Rose always did what she wanted. And Gregâs. A grimace runs across Pearlâs features. Restless fingers start picking at the grass.
In the beginning, itâs only a mumble, but then it takes a more solid shape. â I wish I were more like you, â she softly confesses. The tree is her confession booth. The birds are her priests. How lucky, she thinks, to have so many of them. â I donât know how to be a leader. I know how to PRETEND to be one, but you and I both know thatâs not the same. â She scoffs at herself, but her voice still keeps to the soft theme of tonight. â 6,000 years of rebelling, and what do I have to show for it? Not much in the department of personal growth. â The grass she collects carelessly falls through the depth of the cliff beneath. â Iâm, â her hands still, and a lump pushes its way to her throat, â sorry to have disappointed you. I know you expected me to take good care of Steven. And I just ... canât. No matter how hard I try. Iâll never be as good as you. â














