respawn lol

“I’m certain I have enough appropriate methods,” Kol quipped, eyes narrowing in frustration.

“That may be so, but I’m far more into the inappropriate.” Wade winced at the reply, having not had his liver misplaced before. “Ew, I just got all itchy inside. You could do that, but it seems unnecessarily gross. Why the liver, of all things?” Shuddering at the thought, he decided to throw the man a bone; not that he had much to tell. “Honestly, I really don’t know. All they said was that they could cure my cancer, and then it became a total kinky freakshow. A lot of mouth gags, a lot of fire, a lot of tears. But hey, I’m cancer-free now, so holler! Will you not tear out my liver now? I assume I need it, and it probably takes a long time to grow back.”

Effy’s eyes narrowed as she scanned the group, quickly locating the man who’d replied back to her. If she wasn’t angry before, his commentary had now pushed her over the edge. “Oh, you want to be fucking sarcastic?” She knelt over slightly, retrieving her wand from her boot. “You can pick it up yourself, or I can make you. Either way, I want this shit out of my garden. Now.” 

“What?!” A scarred hand clutched at his chest. “I’ve never been sarcastic in my entire life.” His forced look of surprise quickly became one of interest as he watched her retrieve something from her shoe. He definitely should have been more wary of his safety, but Wade had lost that care some time ago. “Okay, what is that supposed to be, a stick? Are we about to play fetch? Full disclosure, I don’t have my running shoes on.”

Wade stood amongst the small group that had stopped to listen to her yell, mouth agape in shock. Of course he’d just littered, but he felt no ounce of guilt. Silence followed her outburst, but Wade broke it almost immediately, applauding loudly and enthusiastically. “My god, give this woman an Oscar! She’s my type of gal. Hey, lady,” he called up to her. “I stand with you! Hashtag my president! It’s just not on. Stop being messy cunts, people. Have some respect. It’s just basics.” He added, turning to the people near him.

Wade snapped his fingers, agreeing with Kol’s observation. “Exactly like that! Though it’ll take a lot more than some diaper cream to dispel me.”

It didn’t take much to annoy Kol on a good day, but this man was clearly on another level. His string of questions both confused and irritated the vampire, wondering what his deal was. Kol couldn’t tell if he was joking, or if there was something wrong with him. “Please, do yourself a favour and stop talking.”

“I’m well aware I’m wearing my meal down my chin, but you can save your judgement, it was from a bag and I was famished. Supplies have been low and I’ve been too busy these past few weeks to go and find an innocent bunny.”

Wade merely stared at him in response, an array of expressions crossing his face. Amusement to curiosity to fascinated horror. Eventually, he just shook his head.