girlxgirl warning

it seems to be the case from early episode 2 that george and shannon's relationship started in some capacity while kinzo was still alive. before sayo knew everything. by the time she found out, shannon couldn't (and likely didn't really want to) cut things off without having a reason she could explain. george feels, to shannon, like her surest bet at a real future. so she buries what she knows about her parentage, buries the fact that the expected 2.5 kids and a dog will never be a possibility for her, and hopes against hope that it will all just magically work out if she is good enough at being a girlfriend and fiancee and wife. it's a doomed path, and sayo is clearly aware of that, but on some level it's all she really has to cling to. shannon can't afford to acknowledge the reality of her situation without giving up on the closest thing she has to a chance at a "normal" life where someone loves her

and then jessica comes in and complicates so many things. kanon clearly did develop feelings for her at some point and resents that he can't un-ring that bell. he is the harsh reality to shannon's pretty dream. he can't just put everything he knows into a box and try in spite of it, despite shannon's encouragement. pursuing jessica would jeopardize things with george, and despite being acutely aware of how much things will not and should not work out with him, sayo can't let go of that hope easily

it largely goes unsaid, but on top of everything else, being with jessica would also most likely mean staying on the island, forever. being with jessica would mean openly becoming the head of this family and being responsible for its continuation and financial success. kanon can't be a "proper husband" any more than shannon can be a "proper wife", and while the social consequences for a man would be far less dire, they wouldn't be nonexistent - in fact, it's quite possible that jessica would be the one to shoulder the social consequences of infertility, if natsuhi's situation is anything to go by. i don't think this is lost on kanon.

but because he's kanon, because he holds all of sayo's rage and self-loathing and cynicism along with her realism, he can't say all this. jessica asks him to be himself around her and to share his feelings, whatever they may be, and he can't tell her it would be wrong, impossible, and miserable for them both. he can only articulate all of the tangled mess in sayo's heart by saying he's less than human, incapable of love, a lost cause that jessica needs to give up on already

A Thing Like You and Me, chalk pastel on paper

I’ve been playing Higurashi for long enough that this was bound to happen eventually. These characters are great for expression practice!! (can you spot all the anime references?)