Letters to the World

What I find funny is how much of a panic you are all in. The best part is that you are all using Facebook to advertise what you all think is a breach of ethics. Do you know what Facebook is doing this exact moment?

Anything I have ever typed into Google, I will more than likely be typing in again. I am not concerned. Why should you be? Have you been looking at child pornography? How to elicit hard drugs to young children and/or other people? Where to find a hit man? The best places to hide a dead body? Bestiality? Necrophilia? Zoophilia? Is there something nobody in the world, not even Google, can know about you?

I don't think Google will be mailing your spouse a letter regarding the escort services you have been in contact with. 

Let's face it. Our world revolves around the Internet and all of your information is out there circulating the planet infinitely. Having all of your information gathered is basically just further going to contribute to the pitfall of North American society, especially the United States. It's inevitable so long as we remain heavy saturated in consumer media and corporations. 

Sincerely, 

Bullshit. 

The biggest cop out, load of bullshit, that ever existed within the realms of the sexual world. There is more than one reason why workers at hospitals use latex gloves at all times. Nobody or at least an incredibly minimal percent of people on this fucking planet actually are! 

Aside from that, there are condoms made of different material, so why are you not prepared with one of those? 

Let's face it, fellas. You just don't want to wrap your dicks. 

This message is for the heterosexual men with "latex allergies," because I'm speaking for my heterosexual girls. 

Are you aware of every STI prevalent today within Western society? Have you seen what those things can do your dick?

What about the people you have been sleeping with? Do you even consider them?

Did you know HPV can be found in high numbers of people or that 1 in 4 women who get HPV in their lifetime get cervical cancer?

When's the last time you've been tested? How many women have you slept with since then?

Are you content about the fact that you potentially have been giving women cervical cancer?

Think about it. 

Sincerely,

Typical Club Girls: The girls who show up to the club before midnight in a full getup, who have a couple of drinks and couple of photos of themselves before heading home. 

You infuriate me. 

I can, in no way, comprehend the thought processes or upbringing of you ladies. This is something a good friend of mine told me to compare you to.

Think of this: A young child who draws you a photo. This photo is mostly sribbles, as well as colours and patterns, but you look that child directly in the eye and say, "Is this for me!? It's so beautiful! I love it! You're really talented!" Is that the kind of things these girls heard while growing up? 

Now the comment is, "OMG. You're so pretty! I love your outfit! Cute hair! How drunk were you?" Continuous praise for a person with a lack of anything and everything. The ones who tried, but always failed. The typical and boring. The no sex before marriage or marry the first boy I ever dated. The won't reciprocate oral sex. 

That's who you girls are. Your representation of a good night out is flawed, absolutely. A facade. The proper delineation would be to the girls who stay past 1, down a good bottle or two, and get messy! Those are real party girls and girls who likely know way more about having a good time in life in general. 

I hope you ladies kind of got the message. Oh, and just so you know, when a guy says he has a "latex allergy," call bullshit on him. 

Sincerely, 

I often find myself sitting in front of my computer wondering if it is actually 2012 or that I am in fact part of some technological generation. Why? Because of the amount of people whining and complaining every single time Facebook changes its layout or even the most miniscule things for that matter. 

Let's not beat around the bush. It is not about "hating" the new Facebook layouts. It is an overwhelming amount of frustration you have accumulated over the past couple hours because you are incapable of understanding how to navigate yourself around Facebook anymore and have a hard time transitioning into simplified new things. 

One of the most common questions is, "why do you always have to change what's good/working, Facebook?" The answer to this is because if they did not change anything and left everything as it was, other social media sites would take the leading role in today's mediated culture, because you and the rest of its users would become "bored." This is not some giant conspiracy aimed to fuck with your heads for fun, it is a giant conspiracy aimed to feed your hungry, consumer brains into thinking you are still a part of something current, exciting, and popular. Have they failed? 

I hesitate to write this, because I know it will be dated in a few months, but let's use Facebook Timeline for example. The only thing that has really changed is that you now have the option of putting up a unique banner above your profile to give it more pizzaz, colour, vibrancy, and portray yourself and your interests through one panoramic image. I'm sure Facebook apologizes for this opportunity. Hopefully, you can cope.

Facebook has changed countless times before and you have all been a big bag of whining kittens because of it, but usually after a solid week or two of bitching and complaining, you have come to realize that you are the size of an ant in grand scheme of the Facebook world, and have adjusted accordingly. 

Please, for all the progressive people who don't give a fuck, stop aggravating our news feeds with whiney statuses about how you think some social media outlet has somehow wronged you and everyone else by changing their layout and functionality. If you really want to complain, complain about how Facebook has been exploiting you for marketing and business purposes by dissecting your profile since the dawn of its existence.  There is a reason match.com keeps appearing in the ads suggested for you. 

Sincerely, 

Dear, People on my Facebook.

Dear: the ones who write statuses of moral defeat and about the rehabilitation of their lives on a rather spiritual level as often as China is training for Olympic gymnastics.  I must say I am intrigued and often humored at the amount of “damaged” you are publicly displaying, but I would rather shit in a box of TimBits and throw it at a senior’s home than read what you are presenting.

Why does your life suddenly take turns for the worst or have crazy, celebration worthy “for the bests,” on a daily basis? Can I assume you do ass loads of yoga and listen to the sounds of tenderly awesome defeat: Josh Groban or Michael Buble on repeat every Saturday night?

I can’t stand it! Nobody can. There was a day for Nexopia or MySpace, but unfortunately you are no longer 14 and this now bothers me and everyone else. But hey, congratulations on making or achieving your daily goals, your morals and empathy, or someone making you fucking smile. I’d rather have days of repugnant, emotional, boil over or songs for the broken hearted quoted in loving italics; but these suck, as well. It is not cute to expel everything that overwhelmed you in one day, month, or week and how you wish you could have done things better or differently. We all know in about one or two days you are suddenly going to be renewed with a brand new set of bullshit to aspire for. Also, you are not teaching people life lessons by posting redundant quotations from your favorite movies, books, or random Google encounters. Give me a minute to go OD on percocets before you carry on…

Do you people never have a Twitter? Why does it have to be Facebook? Your problems are never even difficult or remotely bad in comparison to probably 90% of the people on your friend list, which by this time should be dwindling down to few and far between if the people want to keep their moral sanity. The reality check is that you don’t live in sappy, Westernized, romance novel or romantic comedy movie and when you think you do, you’ll be more alone than Jennifer Anniston on Valentine’s Day.

Sometimes I get this intrinsic sense of patheticness reeking off of your profile and I honest to God hope that your family finally buys you that puppy you always wanted and you shut up about the fact that it is raining or the barista at Starbucks didn’t listen correctly to your coffee order in the morning! It’s social network etiquette to not be a technologically retarded, emotional, media dweller, so knock it off, go to the nearest bar, and take enough shots of Jose Cuervo to experience your hindrance of a life! Unfortunately, the rest of us are not living in a fairy tale, and therefore, cannot relate to all of this jibber jabber bullshit that cascades from status to status on your profile page. The only thing it is good for is a laugh and for the reassurance that I, and everyone else are doing much better in life than you are – whether your statuses are true or not.

In your case: your inspiration is always defeat, so it can’t be a lesson. Thank you for understanding.

Sincerely,