We Change Together

There is a fridge full of soda cans to her right and a shelf of sauces to her left. The light in the fridge shudders like a gutting candle flame each time Rumi tries to breathe; hiccups of air hit a wall in her throat, chest tight, throat tight. There’s a wall of snacks dead ahead, her destination for tonight, and Rumi a little annoyed that her body decided to do this now instead of later, in her room, when no one was waiting on her.

‘What’s taking so long?’ Zoey calls, one aisle over.

Her voice washes over the top of the dividers. The new honmoon beams with blue light; Rumi sees the reflection in the fridge glass and in her patterns, most hidden but peeking from beneath her hoodie. It’s a little like being underwater. In the ocean, anyway. Light painting patterns on skin and sand, the movement of the waves. And also, Rumi can’t breathe.

Until she does.

It catches, finally. A rough drag and sputter like a flicked lighter. Heat. Oxygen. Rumi closes her eyes, nods. She just needs to breathe for a second and everything will be—

‘Good?’

‘Absolutely,’ Rumi lies, standing smoothly despite the shiver she can feel in her limbs. She pulls a smile up, too, and gestures to the mess on the floor. ‘Dropped the milk.’

‘Is she crying?’ Zoey asks, followed by rabbiting hops. ‘If she’s crying, don’t cry over spilled milk, Rumi!’

It’s just strange enough of a thought that Rumi blinks. Her hands stop trembling, her breathing evens out. She looks at Mira, who has not looked away, and mouths,

Spilled milk?

Mira shrugs. Calls back,

‘She’s not crying.’

Zoey says—something. Rumi loses it as another wave washes over her. Sound blurs, churns, in her ears, and she feels like she’s been bowled head over heels, stomach churning, chest tight. When she opens her eyes, the wave has shoved her off her path and into Mira’s, closer.

A hand closes around her elbow. Rumi takes a breath as it pulls her up.

‘Are you—‘

Okay.

Mira closes her teeth around the word before it slips out. They’ve unofficially banned it from their vocabulary after Rumi used it in every single one of their discussions following the IDOLs and it became unhelpful. Meaningless, except as a glaring signal that she was lying.

Rumi can’t tell her. But.

‘I’m okay,’ she murmurs. Puts her hand over Mira’s, whose eyes narrow and nostrils flare and then—when Rumi steps closer again—relaxes. Scoops an arm around her back and sways them together.

‘Wanna go home?’

‘No. No, you wanted to go to that jewellers next.’

‘She’ll still be here tomorrow. And probably for the rest of time.’ Mira leans her cheek against Rumi’s head. ‘Can we go home, please?’

‘…Okay.’

//

‘So do you guys want to clue me in on why you both look so upset or am I going to have to guess? Because my guesses start at witnesses to a clown murder and they do not get any more sensible from there.’

A laugh bullies out of Rumi. She finishes pouring boiling water into their ramyeon snacks and sneaks a look with Mira, who is already looking at her with a worried pinch between her brows.

She opens her mouth to explain—what Mira saw, since she can’t have seen everything, probably only the last half second as Rumi pulled herself back together—and nothing comes out. Is she losing her voice again? Or, for the first time, is probably more accurate. It doesn’t hurt. She clears her throat and tries again but quickly realises the problem.

How can she speak if she doesn’t know the right words? How can she come up with the right words when she doesn’t want to explain? Doesn’t want them to know that she’s weak like this.

‘Rumi?’

The kettle clicks back into its coil. The styrofoam squeaks under her fingers as she arranges them on the counter—it’s hot, her brain thinks, a split second after her body feels it, lurching back. Fuck. It’s boiling, even through the cups, and her hand stings and—

‘Ru—‘

‘Give me a moment,’ she says, clear and flat, and hurries away to her bedroom. That was easy to say. She’s said it a thousand times, pre-demon reveal. It’s so normal! Perfectly normal thing to say! So why does it taste so bad?

Closing the door, Rumi pushes off it and starts to pace. Door to balcony door.

It’s a clear night. No clouds, a few pinprick stars. It should feel big and open. It’s suffocating. Rumi runs her fingers around the collar of her shirt. Tugs it away from her throat. It clings. Why is it clinging like that? Does she need to go up a size?

The problem, she knows, is not with the shirt.

It's a trio for a reason. Each member has a unique job or role to play. You have your sword and shield. All of them are excellent fighters, but one is always the tank. She is the one jn the thick of every fight first in and last out. Usually, the ine that ends up dying first. Who would be better than their leashed gumiho for this role? The previous hunter who had this role has long ago passed. Maybe before Celine was found, maybe not. It doesn't matter.

The next role is the lore keeper. She keeps the history of all the previous generations and records this generation's history. Usually the one who fills this role values honesty more than most. However the mentor generation value "our faults and fears can never be seen" more. Third has always had issues with denying weakness or mistakes to your fellow hunters. She is well suited for the lore keeper role, fascinated by the old records and takes an honest recording more seriously then the mentors like.

The last role is the leader. She needs to keep in mind the balance of the fans to strengthen the honmoon and fighting the demons. The most charming and strong willed one usually gets this role. Miyeoung was always the favorite. Knew when to be demure and when to be brash. I do think being the favorite of these mentors would hold a different but just as heavy a weight as the other two.

So, with that in mind, of course, perfect and charming Miyeoung would be given yet another burden in the shape of Celine's bead. Knowing her best friend is a demon, might even had lead her to give a chance to Rumi's dad. After all, if Celine who only uses her strength to protect humanity can be good, why couldn't he?

Third's honesty and hatred of secrets would be reason for the mentors to caution against ever telling third. It also would seal her reacting poorly to the reveal of MiYeoung secretly loving a demon.

Now did MiYeoung use the bead prior to her last command? I bet she started off not really using it. Maybe even thinking idly that she could return the bead, or that Celine would do anything she asked just because Celine loved her. From there I could see it going two ways.

One way it started small. Celine is exhausted from a performance or a fight just not wanting to get up. Sweat soaked and half asleep, she doesn't listen when Miyeoung asks her to get something for her. Water, pain meds something little. Celine ignores or just grunts no. But Miyeoung rolls the bead between two fingers and asks again. Celine finds herself moving in earnest to get the small thing for Miyeoung, almost like she was shocked. It starts happening more often after that.

It's a trio for a reason. Each member has a unique job or role to play. You have your sword and shield. All of them are excellent fighters, but one is always the tank. She is the one jn the thick of every fight first in and last out. Usually, the ine that ends up dying first. Who would be better than their leashed gumiho for this role? The previous hunter who had this role has long ago passed. Maybe before Celine was found, maybe not. It doesn't matter.

The next role is the lore keeper. She keeps the history of all the previous generations and records this generation's history. Usually the one who fills this role values honesty more than most. However the mentor generation value "our faults and fears can never be seen" more. Third has always had issues with denying weakness or mistakes to your fellow hunters. She is well suited for the lore keeper role, fascinated by the old records and takes an honest recording more seriously then the mentors like.

The last role is the leader. She needs to keep in mind the balance of the fans to strengthen the honmoon and fighting the demons. The most charming and strong willed one usually gets this role. Miyeoung was always the favorite. Knew when to be demure and when to be brash. I do think being the favorite of these mentors would hold a different but just as heavy a weight as the other two.

So, with that in mind, of course, perfect and charming Miyeoung would be given yet another burden in the shape of Celine's bead. Knowing her best friend is a demon, might even had lead her to give a chance to Rumi's dad. After all, if Celine who only uses her strength to protect humanity can be good, why couldn't he?

Third's honesty and hatred of secrets would be reason for the mentors to caution against ever telling third. It also would seal her reacting poorly to the reveal of MiYeoung secretly loving a demon.

Now did MiYeoung use the bead prior to her last command? I bet she started off not really using it. Maybe even thinking idly that she could return the bead, or that Celine would do anything she asked just because Celine loved her. From there I could see it going two ways.

One way it started small. Celine is exhausted from a performance or a fight just not wanting to get up. Sweat soaked and half asleep, she doesn't listen when Miyeoung asks her to get something for her. Water, pain meds something little. Celine ignores or just grunts no. But Miyeoung rolls the bead between two fingers and asks again. Celine finds herself moving in earnest to get the small thing for Miyeoung, almost like she was shocked. It starts happening more often after that.