Untitled

*distant explosion*

Jason: OOOOOH-! HOLY SHIIIIITTTT,

Jason: fuck yeah- come on bitch, come at me, get- yeah that's it, that's it, just-

*another distant explosion*

Jason: OH FUCK WHY DO YOU HAVE GRENADES? *loud cackle* COME AT ME YOU FUCKING WHORE!

*faint screams*

Jason: *evil cackles*

Tim: ...dude, do you, like... need back up?

Jason: OH- oh, fuck. hey Red. *gunshot* ok so i'm gonna be honest and say i completely forgot i was in the open line. my bad, i can leave if i'm being too loud.

Tim: ...no, no, it's fine. glad to see you're... having fun. and you don't need help?

*distant explosion*

Jason: nah you good kid, me and my evil-busting swords can handle it.

Damian: you don't use those as much as you should.

Jason: i know, right? you'd think there'd be more evil in Gotham. *distant metal shwing*

Tim: isn't evil as a concept completely subjective anyway- like what the fuck are the parameters for those things?

Jason, dismissive: i'uno, *absent screams and gunshots*

Damian, humming: as far as i can remember, Ducra told me that it was magic based and connected to the soul of the user; so it's most likely just what Hood considers to be evil himself. i found the information hub by the way, i'm downloading the contents of the computer system right now.

Tim: cool--we got time anyway, i knocked out all the guards. hey Hood, what did these guys do that made you decide they were evil?

Jason: *fighting noises* *grunt* -hm? one of 'em ate mayonnaise straight from the packet.

Tim: ...you are way too corrupt for the amount of power you have.

Jason: it made my blood burn green again, Red. it was horrible.

Damian: what on earth are you doing right now anyway, Hood?

Jason: oh- i'm tearing down this massive child trafficking ring. been huntin' it for weeks.

*a pause*

Tim: *dryly* and the fucking mayo was what did you in.

Jason: -you should of seen it, he was sucking on the packet like it was power gel.

Tim: *noise of disgust* yeah i don't need visuals, Hood.

Damian: i have the flash drive, Red where are you? We should get out before anybody else shows up.

Tim: cafeteria. do you want a pudding cup?

Damian: do they have banana flavour?

Tim: who the fuck chooses banana? Hood get your swords over here, Robin just chose banana over chocolate and strawberry.

Damian: fuck you.

Jason: honestly i don't mind banana. just anything but pistachio.

Tim: ok- you do not deserve those swords, your opinions are trash. what was the name of the- that old woman that gave Hood the swords, what was her name?

Damian: Ducra.

Tim: that's the bitch. Ducra fucked up, he was the wrong guy. hey- by the way- i thought Ducra lived in like, a whole other place than the actual league base?

Jason: *rapid gunshots* yeah you fuckin' try throwin' that grenade, bitch, see what happens-

Damian, dry: she was. the hidden home of the All-Caste was separate from the League of Assassins, out in the Himalayas. she just owed my grandfather a few favours.

Jason, distracted: -eh? that's what they told you? nah, habibi, she ain't owe Ra's shit. it was a whole thing- she requested me. it was the other way round, Ra's owed her; i was a sacrifice.

Damian: why the fuck would she request you?

Jason: fuck you, i'm cool.

Tim: -whatever the reason, if she wasn't part of the league and only trained Jason, what the fuck were you doing there?

Damian: because-

Jason, instant: *loudly* nu-uh. you aren't allowed to talk about your childhood on casual terms anymore, Robin.

Damian: *offended noise*

Tim: what? why?

Jason: because he keeps fucking ruining league days. he's a damn oversharer and we're running out of truths in the deck.

Tim: ...that is objectively a good thing. i hate that game, it makes me suffer.

Jason: which is exactly why we all keep demanding you play it- *gasp* HOLY SHIT IS THAT A BAZOOKA- WHAT KIND OF FUCKING CHILD TRAFFICKING RING-

*explosion*

*a beat*

*another beat*

Damian: ...Hood?

Tim, sighing: no, i’m not allowed to have friends over when Bruce has been drinking alcohol, and he had a couple glasses of wine with brunch.

Damian, confused: since when is that a rule?

Tim: he enforced it last month, after he got drunk with Dick and Kon came round.

Damian: why… what happened?

Tim: he saw Kon walk onto the property without knocking, you know, like usual, and then he burst into tears and screamed ‘EVERYBODY TELLS ME I’M NOT GOOD AT HAVING KIDS BUT EVERYBODY KEEPS GIVING ME MORE KIDS!’

Damian: …geez.

Survivor of the AIDS crisis. Destroyer of memory.

Hellweek25 "Horror" prompt.

It was a common practice among queer men of the late 80s and early 90s to have keys to each others homes. This was a precaution so that if one of them died of AIDS, friends would come in and remove anything the deceased friend wouldn't want his family to find. If the items weren't donated or kept, they were destroyed.

“Saturday won’t work for me. My son’s baseball team is having a bake sale.”

The entire room goes silent, because no one realized Batman even had a kid. Or went out in the daylight.

“What?” one of the others asks, still shocked.

“A bake sale,” Batman says slowly, like they’re all a little stupid. “It’s a fundraiser.”

“I know what a bake sale is! But since when do you have a kid?”

“Have you not met Robin?” he asks, sounding genuinely surprised. “He’s been to the Watchtower several times now.”

“Robin’s your kid?” gets asked first, followed closely by someone else asking, “Robin is real?”

“Can’t you just drop him off?” Superman asks, trying to calm the situation.

“Well I’m also the coach, so that probably wouldn’t be setting a very good example for the kids, Superman.”

“You’re the coach?” Someone asks.

“Yes.”

“Of a little league team?”

“Yes.”

“Are we in the Twilight Zone?” Hal whispers to Barry, who shushes him.

“Will Sunday work?” Superman asks quickly, wanting this to get resolved.

“So long as it’s over with by 4pm.”

“Why?”

“I told Robin I’d take him to the Gotham Knights game.”

Everyone’s heads are spinning. Batman is actually acting like a normal guy with a normal kid. This is not at all what they imagined he was like outside of the cowl. Some of them didn’t think he ever actually took the cowl off at all.