「rebel just for kicks」

darcy: tell me something i don't know :)

darcy: you are a vain piece of work, wolfie, but you are my piece of work. don't worry, we will both bask in the beauty of our faux relationship keeping us far away from the dating pool!!

darcy: why would i hesitate? this is the nicest arrangement tbh. i couldn't ask for anything more. i don't really have a love life nor do i have plans to have one. but don't think i'm giving up on finding you a man!

darcy: oh babe... babe what are you getting yourself into. was it nice? did you like it? did he like it? if he's crying that might be a problem but he could also just have been overwhelmed. so long as you two didn't get caught i'm sure its okay.

darcy: but you need to text him! tonight or tomorrow or something! make sure he knows that it wasn't a mistake. he's going to be just as confused as you are.

wolfie: why do you want the best for me it’s very annoying

wolfie: it was so nice that i probably wouldn’t have stopped had the power not come back on. i hope nobody saw. i don’t want to screw things up for everyone, i shouldn’t have been so careless

wolfie: i think he liked it? he asked me to kiss him so it wasn’t totally one sided. it felt like he was reciprocating.

wolfie: what do i say???? hey, i liked kissing you, let’s do it again sometime????

wolfie: it was great and i miss him but i know it can’t happen again

there’s something soft to the way wolfie is looking at him and it’s mirrored in the tone of his voice as he asks after apollo’s apparent ‘suitors’. tyson may be deliberately oblivious to a lot of things but he doesn’t miss the implication to wolfie’s words. so he answers in turn. “many may have tried to win over apollo’s heart,” he admits, watching the cat’s tail flick back and forth where he’s now taken his perch on the back of the couch, “but he’s remained resolute in his affections. they are reserved for one man and one man only.” tyson lets his words linger, feeling an ill timed flush creep up to his cheeks. “thats, um, me of course. i’m always going to be the only one who treats him right and who doesn’t accuse him of being the devil’s hellcat.” he shoots a pointed look over wolfie’s direction that hopefully isn’t marred by the tint to his complexion. apollo mews like he’s in agreement and it brings a smile to ty’s lips. “and what i mean is that you’re not going to laugh, snicker, giggle, or even point out when i’m visibly scared. it damages my fragile ego.” as a model, one would think tyson’s self esteem was unshakable. wolfie happened to be the only person alive who even knew otherwise. he set about sipping at his soup so as to avoid saying anything else terrible and intimate. he wriggles his toes where they’re now pressed against wolf’s, reasoning that physical communication was far easier than the verbal. it feels a little like footsie and a lot like flirting but he lies to himself and allows it to continue. friends could totally nudge up against one another and not have it send sparks flying throughout the room and warm sort of pleasure settling over his skin. his nose crinkles at every suggestion. “ghosts i could maybe handle but you show me any brain-eating body chopping horror movie, wolfgang, and i swear to god you’ll never be allowed to pick ever again!” at least they seem to be in agreement. tyson would very much like to keep his sushi down, thank you. blue eyes roll dramatically at wolfie’s teasing. he takes one more generous sip of his miso soup before setting it on the coffee table, unfurling to cross to the ottoman. “as if i would have to resort to downright lies to get you to come inside,” he scoffs, opening up the available storage and pulling out two of the softest, downiest blankets he owns. apollo’s ears even twitch in approval. “but if you dare drip even one drop of soy sauce onto these, you owe me new ones. they’re the best to cuddle up in.” he has to physically refrain himself from adding when i’m alone by biting down on his lip. as he crosses the room to return to the sofa, he dares to sit so that its his body and not his feet that are closer to wolfie. their shoulders are practically touching as he spreads one blanket and then the other over both their figures. “this alright?” he asks softly as he draws his bowl back into his lap, watching the opening credits play on the movie.

“ he is the devil’s hellcat, ” wolfie insists, choosing to look at apollo as he says it instead of tyson, too afraid to look him in the eye in case they’re both talking about two completely different things. his face will give it all away if there was any doubt he has talking about tyson, he never was great at disguising his emotions, most of all around the one person he’s never felt the need to disguise himself around. he’s got used to having his guard down in his presence, and it would be a difficult adjustment to start putting it back up again. “ that makes you the devil, by the way, ” he tacks on, the smile on his face exceptionally playful. he doesn’t want tonight to get heavy, like last time. he wants to keep it light so it doesn’t have to hurt so much to be around each other. it’s kind of an experiment, to see if they’ve got what it takes to be friends without the suffering. so far, things are looking promising for them. “ alright, alright, ” he agrees reluctantly, reaching behind his back to tempt apollo with his fingers by drumming them on the back of the couch as tyson speaks. every time tyson uses his full name it feels intimate, maybe because besides his parents nobody else ever really does. most of the time, it’s being used when somebody has something serious to say, or when he’s in trouble, but tyson uses it like a pet name. he likes the way he makes it sound, but he also likes the way tyson makes cuss words sound, so has less reflection on the word itself than it does on the speaker. “ no laughing, no slasher movies, no food on your fluffy blankets... god, you’re such a diva, ” he mutters, in his best imitation of a scummy tabloid writer. it’s so far from the truth that he almost breaks his first rule by laughing out loud, but he's quickly silenced when tyson throws a blanket over him and curls up even closer than before. he can feel his body heat radiating through the many layers that are separating them and practically forgets all about the blanket until prompted. “ much better, yeah. thanks, ” he replies, running his hand over the soft material in appreciation whilst his mind wanders to how easily he could reach over and so the same to tyson, a thought which is much more appealing. tonight is a real practice of his ability to make rational decisions, and wolfie passes the test for the time being as he also turns his attention to the screen. an ominous tune is playing but it’s being drowned out by his own heartbeat and internal monologue. his voice of reason sounds a whole lot like darcy, which makes it much harder to ignore, especially when darcy is known to usually ( and by usually he means always ) be right. given, darcy also encouraged him to come over to ty’s tonight, so she evidently has more faith in him to not fuck up than he does in himself. 

darcy: i'll make my way back to meet you. our ride should be here in under ten.

darcy: why are you telling me what i already know? i only fake date the best of the best. don't worry though, love. so long as you have me, neither of us needs to enter the dating pool.

darcy: oh shush you know that's what i'm trying to say. love you looooots!! we can absolutely get married and you can have all the cute boys over that you want while still having a hot wife. sounds like a deal to ~ moi ~

darcy: i'd say i'm about 86% sober. that's more than majority so fire away. is it something bad? i hope it's not too bad :(

wolfie: you’re a doll

wolfie: idk i just like to hear you say i’m the best of the best. please never throw me into the dating pool, i will definitely drown. i’d rather lay poolside

wolfie: i can’t believe you agreed without any hesitation. there’s still hope for you, you know. but if you somehow fuck up your love life, i’d be honoured to upgrade from fake boyfriend to fake husband

wolfie: i don’t know, that’s why i need your help!! lend me your brain and tell me what you think. it didn’t feel bad :(

“that’s not how parenting works,” tyson sighs in mock frustration. despite his teasing tone, there’s a little pang of something painful that wedges near his heart. raising apollo with wolfie from when they found him, shivering and cold, to where he was at the time they broke up had been a lot like how ty imagines raising a child to be. they had lovers quarrels over how spoilt he’d become or how he seemed to favor tyson over wolfie but he was theirs and tyson has no doubt that the kitten’s well-being flourished because of the loving home he’d been lucky enough to enter. he’s glad there had been an unspoken understanding that tyson would keep apollo. being without the furry companion would have made this whole breakup harder; he was already lonely enough. tyson curls up around apollo as the cat was deposited into his lap, touching their noses together and smiling when a furry cheek is brushed back and forth along the line of his chin. “how could he possibly forget you,” tyson starts automatically in a gentle voice, smoothing the tuft of fur on the top of apollo’s head before continuing the stroke down the sleek line of his back. never one to stay in place for too long, the cat starts leaning on tyson’s lap to better investigate the fishy smells coming from the sushi bag and ty rolls his eyes affectionately. where tyson thought it would get easier, it’s becoming increasingly more difficult to believe that this was his real life, that he was sat next to the man he loved eating takeaway and putting on a movie in the company of their cat. he has to remind himself not to kiss wolf quickly in gratitude for the offered cup. “yeah, that’s great, thanks.” he accepts the cup and swings his legs up in such a way that apollo has to jump up onto the back of the couch. it gets him somewhat out of the way of their feast but also puts tyson’s figure tucked up more closely to wolf. friends could touch, right? “we’re doing a scary movie. and you’re going to swear on my life that you won’t make fun of me when i flinch at the jumpscares. ryan gosling can be next month.” implying their treaty style friendship was going to last made tyson feel… good. he liked the idea of a future with wolfie, even if that future was limited to movie nights and almost touching. “can we… um, you can pick out something you’ve seen so that you can warn me when the scary parts are? unless you want to watch something new. i’m not picky. it’s fine.” not picky, sure, but he is embarrassed. wolfie knows ty doesn’t do well with scary movies but they watch them anyways – usually for maximum cuddles. was tonight’s movie selection going to have been a mistake?

“ well, we can’t all be the favorite parent, ” wolfie jests back, although it’s not exactly untrue. apollo and tyson have a special bond and he could realistically never compete, nor would he want to. apollo’s always been more tyson’s than he’s been wolf’s, hence why he went with him when it came time to divvy their possessions. but it still counts as a loss when wolfie imagined them watching apollo grow old together as they did the same. but it’s clear tyson takes good care of him and it’s only fair that he has someone, when wolf has darcy. although, he thinks it’s safe to say neither are a comparable bond to what they had with each other. his gaze moves up to sweep tyson’s face when he speaks again, watching him interact with the delighted cat, unsure which of the two is more of a sucker for attention. “ dunno, ” he admits. “ just kind of figured he’d have taken a liking to someone else. ” he’s not just talking about their cat any more, he realizes, turning his attention back to his food before his looking turns into outright staring. he busies himself with tearing open a packet of soy sauce and dribbling it over a row of california rolls, smiling at the suggestion that these get togethers will become a regular thing from here on out. “ define ‘make fun’, ” he requests, as if he’s ever truly made fun of tyson in his entire life. there’s not much to make fun of, in his humble and biased opinion. tyson’s pretty close to perfect, that is if perfection even exists. “ what are you thinking? zombies? ghosts? serial killers? ” he suggests, nudging tyson’s foot with his as he tries to get a reaction from him one way or another. “ probably nothing too gorey, while we’re eating. we can watch the woman in black, i’ve seen that. it’s pretty fucking chilling, but i won’t give too much away, ” he says. in all honesty, he saw the greater part of half of the film several years ago and he can’t recall it in detail, but he won’t tell tyson that, or he may not believe him to be a reliable warning of jump scares. “ i believe i was promised blankets? ” he adds, because he figures if he’s about to have the shit scared out of him he can at least do it from underneath the safety of a blanket. he’ll put a brave face on, because someone’s got to, but he’s always been more into the ryan gosling flicks. “ or was that just a clever ploy to get me inside ? ”

having wolfie in his apartment feels a lot more intimate than tyson was expecting, or maybe that’s just the residual burn of his cheek where wolf’s scorched it with a kiss. still, the scrutiny of his ex’s gaze making ty’s meager attempts at decorating feel very subpar. it was nothing like the luxury of their apartment; in fact, it still felt half lived in. he isn’t used to the concept of living on his own yet. there are touches of ty all around but only someone who knew him as well as wolf did would even be able to spot them in the otherwise stock standard design of his new abode. instead of picking apart his ex lover’s every microexpression to try and decipher his thoughts, tyson distracts himself with the bag of food being offered to him, rolling up his too-long sleeves so he can accept the gift of sushi. “mate, i invited you over around dinner time – what else could i possibly have planned besides food? probably would’ve just ordered in postmates and called it a day.” truthfully, ty’s a little touched. he knows it probably wasn’t a conscious decision but sushi is ranked very highly on tyson’s favorite takeaway foods, especially considering it’s fairly good for his model’s physique. as he busies himself rifling through the contents of the bag to see if wolfie’s remembered his order, he feels the absent flick of apollo’s tail as he goes stalking past his ankles in order to greet wolf. though he was never a direct witness of apollo’s supposed antics (he’s an angel, ty swears), he does know enough that he, too, recognizes that the greet is curious. not like tyson’s going to agree to his baby being broken though! “excuse you,” tyson sniffs with an indignant look, head shaking definitively, “you come into a man’s home and the first thing you do is insult his cat? whoever taught you manners has some serious answering to do for that one, beck.” for his part, apollo doesn’t seem to mind being called out on his affection. he’s rubbing his head into wolfie’s hand like his very life depended on it. so much so that tyson may even start feeling prickles of jealousy at how much attention he, himself, is currently not getting. “you know what they say,” tyson’s voice is a touch softer as he steps into the kitchen of the mostly open floor plan apartment to grab them both plates, “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” he had been about to tack on that he’d missed wolfie too but that sounded an awful lot like an invitation to talk about the kiss and, really, tyson was alright not unpacking that one tonight. “can i get you anything to drink? we have all the usual supsects – alcoholic and otherwise. you can even mix something if you’re feeling ambitious.” tyson tries to keep his shrug nonchalant but by this time he’s padded back into the entry and even just the sight of wolfgang beck living and breathing in his apartment is enough to get his movements to stutter. “come on over to the sofa when you’ve made your selection. i’ve got blankets and movies and the best company a rock star could ever want, namely, myself.” it feels both easy and incredibly hard to banter with wolf. maybe because it feels like flirting. “oh, and bring the traitor cat.”

wolf follows tyson inside, a light-hearted chuckle partnered with a roll of his eyes as apollo lounges out across his shoes, reclaiming them as his property. “ i’m allowed to insult your cat. i helped raise him, remember? ” he reminds him, as if they ever could forget it. wolf had a lot of trouble parting ways with the little animal despite the complaints he’d thrown his way over the months. it was just another thing they used to share that they no longer do. he wonders if tyson feels nostalgic when apollo brushes his ankles the way wolfie does every time he steps into his apartment and finds it half-vacated. he tails tyson to the kitchen, taking his invitation to open the fridge and grab a bottle of tonic water to wash down his food with, thinking better than to mix anything when he clearly can’t handle his alcohol, least of all around tyson. he grabs a second for tyson by habit and makes his way back over to him, only doubling back to collect the so-called traitor cat upon request, leaving him hanging from one arm with little complaint-- this cat really has missed him. he chooses not to comment on tyson’s observation of the heart, relating to the cliche all too well in this moment. being in ty’s home under civil conditions is almost a miracle in itself, but after how long it’s been since they’ve been alone together it feels kind of like a dream. maybe kissing him is what they needed to break the ice after all. things aren’t awkward any more, but they are tense, or maybe that’s just him. maybe it’s due in part to how much he’s dying to make it not just a one time thing, and how little he trusts himself to spend an evening with ty and not do just that. he drops apollo into tyson’s open lap and hands him a fizzy water before settling into the spot beside him. “ don’t worry, i’m sure he’ll be back to favoring you before the night is up. he’s probably just forgotten who i am, but once he realizes he’ll be back to terrorizing me. isn’t that right, ‘pollo? ” he questions, nevertheless giving apollo a little scratch at the base of his tail before beginning to unload his sushi haul from the bags for easier access. he opens a few of the containers and grabs a plate, batting apollo away with his chopsticks as he leans in to curiously sniff at their meal. “ so, in the spirit of october, will we be watching something scary? or have you already got your heart set on something starring ryan gosling? ‘cause i could go either way. if you’re happy, i’m happy. miso soup? ” he offers, holding out a styrofoam cup of the warm broth to him.

he slides a third top on over his already mussed hair – which he’d tried to do something with, he swears!! – and shuffles over to the mirror. there were times when his oversized model’s wardrobe was a blessing but when he was figuring out what to where for when his lover-turned-ex-turned-sorta-friend was coming over for a not-date, it was nothing but a curse. he hasn’t even started to think about what to wear on the bottom! “fuck,” he curses as the low boat neck top dipped below his collarbones and showed way too much of his chest. “why not just wear a sign saying asking for it?” tyson’s being way too self critical – a bad habit of his that only wolfie had been able to quiet. shrugging off the reject, it was discarded into the ‘no’ pile alongside a brightly colored button up and a tee of wolfie’s merch. it shouldn’t be this difficult – they weren’t an item so what did it matter what tyson wore for a casual hangout? he knows the answer to his own rhetorical instantly. it matters because he loves wolfie. he was tragic, truly. it takes him another half an hour to settle on a too-long jumper that might be one of those he stole from wolfie after the breakup along with jeans that are tight enough to show off his curves but not sinfully tight so that he can’t curl up on the couch in them. he slides on shoes, stuffs his hair into a maroon colored beanie (because honestly fuck his hair right now) and has just enough time to decide he hates everything about the ending ‘look’ before the buzzer to his apartment is ringing. “gonna have to be good enough,” he sighs dramatically. apollo gives a sympathetic mew which tyson takes as approval. at least someone likes his definitely-not-a-date outfit. // @vvolfies

it’s taken wolfie a little while to warm up to the idea of being tyson’s friend. he can’t help feeling that it comes hand in hand with accepting he’ll never be tyson’s boyfriend again, which is why he’s resisted it for so long. however, if their exchange at the after-party is anything to go by, they’ve still got something worth investigating further. and if it turns out that they are better off as friends, so be it, he’d rather have tyson in his life as a friend than not at all. it’s with that in mind ( and after a lengthy discussion with darcy ) that he finds himself at tyson’s place on a friday night. the details of their evening haven’t been ironed out yet but they’ve always been more spontaneous as a pair. wolfie scuffs the toe of his well-loved boot against the floor as he waits for tyson to answer the door, for a moment having the horrible thought of tyson not being home because he’s forgotten they had plans, or because he found something better to do. his qualms are laid to rest when the door swings open and he’s face to face with a very casually dressed, and some how still runway ready, tyson. he recognizes the sweater he’s wearing immediately from his own wardrobe and it comes as such a shock to him that he even owns the garment still, nevermind puts it on, that he forgets to speak for a moment or two. “ hi, love, ” he greets, managing at long last to find words. “ it’s nice to see you, ” he adds, leaning in to press a chaste peck to his cheek. he smells like familiar aftershave and expensive cologne and a handful of other things that make wolfie feel at home. he forces himself not to linger longer than necessary on it and slips into the open doorway with a paper take-out bag in hand. “ i hope you didn’t have anything else planned, i picked up sushi. i was hungry and thought you might be, too, ” he explains as he allows himself a quick peek around his direct surroundings. after all, he’s never seen where’s tyson has been living since he moved out and he’s curious as to where he spends his time or, more accurately, what he spends it on. he doesn’t know what he’s expecting to find, knowing full well ty is unlikely to have left some clothes from another lover thrown across his floor or photos of a beau displayed proudly across his mantle when he was kissing him just weeks prior. still, wolf is meant to be faithful as well and he isn’t exactly doing a good job of it. thankfully, his apartment is unsurprisingly standard. wolf holds out the food for ty to take so that he can pull off his jacket and shoes, although he’s distracted from his task when he crouches down to do so and is greeted by a chirruping cat making his way towards him. “ hey, there, ” he exclaims with a hint of surprise to his tone. it’s not that he’s forgotten apollo but, for some reason, part of him had ridiculously expected tyson to have tossed him out along with everything else that reminds him of wolf. maybe it was easier to accept that tyson hated him and there was no point in reaching out, rather than that they were both still aching for one another and kept apart by their own free will. he’s clearly wrong, proven both by the living breathing tribute to their first kiss roaming his apartment and that tyson himself is wearing a sweater that once used to be his. he can’t keep the grin off his face, giving apollo a scratch behind the ears as he rubs up against wolf’s leg. “ someone’s happy to see me. you’re never happy to see me, what’s up? ” he questions the feline, before finishing the task he’d bent down to do in the first place and standing back up again. “ something’s seriously wrong with your cat, mate. he’s being nice, ” he teases.

darcy: alright sweetheart. i'm just outside the entrance. i walked out with a bunch of people so we're just milling about. take your time!!

darcy: that's so sweet - see you ARE a good boyfriend when you want to be!! i don't really mind you keeping people away tbh. i'm not too interested in dating rn

darcy: you dork. i adore you - but i meant someone might expect me to like you like how a girlfriend is supposed to like you. as fond as i am of you, houdini, i don't have any intentions of getting WITH you, if you know what i mean

wolfie: ok. i'm going to go around the back way, it's too crowded. have you called us a ride?

wolfie: i am the best kind of boyfriend there is then. i don't want to date either. dating suuuucks

wolfie: i platonically love you as well, if that's what you're trying to say. i know this is very julia roberts of me but if we're not married in five years i think you should just marry me. we can have an open marriage. if not, i predict we will evolve into will & grace and i'd rather have a hot wife than be a sad gay

tyson must have said or done something right in all his timid ramblings because the downward curve of wolfie’s unhappiness eases away and is even replaced by a smile. it’s small and nowhere near as radiant as tyson’s seen it, dimples pocking perfect cheeks, but it has its own warmth nonetheless. for tyson, it feels like he’s been frozen for months and is finally getting a taste of the sun’s rays for how he’s craved just the sight of it. he sort of hates that he doesn’t have to say that he’s not okay – wolfie knows he’s not okay. it’s fairly obvious and that’s what he hates. even now, even apart, they both want what’s best for each other, always. his breathing is jolted and uneven as wolfie makes his declaration. it turns something inside of tyson’s head, rights some wrong that had been firmly set in place. “you’d really go through all of it… again?” tyson had been so convinced that he’d led to some of the darkest times of wolfie’s life, enough bad to outweigh the good. he wants to react, if not verbally than at least physically, but he hasn’t the chance. suddenly, wolfie’s mouth is covering his own in a searing forbidden kiss that sends licks of fire from where their lips touch all the way down to his toes and back up again with lightning speed. it’s a kiss that makes him feel alive and though he’ll regret the sound later, a whimper slips from his own lips and into wolfie’s. he knows as surely as wolfie must know that this kiss can’t last long which is why he’s surprised to find wolfie holding back, keeping it gentle and soft and oh-so-sweet when every part of tyson just wants to put his everything into it until he breaks. however, if wolfie is going to show his vulnerability first and foremost, tyson isn’t going to let his own desperation overwhelm what could be their last kiss (though, truthfully, he hopes it wouldn’t be; tyson doesn’t like to think in definitives). instead, the brushing of their lips remains painfully gentle, a tenderness they felt for one another – and potentially still feel – blooming in between them once more. as his eyes flutter shut to relish in this moment, tyson, embarrassingly, feels tears streak down his cheeks, wetting his lashes were they fall onto his cheekbones. he can’t help it, he reasons. it’s been an emotional rollercoaster of a night and now he’s getting to kiss his ex boyfriend who he’s practically just admitted to pathetically still loving, no matter how many hookups he tries to execute. even with this one kiss, tyson can see why that is. no one else could ever make him feel this way. no one else’s soul vibrated at the same frequency as his own quite like wolfie’s. he can’t bring himself to pull away from the kiss – not to take the breath he’s starting to need, not to wipe at his eyes or dry off his tear stained cheeks. nothing is worth ending this, he figures, and instead he goes onto half tiptoes to shamelessly deepen the kiss.

it feels good, in a way, to say what he should have said months ago. it hurts to stand here with him, on the verge of tears, with the inability to take back things he’s said and not meant or done without thinking. but it feels good to tell the truth, to voice the thoughts he’s been too afraid to say, in case they were not well received. this feels like the best possible outcome, despite only scratching the surface of his feelings for tyson. he’s got much more bottled up and packed away, he’s only ankle-deep in an ocean that stretches far enough over his head to drown him if he were to dive in tonight. it still feels significant when compared to where they were. in fact, it feels almost like progress if he were to allow himself to be optimistic. “ of course. wouldn’t you? ” he asks, fingers metaphorically crossed that ty’s answer mirrors his own. his heart is on the line, after all, or what’s left of it anyways. the kiss is enough to take his night from forgettable to memorable, mediocre to milestone. ty has always been able to do that, so it’s not as if he’s surprised, but it has been a long time since he’s felt so uplifted without the help of multiple substances. he can feel the dew on tyson’s cheeks transferring to his own and his thumbs brush away some of the moisture as he cups his face in his hands with all of the tenderness of handling something breakable. he’s broken tyson once, so he’s certain that with the cracks he left it would only be easier to do it a second time. it’s something he never wants to go through again, and he thinks it’s something they can agree on, so it’s best if they just avoid each other altogether. that’s what he’s been telling himself, when this is all he’s wanted to do the entire time they’ve been apart. his lips are what he’s been craving, his touch a luxury he’s slowly come to accept he is not worthy of. he slips one hand into the back of his hair, the kiss growing more passionate with every passing second until tyson is the very air in his lungs, he is all that he tastes and wolfie wants more, more, more. it’s when fireworks start exploding behind his eyelids that the lights come on over him, and for a split second he isn’t sure if it’s reality or illusion. his body is a step behind his brain, which is screaming at him to stop, which he begrudgingly does as the room breaks into a second wave of commotion around them. he puts a safe distance of space between them as he stumbles backwards, blinded by the sudden change, eyes squinted as they adjust to the lighting. it’s a bit of like falling from a high place, having to let go of what he once had, once took for granted, and feeling the fireworks simmer out within him as it all comes to an end. “ i’m sorry, ” he says breathlessly, wiping at his face with his sleeve to get rid of what he assumes are tyson’s tears but could very well be his own as well. “ i didn’t mean to make you cry. i just... wanted you so badly. ” he wants him still, in so many more ways than a hurried stolen kiss under the cloak of momentary darkness. but he won’t push his luck, he knows this isn’t the time nor place to do so. “ i should really go. promise me you’ll let me know that you get home safe. i worry about you, tyson, ” he tacks on for good measure, not to guilt him, but to inform him that he’s cared for. he doesn’t know whether or not he’ll ever have another opportunity to do so.

tyson’s gone a bit soft ‘round his edges and very quiet. he doesn’t like the mournful twinge to wolfie’s voice, the downward turn of his lips. with their faces are still so very close, it’s easy to see the signs of sadness on his ex lover’s features and he’s intimately familiar with what wolf looks like when he’s overthinking. tyson’s almost afraid to ask what it is that’s caught up his ex’s thoughts, knowing that whatever it is would be just as painful to hear aloud as it appears to be for wolfie to keep inside. “no,” ty urges, letting wolfie’s hand clutch at his loose shirt without any resistance. “he couldn’t be.” the shorter of the two sags in exhaustion, fear and whatever feeling this is draining his energy reserves quickly. “you really don’t understand, wolfie.” his voice shakes as though strained with the effort of making wolf understand. the tip of their noses touch, tyson’s a little colder than wolfie’s, as always was the case. (he used to use it as a weapon when it was especially icy, brushing it across warm patches of bare, beautiful skin until wolfie squirmed in protest.) “i mean, yeah, some guy could come along who’s my total prince charming. and maybe he’ll sweep me off my feet like you say i deserve. but it’s not going to be this guy,” he jabs a finger absently in the crowd’s direction, “and it’s not going to be the next guy either. not yet. i’m not… i’m not ready yet.” his eyelashes flutter as he forces his eyes to open, forcing himself to continue his close reading of wolfie’s expression. maybe, something there will answer the plethora of questions he has about this very moment, about why it’s being allowed to happen. “i’m not over you yet, wolfie. he’s not going to be my world because the position is taken.” tyson feels ridiculous the moment he says it out loud and his already flushed skin creeps color down his neck. wolfie’s barely okay. ty doesn’t like that thought. his ex has a new girl, a picture perfect relationship and a thriving career. he should be more than okay. this was tyson’s fault. his breathing quivers horribly as he exhales a weak sigh against wolf’s lips. “you don’t have to be okay,” he offers slowly, not looking at wolfie once more, “but i want you to be. it… we…” wolf’s demand hangs in the air, sufficiently stopping tyson’s train of thought, and possibly his heart. “it would… it would be a very stupid idea,” he fucking whimpers. trusting blues lock back on familiar greens; he never could look away for long. he should say no; doing what wolfie asked of him had always been something tyson secretly enjoyed. he should do that now and tell him not to make things worse for the both of them. things were already so bad. “kiss me?“ tears that he’s been holding down finally spring up to his eyes but still, he waits.

wolfie tastes tyson’s words in his mouth as if he’d spoken them himself. for months and months he hasn’t felt anywhere close to ready, and he’s been appreciative of darcy for giving him an excuse not to be. to the world he’s already moved on, but within him a heart still beats for tyson laurent. it should bring him comfort to know that he’s not the only one having trouble moving on, but it in fact does the opposite. he feels sad knowing that he’s responsible for breaking his heart to such a catastrophic degree. he’s devastated that they don’t know how to be apart any better than they know how to be together. he’s wrecked because they couldn’t make this work, even loving ty as much as he still does. if they’re still so intertwined, despite their lack of interaction, he can only imagine the repercussions tonight will bring upon them. he keeps trying to convince himself that, for this reason, this is all a bad idea, but when he’s got tyson looking at him like he balances the world in his palms it’s hard not to believe it’s a very good idea. it feels good to be around him, his heart thumping and light-headed in a way that he hasn’t felt in a long time and which has nothing to do with how the room was spinning before. his body moves of it’s own accord, following the blush blossoming down his neck with a soft, wandering touch using the back of his fingers. although it’s far from a happy moment, and even as it pains him to see tyson at a loss for words when he usually has something on the tip of his tongue to shoot back at any given moment, a tiny smile curves his lips. “ i want you to be okay, too, ” he says. what he would give for tyson to be unaffected by it all. how he wishes he could make things better for him tonight instead of worse. he swallows as his gaze lingers for several extended seconds on his lips, as if visibly trying to reason with what’s left of his rationality. “ that’s what got us into this mess in the first place, isn’t it? ” he pipes up, a hint of bitter humor laced into his tone. it’s not meant to be harsh or accusatory, and he doesn’t regret their kiss-- even if the following weeks didn’t play out in a way he’d ever have wanted. he wants ty to know that. “ i’d do it all again. every single part of it, ” he tells him importantly, his eyes making their way back to tyson’s, a hand moving to grasp his face and, in a sudden, dangerous decision, bringing it closer to his so that their lips can finally meet. he’s unearthed everything they worked so hard to bury in a split second’s reaction, but wolfie’s needed it for so long and now that it’s in front of him he can’t bring himself to turn tyson away. for the amount of time he’s been waiting, his kiss is surprisingly soft, afraid of being too ardent and ruining the fragile moment they’ve shared in the most unexpected of places.

tyson wonders if he just stops responding, maybe they could stay caught up in this breath of a moment where nothing else in the world even matters. they both seem to understand that they should be anywhere but here, pressed up against one another, and ty’s afraid that if he says too much, everything will shatter. they’ll be back to bitter exes who barely so much as look at each other let alone talk. even if this conversation isn’t the healthy discussion that they need, even if it’s fueled by alcohol, jealousy, and fear, at least they’re together. they’re talking and it’s something. tyson refuses to believe it isn’t something. he wonders, too, if wolfie will recall any of this in the morning. how much would it hurt to learn that he’d only made these kinds of confessions because he was drunk? tyson tries to stop wondering, then. wolfie’s holding his hand and it should be awkward for the placement of their hands and the general size difference and yet… it’s perfect. it’s always been perfect. soulmates, tyson thinks with a sad inward smile. “then you need to let me have the world, wolfgang,” he utters on a breathy exhale, giving his ex’s hand a squeeze to assure him he wasn’t letting go. his thumb started pressing little circles into wolfie’s skin, filling in the silence with more small, needy touches. the curse leaving his ex lover’s lips meant more than it might seem on the surface. “he wasn’t the world though.” it feels necessary to clarify. the most his dancing friend would ever have been was a one night stand. he can’t even see it going beyond that, sad as it may seem to have deduced that from a few swivels of their hips and tasteless whispered comments. tyson draws their joined hands up to his chin, pressing wolfie’s knuckles softly to his skin. he closes his eyes against the momentary sting of wolf’s words. he knows they’re not meant to be daggers but even the thought of wolfie touching others is enough to wound. hearing him suggest as much out loud makes the shorter male visible shudder but there’s a flicker of pride there too. he doesn’t want it to be replaceable. god only knows tyson hasn’t been able to find the same thing in any of the beds he’s visited himself. ty knows wolfie well enough to hear that he’s not lying either; he’s not just saying this to make tyson feel better. wolfie hasn’t touched anyone like he used to touch ty, end of. and tyson, selfishly, hopes it always stays that way. he keeps soft blues closed, brushing the back of wolfie’s hand along the underside of his chin, just for another point of contact. he’s very close to crying, he notes as wolfie’s voice shakes. he’s scared to open his eyes. their noses are touching and tyson returns to wondering – wondering if wolf is going to kiss him, if he wants ty to intiate, if this is a good idea. ty’s breathing is just as wavering as wolfie’s voice as he nuzzles his nose against wolf’s shamelessly, like a needy kitten seeking to be pet. he presses closer, close, half on tip toe as a sigh that could be the start of a sob slips its way past his lips. “no,” he corrects wolfie gently, never breaking the contact but not closing the distance either. “i can’t have anyone i want.” the hand not intertwined with wolfie’s moves to the back of his neck, mostly for support. “because i don’t want just anyone.” he doesn’t think he has to say what they’re both thinking. to say it would make it real.

wolfie nods, coming to terms with his statement. he’s comforted by the familiarity in the way his ex-boyfriend touches him, but his heart is plummeting into the depths of his stomach upon the realization that he is no longer a part of his world. at least, not a significant one. there was a time when he considered himself to be the focal point of it, but he’s long since faded into the background. he’s demanded that tyson pay him attention tonight, maybe even unintentionally taken advantage of his vulnerability to do so, but that can’t last. he knows tonight doesn’t change anything, it doesn’t erase their complicated past. in order to let tyson have the world, he needs to remove himself completely. “ i know, ” he admits sadly. it’s not because of lack of knowledge of it’s importance that he’s still clinging to the shreds of what they used to be. he just doesn’t know how to let go, and seeing ty makes it all that much harder, especially when he’s with someone else. wolfie’s instincts tell him to defend what’s his, because in his heart tyson’s always been his, and apparently his mind still hasn’t got the memo. “ no, but he could have been, ” he reasons, fingers curling in the front of his shirt and gripping tightly, like ty is the only thing tethering him to consciousness, and he sort of is. it’s not to say that he wouldn’t be here were he not so drunk, it’s just that the drinks have made him less concerned about the consequences. usually, it’s easier to talk himself out of situations like these, because he knows how it will only make the process of them going their separate ways afterwards that much more painful. presently, he’s just craving the illusion of being loved, and doesn’t care what it costs him. he just needs to feel something. “ so could the next guy. and i don’t know how to be okay with it when it happens. i’m barely okay as it is. ” he needs to shut up, but his lips won’t stop moving. maybe they will, he thinks, if he busies them elsewhere. if he puts his lips on tyson’s, he won’t have such an urge to babble. he’s already so close, but it doesn’t feel that way. it feels like he couldn’t be further from where he wants to be, where he wishes they still were. “ tell me not to kiss you, ” he pleads, his voice but a whisper. it’s not necessary to be any louder when he can already feel his breath on his skin, his hair tickling wolf’s brow. ty looks about as on the verge of tears as wolfie feels, and he’s prepared to stand by and wipe them if need be. “ tell me it’s a stupid idea. ” 

darcy: i think so. bit shaken up but aren't we all?

darcy: i'm game for that. should i go grab our coats?

darcy: the slimmest. apparently i'm not that hot a commodity? i'm happily stuck though. someone else might expect me to actually LIKE them or something!!!

wolfie: don't bother if you've already left, i don't want you going back in there. not safe. just meet me outside

wolfie: you're plenty hot. the hottest. the only thing keeping people away from you is me

darcy: yeah, hey are you alright?

darcy: you absolutely need to make it up to me, babe. i've been looking for you!!

darcy: unfortunately for me, i think you're the best one i'm going to get. the line of those willing isn't too long!

wolfie: yeah, are you?

wolfie: i've been looking for you too, let's get the fuck out of here

wolfie: you still around?

wolfie: i am so so so sorry for leaving you

under ordinary circumstances, tyson may have pulled a wry joke – tyson would rather wolfie not fuck darcy, thanks – but these circumstances are anything but ordinary. tyson can barely breathe for how close wolfie is standing, for how easy it would be to tilt his head upwards in the wordless permission for a kiss he knew his ex would read clear as a bell. the timing isn’t right, though, no matter how intimately they are intertwining with one another, no matter how much he wants the touch of wolfie’s lips. “you should find her,” he agrees in a voice that’s more of a wisp than anything else; if wolfie’s still his wolfie, he’ll hear it even over the chaos of the room. wolf’s stepping closer, so much closer, and tyson’s heart all but stops. he leans against the wall entirely, allowing his personal space to be crowded oh so willingly. everything he can see, touch, smell and feel is all wolfie and all painfully familiar. he almost forgets he’s supposed to be scared with how fixated he’s become, particularly on the one sensation he’s lacking – taste. “i should go,” he wavers, again repeating wolfie’s words in a voice that’s barely there. his eyes drift down to wolf’s lips almost by accident. they were a victim of bad timing, the two of them – tyson knows that. they would have lasted forever if it weren’t for outside pressures; maybe they’d even be engaged by now, preparing to spend their lives together. wolfie seems like the type to marry young. tyson would’ve said yes. then his ex is talking about what ty deserves and a sour taste settles in the model’s mouth. his gaze shoots upwards, meeting wolfie’s with sadness pooling in crystal clear blues. “don’t i deserve him? don’t i deserve to be touched? it isn’t about him, wolfie. it’s about me and what i deserve so don’t you dare try to deny me that.” although he’s clearly getting upset, his voice is kept at a soft hiss, not wanting to risk anyone overhearing them, even in their intimate bubble. i still wanna touch you like that. the statement puts a halt in tyson’s protests and he feels warm all over, face flushing. it doesn’t help that wolfie is touching him, though in a different way than his dance partner had been. a large hand easily engulfs his own. wolfie’s thumb coaxes tyson’s lips to part. he’s aching all over with want, with heartbreak, with desire and yet he also feels completely whole. “you have someone to touch,” ty whispers, only moving his mouth in the slightest so that wolfie wouldn’t stop touching, touching, touching him. “i have no one. please wolfie.” he isn’t sure for what he’s pleading but maybe his lover will interpret it correctly. tyson half wants to cry but knows he’d never forgive himself for a breakdown. his free hand clutches the collar of wolf’s shirt, holding him there. he can’t leave. not now. not again.  maybe when the lights come on but they have this, for now.

the tension between them is almost unbearable, and although they should have much bigger worries than those which concern each other wolfie can’t bring himself to care about anything else. his eyes are locked on tyson’s, head bobbing in agreement to the words he’s repeating, but neither seem keen on taking action to reflect them. he’d be happy to stay pressed up against him all night, but he knows one of them will have to make the first move to break their position eventually. it’s too good to be true, too much of a contrast to the past months spent in pursuit of how tyson used to make him feel and being disappointed by experiences that pale in comparison. he can’t help thinking that now he’s already had the best of the best, he’ll never be satisfied by anything less than. it’s not the ideal position to be in, feeling as though the best times of your life have already come and gone. he’s being melodramatic probably, but when your heart is hurting like his it’s hard to see reason. tyson’s questions put him on the spot and he averts his gaze in shame, knowing what he says to be fair. he doesn’t want tyson to be miserable like him. he doesn’t want him to mope around and mourn the loss of true love gone to waste, but he finds the alternative slips his mind when he’s blinded by jealousy. he’s got most everything he ever wanted his entire life, so it’s a feat for him to accept that the one thing he wants most is the one thing he can’t have. “ you deserve the fucking world, ” wolfie confirms passionately, letting his fingers slide into the gaps between tysons. it’s all so effortless, and it always has been. its always been more difficult for him to stop himself from touching him or saying certain things or looking at him in such a way. you’d think with what went down, he’d be more cautious than ever, but absence has made him braver it would seem, or maybe it’s just the liquid confidence coursing through his veins. either way, his skin feels a little bit thicker with the criticism he’s has to endure. “ it’s not the same, ” he admits, with a small shake of his head. “ i’ve never touched any one how i’ve touched you. ” he’s bluffed his way through most of his adult life, but he’s never felt the need to hide anything from ty, and this case is no exception. it’s never been as intimate or as meaningful as this is right now, fingers skimming over the skin of the man he once loved. still loves. may always love. the plead in tyson’s voice plunges him into sadness, his despair contagious, and wolf longs to make it better. ‘you have me’, he wants to scream, but actions speak louder than words, and lately he hasn’t been very good at showing it. he finds himself getting even closer, nose brushing against his before coming to the realization that he needs to stop before he fucks things up for him and darcy both. “ you can have anyone you want. nobody would be stupid enough to say no, ” he predicts, voice quivering slightly. maybe he’s not as courageous as he thought, because their proximity frightens him more than he’d care to admit. it reminds him of something he once had and of how he was unable to keep it alive then, doubtful that he’d be any more capable of doing so now.