It’s not because I got better, or I’m on a great pill combo. It’s not because all my problems were solved and all the trauma disappeared. I still struggle with the ups and downs of my mental illnesses. About 14 years ago, I convinced myself I would die early on in life so I didn’t really need life goals. 

I finally started wanting to live. 

The days after my grandma passed away, I wanted to disappear forever. I considered it. There wasn’t a world where I could handle living without my grandma. And honestly it’s been a year and I still can’t cope with the reality she’s never coming back. I soon decided after her passing that I was going to live my life in my grandma’s honor, she was going to be proud of me regardless of where she’s at. My grandma would have wanted me to live a long, fulfilling life. From that day forward I decided to live and I changed who I was dramatically. I started working on myself for the first time ever, bettering my health, acquiring a bunch of doctors, going back to school, and loving what I do for work.