everyone quiet down dj unprotected sex is getting an unexpected call from the clinic

just had a glass of tap water, fish oil, an 8ball, 150 mg of wellbutrin, a tetanus shot, 14 cigarettes, leftover pancetta sandwich, a testosterone shot, two packets of silica gel, a sip of black coffee and tablespoon of greek yogurt. can i drive your car

our top scientists are hard at work finding new forms of t4t nasty style fucking

our bottom scientists are. hm. well. theyre contributing too 👍

wags my stupid fucking tail

the hoes are more than a little alarmed by my new and innovative blowjob technique the "death roll"

Under communism the wait staff will not ask if Pepsi is okay. You will not even find out that's its Pepsi instead of coke until you take your first sip. Unless you train like me, to know the difference from the sound of the Fizz alone, that is the only way we can beat communism and I can teach you. Take my hand. Not like that you grabbed it gay. Stop. Giggles. I SAID STOP

OwO what's this? *nuzzles you* based on the smell and decomposition i'd say this is a six day old corpse.

having fried sex with my southern wife

having poutine sex with my canada wife

having great sex with both your wives

we are each others wifes idiot

well thanks for having me

Enjoy a drink on one of my special coasters. Yea I custom made them (the coasters) to be so light the drinks condensation makes em stick to the bottom of your glass, but still heavy enough that when it (the coaster) finally clatters to the ground it's loud as fuck and shatters your nerves and makes you spill your drink everywhere. Why am I doing this? Well, it's a sex thing for me

me after smoking half a bowl and drinking one bourbon on a weeknight

me after taking Yak tranquilizers in a berlin warehouse

you need to change your life styles or you might pass away .

My vampire husband turned into a bat and then flew into a glass window and hurt himself!!!!!!!

oh, that explains the loud thump at my window just now

you might want to come pick him up

This is so fucking embarrassing. We talked about this. I’ll be there in a second.