III vulnerable utterances

Although I disagree with Alexis on whether Sonny’s older brother cares or not, I detect a sort of distance in their relationship, beyond that of the year spent apart.  Sonny’s brother is much older and even on paper seems to be extremely dissimilar.  Sonny loves music and all of the feeling and emotion associated with the life of a musician while his brother focuses on a life of security through his own family and his teaching position.  Beyond that is the age difference between the two brothers and the almost archetypal father-son like relationship.  Conflict arises as the two become men and clash over the things that seem important to each of them.  Not to say that they don’t love and care about one another.  Sonny’s dream wasn’t accepted by his family so he left and chose to follow his heart even if that mean foregoing family. On that journey he lost his way, but eventually found his way back to a more accepting and seemingly understanding home.  Sonny’s brother was preoccupied with his own life and family business that he didn’t think too much into the dangers his younger brother could have happened upon.  Though some character flaw might exist in Sonny’s brother, it is overwhelmingly apparent to me that he does in fact care for Sonny even though he didn’t reach out to support his younger brother. All in all, when the two reconnect, they both seem willing to put aside their differences in an attempt to understand and look after one another. 

He complains of her eccentricities and pays no mind to her life.  He doesn't care to understand her work “she was completing her master’s thesis at Stanford, a study of an Irish poet whom Sanjeev had never heard of. 

Splitting off the topic of Papi, the depiction of Yunior’s Mami is peculiar.  Like Alexis said, she isn’t shown as much respect as her husband and it seems to have to do with the culture cultivated at home and in their customs in the Dominican Republic.  Instead of believing that Yunior and the rest of the family, including Papi, don’t respect Mami, I think they do.  It’s quiet, but there is a silent reverence for their mother. “Mami looked really nice that day…and was wearing tons of cheap ass jewelry which on her didn’t look too lousy” (24). The interest in his mother’s conversation with her sister also proves a quiet interest and love for her.  Along with Alexis, I believe that the more obvious view of disrespect is a factor of a male-dominated home environment, but I believe that they actually do care for her, it is just suppressed by Yunior’s father’s influence and the culture.

From the moment Blanche arrives in New Orleans from Laurel, Stanley goes out of his way to make Blanche uncomfortable.  The first time Stella leaves the two of them alone together, she advises Stanley “When she comes in be sure to say something nice about her appearance.  And, oh! Don’t mention the baby.  I haven’t said anything yet, I’m waiting until she gets in a quieter condition.” (Streetcar 30) Instead of taking Stella’s advice, Stanley riles Blanche up with talk about Belle Reve before speaking frankly about her looks and slyly slipping into the conversation the fact that Stella is pregnant.  Stanley leers at her the minute he sees her, sizing her up with a stare, forcing Blanche to look away with a shudder.  Although long term house guests are generally unpleasant, Blanche went out of her way to make her presence almost unbearable.  She takes countless long hot baths ($$$), laps up liquor like a regular drunkard ($$$) and critiques the lifestyle of her sister and brother-in-law who are wholly supporting her at this point.  Even before arriving at the flat, Blanche’s sanity was fading.  Yes, Stanley’s totally barbaric actions pushed her over the edge but she had nowhere else to go.  Stella made the only reasonable choice she could have as a woman dependent upon her husband’s income and in Stella’s case, love.  

3. Does Gatsby actually love Daisy?

“Reese’s or Twix?” the girl in braids shouted as she reentered, tossing the candy onto the couch beside the other girl. She hummed a familiar tune before plopping herself down on the faded couch and snuggling into the shoulder of her company, closing her eyes. The blonde just sat and scrolled.  

Through finding, memorizing, and reciting my selected poem over and over again, I really started to understand the text and realize what drew me to it in the first place.  I knew from the start that I wanted to read something from a contemporary poet and most likely a female one.  Sharon Olds’ name caught my attention of all the American poets written on the board.  Once I read a few of her poems and saw one titled The Planned Child I knew what poem I was supposed to choose. When I read the lines “…I always wanted to have been conceived in heat, in haste, by mistake, in love, in sex…” it only strengthened my connection to the poem and Sharon Olds who writes autobiographically.  Reading the poem was therapeutic, but reciting it in front of the class certainly was not.  Speaking publically in a formal manner has never been easy for me.  No one has ever understood that because I’ve been acting for years, but I’m just not one of the Sam Schaefers of the world; I can’t tell myself I’m someone else or that it’s easy because I do it all the time. The relationship between me and my family is tested and strained every day.  I know they love me.  It actually seems they love me too much for anyone’s own good.  I’m an only child who is reminded every time a disagreement occurs that my mother gave up her own life to be with me.  She quit nursing, which she loved, to raise me.  I’m her one and only.  My mom always wanted another child (Dad rarely expresses an opinion on anything in the past) and she really believes that she’s done her best with me.  I know she’s tried to understand and do the right thing with regard to my life, but I can’t say she’s left me with a kind or loving perception of motherhood. I know I was planned; my parents were married for 7 years before I came along.  I like how this poem focuses on Sharon Olds’ mother rather than her father because that’s exactly how I feel about my relationship with my parents as well.  No, my father has never been the best at parenting or physically being there, but he’s funny and respects me as a person more than my mother ever has.  My mother brings up churned feelings of both attachment and loathing.  I’ll never be able to emotionally distance myself from her.  

The most interesting part of Leo Marx’s critique of Huckleberry Finn and its seemingly disastrous ending was his discussion on Western humor or burlesque humor.  Mark Twain seems to introduce the style in the beginning of the book, abandoning it for the bulk of the solemn story, and then returning in an extreme (and altogether bad) way.  As we began reading the novel, Twain’s writing seemed fun and childlike, even when dealing with serious issues such as abuse and drunkenness.  The middle abandons the use of humor almost altogether, trading instead for a weak wrap up of intended laughs that don’t mesh with the gravity of the circumstances. “It is out of keeping; the slapstick tone jars with the underlying seriousness of the voyage.”(Marx 194) Yes, this piece of literature is a masterpiece, but the slapstick comedy brought in at the very end nearly ruins the entire work.  Why Twain chose this corny tone to close his book seems overwhelmingly like an escape.  Maybe Twain was simply tired of the introverted musings that reminded him of the romantics or maybe actually dealing with the issue of slavery proved too big a task.  Whatever the reason, "The conclusion, in short, is farce, but the rest of the novel is not."(Marx 194)

My ongoing experience with Huckleberry Finn brings up questions of race and class and why these matters evoke such strong emotion from the book’s audience.  While reading the book, watching the videos and partaking in class discussions on the use of the n-word and Twain’s heavy use of it, I thought about how I feel when the word is used and my own opinions on it.  The word “nigger” means little to me.  Of course I’ve been programmed to never use it, and I can honestly say I’ve never felt the urge to.  When my own black friends become insulted by the word, I don’t understand it.  I get what it means and the backstory to its original usage, but in the context of Huck Finn, I don’t understand.  Like it or not, that word is a part of history, both black and white.  I think an educated reader should be able to pass by that word without qualm.  No one can reject that “nigger” has a past and you can’t gloss over the truth.  A debate about withholding that word from impressionable teenagers can only be used as fuel for an ignorant fire.  I simply wish that these people could distance themselves from a history that they personally were nowhere near.  I fully respect the heritage of African Americans, I do.  But what I cannot wrap my head around the fact that some people do not recognize the validity and historical accuracy represented in Mark Twain’s Huckleberry Finn. 

Shame rarely crosses our minds when we think of intensely felt human emotions/experiences.  Yet shame is felt by everyone at some point in our lives.  I don't believe in shaming anyone,(be it about their body, their friends, their interests)for I don't see the productivity in it.  Not only is shaming a detrimental action that harms humanity, it also provides no improvement in a situation.  However, shame felt by yourself and put  upon by yourself means an entirely separate thing.  To feel ashamed is to be depressed and self-loathing about your own situation and doing.  There can be a reason for improvement; you are motivated by yourself. 

Although Emerson's use of "divine" in a god-derived sense turns me off to his point, I define the word more in a sense of truth.  The truth that we stifle in ourselves needs to be set free.  Ralph Waldo Emerson's essay seems filled with great idealistic points but they don't feel new.  This idea of non-conformity is something that revolutionists have been portraying for centuries before Emerson's time.  Perhaps he is just doing what he talks about in being the first to write these common thoughts down.  Besides the point of my own questioning however, I agree with Emerson throughout Self Reliance.  If the entirety of the human race would agree (in a sense conform) to be nothing but his or her self, the world would be a better place.  I too, along with Emerson, believe that most humans are good at heart.

An answer never truly appears in this novel.  I'm twisted on whether it began after Adam's diagnosis or if throughout their 8 years together, Eve and Saunders gradually became intimate.  In class, others have expressed the opinion that the infidelity grew out of a physical desire/need that Adam could no longer provide.  I don't wholly agree; Eve's moral compass seems a little off kilter and I see nothing in her narrative that would put an early-begun romance with her husband's brother beyond her.  Another confusing aspect is the fact that they are twins.  No physical or outward characteristic seems to differ between the two, yet it seems off that Eve still cannot tell the differences between her spouse and his brother, despite the fact that they are twins.  So what is it that drives her away from Adam to Saunders?  Is it convenience? Personality? An escape? What?

  Although I understand the discussion regarding gender roles and society then vs now, the more pressing issue is why is there a focus on gender at all.  Kate Chopin wrote a deeply interesting novel who's central character undergoes an awakening.  Of course the story broke barriers and caused uproar in 1899, it was 1899.  But in the 21st century I believe the reason The Awakening still remains in the Women's Lit section is because of a stubborn focus on Edna and Mr. Pontellier as nothing more than stereotypes (or those who break the stereotype) of 1899.  Kate Chopin, as Barbara Kingsolver said, wrote a uniquely honest novel using the "poetic language available to her".  Reading The Awakening, I am not drawn to Mr. Pontellier's utter shallowness or Edna's disregard for her children.  Instead I marvel at how Chopin, back in 1899, had the kick start to write a character (be it male or female) so complex, real, and relatable.  She gets into Edna's head, showing real human controversies typically unwritten.  I question Barbara Kingsolver's fascination with Edna's gender instead of Kate Chopin's eloquent capturing of Edna's thoughts. Thoughts that should be controversial whether belonging to a man or a woman.

this picture was taken on my sixteenth birthday this past summer at camp.  for the past five years i've celebrated milestones somewhere that matters more than most people imagine a summer camp matters.  no where else feels like home unless i'm eating horrible food (but with a "special" frozen cake on july 17th), talking boys with my roommates, and complaining about the heat.  it seems unimaginable that the friends and experience you come across for six weeks every year can turn into lifelong bonds and memories i'll keep close forever.