Our Foster Care Journey

Happy birthday, Little Brother! You’re 4 today! We celebrated your first birthday together, and for the past two years I texted with your family to wish you a happy day. I didn’t write this year though. But I’m thinking of you. And I hope you had a wonderful day.

We’ve had two wonderful babysitters who have been loving and wonderful towards the kids. They also both graduated from college. Weird or inconsiderate to just give them money? Or considerate and appreciated?

I’m doing some packing this morning while the kids are at school. We’re going to tell them tonight that they’re moving. I hope they’re excited, as I expect they will be. My therapist (a former foster and adoptive parent) was helpful in reframing it from their perspective. There are also good things about this move, despite many of the unknowns.

Continuance. I’m so frustrated.

I spent a week crafting my letter to the judge. I sent it to a few people to proofread. I was going to mail it today. I received an email last night that CASA managed to get a hearing scheduled for next week! I need to do some major edits on the letter, but will send it anyway so the judge is aware of just how much a shit show DCFS has been.

In talking to a variety of people associated with foster care and this case, it seems the next step is to write a letter to the judge in the kids’ case.  

E (20 months) loves the vacuum. He calls it ”Sucky.” Today he went into the garbage, threw some on the floor, grabbed my hand and told me, ”Mama, get Sucky!”

There are parts of foster care that are frustrating and then there are the parts that are impossible. I am not an investigator. I am not the caseworker. I am not CASA. The next step is to write to the judge. CASA is trying to write a motion to block the family member as an adoptive placement. I’m having second thoughts. Family is family. Who am I to say who they should live with? I don’t agree with the agency’s decision, but I also don’t know if it’s worse than the alternative.

We told DCFS months ago we wouldn’t be able to adopt the kids because (in a nutshell) we’re planning for Husband to get a job and we’re leaving the state. Today we had a case review meeting to talk about what progress has been made in looking for an adoptive family. Zero. Their caseworker is back talking to a family member who denied as an adoptive placement (the reason their ICPC was revoked) in another state. The family member is talking about moving back to our state so that she can adopt the kids.  CW said they don’t have any adoptive families she can place the kids with, so that’s why they’re considering it. I asked if she had talked with any other agencies in our area (there are MANY private agencies). Nope. I asked if she had reached out to the organization that runs the state photo listing. Nope. I came home from the meeting and called the state photo listing agency today and gave her our CW’s contact information. Also called a local agency’s adoption coordinator for our county and gave her our CW’s contact info. Called a friend who works with the CASA attorney.  I’m also meeting with our local foster parent coordinator to discuss hosting information sessions for prospective foster parents in our county.  I’m going to start calling our CW every day for progress updates.  I’m not sharing any case details, just putting them in touch with the CW.  I’m terrified that these kids are going to get bounced from home to home and age out. I’m terrified that they’re going to end up in residential care.  I’m terrified that they’re going to go to a family member and end up back in care - AGAIN.  I can’t believe that DCFS has had months to find an adoptive home and have done NOTHING.