people never really realise that everyone is fighting their own battles. some things might be piece of piss for other people but is extremely hard for others. a no is a no. if it makes other people uncomfortable why push it then get annoyed at them for feeling that way. 

I, for one, has got lots of insecurities. like a bazillion of them. If you ask me to make a video greeting or whatsoever, i would try to do it (i did try to do and record it) but looking at my reflection just made me uncomfortable because i can see all my flaws and all the things that i do not like about myself thats why I couldnt bring myself to go through with it. 

I have currently new got a new job role for the same company and it is all new and working with new people. I don’t know if I like it yet, I feel like I don’t yet just because I don’t see and speak to the people that I used to before, like basically my work friends. I got so comfortable on where I was and now that Im in a new place, I dont know where to stand. 

This is why I do not like getting comfortable in one place, once it’s time to leave you can’t leave; or you leave but you don’t know what to do yet. 

Maybe all I need is time to get use to all of this and hopefully it will open new doors for me with something that can offer me much more.

I’m pretty sure that it will be scarier than this but I’d rather be scared and moving than comfortable and stuck.

we’ll see how it goes.

I do not have any problems with people having different opinion than me, i mean hey, it’s your right and I will respect it.

The thing is, my mum and I have different opinion on some things. Like she is very old school. She is the type of mum that will go “when I was your age and cannot afford the things that you can now ... ...  bla bla” or “the bible states that .. .. bla bla” . I do respect her opinion, definitely. She is my number 1 and my hero. But sometimes, it’s hard not to disagree with her. Times has changed and my time is way different than her time. She doesn’t understand that I am a grown up now and that I need to make my own decisions and take my own path. I will make decisions that she will think is against her belief but I will still do it because it is fine with me. We just need to find a balance on things as the last thing that I would want to do is to hurt my mum, but at the end of the day, I still need to be my own person and have my own dignity and belief. 

~ we’ll see how it goes.

well, at this point in my life, I am starting to think about my future. like family wise, i mean my own family. I am in a relationship and I love him to bits. I was single for 7 years before I became this amazing person’s girl friend. he brings out the best in my and all the characteristic that i did not know i had (cheesy?) but yes, he has a beautiful heart and he wants the best for us. I see a future with him and I don’t want it any other way. As I said on my previous entry, we are in a long distance relationship, when I say long distance, I mean continents apart with 7-8 hours time difference (6,706 miles). how do we make it work you might ask? we just do. we fit each other perfectly.

we are now at a point where we talk about our future together. I mean, he is my future so it’s no big deal and it’s a topic that excites me because he also sees a future with me. we have quite a major problem smacking us both in the face. these are the problems that I never realised that I will face (now) and they are quite a big one as well. as my mother has raised an independent young lady (yes) do I give up what I have know and where I am now to be with him? Or shall he give up what he have now and where he is now to be with me? How can we meet in the middle when what we want is to only be with each other. I do love him that’s for sure and Im pretty sure he feels the same.

We are discussing these things and getting stressed as we speak about it but we do take everything day by day and as how it comes. 

we’ll see how it goes.

I have a short story about Airspace and it’s not even funny.

So I took my sister to airspace before, for the very first time ever. When I was younger I was very athletic and energetic, clearly that time has passed. Jumping is just jumping, liked jumping from one trampoline to another should be very and extremely easy, but my older body cannot cope with it for some reason. I literally jumped twice and on the third time I landed on my left foot first and twisted it, literally on the first 10 seconds of me jumping. Of course I had to make it look like it doesn’t hurt as the kids and toddlers were not having any problems at all. I had to walk normally even though my left foot was throbbing and hurting! My 6 years old sister asked me “are you okay? I saw you fell” then started laughing the little devil. 

Later that evening, my ankle was double, no, triple its size. Just because of one bad landing, I couldn’t get to work as I can’t drive.

Moral of the story:

You have to keep your body fit and energetic. 

had a family day today after quite a long time, mainly because easter holiday is over and my 6 year old sister basically did nothing as all of the adults in this house was working and our day offs never match. I feel bad for not taking my sister anywhere. I get excited spending time with the family, i mean not the whole family because my older brother and sister, niece and nephew are not here, but in a way spending time with the parents and one sibling is better than nothing. 

You really do have to make time for your family no matter how busy you are, in a way it de-stresses you, I mean Im just talking for myself anyways, I know that there are some families that just gives out stress but Im just thankful and lucky that I don’t have that. 

Family really is everything, you can never have another parents not siblings so you do have to cherish it with all your heart. Just know that without them, you will not be where you are now. ♥️

YES. I am realising it now. Adulting is really sad. 

When I was growing up, like every kid, I could not wait to grow up and be an “adult”, make money, have no curfews, drive, go anywhere, have my own space, have a job and all that adult things that adults have and adults do.

Now I’m 25, I have a stable career, i have a place, I can drive, I have no curfews and it is just sad. Maybe because I don’t really have a life outside of work and my boy friend lives far away (yes, LDR). I chose to rest on my days off instead of going out and doing something. Literally, I do work, study and go home to sleep. I feel like a robot with a routine that I cannot break. Maybe it is not adulting that is sad, maybe I choose to be sad because I choose to live this way. 

I was having a shower and listening to some slow music and I just realised that I do not have much friends like I used to before in school. In school, I was always hanging out with friends and talking to people and jolly and just outgoing in general. School didn’t prepare me for the real world. School teach us academics and book knowledge and projects, seatwork, homework and exams but nothing really to prepare us for the real world. They never prepare us on how to deal with work, family, friends and life in general. Now that I am considered as an adult, it is just sad to realise that I have changed and times have changed and that I have to go along with it and I cant enjoy it. I feel like I am alive just to pay my bills. I am not happy with my job, I am not happy with my social life but I am definitely happy and thankful for my family and my boyfriend. They might never know that I am feeling like this or thinking these things but they help me a lot in ways that they can never imagine. I suppose I just have to enjoy life instead of writing these soppy blogs that I dont even normally write. Maybe I can and should try to enjoy life instead of looking at other people’s photos where they visit other places and meet new people and stop living a sad and quiet life. Maybe, who knows if I can do it or not but for the mean time, at least I know that I am sad at this point of my life instead of telling myself that “No, you are happy”, “You don’t have any problems” “You are fine”. At least I can tell myself that “You will try and do something about it”

Life is beautiful and it is given to be enjoyed. Big and small decisions will make or break you but I suppose sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and believe in yourself.