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cw: infidelity?, p in v, alcohol usage, oral sex, angst, smut, possible misuse of words, questionable metaphors, allusions to the odyssey (i'm cringe), pseudo-poetic nonsense
summary: leon is married to ashley and they have an open relationship. you become fwbs when he visits dc. accidental feelings happen
a/n: the title is a reference to the odyssey (no discourse/analyses allowed on this post!!)
link to join taglist in bio! link to commissions & ko-fi in bio! link to ao3 in bio!
Winter 2012
You first meet Leon at a bar near your apartment. Outside, it's freezing, yet you order your drink on the rocks. Drunkenness makes your cheeks match your ears, rosy and slightly numb to the cold.Â
Itâs been a rough day for you and the way Leonâs head hangs as he looks blankly into his glass - half-empty - lets you know that heâs in the same boat. Heâs got blonde-ish hair, icy blue eyes, and a hint of a five oâclock shadow. His voice, low and tired, holds a sympathetic chagrin, subtle and genuine. He must feel your eyes on him because he picks himself up as best he can and smiles at you.
Heâs not drunk. Neither are you, only tipsy.
âHi,â you say because youâre not good with pickup lines.
âHey. Howâs it goinâ?â
âItâs goinâ,â you say because itâs the best way you can tell the truth without being too much of a downer.
âNot great, huh?â
âA complete shitshow if Iâm being honest.â
âI can relate.â He thrusts his right hand out and you take it. His palm is calloused with a life much rougher than youâll ever know. âIâm Leon.â
You tell him your name and he releases your hand from his grasp.Â
You recount your disastrous day and he laughs at all the right times and keeps his smile sympathetic for the rest of your story. He doesnât say much about himself, and the next morning you worry you were venting, but you come to find over the years that he prefers to listen rather than to talk. He has unparalleled patience. Heâs not like other guys. Youâre just like other girls.
The one time he speaks over you is to insist to the bartender that he is paying for your drinks too when he asks to close his tab.
âYou donât have to.â
âI want to.â
He grabs his wallet from his back pocket and you notice on his left hand, a wedding band. It was all just friendly conversation, you realize. Your smile drops and you donât have time to pick it back up before he turns to you.
âWhatâs up?â He asks.Â
âNothing.â You give him a fake smile.
âYou sure?â He probes you with minimal force. His questions never make you feel like youâre being interrogated, strapped to a metal chair despite the fact that a gun sits on his hip; not like an interview either with bright lights an audience; more like a surgery, penetrating, tearing and mending your organs while youâre numbed by alcoholic anesthetic.
âMhm,â You respond. You are already falling into a dreamless sleep, breathing, but comatose.Â
âOkay. Do you live close? We could split a cab.â He places his hand on the small of your back and whispers while you walk to the exit, âUnless you want to come back with me to my hotel.â
You look at him, almost angry for her â the woman you donât know â and yet, still wanting. He removes his hand quickly. âWhoa. Iâm sorry. I clearly misunderstood the situation. I thought we were having a flirtatious conversation and that it was heading that direction. I apologize for overstepping your boundaries.â
âNo, I was flirting, butâŚâ You point to his left hand. âYouâre married.â There is a part of you that is already willing. Youâre his puppet, his ragdoll, willing.
âOh, yeah,â Leon says with a smile, thinking of her. He holds up his hand, proudly displaying his wedding band. âI am married, but we have an open relationship.â He sounds so honest youâre tempted to believe him. But, there is still a sliver of your consciousness left.
âProve it. I donât want to be involved with a cheater.â
âProve it? Alright. Would you like me to text her and ask if I can invite you back to my hotel room?â
âSure.â
You donât think heâll do it, but he does. Her name in his phone has a heart next to it. You notice it when he shows you her response: Have a nice time :).
He calls her âbabyâ.
He calls you a lot of things during the act, but mostly your name once itâs over.
He calls you âgorgeousâ as in, âYou look fucking gorgeous like thatâ When he looks into your eyes from above you. Youâre on your knees with his cock down your throat while his hand holds your hair in a makeshift ponytail. You look gorgeous if gorgeous means messy - the mascara that was already smudged when you entered the bar mixes with tears and drips down your face. You look like a canvas drenched with paint water. Filthy and accidental. And in an abstract way, something that could be conceived as beautiful in the eyes of a downright horny beholder.Â
Leon holds your wrists above your head when he fucks you. His grip is firm just like yours is around his cock, though itâs not your intention. In fact, you want more of him, all of him. Â
He calls you âdarlinâ as in,âDarlinâ, youâre squeezinâ me so tight. Iâm not gonna last like this.â When youâre on all fours and heâs feeding himself to you from behind. One of his hands guides his cock to your entrance while the other holds your hip â that one continues to steady you while heâs fucking you at a merciless pace. With the other, he runs his fingers through his hair â you can see him in the mirror, sweat beading on his forehead.
He calls you âbabeâ as in, âCâmere, babe.â When he beckons you towards him, lying in bed with his head propped up enough to see you. âWant you to sit on my faceâ. When you comply and sit on his face, your thighs drown out his words but the noises he makes reverberate through your entire body. Much to Leonâs dismay, itâs the last orgasm you can handle that night. (You have to walk home tomorrow, right?)Â
There is a distinct difference between babe and baby. The difference being that he calls you one and his wife the other.
That first night, you go for three rounds, only stopping because Leon ran out of condoms and neither of you feel like going to the pharmacy to buy more. At least, not until the next day.
The next morning when his alarm rings, you grab his phone from the bedside table and hand it to him. You catch a glimpse of his lockscreen. Itâs him with a woman. âIs that her?â
âMy wife? Yeah.â He hands you the phone and lets you see her. Sheâs beautiful. More so than you. You understand why she lets him do this. And why he shows her off with no hesitation and a prideful grin. Youâd brag about her too.
You imagine their first date, their wedding, the sex they have in their home that they share, and every other thing while Leon makes a trip to the drugstore across the street.
âSorry I took so long,â he says when he climbs back into bed, âthere was a long line at the checkout.â
Itâs okay, you think, you gave me time to decide that itâs better if I leave now.
And yet, the second he lies down next to you, your decision changes. The prospect of lazy morning sex with Leon is too beautiful to resist. Even in retrospect, if it were purely about the sex, you wouldnât regret any of it, it was even better than you imagined it would be.Â
When he takes the blue box from the plastic shopping bag and jiggles it in front of you, playfully asking the question, you nod. None of this requires words.Â
You sit up in bed, closing the gap between you and your objective, but he stops you. âDonât get up. Iâll come there.â
Heâs quiet despite the room being empty of sleeping children and nosy parents. The hustle and bustle of the city on Saturday morning covers up any sound. His wife knows anyway and sheâs 1000 miles away. Itâs for the sake of your ears, still acclimating to the ceaseless knocking at your eardrums that comes with being alive. He moves slowly, spreads your legs for you, removes your panties - the boring beige pair you wore to work the day before. He runs his hand over your folds like heâs petting a stray animal, getting you to ease up and let him in. Two fingers mold you to his liking. He fits you for himself despite being taken. He feeds your desire and sets you free when heâs finished. (Youâve finished too, so itâs not cruel, is it?).Â
He steps into the shower alone. Â
If getting some more material for your spank bank was your goal, then you accomplished it. Not just the sex but the sight of him with a towel around his waist, his toned body on display. Itâs the first time youâve seen it in the daylight. He only removed his pants when he fucked you from behind. And the night before, you only got a glimpse of his beauty in the dim of the lamp-lit room.Â
The ounce of self-restraint that remains in your being, holds you back from ripping the towel away from him and kneeling before him, begging him to use your mouth.Â
There is a piece of you that regrets not taking the opportunity while you had it. You would have another memory of him to fill the Leon-shaped hole inside you. Better yet, he couldâve called you pathetic and told you to leave, and ruined it all before your infatuation could turn into something worse. But, he wouldnât do that. And thatâs why you like him.Â
Summer 2012
It was supposed to be a one-time thing. Well, honestly, it wasnât supposed to be anything at all. You had each otherâs phone numbers but no plans were made and the goodbye hug didnât feel like a âsee you laterâ, more like a âhave a nice lifeâ.
But a couple months after your first meeting, he texts you. âIâm in town. Are you busy tonight?â
You happen to be very free and though you denied it at the time, very infatuated with Leon. In your mind, itâs simply the fact that heâs the best sex youâve ever had and none of it has to do with the fact that during the second night you spend together youâre mere centimeters away from love-making when he bites your lip, tugging lightly before he flips you over to fuck you harder. You know he knows, itâs too obvious for him not to know, thatâs why he refuses to look into your eyes, opting to push your face - which he reminds you is gorgeous - into the mattress. Your mascara still runs while you wonder if heâs still thinking about you when your face no longer serves to remind him of the woman whose cunt he uses.Â
But that happens later. You meet at the same bar because Leon is oddly unfamiliar with the area despite having lived here years ago. Maybe he wanted to forget. Thatâs a question you never bother to ask. Â
âI was constantly working. I went out with Ashley on the weekends when she wasnât busy, but she always picked the restaurant. So, youâll have to be my tour guide,â he says.Â
You amble around downtown because youâre not decisive like Ashley. You didnât prepare anything besides what your matching set of lace under your clothes. In June, the sun stays up late, and though they say that certain crimes of the flesh are only committed at night, for the two of you daylight can be far more dangerous.Â
Simply fucking in his hotel room one night was well within the boundaries of whatever âthisâ is; however, kissing on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial when the sun begins to set makes you feel like a teenager, being romanced for the first time and risking your overbearing parents finding out your dirty little secret. But, none of this is secret. Leonâs wife knows, passersby know, the statue of the 16th president of the goddamn USA who sits behind you knows.Â
But what truly feels wrong is how chaste it is, how his hands cup your cheeks like a chalice. In a crowded bar, you drink gin and tonics for the Eucharist. Tomorrow, you deal with the unholy hangover.Â
Still, youâre not sure if this is romance or friendship until youâre walking side by side and your pinkies inch their way closer until they brush against each other. You interlock them playfully for a second, but Leon pulls away rather than grabbing your hand fully. The one time he does take your hand, itâs to guide you through a crowd. He does not interlock fingers with you. He does not kiss your knuckles before he lets go.
Later you end up at your favorite bar because you are his amateur tour guide.Â
âIf this is your favorite, then why werenât you here the night we met?â
âWould you have preferred I were?â
âNo. Iâm just curious.â
âThe other bar is closer to home. Quieter, too.â
Youâre practically yelling at this point over the band thatâs playing. It takes two drinks for you to stand up and dance. Itâs not some sort of high school prom slow dance. Itâs stupid and drunken, but Leon spins you around and his hands are on your body - the less intimate parts - for most of the duration. He doesnât have to flirt with sensual touches because he doesnât have to lure you into bed. You are already planning to accompany to his hotel room.Â
Usually, he is in town for a week at most, and busy for the majority of the time. You see him for a night or two each visit. However, one night after the usual routine of going to the same bar, drinking old fashioneds and Leon picking up the tab, he takes you to the apartment that heâs renting for the next 3 months.
âThree months?â you ask.
âThought youâd be happy,â he says. âAfter you admitted that Iâm the best youâve ever had.â
âCocky much?â
âWanna find out?â He raises an eyebrow, daring you to take him up on his offer. Heâs still unpacking in the bedroom, but you donât find that out until later because you donât make it that far into the apartment. You end up fucking on the couch. And then on the living room floor.
What you have is not romance but itâs dangerously close. You realize this when you accidentally take one of his t-shirts home and you wear it to bed again that night before washing it. Because it smells like him and you miss him. Thatâs not something you ever plan to admit to Leon, and because you donât say it aloud, itâs not real. Itâs only real when he says, âyou should just keep a toothbrush here.â
So nonchalant that it catches you off guard. âWhat am I, your girlfriend?â
âSorry for being logistical.â He huffs, though you canât tell if heâs really mad or not.
On his next run to the pharmacy to buy condoms, he gets you the toothbrush.
Itâs summertime and Leon has a balcony that overlooks the Washington Monument, so naturally, you eat your dinners outside. Leon cuts back on his drinking, so you often make lemonade instead â from scratch, like your mother used to.
Over dinner you ask him, âWhy donât you just move to D.C. if you spend so much time here?â
âI lived here for years â so did Ashley â and we both hated it. But her dad has a house in Vermont, and we spent our first anniversary there, and we realized we wanted to spend as much of our lives as we can there.â When he speaks, he doesnât meet your eyes. Heâs looking for the memory, reliving it with a smile on his face. You can feel the tranquility.
âMakes sense. If I had a father with a second home in Vermont, I would probably move there too.â Plus, Iâm not tied to anything here. Except maybe you, Leon.
âItâs gorgeous in the summer. It sucks that I have to spend it here.â
âWow,â you say, jokingly, âSo, being around me really sucks that much?â
âNo, youâre the only part of it that I like.â
Youâre left speechless, flustered by his words, and you both know that he shouldnât have said that despite the fact that itâs the truth.
âAnyway,â he transitions, poking at his salad, pretending to be incredibly interested in the lettuce in an effort to avoid your face. âThis lemonade is great.â
âItâs my motherâs recipe. A little extra sugar.â
You take away the plates â his enthusiasm about his salad has faded. He stays on the balcony for a moment because he knows you want to do the dishes â âItâs kind of therapeutic,â you said to him. âClean plates make you feel like your life is togetherâ.
Regardless, when he comes in, he says, âYou know you donât have to do that.â because thatâs in his nature. Other people make messes and he cleans them up.
âI know,â you say, and he doesnât protest.Â
You have sex because itâs either that or watch TV. Itâs rough and impersonal, and over relatively quickly.
And then, itâs five oâclock somewhere, and somewhere is right where you are, so you pull out a bottle and toast to something stupid like the sex you just had or the TV show youâll watch until you fall asleep.
Leon doesnât drink but when he does (which is only when heâs with you. Ashley doesnât let him indulge like that because sheâs more sensible than you are) your conversations venture into topics that you would typically shy away from. You find yourself talking to Leon about his sex life outside of you.
âDo you guys fuck, like, immediately, when you get in the door?â
âSometimes, yeah. Depends on how long Iâve been gone and how gross I am.â
âDo you think about it a lot? When youâre not with her?â
âOf course I do.â The question sticks in your mind: when weâre having sex too? âBut we have phone sex,â he says, oddly prideful.
âThatâs good. Iâve never been very good at phone sex.â
âIf youâre horny enough it doesnât matter.â
And thatâs probably true. You have sex again shortly thereafter and you wonder if heâs thinking about her. You notice that he does not say your name when he cums.
February 2013
The next year you see him on Valentineâs Day. âShouldnât you be spending this with your wife?â you ask.
âI would be if I were at home.â
âYou could go home or at least, call her.â
âI could call her, and I did, earlier today. But, itâs just a day. Itâs not like itâs our anniversary or one of our birthdays.â
Itâs just a day, so Iâm spending it with you. Itâs just a day, youâre just a girl.
âWhenâs your anniversary?â
âMarch 16th,â he says without missing a beat. Because he remembers things. As do you. For better or for worse.
âAre you going to go home for that?â
âNo, sheâs coming to visit.â
âOh. Thatâs nice.â You probably donât sound very convincing but youâre already making new plans for that week mentally â not that you had any explicit plans with him.
âYou could meet her,â he offers, and you think he must be joking but itâs not that funny so you donât laugh. He doesnât laugh either because it isnât a joke.
âWait what?â you say. âDonât you see how thatâd be a little weird?âÂ
âShe knows you exist.â
âYeah, but-â
â-And,â he leans in to whisper into your ear because youâre in a relatively fancy restaurant where you probably shouldnât be speaking too loudly about such topics, âI donât know if youâre into women, but I think sheâd be into you.â
Itâs a blessing that your dress is black because you choke on red wine and it dribbles down your chest and onto your clothes before you can catch it.
âSorry. Iâm now realizing that sexuality is a sensitive topic and maybe I shouldnât have broached the subject like that.â
âItâs not about my sexuality. Itâs about the fact that you just asked me if I wanted to sleep with your wife.â
âWell, I was hoping to be there too in that hypothetical.â
âItâs your anniversary. I shouldnât be there. You two should get some alone time.â
âYouâre probably right about that.â
He asks you to help him pick out an anniversary gift for his wife. You study pictures of her to see what style of jewelry she wears. Apparently youâre good at buying gifts because you see a new picture of her as his lock screen in which sheâs wearing the necklace you picked out.
Itâs silver not gold, so itâs not the necklace you care about but the jewelry behind the glass that you gazed at while Leon talked to the cashier.
But before the necklace, before the picture, before Leonâs anniversary, you leave the restaurant together the same way you arrived except youâre covered in red wine. You complain about the way your heels leave blisters so he carries you to the front door - bridal style, ironically, but youâre the only one thinking about it. Itâs just a name that comes from an old tradition. Itâs like how Valentineâs Day is just a day. He gets down on one knee and because youâve already imagined him in this position, seeing it play out in front of you startles you, but heâs just unbuckling your shoes. He sees the look on your face - you try to play it off - and he laughs because he knows what youâre thinking, but then again, he doesnât know anything at all. To him, itâs a silly misunderstanding. To you, itâs a cruel joke youâve played on yourself.
In his bedroom, where you spend most of your time together, he unzips your dress like heâs trying to save the wrapping paper on a gift.Â
âIt has wine all over it, and I got it on sale,â you say. âYou donât have to be so⌠gentle about it.â
âWould you prefer I rip it off of you?â
But itâs already slipping past your knees, dropping to the floor, revealing your bra and panties, revealing the secret - that you made an effort, that he is opening a gift, and the gift is a woman in lingerie. His face says enough, the way he looks you up and down, with arousal coursing through his veins but a certain fondness and admiration in his eyes.Â
You distract him by unbuttoning his dress shirt - slowly because youâre pretty sure this is the one he likes. Thereâs no tie to undo, no tie to pull him into bed by. He doesnât like things around his neck. Once, he tried to wear one and couldnât tie it himself, and you had to help. He only kept it on for a second because he felt like it was suffocating him.Â
Youâre stuck in a mutual trance until you hear the neighbors fucking - not making love, fucking. You throw your head back laughing and Leon drags his hands down his face in faux-exasperation, laughter peeking through his fingers.Â
âWay to kill the mood,â he sighs.
âShould I go get the broom,â you ask, intending to bang on the wall between apartments.Â
âI think itâd be a little hypocritical.â Considering how much sex we have. Considering the fact that weâre about to have sex.Â
âOkay, but we donât sound like that.â
He shrugs with a stupid grin.Â
âOh God, do we sound like that?!â
âI hope not.â
âLeon,â you draw out his name, not quite whining, not quite begging. Not yet.Â
âHere,â he says, and sticks a CD in his stereo, something he rarely uses. He prefers the quiet. Thereâs too much noise these days, he once told you.
"You sound like an old man."
"I feel like an old man."
When he stands in front of you in only a white undershirt and a pair of slacks, his belt lost somewhere along the way, while youâre freezing to death in black lace lingerie because he keeps his apartment at 70 degrees maximum, you let go of all inhibitions, and let your surprise be a pleasant one when you realize what album is playing. Grace. As if you have any left.Â
âI love Jeff Buckley,â you say.Â
âEveryone loves Jeff Buckley.â
âNot like me.â
The soft music doesnât fully cover the sounds of your noisy neighbors but the sentiment does. All you can think about is Leon when heâs atop you. You make out like teenagers, savoring it in a way that makes it feel like thereâs no expectation that the two of you will have sex.Â
But slowly, it becomes more than that. His hands cup your breasts, his tongue flicks your nipple, his hands spreading your thighs, his fingers brushing over the fabric. And then the CD stops. Itâs been 52 minutes. Itâs like a parent knocking at the door, interrupting the magical moment. When Leon stands up to choose another CD, he sheds his shirt too.
Fade Into You plays as he walks back to you and you want to ask âHow did you know?â, but you opt for taking off his pants instead. You lie face to face atop the covers with the lights only dimmed while he thrusts slowly in and out of you. You worry youâll start singing along because you know all the words to this album. But Leonâs mouth rarely leaves yours - except when his face is between your thighs.Â
Itâs slow, intimate, undeniably romantic. Only urgent when youâre both nearing the edge and he picks up the pace. You cum together and wade through the aftershocks with heavy breaths. So Tonight That I Might See fades out and covered in sweat, you bask in the shared euphoria that tries to fill the melancholy air. You fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.Â
July 2013
Once, after a particularly terrible mission, you meet Leon at his hotel room and he fucks you so hard he has to keep his hand over your mouth for the duration to avoid a noise complaint. A second noise complaint.
Another time, he fucks you so hard the condom breaks. Youâre on birth control but he has a wife, a wife thatâs not you, so he offers to buy you the morning after pill, and since thereâs no logical reason not to take it, you agree. Before you pop the pill in your mouth, you ask him, (mal)apropos of the situation, âDo you think youâll have kids?â
You let him answer while you wash it down with a gulp of water.
âWeâve been trying actually.â You see the way he smiles and it makes you choke on the water. You wouldnât have been surprised by a âyesâ or a ânoâ, but you realize what his statement means: he would never buy her this pill. He wants to have a baby, but not your baby. He doesnât love you like that. He doesnât love you at all.
August 2013
You realize you love him right after he leaves. The best and worst part is that you do not see him until 2015. Almost 2 years later. You donât hear anything from him or about him and sometimes you assume he was KIA, more optimistically, MIA. (Really, heâs just drunk and busy most of the time.)Â
If Leon died would his wife send you an invitation to the funeral? Who are you - the mistress, a friend of the family, a long-lost somebody?Â
Summer 2015
When he calls you in July, you half-assume that his voice wonât be the one on the other side. Itâll be someone else who recovers his phone from the ashes of whatever the fuck heâs fighting. Youâve started to forget what he sounds like and it terrifies you.Â
âIâm gonna take some time off,â he tells you.
âYou deserve it since youâre always working so hard.â You understand what âtime offâ means. It means time away from you too. It means he goes back to where he belongs â in bed, beside his wife.
âI never thought Iâd get a vacation â I tried, but it got interrupted. Bio-terrorists donât care about vacation time as it turns out.â
âHow long is your time off going to be?â
âIâm not sure yet. We donât technically have paternity leave, but I think the DSO feels-â
âPaternity leave?â
âYeah. I forgot to mention, Ashleyâs pregnant.â
The âtryingâ they were doing finally worked. She must be so happy â they both must be so happy. You force yourself to be because itâs cruel to hate a child. Itâs not the babyâs fault that youâre in love with its father.
âThatâs⌠awesome, Leon. I remember you saying you were trying, so, congratulations.â
âThanks,â he says, and the smile on his face looks genuine but you see his hands come out of his pockets, only to retreat. He was going to hug you. But something holds him back. Though sheâs physically carrying the baby, he takes on some of the weight it seems.
âYouâre gonna be a great father,â you say. And thatâs the one statement that you mean wholeheartedly.
The next words to leave your mouth surprise you both. âHow far along is she?â
âNot sure about the exact number of weeks, but sheâs pretty far into her second trimester.â
âDoes she have a bump yet?â âCan I see a picture?â âWhat about the ultrasound?â Youâre just tearing your own heart out so he canât when he inevitably leaves. Or, maybe youâre not. Maybe youâre curious to a fault. Maybe youâre genuinely a little bit happy because you do love him. Thatâs what makes it worse.
You realize that this is the last time youâll see him. Heâs not dying, and will likely return to DC, but his wife will call him, ask him to switch to video so she can show him the baby that sits perfectly on her hip. In your mind, sheâs walking around their kitchen, still in frame while the phone sits on the counter and he watches, imagining the joy heâll feel when he takes on half the weight of parenthood while he lets her sleep in on the weekends.Â
You canât be in the shower across the hall while he sings to a baby over the phone. You know heâll sing.Â
He has a better voice than one might expect and you know this because he once got drunk enough for you to convince him to sing karaoke.
âCâmon,â you say, nudging him in the direction of the stage.Â
âI donât sing,â he says, though heâs smiling.Â
âEveryone sings.â
âEven you?â
âEspecially me.â
âIâll make a deal. If you sing, then Iâll sing.â Heâs already holding your hands, you donât have to shake on it. But you do (and he spits on his palm first to seal the deal and you tell him itâs disgusting but mimic the gesture anyway).Â
You sing Like A Prayer, and though you canât hear his voice over the surrounding noise, you can see him singing along by âHeaven Help Meâ.Â
He sings Jessieâs Girl, and you would be enthralled even if he completely bombed, but youâre a face in the crowd of dozens, singing along with varying BACâs, youâd guess. Youâre not Jessieâs Girl, or Leonâs girl, youâre just a girl.Â
But the last night you spend together, you let yourself believe that youâre Leonâs girl when you fall into bed with him. When you interlock your fingers you pretend your ring is at the jewelers or on the bedside table. When he fucks you, heâs being quiet because you canât wake up the neighbors or the baby in the nursery. In your mind, your husband is making love to you after heâs returned from the war.Â
He explains what happened at Alcatraz and youâre Penelope, heâs Odysseus, except there are no other suitors for him to kill. No bow to shoot, no olive tree bedpost.Â
But like them, you sleep together in a familiar room. Finally, fully, skin to skin, he gives himself to you. He gives himself to you temporarily, itâs sweaty and sickly sweet. You kiss until your lips turn red, catching your breaths forehead-to-forehead until you hold his cheeks in your hands like a pomegranate, ripe and rotting.Â
He grips your hips until they bruise, and barely pulls out in time to spill his seed on your inner thighs, only a bit ends up inside.Â
Itâs not the first mistake you make together but it is the last.Â
His trip is barely long enough for him to stand outside the bathroom and pray for one line while you sit alone praying for two. Silently, you show him the result.Â
âWhat do you want to do now?â he asks.Â
âWatch TV, I guess,â you say.
You sit next to each other on the couch. He leaves in the morning as was always the plan. You kiss him goodbye and with the same lips, he kisses Ashley hello.Â
You were never Penelope. Youâre Calypso, and he longs for home.
notes: mechanic bada has been on my mind lately, so hereâs some head cannons Iâve been thinking of
hereâs some mechanic bada stuff for you @urlovebot
warnings: very suggestive, lowkey smutty
[ not proofread ]
her wardrobe would consist of wifebeaters, muscle shirts, and LOTS OF TANKTOPS.
she would NOT be caught wearing dresses or skirts. ( unless you insisted really HARD. ) basically boyfriend material đ masc baddie
if sheâs wearing a dress or skirt sheâd be squirming and always uncomfortably shifting in her seat. And be very touchy with you. Like puppy eyes, because she wants to leave and take off her clothes and uh other stuff đ
sheâd be the type of girl to come behind you and just keep her hands on your waist. Like her head is sitting on your shoulder and her hands dig into your waist.
she works all day at her shop, along with her friends. Team Bebe would literally be crew in the shop. Like hear me out, Soweon is like the girl at the front taking payments, Cheche greets people, Minah does detailing on all the cars, Tatter and Lusher are always under the cars handing each other tools, and Bada is just everywhere tbh.
would definitely lean over Soweon to check papers, like she towers over the desk. She would def be protective of Soweon if a customer gets bitchy with her, like she wouldnât hold back.
definitely a smoker. always has a pack of cigarettes on her. might smoke pot with the girls, but itâs not her favorite.
when bada comes home sheâs always sweaty, but like in a hot way you know. Like bangs stuck to her forehead, her shirt so sweaty you can see her sports bra, IDK ITS JUST HOT.
sheâd definitely be clingy when she gets home, since she hasnât seen you all day. Like super needy all the time
if you ever helped her in the shop, omfg that girl would loose her control with you. When youâd help on the cars, sheâd be practically be hovering over you. Her hands would always guide you around the car, and show you all the parts.
would participate in street races and youâd definitely be the flag girl. She loves seeing your dressed up in the skippy clothes and you starting the races. would definitely have a hand on your waist at all time while watching races
suggestive stuff below âŠâŠâŠ
omfg her hands would have bruisers or small cuts. And when theyâre covered up in the grease like OMG cover it in sm else-
abs. muscles. everything.
low key I feel like mechanic bada is g!p or a full on strap on user. ( def a top! , but I feel like after a long day at work sheâs all subby and bratty. Like whiny bottom! )
Mechanic Bada would be SOO GOOD WITH HER HANDS!!!!!!!
like she knows her way around a car, and sheâd definitely know her way around your body. Like she knows every spot that ignites something in you. Like she KNOWS đ
would have some sort of kink of hooking up in car. Like having you in her backseat ass up for her just like-
loves to mark you all over. like lowkey so obsessed with it her lips are like swollen and red from it.
very possessive, like sheâs jealous a lot. Guy looks at you the wrong way, she has â a word â with him. but also w that is angry sex so itâs okay.
like from earlier, sheâs a smoker. Sheâd be the type to blow cigarette smoke into your mouth, or like have take a hit from a joint and kiss you. Like she loves the feeling of the warm smoke and your mouth.
thatâs it for now!!! might make this like a series or just a collection of mechanic bada stuff. đđ happy new years!!
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You couldnât feel more ashamed in your life then right now.
You stood there for a while, processing everything you were seeing. After a while you came to a conclusionâŚ
Your eyes were definitely not deceiving you.
The little girl on his shoulders was beautiful, and looked exactly like her father. Blonde, blue eyes, that beautiful nose you loved so much.
And the smile.
God the smile.
Leonâs smile.
One you havenât seen in so long, too long.
You continued to stand in front of the doorstep, dumbfounded, feeling absolutely ashamed and embarrassed. How could you have not thought of this before?
Of course he had moved on. Itâs been years that he hasnât seen you, or even heard your voice. (Though he doesnât even know how he went that long without your voice).
You squeezed your eyes shut.
This was all a dream. Go back to sleep Y/N.
You heard a small chuckle, and then some wait being put on your shoulder.
âYou okay?â Leon asked worriedly staring at you, your eyes still closed and still standing on his porch.
Oh fuck, this is real life isnât it?
âDaddy, sheâs funnyâ A little voice said giggling softly.
You finally opened to it eyes looking up at the little girl who was playing with Leonâs brown hair. She probably thinks youre crazy.
âShit- Iâm so sorry⌠I feel so stupid- Iâll go-â
There it was. The historic wrist grab.
âCome in.â He asked, almost pleading. His eyes suddenly resembling puppy eyes.
âPlease.â
You cleared your throat. Your eyebrows furrowing.
âAre you out of your goddamn mind? The mother of your child is in there-â
âWhat?â He asked interrupting and raising an eyebrow.
âI heard you say âHoneyâ Leon. Iâm not crazy.â You stopped. âAnd Iâm not that type of person, so Iâll let you live your life and-â
Suddenly you heard laughter coming from the now, brunette man. His daughter looking down at him confused and then laughing as well, probably, not knowing why.
You just stared at him confused.
âWhen you knocked the door, this little oneâ he stopped pointing up to the little girl and the tucking her rib cage. He continued. âDecided to try and open the door, and I told her I could get it. She wanted to see who it was herself so I placed her on my shoulders. And to answer your question her mom doesnât live with us.â
You didnât know it was possible to feel this kind of embarrassment in your whole life.
âYou wanna come in now?â He asked tilting his head.
âââ
âSo⌠if you donât mind me askingâŚ. whereâs her mom?â You asked Leon, as he walked towards the table you were sitting at and brought with him two glasses of water.
He sighed deeply.
âI was feeling like shit after you left, so I went to the bar, one last time. Got waisted, and started making out with this girl.â He took a sip of water before continuing.
âThen we went back to my place and you know, had sexâŚâ
You groaned.
âI know how babyâs are made Leon..â You said in a whiny tone not wanting to hear about Leonâs love life after you left. Trying to hide the fact that it broke your heart that he went to the bar to escape his feelings even though you had told him not to.
He chuckled bringing you back to reality.
âWell anyway, she managed to remember my address and she didnât even bother to tell me her name. She justâŚappeared at my doorstep a few months later and gave her to me and told me âsheâs yoursâ, and then left⌠just like that.â
He sighed, looking towards the little girl who was in the living room, not far from where you and Leon were sitting.
She had a smile on her face as she played with to Barbie dolls.
Leon let out a smile. You continued to stay silent, not knowing if you should cry for him or if you should be worried about how heâs doing now.
âSheâs the best thing thatâs ever happened to me Y/N. The reason why I havenât drank in almost 7 years.â
He said passionately. You smiled, admiring his adoration for his daughter, but also the fact that he had actually listened to you.
âIâm glad you listened to me, Leon.â You sighed before you opened your mouth again.
âI never really got a chance to properly apologize for yelling at you that morning I was just trying-â
âTo help me, I know Y/N. I donât know what I would do if you never spoke up, so thank you.â He stopped, âAnd Iâm sorry too. For being an asshole all those years, I swear I always did love you. Still doâ
You smiled, the small fuzzy feeling filling up your stomach as sounds of the little girl still playing with her dolls filled the room.
You tuned back to look at Leon who was looking right at you, waiting for a response. Waiting that somehow⌠you wouldnât hate him for not waiting for you.
âAww donât get go soft on me now, Leon.â You chuckled.
He rolled his eyes, as you giggled and took another sip of water.
As you took another sip, all Leon could think about was how much he had fucked up your guyâs relationship. How much he regrets how he acted. How much he wished you hadnât seen him like that. How much he wouldâve loved to have his first child with you. How much he wouldnât loved if he had justâŚwaited.
He sighed again, leg shaking underneath the table.
âI swear when I say, I love you. Always have, since the day I saw you in the back of our history class.â
âI missed you.â You muttered out.
âYeah, I knowâ he laughed. âYou wouldnât have come all the way over here to see me if you didnât.â
You rolled your eyes playfully at him, hitting his shoulder pretty loud you guessed because here came his little monster coming to defend him.
âHey! Donât hit my dad!â The little girl said running up to her dad, to hug him and giving you the stankest eye ever. Leon laughed ruffling the little girls hair.
âItâs okay baby, she was just playing around.â He said smiling. Then a realization hit.
âHow could I forget- hun this if my-â he stopped looking out from his daughter, meeting your eyes, waiting for you to answer. You cleared your throat.
âFriend. Iâm your daddyâs friend, Y/N.â You said smiling. She smiled too.
âIâm Sherry.â
Your eyes widened at the name. The name of the girl he had saved in Raccoon City, how cute.
âSherryâŚâ you said trailing off looking over to Leon, who was smiling and nodding his head. He knew you were both thinking of the same thing.
âThatâs a beautiful name.â You said smiling to the little girl.
âââ
A few hours later, you found yourself sitting down with Leon and Sherry eating pizza that he had ordered after probably, 4 hours playing with Sherry.
She absolutely loved you. She hadnât had a mother figure yet, but even though she had just met you, she already adored you.
Leon loved to see you playing with her, acting like she was your own it brought him happiness he hadnât felt in a while. The type of happiness that only you could bring him, nobody else could.
After dinner, Sherry went to bed telling you a quick âGood nightâ, before Leon tucked her in bed, with a quick peck on her forehead.
He walked back towards the couch you were sitting in watching the News.
You and Leon tried to catch up as much as you possibly could.
After 6 years a lot had happened.
You told him about your failed dates, which he could only chuckle at, telling you that you really lost all your charm after you left him. Never telling him the whole reason that all your dates were a total fail, was because he was the only one on your mind.
He told you about his missions. How hard it had been going on them and worrying if he wasnât able to see his daughter again. It made you worry about him, and the constant pressure thatâs put on to him.
Not only does he have to work for the president, but now his daughter is in constant danger.
âIâll take care of her, if youâd like⌠you know, while you go on those missionsâyou offered, sitting comfortably on the sofa, legs crossed looking up at him with those eyes, the ones he loved and looked forward to seeing them every day.
He smiled at your kind offer. âI do appreciate it, Y/N. A lot, I just donât wanna cause any trouble-â
âYou donât have to worry about it Leon. Sheâs your daughter, she needs someone to keep her safe.â
You smiled.
âAnd plus I think she likes me. I mean she let me use her dolls, when I was younger I never let anyone even think of playing with mine.â
You two both laughed.
âWhat would I do without you Y/N?â He asked, letting a small chuckle and turning to look at you grabbing your hand and squeezing it tightly.
âI donât even wanna imagineâ
The two of you looked at each other for a second, his hand still on yours. His touch taking you back to when he was yours. When life was simple.
He leaned towards you slightly closing his eyes.
How cute you thought, he hadnât changed the way he kisses one bit.
Finally, as if he had been waiting for this his whole life, his soft lips landed on yours. Immediately he pulled back, he was moving way too fast.
âIâm sorry, I didnât mean to take things too fa-â
You pulled the collar of his shirt, desperately kissing him. Hoping that it would make up for everything that had happened before this very moment.
âI love you.â
â˘â˘â˘
Soooo, what do yâall think about the uno reverse card I pulled on you guys đ¤. And yes I do know Sherry didnât die, I just thought the reference would be cute lol.
warnings: angst, angst, angst. kinda all over the place, kinda doesnât follow the plot??? mentions of sex, younger???vandetta leon. NOT PROOFREAD
Knock knock. Stop. Knock⌠knock. *Burp*
A sound you were getting used to at midnight.
At first you decided wether or not you should just open the door. Maybe you should leave him there. Make him feel like shit, make him realize what heâs doing isnât normal.
But your heart was too big for that.
You sighed, looking straight at your TV. A random singing reality show playing in the background, their singing cancelling out the knocks coming from your shared apartment. Or at least what was once a shared apartment you and your boyfriend had.
Lately it seems like he lives in the bars instead of your own home.
You sigh again, hoping the knocks would stop and hoping Leon would leave to Chrisâs place, or just somewhere where you wouldnât see him drunk and wasted.
Getting up from the couch, the knocks only got louder and louder. You groaned quietly and rubbed your face with your hands.
âComing, Iâm coming!â You yelled.
As you opened the door, Leon slumped on you hugging your frame and snuggling on to you like the way you snuggled with your teddy bear he had given you on your guysâs first date.
You sniffed his leather jacket, a scent of too many liquors to count, taking over your nose. You frowned slightly.
âGod Leon you irk of alcohol. Did you take a shower in that stuff at the bar?â You asked sarcastically.
He chuckled.
âYouâre funny, they donât have showers in bars, sillyâŚâ Leon slurred trailing off from his train of thought his grip only tightening. You let out a big sigh and slowly unwrapped from his grip. He groaned.
âHey⌠I was comfortable like thatâŚâ
âI know⌠but doesnât a shower sound nice?â
âNo.â
âWell too bad because Iâm not letting you go to sleep stinking our whole bed of alcoholâ
After an hour, you had prepared Leon a semi-warm shower.
After he took a shower it was normal for him to go straight to bed, after kissing you and saying a quick âGood night babeâ but this time it was different.
As you sat on the couch, you heard some shuffling and saw Leon walking straight to your shared room. Not even looking your way, almost like he was being lured in there. You raised an eyebrow confused in his sudden break of the pattern you two have held for too long.
As you walked over to the room, you saw him on his side. Already asleep and snoring. The void in your heart only getting worser.
âââ
The morning wasnât any better.
You had waken up with a huge headache, despite not drinking. Which was pretty odd, because you never got headaches out of the random. Not only that but when you turned around to reach for Leon, the only thing you touched were the cold sheets, meaning he had been awake for a while.
You got up, the off feeling you had only getting more prominent as you walk towards the kitchen, the sound of cereal being poured in to a bowl sounding close.
There you see Leon hunched over, his back towards you as he serves himself some Lucky Charms.
Which was kinda ironic thinking back now.
âGood morning.â You said softly. The rasp in your voice being the only thing Leon was looking forward to.
â âMorningâ he simply said pouring the milk into the bowl. He turned towards the island, sitting towards you know. Your eyes wondering Leonâs tired futures, trying so hard not to ask him about last night. You didnât want him to leave you, and you didnât want to leave him, but this whole thing was just getting to you. Itâs like you had to battle a war in your mind 24/7.
You cleared your throat, despite not planning to say anything.
âJust say it. Say that Iâm an asshole for not telling you good night. I donât give a damn.â
âWhat? I wasnât gonna-â
âYou were! Thatâs the thing you donât speak up about shit! You should hate me, Iâm a bad boyfriend, a bad friend, an alcoholic but here you are taking care of me every day after I go to the bar. Why?â He said, the bowl of cereal being disregarded.
You laughed dryly.
âAre you kidding me right now?â
He looked side to side.
âI asked you a question.â He asked sternly.
âHave the 5 years weâve been together proven you nothing? I love you Leon! And the fact that you asked that question makes me feel like shit. I do it out of love Leon everything.â
Silence.
âHow do you think I feel after you leave for work? How about when you leave to go to the bar? I worry that Iâll get a phone call and get told your dead, and I hate myself that I canât stop you. Because itâs your life. Not mine.â
He sighed trying to calm down in order for his words to come out less aggressively.
âYou donât have to worry about the drinking itâs nothing-â
âNothing?â You laughed dryly again. Something youâve done a lot more often lately. âEveryday you come home wasted and tell me you love me. Something youâve never told me sober, did you know that?â
âBabe-â
âNo! Fuck. Donât babe me now. After all this time all Iâve ever wanted to do was to help you. And now youâre asking me why Iâm doing all this? This must be some sick fucking prank.â You said. You were slowly loosing it. You never yelled at him. Sure maybe one time while playing Mario Kart when he beat you, but it was never this serious or intense. Leonâs mind went blank.
He was a horrible person.
âFuck, im sorry about this I swear I can fix this aright? I fucking hate myself, I hate what Iâm doing to myself and I canât stop itâ
There was silence allowing you to calm down before speaking up again.
âI know you can fix it.â You said more calmly this time.
âJust not with me.â
His eyes widened at the words that came out your mouth.
âWhat-â
âIâm leaving.â You claimed.
âWhat? You havenât even packed yet-â
âI did, while you were sleeping. Thought you had heard but I guess you were fast asleep.â You mumbled.
He scoffed and let a small breathy âhuhâ.
âSo thatâs it?â He said throwing his hands besides his torso in defeat. âYouâre just gonna leave me after all these years?â
âDonât try to gaslight me now Leon. Iâm doing this because I love you. Fuck, everything I do, I do because I love you and I canât stand seeing you fuck up your life because you refuse to get help.â
You just stood there. Looking at him like if this was some staring contest.
Your heart kept telling you to back out, this was a bad idea. But you brain could only thing how this would benefit him.
You sighed. Starting to walk towards your shared room where you had packed two duffle bags that would be enough clothes to stay with your parents for a while.
As you got up, Leon got up as well grabbing your wrist and before you could even pull away (he was too strong) he pulled you towards him, kissing you just one more time. The taste of alcohol filling your mouth and the taste of your cherry lipgloss leaving a delightful taste at the tip of his tongue. As much as you wanted to pull back and tell him that he was an asshole for doing this, the kids only got more passionate and hungry tounges entering each others mouths, suddenly everything was okay. Suddenly it was his first day as a police officer and you and him had just shared your first kiss with eachother.
Maybe everything wasnât so bad after allâŚ
Right?
âââ
That morning had been long. The smell of makeup sex lingering the room. Leonâs bare hands hugging your naked frame, the afternoon sun peaking out from the curtains.
You got up, looking for your clothes he had desperately stripped off you.
Surprisingly after you grabbed the two duffle bags, despite making a good amount of noise, he was still asleep. You looked at him one last time , beige you headed to the kitchen and grabbed a napkin and a red gel pen.
Leon had woken up not too long after you had left quietly crying out your shared apartment.
He knew you always kept your promises.
Immediately he looked over at the night stand, your perfume, his favorite, gone. Thatâs when he saw a small peace of paper, and he squinted reaching out to grab it as he brought it up to his face squinting.
âGood morning afternoon sunshine,
I really didnât want you to try and make me stay so I decided to leave right away. Itâs already noon and by the time you wake up itâll probably be dinner time, I know youâll be hungry. Last night I made lasagna, just that you went straight to bed before I could even offer you some. Lol. Thereâs some leftovers in the fridge, along with some lemonade or coke, pick whatâd you like.
Like I said in the morning, Iâm doing this because I love you nothing else. If I could stay with you forever I would.
Thank you for what you gave me this morning.. I enjoyed it⌠(that might be an understatement.)â
He chuckled at your dry humor.
âAnyway⌠please take care of yourself and become the best version of yourself you can possibly be.
I love you. More than youâll ever know. Even if youâve never said it to me sober.
Love, Y/N.â
A single tear escaping his eye.
âââ
Years have passed and you had already moved out of your parents home you were temporarily living in.
Once you got your new place you decided it was time to move on from Leon. As much as you didnât want to and refused.
Each date was the same.
They introduced themselves. They cracked a joke. You laughed. Their mouth moved until they asked if you were okay, and you would just nod. Then they would leave and never spoke to you again.
It just wasnât the same. They werenât Leon. Theyâll never be.
So thatâs what brought you right now. At your old apartment complex. The lady at the counter being the same one from a couple of years ago.
âHey you were that lady that was the girlfriend of the young blonde man right?â She asked as you walked up to her counter. You smiled lightly. âGirlfriendâ you havenât heard that word in a while.
âYeah.. uh I was wondering if you could do me a favor.â
That being said, you had asked her if she knew any information about Leon and if he had moved out.
Turned out it had been only two months since he had moved out, she said he had told her he was moving to the suburbs. Which was weird considering you two would always talk about how you loved the chaos in the city and would never move back to the suburbs. Turns out great minds donât think alike sometimes.
âYeah, he seemed pretty glad to move into a house for the first time. Never said the reason though.â She said ducking her teeth. âHe said he was staying by this really big park, with the lake and-â
âOh my god.â
âWhat? What happened?â Thee asked.
âHe moved back to his childhood home.â
âââ
It didnât take you long to built up the courage after all these years to find him.
All the signs were pointing to this.
He definitely got better and had taken to advice to move in back to his old home. The reason was still unknown but you assumed that after all these years he was the person you had told him to become.
You missed him. You couldnât wait to see him. Would his hair be brown like it was when you left? Or had he dyed it back to blonde, how he had it when you first met?
Either way, it didnât matter if he was bald, you needed to see him. You needed him to be okay.
As you got closer to the house that was once his, you notice, two cars. Which you assumed were both his, unless Chris was over? No, it was probably just both his.
You parked, getting out of your car and fixing your hair as you prepared to knock on the wooden door. You didnât know if this was one of your smartest moments. You didnât want to look like a stalker, but you knew he probably wanted to see you tooâŚright.
You knocked three times, a shuffle being heard in a background and a giggle.
The door opened. And the you heard it, his voice. Still sweet like sugar. Except he said some words that couldâve made you faint on the spot.
âI got it honey-â
You looked up noticing a small kid on his shoulders. Looking down at you. Their icy blue eyes they obviously inherited from Leon, staring at you with a small smile.
âY/nâŚâ
â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘
Yâall this honestly was abt to me cry lmfaoo đ but anyway hoped yâall cried lol.
warnings: angst, angst, angst. kinda all over the place, kinda doesnât follow the plot??? mentions of sex, younger???vandetta leon. NOT PROOFREAD
PART 2
Knock knock. Stop. Knock⌠knock. *Burp*
A sound you were getting used to at midnight.
At first you decided wether or not you should just open the door. Maybe you should leave him there. Make him feel like shit, make him realize what heâs doing isnât normal.
But your heart was too big for that.
You sighed, looking straight at your TV. A random singing reality show playing in the background, their singing cancelling out the knocks coming from your shared apartment. Or at least what was once a shared apartment you and your boyfriend had.
Lately it seems like he lives in the bars instead of your own home.
You sigh again, hoping the knocks would stop and hoping Leon would leave to Chrisâs place, or just somewhere where you wouldnât see him drunk and wasted.
Getting up from the couch, the knocks only got louder and louder. You groaned quietly and rubbed your face with your hands.
âComing, Iâm coming!â You yelled.
As you opened the door, Leon slumped on you hugging your frame and snuggling on to you like the way you snuggled with your teddy bear he had given you on your guysâs first date.
You sniffed his leather jacket, a scent of too many liquors to count, taking over your nose. You frowned slightly.
âGod Leon you irk of alcohol. Did you take a shower in that stuff at the bar?â You asked sarcastically.
He chuckled.
âYouâre funny, they donât have showers in bars, sillyâŚâ Leon slurred trailing off from his train of thought his grip only tightening. You let out a big sigh and slowly unwrapped from his grip. He groaned.
âHey⌠I was comfortable like thatâŚâ
âI know⌠but doesnât a shower sound nice?â
âNo.â
âWell too bad because Iâm not letting you go to sleep stinking our whole bed of alcoholâ
After an hour, you had prepared Leon a semi-warm shower.
After he took a shower it was normal for him to go straight to bed, after kissing you and saying a quick âGood night babeâ but this time it was different.
As you sat on the couch, you heard some shuffling and saw Leon walking straight to your shared room. Not even looking your way, almost like he was being lured in there. You raised an eyebrow confused in his sudden break of the pattern you two have held for too long.
As you walked over to the room, you saw him on his side. Already asleep and snoring. The void in your heart only getting worser.
âââ
The morning wasnât any better.
You had waken up with a huge headache, despite not drinking. Which was pretty odd, because you never got headaches out of the random. Not only that but when you turned around to reach for Leon, the only thing you touched were the cold sheets, meaning he had been awake for a while.
You got up, the off feeling you had only getting more prominent as you walk towards the kitchen, the sound of cereal being poured in to a bowl sounding close.
There you see Leon hunched over, his back towards you as he serves himself some Lucky Charms.
Which was kinda ironic thinking back now.
âGood morning.â You said softly. The rasp in your voice being the only thing Leon was looking forward to.
â âMorningâ he simply said pouring the milk into the bowl. He turned towards the island, sitting towards you know. Your eyes wondering Leonâs tired futures, trying so hard not to ask him about last night. You didnât want him to leave you, and you didnât want to leave him, but this whole thing was just getting to you. Itâs like you had to battle a war in your mind 24/7.
You cleared your throat, despite not planning to say anything.
âJust say it. Say that Iâm an asshole for not telling you good night. I donât give a damn.â
âWhat? I wasnât gonna-â
âYou were! Thatâs the thing you donât speak up about shit! You should hate me, Iâm a bad boyfriend, a bad friend, an alcoholic but here you are taking care of me every day after I go to the bar. Why?â He said, the bowl of cereal being disregarded.
You laughed dryly.
âAre you kidding me right now?â
He looked side to side.
âI asked you a question.â He asked sternly.
âHave the 5 years weâve been together proven you nothing? I love you Leon! And the fact that you asked that question makes me feel like shit. I do it out of love Leon everything.â
Silence.
âHow do you think I feel after you leave for work? How about when you leave to go to the bar? I worry that Iâll get a phone call and get told your dead, and I hate myself that I canât stop you. Because itâs your life. Not mine.â
He sighed trying to calm down in order for his words to come out less aggressively.
âYou donât have to worry about the drinking itâs nothing-â
âNothing?â You laughed dryly again. Something youâve done a lot more often lately. âEveryday you come home wasted and tell me you love me. Something youâve never told me sober, did you know that?â
âBabe-â
âNo! Fuck. Donât babe me now. After all this time all Iâve ever wanted to do was to help you. And now youâre asking me why Iâm doing all this? This must be some sick fucking prank.â You said. You were slowly loosing it. You never yelled at him. Sure maybe one time while playing Mario Kart when he beat you, but it was never this serious or intense. Leonâs mind went blank.
He was a horrible person.
âFuck, im sorry about this I swear I can fix this aright? I fucking hate myself, I hate what Iâm doing to myself and I canât stop itâ
There was silence allowing you to calm down before speaking up again.
âI know you can fix it.â You said more calmly this time.
âJust not with me.â
His eyes widened at the words that came out your mouth.
âWhat-â
âIâm leaving.â You claimed.
âWhat? You havenât even packed yet-â
âI did, while you were sleeping. Thought you had heard but I guess you were fast asleep.â You mumbled.
He scoffed and let a small breathy âhuhâ.
âSo thatâs it?â He said throwing his hands besides his torso in defeat. âYouâre just gonna leave me after all these years?â
âDonât try to gaslight me now Leon. Iâm doing this because I love you. Fuck, everything I do, I do because I love you and I canât stand seeing you fuck up your life because you refuse to get help.â
You just stood there. Looking at him like if this was some staring contest.
Your heart kept telling you to back out, this was a bad idea. But you brain could only thing how this would benefit him.
You sighed. Starting to walk towards your shared room where you had packed two duffle bags that would be enough clothes to stay with your parents for a while.
As you got up, Leon got up as well grabbing your wrist and before you could even pull away (he was too strong) he pulled you towards him, kissing you just one more time. The taste of alcohol filling your mouth and the taste of your cherry lipgloss leaving a delightful taste at the tip of his tongue. As much as you wanted to pull back and tell him that he was an asshole for doing this, the kids only got more passionate and hungry tounges entering each others mouths, suddenly everything was okay. Suddenly it was his first day as a police officer and you and him had just shared your first kiss with eachother.
Maybe everything wasnât so bad after allâŚ
Right?
âââ
That morning had been long. The smell of makeup sex lingering the room. Leonâs bare hands hugging your naked frame, the afternoon sun peaking out from the curtains.
You got up, looking for your clothes he had desperately stripped off you.
Surprisingly after you grabbed the two duffle bags, despite making a good amount of noise, he was still asleep. You looked at him one last time , beige you headed to the kitchen and grabbed a napkin and a red gel pen.
Leon had woken up not too long after you had left quietly crying out your shared apartment.
He knew you always kept your promises.
Immediately he looked over at the night stand, your perfume, his favorite, gone. Thatâs when he saw a small peace of paper, and he squinted reaching out to grab it as he brought it up to his face squinting.
âGood morning afternoon sunshine,
I really didnât want you to try and make me stay so I decided to leave right away. Itâs already noon and by the time you wake up itâll probably be dinner time, I know youâll be hungry. Last night I made lasagna, just that you went straight to bed before I could even offer you some. Lol. Thereâs some leftovers in the fridge, along with some lemonade or coke, pick whatâd you like.
Like I said in the morning, Iâm doing this because I love you nothing else. If I could stay with you forever I would.
Thank you for what you gave me this morning.. I enjoyed it⌠(that might be an understatement.)â
He chuckled at your dry humor.
âAnyway⌠please take care of yourself and become the best version of yourself you can possibly be.
I love you. More than youâll ever know. Even if youâve never said it to me sober.
Love, Y/N.â
A single tear escaping his eye.
âââ
Years have passed and you had already moved out of your parents home you were temporarily living in.
Once you got your new place you decided it was time to move on from Leon. As much as you didnât want to and refused.
Each date was the same.
They introduced themselves. They cracked a joke. You laughed. Their mouth moved until they asked if you were okay, and you would just nod. Then they would leave and never spoke to you again.
It just wasnât the same. They werenât Leon. Theyâll never be.
So thatâs what brought you right now. At your old apartment complex. The lady at the counter being the same one from a couple of years ago.
âHey you were that lady that was the girlfriend of the young blonde man right?â She asked as you walked up to her counter. You smiled lightly. âGirlfriendâ you havenât heard that word in a while.
âYeah.. uh I was wondering if you could do me a favor.â
That being said, you had asked her if she knew any information about Leon and if he had moved out.
Turned out it had been only two months since he had moved out, she said he had told her he was moving to the suburbs. Which was weird considering you two would always talk about how you loved the chaos in the city and would never move back to the suburbs. Turns out great minds donât think alike sometimes.
âYeah, he seemed pretty glad to move into a house for the first time. Never said the reason though.â She said ducking her teeth. âHe said he was staying by this really big park, with the lake and-â
âOh my god.â
âWhat? What happened?â Thee asked.
âHe moved back to his childhood home.â
âââ
It didnât take you long to built up the courage after all these years to find him.
All the signs were pointing to this.
He definitely got better and had taken to advice to move in back to his old home. The reason was still unknown but you assumed that after all these years he was the person you had told him to become.
You missed him. You couldnât wait to see him. Would his hair be brown like it was when you left? Or had he dyed it back to blonde, how he had it when you first met?
Either way, it didnât matter if he was bald, you needed to see him. You needed him to be okay.
As you got closer to the house that was once his, you notice, two cars. Which you assumed were both his, unless Chris was over? No, it was probably just both his.
You parked, getting out of your car and fixing your hair as you prepared to knock on the wooden door. You didnât know if this was one of your smartest moments. You didnât want to look like a stalker, but you knew he probably wanted to see you tooâŚright.
You knocked three times, a shuffle being heard in a background and a giggle.
The door opened. And the you heard it, his voice. Still sweet like sugar. Except he said some words that couldâve made you faint on the spot.
âI got it honey-â
You looked up noticing a small kid on his shoulders. Looking down at you. Their icy blue eyes they obviously inherited from Leon, staring at you with a small smile.
âY/nâŚâ
â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘
Yâall this honestly was abt to me cry lmfaoo đ but anyway hoped yâall cried lol.
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warnings: mentions of weed, weed usage, EXTREME MISSPELLING bc iâm too lazy to proofread like always
angst and fluff
â˘â˘â˘
the scene was already depressing enough.
âthe smithsâ was playing loudly in your car. the specific song âThere Is A Light That Never Goes Outâ, a song you and Eddie would always jam too. at least you would force him too. He always insisted to play other music, Black Sabbath or Metallica but you loved that song because it reminded you of everything you felt for him.
you tried to pretend everything was okay riding back home in your small toyota, that still smelled exactly like him, having to know youâd be faced with your brother asking you all types of questions. why weâre you crying? what had happened? dustin couldnât see you like this. dustin couldnât know that eddie had broken up with you tonight.
but you just couldnât let the river of tears trying to stroll down your face anymore, so you let it all out. the scene that had happened a few minutes ago still replaying in your head a million times. you didnât even know why you kept that stupid song on, knowing how many memories hid behind it.
*
âand if a ten ton truck~ kills the both of us~â you sang, laying on his bed. taking a hit from the blunt eddie had rolled up for you. eddie smilled looking down at you just enjoying yourself in the momment. if it something that he loved seeing you smile, your beautiful teeth shining at him and almost blinding him.
âhonestly iâve never known why you liked that song so damn muchâ
you groaned and sat up looking straight at him and tilting your head.
âwhy do you think?â
he hummed sarcastically, looking over at you and quirking an eyebrow listening to the lyrics that were forgotten for a second.
âthat you would like to get killed by a ten ton truck?â he asked. you just snorted.
âyouâre an idiotâ
*
you didnât exactly know why he had ended things that night. it was the thing youâd least expect from him. the worst part it was so quick, and yet it hurt so bad. almost like taking off a bandage.
when he called you that night, you didnât think much of it. he had called you to tell you that he needed to talk about something important. you knew that him being the dnd king as he was, he wanted to talk to you about his next campaign, but boy were you wrong in every single way.
*
you were gripping the edge of eddieâs bed, you hands going up to cover up your face, in frustration and confusion. eddie just stood in front of you arms crossed as he rubbed his forehead with his fingers.
âso thatâs it?â you asked.
eddie only sighed. you laughed humorously and threw your hands up on the air getting up and pointing at him, quiet sobs coming out of youâre mouth making eddie almost do the same thing. he didnât want to do it.
he didnât want to end everything with the love of his life. but the truth is, he was never able to picture a future with you. you had so many things you could do in the future, things you could become. he could picture you finally moving the bell out of hawkins, somewhere near the city probably. where youâd always tell him youâd move someday, with him. the thing is he saw you living a life straight out of a tv show. you and your husband 2 kids and dog. in a nice suburban neighborhood. âthe smithsâ probably blasting every morning.
without him.
you were going to do so much better without him. at least thatâs what eddie thought. you were soon going to college, which meant you would go so much farther than he ever thinks heâll go. you have a future written right before your eyes, he didnât.
ây/n, please donât make this harder than it needs to be, i donât even wanna look at youâ he said.
âwhat the hell do you mean you donât want to look at me? you want to break up at me and you canât even look at me in my fucking eyes.â you said pointing at him aggressively. he stared down though, refusing to make eye contact.
âcâmon look at me and tell me you donât love me anymoreâ you claimed sniffling.
he looked up at you. those same eyes that he used to stare at you with that were once filled with love, started to overflow with sadness.
âiâm sorry.â
*
the breakup hurt eddie as much as it hurt you. probably more.
he didnât know how importantâthe smithsâ would become for him, until he found himself playing âThere Is A Light That Never Goes Outâ that song on his record player for the 100th time in the morning. all his memories that were saved in his brain with you replaying like a broken record.
he remembered how he met you. still so clear in his mind. the momment he walked into that record store, and he saw you in your uniform. perfect hair, perfect eyes, you were so perfect it took him a while to realize he wasnât looking at an angel.
it started off with him asking you to reserve new copies coming in, before they were sold out. then he started inviting you to his shows where he played in his band. you loved how he played guĂa guitar, with so much passion and dedication you admired so much. you knew someday heâd become something big.
the rest was pretty much history.
and the fact that dustin found out you were eddieâs girlfriend, the one he would always brag about to his dnd club. at first he found it pretty disgusting, and then he realized that he truly did love you.
as if the daily, song recommendations he would give you (because they reminded him of you) werenât enough.
as for you, the next days for you were definitely hard for you. you expirenced all the 5 stages of grief at once, it felt like a hurricane was coming at you and you just couldnât get up anymore.
the momment you had came back from eddieâs house that night, it didnât take dustin much to figure out what had happened. the smeared mascara said it all.
*
it was morning and dustin called you, you didnât respond. not even when dustin had mentioned that your mom had done your favorite breakfast. so of course he had to call eddie.
he quickly dialed eddie.
it took about 5 times for him to pick up. and when he did dustin automatically started bombarding him with questions.
âdo you wanna.. i donât know maybe tell me why my sister doesnât want to come out of her bedroom?â
silence was heard from the other side of the line. dustin could hear eddie exhale.
âi know you did something dudeâ
there was still awkward silence.
âlook, if youâre still not going to say anything thatâs fine, just know that i will find out and once i do itâs over for youâ
then he hung up. it absolutely broke eddie how you were already doing horrible and it hadnt even been a day. he told himself it was his fault over a million times. but at the same time, everything he did was for you, or so he thought.
*
despite youâre world slowly crashing in a span of 6 months. it still meant you had to continue working at that record shop, you hated now.
the shop that was once filled with laughs and talks about music, now things you wanted to avoid the most. even parking infront of it gave you chills. you clumsy look at a place where eddie would come everyday to just talk to you, and almost always walk out with nothing on his hand.
you stood behind the counter, bored out of your mind. looking at nothing. at the same place you had started in. helpless and alone once again.
suddenly the bells from the front door rang, you looked up to see someone, a man. you couldnât see his face because it was covered up by a hat and a scarf. you put on a fake smile.
âhello sirâ you said, trying to sound enthusiastic.
he didnât answer.
someone was moody, you guessed. your eyes followed his figure that was automatically going to the âTâ section. you followed him. you knew, how this working thing worked. you would start small talk and eventually convince them on buying something, simple.
you looked down at him, a hand on your hip as he seemed to look for something. you grabbed a âthe smithsâ record showing it to him.
âin case youâre looking for a good song to listen to i recommend-â
âThere Is A Light That Never Goes Outâ he said clearing his throat. âThe Smithsâ.
you tried so hard not to drop your jaw on the floor at that very moment. the familiar voice ringing in your ears for the first time in 6 months and 5 days to be exact.
Eddie Munson.
you almost gasped as if you were scared. but words couldnât describe the feelings you were experiencing all at once. hate, anger, sadness, and relief.
âwhat the hell? eddie?â you asked.
he looked up at you. and thatâs when you saw it. those eyes, god, those damn eyes would be the death of you.
ây/n.â
still in shock. you stood there for a while. the record still in your hands and your eyes getting watery so fast.
âlook before you kick me out or some shit, which i totally understand why you would do that. i really want to apologizeâ he said sincerely. you stayed silent.
âwhat i did that night was really fucking dumb and iâm so sorry- i just got so caught up in my thoughts and i couldnât handle it anymore so i-â
eddieâs words were caught off by a pair of lips landing on his. a rhythm dancing slowly on them. you hands in the back of his head.
god he missed this so much.
your lips on his. your touch. everything about you, made him fall in to a spell every time.
you didnât know why you did it. why you kissed him. perhaps it was because you had missed him so much and it was so hard to hold it any longer. maybe you were dumb for doing this, sure. all you knew is that you needed him right and this momment.
you two didnât stop until you pulled away first.
you rested your forehead on his for a second. breathless.
âi hate the way i love you so damn much.â
â˘â˘â˘
a/n: this was very bad and i hate how rushed the plot is but its late at night and i wanna go to bed so đ
warnings: angst, post-breakup, mentions of alcohol use, implied depression, sort of a happy ending if you squint really hard, reader is a cheerleader, secret relationship
word count: 1.1k
request: "anonymous asked: maybe you could write an angst fic/blurb for eddie⌠with a major argument because the relationship is private but eventually the fic ends on a good note somehow. really make it whatever you want lol iâm just a sucker for any type of angst!!"
a/n: it didn't quite end up the way anon asked for, but i'm pretty happy with the overall result. i hope y'all like it <3
they say time heals all wounds.
whoever came up with that can seriously go to fucking hell.
ever since your breakup with eddie munson, you had been absolutely miserable.
itâs not like you hadnât seen it coming - quite the opposite, actually. and for the days, even weeks leading up to it, you tried to be oblivious. tried to tell yourself that it was all in your head and everything was fine.
eddie had slowly pulled away from you. all of the late night phone calls, sneaking him into your room after your parents went to sleep, meeting him in the woods behind hawkins high, the pet names he had specifically for you, all lessened in their frequency.
you figured thatâs what happens when you keep something a secret for so long, but you had hoped that your relationship would withstand all the obstacles thrown itâs way until you both graduated high school.
that particular day, he had asked you to meet him at your spot, and stupidly, you thought that maybe things were coming around and it was just some shit he was going through at home that he didn't want you to know about.
you couldn't be more wrong.
he stood there, completely barren of any emotion as he told you he was done. that there was no way he could continue lying to himself, and to you, that he actually cared about you. you were nothing more than another notch on his belt, a conquest for him.
it felt like your world was crashing in on you, making it hard for you to breathe. you shook your head, repeating a slew of ânoâ and âeddie, pleaseâ as you grappled to process what the hell was going on.
since day one, he had made it clear this is what he wanted. that you were what he wanted most. he didnât care about the stereotypes that seemed to dictate everything everyone did or didnât do. he was above all of that, and looked beyond the bullshit labels at the person behind them. you were "a beacon of light in the darknessâ as he once put it.
yet he stood there, unbothered, watching you fall apart in front of him without doing anything. even as you cried and begged him not to go, he still did absolutely nothing.Â
âiâm sorry, y/n,â he said with a shrug of his shoulders, looking everywhere else but at you. âi donât know what you want me to tell you.â
there was so much more he could say. like the truth. that he was a two-time senior living in a trailer park, and you were the pretty cheerleader, top of the class and on your way to college to become everything youâd always wanted to be in life. he had nothing to offer you, that much was clear to him, and it killed him to do this to you, but he felt like he had no other choice.
the days that followed were a living nightmare. having to go to school like your heart hadn't been pulverized into a million pieces had become the bane of your existence. even though you put on a fake smile, it was completely obvious to everyone who knew you that there was something off.
whereas eddie seemed completely fine.
fucking asshole.
now here you are, almost two months later, alone in your room, sobbing into your pillow as the songs in the mixtape eddie made for you flow through your stereo.
flashbacks of the day he gave it to you come to mind, and you find some kind of solace in them, despite the ever present ache in your chest.
eddie knocked at your window once before opening it and hopping in. he was all smiles, completely proud of himself for the hard work he had done to make it perfect.Â
âfor you, madam,â he says in a goofy tone, making you giggle as you take it from him.
âwhatâs this?â
âonly the coolest mixtape iâve ever made for anyone,â he says, plopping down onto your bed as he kicks off his shoes. âwell, the only one iâve ever made for someone, but that's besides the point.âÂ
you place the cassette tape into your stereo, curious to hear whatâs on it. the trooper by iron maiden comes blasting through, and you turn around to find him playing air guitar and mimicking the sounds.
âwhose that?â you ask, climbing on the bed next to him.
he stops air strumming and glances at you, a feigned look of shock and offense on his face before he pretends to be shot and falls off your bed.Â
âonly the greatest band to ever fucking exist, iron maiden,â he says as he holds his hand to his heart. âdonât worry sweetheart, iâm gonna teach you everything you need to know, okay? i know those preppy weirdos have you brainwashed into thinking wham! is the greatest ever.â
âthey are, though,â you tease, chuckling as you sit on the floor next to him. âgeorge michael is amazing.âÂ
he pretends to groan like heâs in pain, shaking his head. âno! no! i donât wanna hear it!â
youâre pulled back to reality when the phone on your bedside table rings. you glance at the clock, 11:45pm, and wonder who the fuck would be calling this late. wiping your tears, you answer the phone, only to be met with silence on the other end.
âyou know itâs real fucking weird to just call people and not say anything,â you huff in annoyance, waiting just a little bit longer to see if maybe theyâd say something.
nothing.
you roll your eyes, muttering a soft âwhateverâ before rolling over to hang up.
ây/nâŚâ
the voice on the other end makes your blood run cold, your heart racing so fast you swear itâs going to burst at the seams. you sit up on your bed, bringing your knees up to your chest and furrowing your brows slightly.
âeddie? w-what the hell?â
âi miss you,â he says, a slight slur to his words that makes you think heâs probably drunk. âi miss you so muchâŚâ
all rationale goes out the door the minute you hear those words. you should hang up on him, curse him for putting you through hell the last couple of months, for wasting your fucking time by making you think he actually gave a shit about you. but the pain in his voice, despite being under the influence, is what you cling to the most.
âi miss you, tooâŚâ you whisper, sniffling a bit as the tears begin to fall down your face uncontrollably.
tw: drugs, a lot of misspelling cuz iâm too lazy to proofread
eddie munson x fem!reader
a/n: this is the first time iâve written in so long so excuse the bad plot or whatever đđ i just finished watching stranger things 4 and iâm obsessed with Eddie yâall oml
â˘â˘â˘
âso what do you think?â
âhell no.â max said. you looked at her with pleading eyes rolling over her bed to face her in her desk drawing something random with some crayons you have given her for her birthday.
you groaned. âcâmon max, itâll only be a first time thingâ you cooed, playing with your headphones that werenât connected to your cassette. knotting it with your fingers. she only stared at you, but you knew better. you knew max better than anyone in the world. you two have been best friends and neighbors for the longest. even if you were 4 years older than her, she thought of you as an annoying older sister. but many times it wasnât often felt the opposite. you basically lived at her place. especially since your parents were always doing out, going on business trips or whatever.
max sucked her teeth. sighing as she continued to draw. you looked up to meet the back of her readhead. âimagine if mike and dustin find out youâre literally buying drugs from their club leader or whatever the fuckâ she stopped and sarcastically laughed âAND not to mention heâs literally my freaking neighbor!â. you picked up a bowl of chips you were munching on the whole time.
âso?â you said in between crunches. max looked back at you dropping her crayons. her blue eyes sinking in to you.
âso youâre being fucking ridiculous y/nâ she groaned looking back at her drawing. itâs as if she noticed your eyes were burning in the back of her head because the next thing she said was..
âno.â
â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘
you knocked on the trailer. no response.
kno-
âokay, okay iâm coming goddamit waitâ you heard a voice said. yup it definitely was him, at least you know you werenât being set up.
the curly hair metal head opened the trailer door, his eyes examine you. he was wearing the same jean jacket heâs always worn with the same hellfire shirt as well. now, you wouldnât say you only came here for the drugs. besides that, it was something else you came for too.
youâve been kinda crushing on eddie. for a little.. okay maybe a lot but you also wanted to get high. you havenât done that ever since you thought you bought laced shit that made you see hallucinations like a cat in the kitchen baking a cake, that said âhappy birthday y/n!ââŚ. it wasnât even your birthday.
so you thought, get high + crush= he falls in love with you. bingo.
the thing is, eddie has also been having something for you. he just loves the way you were always so unbothered. it was pretty unbelievable for him, and surprisingly you were one of the very few people that has never judged him based on the rumors about him.
but he never, ever thought you would show up to his doorstep. but there you were. messy hair, the same soft red lipstick on your pouty lips. you were mesmerizing in his eyes, and he hated using fancy words like that.
you looked around his place as his eyes were stuck on you.
quickly he noticed how long you two have been staring at eachother. he fixed his hair and cleared his throat giving a friendly smile, at least he thought.
âshit, iâm sorry. i didnât even notice i was standing here for like 30 minutes wasnât i?â he asked.
you laughed out loud, glad that he acknowledged the awkward tension.
âi have time, donât worry.â you said, putting your hands in the pockets of your leather jacket.
he welcomed you in, and you walked in as he headed to the kitchen and asked you if you wanted something to drink. and suddenly he forgot what he was, he was a drug dealer and you obviously werenât here to hook up with him or something. he felt so dumb he could mentally slap himself a million times.
you sat there on his couch a few minutes talking a quick look around his small trailer home. it was kinda messy and it definitely smelled like weed. even if you felt your claustrophobia getting to you, for some reason it felt comfortable.
âis this how you treat all your clients?â you snorted. he bit his lip unable to get words out of his mouth. god he was so embarrassed right now.
ânah, uh i just kinda forgot-â
âyou were a drug dealer?â
he laughed. âkinda? i donât know i mean- since youâre here it makes everything so much harder-â
you looked at him confused. your confused eyes making eddie want to hide behind the counter and never show his face to you again, because he canât handle looking in to your eyes once more before they destroy him.
âwhat do you mean by that?â you asked. you asked so many questions, it was starting to get eddi anxious besides him being high out of his mind already.
âoh nothing that iâve totally been like- crushing on you for the longestâ he said waving his hands up in defense running his tounge through his teeth. you widened your eyes and slapped your hand to your mouth and let out a stream of laughter. he totally screwed up. he could only laugh with you sarcastically.
âoh my god, really?â you snorted out.
was this reality? no it couldnt. no way. your crush⌠eddie munson. like you?
you had to let that sink in your mind for a while.
âhell yeah reallyâ he said. finally feeling a little more confident.
you fiddled a bit in your seat. your eyes meeting his once again, he was still standing behind the counter, talking out what looked like a can of spaghettios.
âme too.â you said softly.
he grinned widely.
â˘â˘â˘â˘
5 hours later.
âyou know the first time i got high, i got some laced shit from this dude behind a gas station with some boho looking ass beardâ you said laughing. âAnd then i saw- i saw a cat making me a birthday cake, that was in june and my birthday wasnât until fucking novemberâ
eddie wheezed, and as he did he coughed out smoke so hard it went through his nostrils. you squeezed your eyes shut and laughed some more.
âwhy would you trust a random junkie for weed? i thought you were smarter than that y/nâ he said in between laughs.
you laughed even more at his ugly laugh.
you sighed contently, eddi passed you the blunt, as you inhaled and exhaled.
âyouâre so cool, where have you been all my life?â he said with a smile. resting his head on the back of the cough. you looked at him exhaling a big cloud of smoke resting your head next to his.
âto be exact a few blocks away from hereâ
youâre faces both lit up again. you looked into his red stones eyes, the both of you were so fucked.
warning: NOT EDITED, drug use, euphoria drama idk? this kinda follows the plot but itâs very much different and i kinda added my own twist so enjoy! lol
âŚ
it was a summer night. hot, humid, quiet. the only think that could be heard of was the slight breeze coming from your open window of your little room, as you sat in your bed. crisscrossed, holding your phone as if you were waiting for a text to come in. from maddy or cassie. you hadnât heard from them ever since the whole nate situation. you also havenât heard from bb, or kat. it seemed as if your only friends that you thought would have your whole back, just left you in the dust. you were left overthinking every second now. maybe it was your fault. even if you hadnât done anything. you knew rue was the one that confronted cassie about it infront of maddy, but still you felt that weird sense of guilt you just seemed to consume like a normal thing.
truth was, your mental health had been recked. your whole friend group had been destroyed basically. now you really had nobody. that you trusted at least. you sat on your bed for a few more minutes reminiscing and thinking replaying happy memories with your friends you missed so much. you sighed looking up at your ceiling, inhaling the summer humid air and exhaling, and with repeating like a pattern. it wasnât long until a boring sensation filled your body, which made you suddenly have the most craziest idea ever.
you wanted to get high. truth is, you didnât get high everyday. perhaps when it was at a party and the music was blasting to your ears with the smell of sweat and dancing bodyâs making you wanting to try the drug, just for the sake to not feel anything even if it was just for a second. you liked it. of course not the extent that you were a drug addict, it was simply just a pleasurable thing to expirence for you.
you looked down at your phone, still in your hand. the screen turning on slowly the lock screen showing, you, kat, bb, maddy and cassie holding up the middle finger. you guys were posing on maddys bed your tounges out, you guys were happy. you were happy.
you only let out a sad smile, unlocking your phone and pressing messages. you scrolled through your contacts, occasionally passing by their names ones again, it was like you couldnât escape it. but then there it was. rues name. ârue rueâ.
âfuck itâ you muttered. you hesitantly pressed the call button near rues name. putting your phone close to your ear biting your lip as the ring of the phone buzzed through the screen. until it suddenly stopped.
âhello?â a voice said, from the other end.
you sighed in relief.
âhey rue, i know itâs probably not the best time but um you know a few people that sell, right? iâm just feeling really fucking down right now and i need something to get my mind of everythingâ
you said letting everything out. you chuckled sarcastically, as you could hear rues slow breathing through the other end of the line, tapping on your phone as you waited for her to answer your question.
âyeah no i totally get itâ she stopped
âi know a guy.â
âŚ
rue had told you were this, âguyâ was. apparently his name was fezco. you kinda didnât believe someone would ever be named that. i mean sure it was a bad ass me but, it seemed a little too good to be true. at least thatâs what you thought, until you stepped in to the little liquor store. a guy, who you assumed was fezco, sitting in the counter smoking a blunt calmly. his eyes slightly closing but then opening as he saw your figure walk, towards him. you placed your hands behind your back and coughed awkwardly quickly gaining his attention.
fezco grabbed his blunt, turning the other way around and placing it onto his ashtray. quirking at eyebrow up as he definitely recognized your face quickly. heâs definitely seen you before, he didnât know why out of all people your face was so familiar, maybe it was your eyes of lips, but something was definitely a highlight to him. you were also extremely, pretty.
âhi, a friend told me you sell, just wondering how much for some pre rollsâ you blurted. fezco wasnât suprised that you came for drugs, you were just another costumer, right? thatâs what he tried to convince himself at least. he didnât know why he expected so much from you. sure you looked like an angel, a halo on top of your head and those dimples of yours standing out, but still he was suprised thatâs all you said.
âfor sure, gimme a minuteâ he muttered. getting up from the counter, starting to walk near what seemed like a little room near the refrigerators with beverages. you looked around a while. by now it seemed like fezco was whipped for you, and there was no denying that you hadnt ignored him either. you were nervous once you face his face. his gold chain dangling on his neck and his colorful polo shirt fitting his figure so nicely.
he walked out the room, as you watched him and noticed the blunts on his hand. you and him exchanged blunts and money. paying him 40 dollars which was the average price youâd pay for pre rolls.
there was a light awkward silence in between you two. as you still were in his store, lighting up the blunt there with your pink lighter. inhaling the smoke and coughing as you exhaled. fezco chuckled a bit, as he clearly noticed you didnât smoke often, for sure, he thought.
âyou donât smoke a lot, ainât you?â he asked. his voice deep and raspy yet suddenly bringing comfort. you chuckled awkwardly proving his theory right.
âi guess i just do it when i have a lot on my mindâ you muttered softly. he bummed in understanding, but wanting to know more. you both exhaled and inhaled at the same time, the smell of weed spreading through the tiny store.
âso lifeâs been tuff, iâm guessin?â he asked. you nodded.
âyou could say that, or you could say my friends definitely hate meâ
he eyebrows furrowed.
âthose ainât real friends thenâ he stated. you pouted, letting out a cloud of smoke again. squinting to look at him, his blue eyes staring right at your c/e. you shrugged, brushing it off, but you knew he had a point kinda.
âi donât know. maddy and cass are like so close to me i just canât let them goâ you said. fez eyes widened at the names. he put the puzzle pieces together, how had he not noticed? you were the girl that was always dancing with maddy, cassie kat and bb. he was snapped back to reality once there was that, silence, again.
âoh so you friends with them?â he asked.
âi donât really know where we stand. you made a good pointâ
he let out a teasing grin. you smiled back leaning against the counter which he was sitting in. letting the breeze let your hair wave. fez admiring your eyes and how shiny they look, even if you were starting to squint them because of the weed hitting you already. he didnât know why you even bothered to stay and talk to him. especially someone that would hang out with those types of people.
you never had someone that bothered to listen as well. half the time it was brushed off by your friends boys drama or whatever the fuck. you were never really payed attention, but you were to blindsided and didnât see the truth. fezco made you come to realization. you admired him for that. even if it was just a simple conversation. no strings attached.
you looked down at your blunt. it was already small. which meant your smoke sesh was done, you were satisfied. surprisingly, you didnât think the weed was the thing that satisfied you the most. it was definitely fezâs company, at least now you knew you you could come to when you needed to let it out, even if you two werenât close.
âi gotta go, my moms gonna beat my ass if iâm not home by the time she told me toâ
he chuckled.
âshitttt, you gon leave me like that?â
you laughed. letting out a genuine smile. which fez felt like he absolutely folded, your smile seeming like a rey of sunshine.
âthanks for letting me talk to you thoughâ you stopped. âi enjoyed itâ
âwhenever you need me, you know where to find meâ
your cheeks flushed red. screaming in the inside. walking backwards to leave and waving goodbye to him. your reaction automatically telling fez, you would definitely be coming more often.
âŚ
after the cute little conversation between the two, you did what fez told you. you knew where to find him, and so you did.
every day you would come over to his liquor store. not for weed, more for fezco. just for him. every conversation you had with him was like a breath of fresh air in between all the fire that was surrounding your life. whether it be your parents divorce, or your friend drama thingy, he was there every step of it to make sure you werenât alone. you did the exact same thing to.
âiâm planning to go to college, after senior year. maybe ucla, berkeley i donât know. i just wanna make my parents proudâ you told him. leaning against the counter. he looked at you with a fond expression, admiring your desire to go to college.
âyou a smart girl. if non of them accept you, imma have to send a full ass essay explaining to them what they missed out onâ
you giggled at his caring tone.
you both continued talking about, school , college other shit like that. you expressed your passion on starting your own business, definitely modeling or something. for high fashion brands. fez talked to you about why he had dropped out, you obviously understood and felt bad for him as he described his life. it seemed as if he never had a childhood, it had been taken away from him because of all the drug stuff. thatâs why fez told you if he wasnât able to go to college, you definitely could for him.
giggled and smiles were shared a bit more. ash peeked through the refrigerator, his eyes squinting and eyebrows furrowing seeing you definitely over heels for his brother. then after a few more long minutes you smiled again. genuine and fez returning that smile with a flirty grin. inside ash wanted to vomit, but he was curious of the girl he had been watching for the last weeks.
fezco walked inside the room again, sighing. ash followed his figure as he went to sit down on the chair next to ash.
âyoure fucking wipped dude, itâs grossâ ash said which made fez look up at his brother acting dumb. ash scoffed.
âdonât act like you donât know what the fuck iâm talking about. you were obviously flirting with that girlâ he pointed out.
ânah man i wasnât flirting. y/ns just nice and we was.. talkin thatâs itâ
ash just snorted. making fezco grab a joint on the little table and lighting it up. pulling it up to his lips while he started to randomly think about, you. he wasnât quite sure where you both were at this point in your guyâs relationship. it definitely wasnât a just friends thing thatâs for sure. it was more than that at least he felt it was. you also had that feeling too, the both of you oblivious of each others feelings leaving ash to just watch as the two fell more in love every day.
âŚ
the days passed. you still hadnât heard from your friends. which for some reason, started to be the last thing on to it mind. normally thatâs all youâd be thinking about, stressing over to be specific, but everythingâs changed. by changed, it meant the momment fezco came in to your life, and you came in to fezs.
it suprised rue when you told her about fez. basically how wipped you were for him. the tone in voice you used when you talked about him was definitely a huge clue. youâd been talking to rue more often, wether it be about fez or just random shit on your mind. youâd also been hanging out with her and fez at the store a lot often, maybe just to fuck around for a while, smoke or simply just having fezcos presence there.
you knocked on fezs front door. the rain hitting you as you tried to hold on to your sobs hoping it wouldnât make it obvious that you were feeling like shit. your parents had had a crazy fight that night. with them both yelling at eachother, but then something that never happened, happened. they started getting violent. you didnât know what to do at that momment. all you wanted to do was run. probably escape from everything. you didnât think weed could help you this time.
the door cracked open. fezcos eyes meeting your sad ones as you stared down, your hair covering your face as you pulled fez into a hug you so needed right now, crying into his shoulder.
âwoah woah woahâ he said. you sniffed in response, looking up at him, mascara on your cheeks and your makeup smeared across your face, messy.
âis it fine if i stay here for a while?â you asked.
âof course.â
âŚ
when you first moved in with fez it was definitely unexpected. especially for ash who was still doubting you were good enough for his brother. you could definitely tell every time he would test you. you found it cute, the way he did everything to make sure his brother was making the right choice.
he didnât like you at first. thought you were some junkie. that wasnât the case at all though. you were really fucking smart. probably spending most of your time just reading and writing essays and poems, in the notebook youâd had since middle school occasionally using it as a diary to let everything out.
he noticed how much you loved to take care of people, wether that be comforting fez when he came back from a really tuff day, or ash when he was feeling like shit or just really needed someone he was only 14 after all. you were pretty much always there. and eventually he understood why his brother had fallen in love with this girl.
you and fezco were both in bed. he smoked his weed as you had a book in your hands, your hair up and your glasses on concentrating on every word on the book reading it, as a cloud of smoke appeared next to you, looking over at fez who pointed the blunt your detection offering it to you, you accepted as you took it in and closed your book.
âyou ever think about the life youâd have after college or some shit?â fez asked, you furrowed your eyebrows thinking about his random question wisely. you sighed.
âprobably live in the city, i like the skyline. it makes me happy you know? especially the lights at night, itâs really beautiful. once my parents took me to la at night, with the palm trees and everything it was amazingâ you said. even though fez had a completely different, it didnât matter. iâm every form of way he could possibly live his life, the picture in his mind always contained you in it, thereâs not a single one that doesnât have your comforting smile on it.
âyou?â
âlive in a fucking farm for sure with them cows and sheep , you feel me?â
you chuckled, receiving an unexpected response.
âweâd live separately then, that would definitely suck. cant really go a day without seeing you to be honestâ you said. fez looked down at you, as you made contact with him. your eyes basically shining as hard as when you first saw him at the liquor store, smoking his blunt like he was right now. it took fezco a momment to let what you said sink in.
âwhatchu mean by that?â
âthat i love you too much to leave youâ
you finally said it. the 3 letter word that for some reason had been so hard to let out of your mouth. you looked away kinda embarrassed hoping you didnât make it awkward all the sudden. you only could hope that tus wouldnât ruin your relationship. youâd gotten so far, you werenât about to mess this friendship up.
âshit, sorry that was-â
âi love you tooâ
âŚ
that night everything changed. it was time you and fez stepped out of the friendzone taking a huge step forward in your relationship. you two became inseparable, literallly. your physical affection was something you two became more comfortable with.
ash noticing everything.
occasionally throwing sarcastic commentaries like âdonât fuck on the couch, jesusâ or âewâ whoever youâd kiss or whatever the matter may be. but deep down ash was internally cheering being basically both of your guys number one fan, so much so he could basically start a fan account everything.
months passed quicker than usual. you started school, which meant you had to see THEM again. sure you werenât really happy, because then everything would come back to you but at least you knew you had fez and ash on your side, your family.
every month seemed to be like it was in 2x speed. youâd been doing well in class, doing your homework on time thanks to fez laying down in your bed smoking while you rehearsed your college essay to him for the 100th time still not convinced if it felt right, but he was always telling you to not stress out that much.
âsome colleges will be smart enough to accept you, others will have missing fucking braincellsâ he said.
youâd submitted your essay and now all you could do was wait and worry.
the school year continued to go on. you still only talked to rue, fez picked you up from school now, and you still avoided maddy and cassie. they seemed to avoid eachother as well. that was until one day after school.
you walked to the back at the school, looking for fezs car before walking to the parking lot. until you heard a voice yell your name.
ây/n! wait! please!â
you looked back to see maddy running towards you. she embraced you to a hug. your eyes widening and tightening her grip on to you. you chuckled a bit.
âiâm so so sorry, i was being a total fucking cuntâ she said. you hugged her back finally. it was nice to finally have one of your childhood best friend back again. youâd waited all summer and half the year of her and finally she was back and she definitely looked healthier, you pulled away.
âyouâre fine maddy, donât be sorry. i shouldâve put in the effort to make sure you were okay as wellâ
she shook her head disagreeing. you turned back at saw fezcos car, maddy looked at you and then at fezco, widening her mouth as she got an idea of what was going on. you hadnât told her about fezco.
âbitchâŚare you hooking up with fezco?!â she squeeled. pulling you into a hug again. you laughed at her excited tone in voice remembering how much maddy had hoped for you to get a boyfriend. sheâd always talk to you about how much you needed to be in a romantic relationship.
âweâre datingâ you chuckled. âand i have to go but text me so we can make plans alright? love you!â you said, starting to walk away.
âyou better, we have a lot of shit to catch up on!â she yelled, you turned back at nodded laughing. it was good to finally be back.
âŚ
you were happy again.
you started hanging out more with maddy, catching up on all the shit like she said. you also still talked to rue, not as much as you used to but definitely still consistent enough to consider her still as a friend.
fezco on the other hand, had taken you to a million dates already. wether it be the beach, a restaurant, the mall, anywhere you wanted to go hell take you and he will make sure you enjoy the fuck out of it. and you did.
you two had fallen so in love with eachother. something youâd always been afraid of because of your view of love shown by your parents and how sometimes in can really cause to hurt eachother it really sucked.
it was already march. which meant the acceptance letters would be coming in, some not luckiers than others. youâd been waiting for a few weeks now, for the email to come in to your computer. youâd find yourself sitting infront of the computer for hours simply just waiting.
âdonât worry about it ma, iâm sure one of them will accept youâ
fezco would say, ash would agree, but he didnât really want you to leave. so didnât fez he much rather you stay with them until the day he fucking dies but you had a life to live, placed to head, money to earn, too much would be waisted if youâd just stick with him, he thought.
finally after weeks, the notification on your email app rang, quickly you opened it. the first think on the email saying.
âCongratulations Y/N!â
âno fucking way.â you said, slapping your mouth with your hands. you yelled as fez and ash came in to your room, hugging you as tears strolled down your cheeks, this time much for a much different reason than the time you showed up at fezs for the first time.
it was the momment youâd been prepared for. youâd waited your whole life for this momment. and for some reason you couldnât help but want to stay. but you knew you wanted to continue striking for your dreams maybe become a model, poet or writer wherever destiny takes you is where you believe you would succeed.
it took fez a while and ash to realize that they wouldnât see you for a while. it was hard for both of them to leave you at the front of the university, after a 4 hour drive. there tired faces, leaving your suitcases at the front of the dorms. you just stood there for a minute, and then hugged them both tightly.
â i love you guysâ you said.
âimma miss you a lot surprisinglyâ ash said. fez sucked his teeth elbowing his brother making ash scoff and you giggle as you held to fez a bit longer not wanting to let go.
âi want you coming back with that doctorates degree or whatever the fuckâ fezco said. you chuckled nodding and sniffing. finally exchanging your final goodbyes and i love yous.
this would be the new chapter of your life, a blank page ready for it to be filled with memories.
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a/n: i decided to make a cute fluff fic lol, hope you enjoyed!
fezco passed the blunt to you as you both watched tv sitting in his couch at his place. you were his best friend, like he literally couldnât live without you. he would even go as far as take a bullet for you, and obviously you would too. the first time you met him was actually really embarrassing, you had been drunk out of your mind when you stepped in his liquor store asking for weed, practically begging. obviously fezco didnât give it to you because well, you were really fucked up. instead fezco offered you to stay at his store while you chilled out a bit before going back home since he didnât want a car to run you over or something.
that night, you woke up in the store in a little room near the refrigerator, waking up to a little kid who was, ash. he notified fez you had woken up and he explained everything to you, and you were so thankful he did that because you 100% thought of it wasnât for him you definitely wouldâve been killed by your mother if she saw you like that. after you basically thanked him for 100 times you both talked and exchanged numbers.
it started off sharing a few texts here and there. most of them were. âhow much for __ grams?â and he would respond with âyknow its free when it comes to youâ, it never failed to make you blush and so it escalated. and quick.
you never knew it would be possible to fall for someone so fast, especially when your first encounter wasnât really, romantic. but boy was it possible now. you went from coming to fezâs liquor store for weed to coming over to visit ash and fez on a daily, practically living at his now. you had all your stuff at their place, your clothes, your jewelry, everything.
you and ash had created a bond to. it wasnât the best, and you knew deep down that eventually he would warm up to you even if he didnât like you, or so you thought. he actually thought you were crazy at first, when he saw you drunk or high you were definitely someone else but when you were sober, he would like watching documentaries with you and laughing together, ash really enjoyed having like a semi-mom figure especially when he never really had a childhood. he learned a lot about you, for example how much you loved mcdonaldâs and how you liked getting high than drunk but he was also aware of your feelings at fezs feelings.
you let out a cloud of smoke, your eyes slightly closing as your high was starting to become more intense and based on fez suddenly laughing at everything, as well as you too, you could tell he was gone. ash looked at you both, grabbing a pillow and smacking it against his face as he grew annoyed at you guys laughing at literally everything that was going on, on the tv.
âyo, you guys have to shut the fuck up. seriously, youâre literally so annoyingâ ash groaned getting up from the couch and stomping to his room. you and fez only laughing harder. the documentary continued to play, showing two dolphins dancing and fez went from laughing to shaking his head. you tilted your head as you stopped laughing as well.
âyou ever fall in love y/n?â he asked, with a suddenly sad tone, you looked over at him as his futures softened. you thought he looked cute like that, whenever he would suddenly get sad when being high . you smiled slightly, and then frowned remembering his question.
âuh-â he stared at you with those ocean blue eyes. god. you stared back making eye contract with him, fezs name echoing everywhere in your brain because, he was who you were in love with.
âyeah. i, i haveâ you muttered looking away, fez tilted his head. his expression turning sad. even if he was high, he still heard you say you were in love or are in love now. fez blinked slowly as he built up the courage to ask who this special person was.
âare you- are you like in love right now? or was it like a long ass time agoâ he slurred hoping you would agree with the second statement.
âright now.â
he looked at you once more, your face turning to look at him as you took the blunt from his fingers to your mouth, wanting to avoid this conversation at regretting what you had said.
âis it someone i know?â he asked. you chuckled slightly as he was still his oblivious self. you hummed in agreement. fez furrowed his eyebrows thinking who it would be.
âdid you kiss them?â
you widened your eyes at he suddenly bombarded you with questions, about, him. even without him knowing, you didnât know how to respond.
âno, iâve actually never had my first kiss beforeâ
âyeah, i havenât eitherâ
âwell, we could um tryâ you said.
fezco looked at you as if you were on drugs, which you were high but. he was still unsure about this. even though heâs been waiting for this momment since forever. fez didnât know if you were being serious. the music from the documentary echoed through the house.
âweâre like high as fuck though, y/n. i cant even tell if yo being serious right now or if you just fuckin with meâ he slurred. you bit your lip trying to control your smile.
âi might be high as fuck, fez. but i really wanna kiss you right nowâ
âyou fucking crazy for this, y/nâ he chuckled
honestly, you didnât know where all these words were coming from right now, from your mouth? eyes? nose? you didnât have a clue. but the next thing you knew fezcos face was slowly moving closer to yours, yours was too, his hand cupping your face as your lips touched his soft ones. and finally there it was, the feeling youâve wanted for years. his lips were softer than anything youâve ever put your lips on before, his beard tickling you slightly. he tasted like weed and so did you, but either way, you could stay like this forever. you pulled away, gasping as the sexual tension filled the air.
fezcos breathes could be heard, loud and clear. you both smiled at eachother and looked way, both blushing. you would do anything to relive that momment again.
âso tell me, who was this person you were in love with again?â he asked. you looked at him again, shaking your head as he teased you. he chuckled slightly as you. you bit his arm embarrassed when he called you out.
âshut upâ you groaned. he looked at you again, softly this time. his eyes were glossy under the light from the living room, your eyes not leaving him as you looked at him with love filling all your senses.
fez rested his arm next to your head on the couch. your head falling to his shoulder almost as is it was meant to stay there forever. he stared down at you again, admiring you once more. thinking of how much he would fall for you every time no matter what.
âi hope you know thatâ he stopped as your eyes strayed his face looking up at him, as you started counting the freckled on his face âi love youâ he muttered. your smile widened as you never thought you would hear those words in your life. your eyes started getting watery all of the sudden, you sniffles looking for words to use for.
âi love you tooâ you let out a chuckled. he smiled as a response.
you two both stayed there for a couple more seconds, just in silence, because at this very momment thatâs all that you two needed to process the fact that you both confessed your love for eachother in the span of 20 minutes. it was crazy what being high and in love can do to eachother. the documentary played still.
little did you know, ash was watching you two the whole time behind the wall a smug grin plastered on his face as he saw both of you two on the couch, your head lying on his lap now as he looked down at you with hearts in his eyes.
