insert title

character a: Kneel.

teacher: Does it make sense for a woman to take her husband's last name after marriage, and for children to take their father's last name after being born?

random classmate: (agrees and quotes the Bible and says husbands are the head of the household and their wives should listen to their commands)

me internally: welp, guess i'm atheist now

me externally: don't worry, i'll just get a wife instead!

character a: (furiously rubbing their arm with a eraser)

character b: what are you trying to do?

character a: i am so glad your parents reproduced to make you

character a: do i still have 4.0 gpa? yes. do i still have a will to live?

character a: (stares into empty space for a few minutes)

character a: Don't test me!

character b: we already did

character a: Resistance is futile.

one straight friend: AAAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

fellow bi friend: geez, someone sounds like they're being possessed

one straight friend: Hey! Can we talk about chemistry?

me: why don't we talk about our chemistry ;)

one straight friend: No? My chemistry.

(we're in different chemistry classes)

me: i can't even

fellow bi friend: let's talk about our chemistry

one straight friend:...

one straight friend: Oh!