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im sorry for not writing much anymore, lifeâs gotten busy and i donât really have anymore ideas to write, gotten pretty bored too and not to mention writing felt more of a job than a hobby, iâm really sorry đ„čđ„čđ„č
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in that âslightlyâ subby headspace where i want a group of women to force my mouth down onto their straps/girldicks/pussies and tease me for how eager i am and how well i take them while the rest of them masturbate watching and wait for their turn to use me
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⊠âââ đ'll envy even the earth that wraps your body, đąophia đaforteza
âââ đn the night of her debut, sophia gave her heart to the one girl she was never meant to love in silence. they'd promised each other forever, a lifetime of warmth and love. but a kingdom is bound to have enemies. bound to lose men, treasures, have casualties. bound to break promises. sophia just didnât think it would be hers.
âđeath doesn't discriminate,
đ«etween the sinners and the saints.â
âčââââč pairingĘáȘàŒ princess sophia laforteza x knight
genreáȘàŒ angst, slight fluff, character death, princess x knight, wc: 14.9k words
âđČt takes and it takes and it takes,
đȘnd we keep living anyway.â
THE FIRST TIME SOPHIA LAID EYES ON YOU, you stood beside your father in the great hall, silent and stiff-backed, a tiny shadow of the man who commanded the kingâs guard. she was five years old, small and delicate in a gown too fine for someone who preferred to run barefoot through the castle gardens. you were five, too, but you stood differentlyâcomposed, disciplined, hands clasped neatly in front of you, eyes steady and watchful, taking in everything without a word.
her father, the king, looked at you with approval.
"arthurâs daughter," he mused, pleased. "you will make a fine knight, just like your father."
your father kneeled before him, his fist over his heart. devotion, loyalty. "she will learn well, my king. one day, she will take my place and serve you loyally. she will protect what is most precious to you and she will serve your daughter until her dying breath."
sophia watches as you bow your head, murmuring a quiet, "your grace.â acknowledgement.
you did not meet her eyes like she wanted you to. you barely even looked at her. and sophia, who was used to attention, finds herself frowning at the lack of exchange.
later, sophia finds you in the courtyard. youâre sitting alone on the stone bench, the quiet space overlooking the training grounds where the knights practiced. the air was was thick with the sound of clashing swords, the loud shouts of young men sparring, and the laughter of the nobilityâs sons racing across the field, poking fun at pretending to be knights.Â
but youâre not like them. you wouldnât be. you sat still, perfectly composed, your hands folded neatly in your lap, watching the knights with an intensity far too strange to be seen in a child.
the boys run and play, their laughter echoing in the distance, but you donât join them. you donât laugh. (why would you?) you donât even smile.Â
instead, you watch the knightsâ movements. the way they wield their swords with practiced ease, the way their feet shifted against the dirt, the way they carry themselves like warriors in their peak.Â
sophia decides that it was your fatherâs influence.
sophia approaches you, her cheerful voice piercing through the quiet. "hey, youâre the commanderâs daughter,"Â
you glance up, your sharp gaze catching hers for just a moment before you returned your attention back to the knights below. "and you are the princess," you replied, your voice steady.
she beams at you, completely unbothered by the formality in your words. "uh-huh!" she exclaims, plopping herself down beside you without asking.Â
"which means you must be my knight." her grin is wide, innocent.
you blink, taken aback, your eyes flicking to her for only a second. "i am no knight," you say quietly, turning your attention back to the knights on the field, feeling their movements etch themselves into your memory.
"not yet," she corrected, "but you will be. youâre going to be the greatest knight in the whole kingdom!"
you donât respond to her excitement. youâre quiet, your thoughts heavy and focused on the distant sparring knights. sophiaâs words hang in the air, and they donât quite reach you.
 instead, you continue to watch the training grounds, fascinated by the fluid wave of the knightsâ movements, wondering if youâll be able to stand to their level one day.
"why are you here, princess?" you ask after a moment, the question simple but with a curiosity behind it that you donât usually show.
she shrugs, looking at the sky above. "because you looked lonely."
because you looked lonely.
you donât say anything in response. you simply keep your gaze on the knights below. the boys who were once laughing and playing are now just faces in the distance, you donât bother familiarising yourself with them anymore.Â
"why are you so quiet?" she asks, a little puzzled, her voice dripping with concern.
you turn your eyes toward her, noting the genuine curiosity in her expression. "why are you so loud?" you counter, your tone even.
she giggles, a light sound that rings through the silent courtyard, warming your chest as you shifted in your spot.Â
"someone has to be," she says, nudging you playfully with her shoulder.
for the first time, the smallest of smiles tugged at the corner of your lips, but it disappeared almost as quickly as it came.
"iâve decided," sophia says suddenly, her voice full of determination. "you will be my most loyal knight.â
you exhale softly, not surprised, but amused by her certainty and boldness. "itâs not your choice, princess. there could be someone much better trained out there, compared to me."
but she doesnât back down. she never will, as youâve come to realise later on. "no, there wonât," she says firmly. "because when i am queen, i will command it."
you donât answer right away. you just stared at her, gaze softened. this time, you do smile. just a small thing, barely there. but it was real.Â
in that quiet moment, you realized that she did seal your fate. though for now, you are just children. for now, she smiles at you like you are the only thing in the world that mattered. and for now, that is enough.
â-
you stood in the training yard, the sound of clashing swords ringing in your ears, the weight of the blade in your hand grounded you to the moment. your fatherâs approval was always there, a quiet pressure in the back of your mind, and the thought of it kept you moving, kept you focused. every swing of the sword, every calculated step was done with purpose. you were determined, relentless. there was no room for anything else.Â
you must prove yourself.
the other boys laugh and joke as they sparred, their voices light and careless, and you knew you canât afford to be like them. they move with the ease of someone who knows that there will be another chance, but you? you donât donât have that luxury. you must be better, always better. every strike, every movement is a step closer to something you canât even name yet, but something that feels like the only way to survive.
your father watched from the sidelines, his gaze unwavering, and you could feel it, sharp as a blade like always. itâs all the validation you need, even if youâve never heard a word of praise. that was the way itâs always been.
and yet, as you pushed yourself, you felt something in the air shift, an uneasy weight. itâs the feeling of never being enough, no matter how many times you proved yourself.
and then thatâs when you saw herâsophia, standing off to the side, leaning against the stone pillar, her eyes fixed on you. her gaze was unblinking, and thereâs something in the way she watched that made your heart stutter.
you donât want her attention. it feels too soft, too invasive, too vulnerable, in a way that makes the air around you feel more suffocating, heavier.
when you stopped for a moment, sweat dripping down your brow, she spoke. her voice cut through the silence, light but pointed. âyouâre trying too hard.â
you froze for a moment, the weight of her words settling over you like a blanket. your first instinct was to brush it off, to shrug and say nothing and ignore her. but you canât. couldnât. not this time.Â
instead, you wipe your brow and glanced at her briefly, offering only the barest of responses. âitâs how iâm taught. because if i donât, someone else will be better.â
she doesnât look surprised by your answer, just studied you in the way she does, her gaze never faltered. she stepped forward a little, her voice quieter now, a hint of something softer behind it.
 âand what if itâs not enough? what if being the best doesnât make you happy?â
you felt the question settle in your chest heavily and unfamiliar. itâs not something youâve ever really allowed yourself to consider. happiness isnât something that existesd here, not in the world where only the sharpest and most disciplined survived.
you looked at her funny, but didn't answer straight away. instead, you turned your attention back to the sparring knights, needing the distraction. needing to bury the question before it took root in your mind.
âit will.â you mutter, and you donât let yourself dwell more about it, even if it felt wrong and foreign in your tongue.
thereâs a long silence. you can feel her watching you, but you donât turn to meet her gaze again. you focused on the sword in your hand and the weight of it, the way it felt like an extension of your body.Â
it was the only thing that made sense right now.
but behind you, sophia doesnât respond. she doesnât argue, doesnât push. because knew better than to believe your words. but you know that lingered, awaited for somethingâmaybe for you to look at her again, to actually hear her.
you kept moving, movements sharp and precise, but even as you fought, there was something unsettled, something more than just the burn in your young muscles. a small, quiet part of you that wondered if she was right. but you couldnât afford to stop and think about it. youâve wasted too much time talking to her. so, you kept going, because thatâs all you knew how to do.
yet.
â
over the years, you and sophia had grown closer in ways neither of you ever expected. when you were younger, the distance between the two of you had always been clearâbut that that divide blurred, softened, throughout the years.
sophiaâs playfulness never truly went away, but it had deepened, matured. that much you expected.
and you? you stayed calculated, still planned three steps ahead, but somewhere along the way, you had learned to let her in past your defenses.
at sixteen, the two of you were no longer just the princess and the daughter of the commander. you had become something else. friends, yes, but possibly something more.Â
sophia had become someone you trusted, someone who understood the quiet moments between words, the way your mind never really stopped moving even in moments of peace.
and she had learned to meet you there.
sometimes, when she laughed, it would remind you of the way she used to be when she was youngerâloud, carefree, like she had no care in the state of the world.Â
but now, there was a certain softness to her, a calmness that reflected in the way she had matured over the years. she still teased youâthat, you were sure will never go awayâstill pulled you into moments of silliness and youâd begrudgingly let her pull you in.
one afternoon, the sound of your father, calling out commands, echoed through the open space.Â
he was pushing you harder than usual, the drills grew more intense, more demanding. you stood tall, your posture unwavering, sweat dripping down your brow as you went through each movement with practice.
 there was no room for errorâevery strike, every block, every step had to be perfect. it had to be perfect.
sophia, manon, and lara happened to be passing by, and as they approached, they couldnât help but pause at the sight.
âoh, wow,â manon said, eyes widening in dramatic surprise as she stared at you. âlook at y/n. sheâs, like, all muscles now.â
lara squinted at you, her face a picture of exaggerated thoughtfulness. âright? definitely all muscles. i wonder if you run into her that sheâll just end up feeling like a wall. not to mention, god, sheâs so pretty.â
sophiaâs gaze shifted towards you, following the movements of your body, the way you moved with such focus and strength. she hadnât realized how much you had changed over the years. the lean muscles in your arms, the way your body had grown from the thin, aloof child into someone far more charming.
and for a brief moment, she found herself staring. but it was different this time. it held her prisoner in the moment, unable to look away.
however, she quickly snapped out of it, cheeks flushing a little as she tried to laugh it off, but her gaze kept returning to you. there was something about the way you movedâso disciplined, so intense.
âwhat are you staring at, princess?â manon teased, nudging sophiaâs side with her elbow.
ânothing!â sophia replied a little too loudly, trying to mask her sudden fluster and red cheeks with a laugh. âiâiâm just... uh, just admiring the, uh⊠theâŠte.. technique! the technique! itâs impressive, okay?â
lara snickered, crossing her arms. âsophiaâs got it bad,â she said in a sing-song voice. âsomeoneâs in love.â the rajagopalan dynastyâs princess dragged out.
âiâm not in love!â sophia quickly protested, her voice a little too high-pitched to be convincing. âiâm justâlook, itâs just hard not to notice, okay? sheâs... all grown up. and... very focused.â
meanwhile, you were blissfully unaware of the ongoing conversation, too deep in your training to care. your father, watching from the sidelines, was doing his best to hide the smirk creeping onto his face.
 he crossed his arms, eyes twinkling with a mix of pride and mild amusement as he watched sophia try to hide her flustered expression from her friendsâ teasing.
"y/n!" he called out, his voice thundering throughout the courtyard. "stop getting distracted. focus!"
confused at his sudden outburst despite the fact that you were focusing, you immediately snapped back to your drill, adjusting your stance and continuing the movements without a second thought.Â
sophia quickly looked away, her face turning a shade redder than usual as manon and lara fought to keep their grins in check.
âyep, totally not in love,â lara whispered to manon with a wink.
âsheâs definitely not in love,â manon whispered back, both of them now completely absorbed in watching sophia squirm at their words.
your father caught the exchange out of the corner of his eye once again, though he pretended to ignore it. his lips that had had let the smirk spread, but his gaze never wavered from you as he called out again, âagain, y/n. one more time. donât get sloppy now.â
you didnât notice a thing, of course. you were too focused on keeping up with your fatherâs rigorous pace to pay any attention to sophia and her friends. but sophia? sophia would never quite forget the way she had found herself staring a little too long at the girl she had known since she was a childâthe girl who was now possibly so much more than that.
and as they walked away, manon leaning in to whisper something to lara, sophiaâs thoughts were a little scattered, her eyes flicking up to you one last time before she hurried to catch up.
your father watched her go with a raised eyebrow, amusement barely hidden. "you're doing well, y/n," he said, his voice steady, though there was a knowing glint in his eye.
you nodded, eyes trained on your sword. "thanks, father."
and somewhere, deep down, you couldn't help but wonder why everyone else seemed to be so focused on you all of a sudden.
â
a week later, sleep had evaded sophia. the nights seemed longer lately, and her thoughts tangled in ways she didnât want to admit. the silence in her room only made the restlessness worse, so she decided to take a late night stroll through the castleâs endless corridors.Â
wrapped in a loose nightgown, her bare feet were quiet against the stone floors, she wandered aimlessly, letting her mind travel wherever it pleased.
the castle at night was always quiet, eerily so, and sophia liked it that way. but tonight, there was something almost peaceful in the quiet. that was until she reached the courtyard.
through the large arched windows, she saw a figure moving against the night sky. it was youâno doubt about itâstill training, despite the late hour.Â
your tunic was soaked with sweat, clinging to your skin as you moved through the steps of another drill, oblivious to the time.
sophia stood there for a moment, watching you with furrowed brows. she could feel the cool night air brush her skin, but there you were, perfectly in sync with your movements, as if it was any other day.
she shook her head, biting back a smile. "this is ridiculous." she mumbled to herself.
with a deep breathâhyping herself up to talk to youâ, she stepped forward, her bare feet making almost no sound as she moved through the dark courtyard.Â
her eyes locked onto you, and she steeled her shoulders, walking up to you with the kind of authority only a princess could carry, even in her sleepwear.
"y/n!" she called, loud enough to break the quiet and peace of the night. "stop!" you didnât hear her at first.
"sophia," you muttered to yourself, barely pausing to look in her direction, blinking confusedly.Â
sophia raised an eyebrow, huffing with mock irritation. "i said stop." she repeated when she caught your arm attempting to swing again.Â
this time, her voice had a firmness to it, and you finally turned, sparing her a glance. your expression was neutral, almost bored as you stared back at her.
"i'm not stopping," you said, the words clear and defiant as you wiped the sweat from your forehead. you changed stances, readying for the next move.
sophia crossed her arms, her lips curving into a smirk. smug. "youâll stop because iâm ordering you to."
you narrowed your eyes, raising an eyebrow. "really? youâre going to pull rank on me at this hour?"
sophia hesitated, looking at you in disbelief for a moment before giving a dramatic sigh. "fine, i wonât âorderâ you. but can you at least take a break? iâm surprised you even know how late it is now."
you didnât immediately respond, and instead, you moved into another series of attacks, form still perfectly sharp.
"y/n," she tried again, this time with an exaggerated whine. "youâre going to wake the whole castle with your...your⊠clanging!"
surprisingly, you actually stopped. rolling your eyes as you set the sword down. you were beyond exhausted, but you refused to show it.
"whatever, princess. go ahead and get your beauty sleep," you said, feigning indifference. âdonât want to wake up the whole castle, after all.â
sophia couldnât help but laugh at your sarcasm. "are you always this annoying?" she asked, her voice filled with teasing, though there was a glint of something else. something less playful, more... curious.
you turned your head just slightly, avoiding her eyes. "iâm not annoying. youâre just tired. go back to bed before you wake up your entire kingdom."
sophia blinked, suddenly remembering something that had been bugging her all night. "speaking of which," she said, "why are you even still training this late? donât you know it's a new moon tonight?"
 she waved her hand vaguely toward the sky. "itâs literally so dark out here, y/n. like, how are you even seeing anything?"
you paused, staring at her. "are you... are you really asking me if i can see in the dark? do you not know that knights are trained to fight in all conditions?"
she leaned back slightly, exaggeratedly inspecting the sky. "yeah, well... i thought maybe you were secretly a bat or something. you know, like, using echolocation to fight? you could probably just echolocate the entire castle and thenâ"
you blinked, completely deadpan. "okay, no. what are you even talking about right now?"
sophia let out a snort of laughter at the absurdity of it all, her eyes lighting up as she giggled louder than she had meant to.Â
louder than she expected, louder than what was probably necessary. for a moment, everything seemed to stop, until she could feel the sudden tension in the space between you two.
you stared at her, eyes wide in confusion, your face heating up with the weirdest mixture of annoyance and... something.Â
 "what? why⊠why are you laughing?" you asked, furrowing your brows, your lips threatening to form a scowl, but failing.
"i justâecholocation," sophia giggled, clutching her sides, her eyes twinkling in the moonlight. "thatâs just... i donât even know where to start with that, but itâs so funny!"
you quickly turned away, trying to keep your expression neutral, but your face flushed a deeper shade of red as you mumbled, "shut up, sophia. youâre gonna wake the whole castle with that laugh."
but even then, your words felt weaker than they should have. there was no bite behind themâjust a strange sense of vulnerability in your voice, something you werenât sure how to hide at the sound of her giggles. at the sound of her.
the sound of her laugh, free and unburdened, caught you off guard. it wasnât the carefree laugh of a princess anymore, it was something more. it was real. had your gaze softening and your shoulders hunching in the slightest.
and thatâs when it hit you. her hair, dark and shining under the moonlight, seemed to shimmer, like it was dusted with stars. the pale moonlight painted her skin a soft silver, and her eyes, her eyes seemed to glint with a hidden amusement, the sort of amusement you could never quite figure out even if youâd wanted to.
then you felt a sudden warmth rising in your chest, and before you could stop it, your face flushed with embarrassment. you quickly looked away, determined not to show it.
sophia, still giggling to herself, barely heard the softness in your tone. she was too lost in the moment.
"maybe i should wake them up," sophia teased, voice light. "imagine all the knights running in to see whatâs going on, and then they see you, the stoic commanderâs daughter, getting made fun of because you could echolocate your sword movesâ"
you cut her off, giving her an exaggerated sigh as you walked back to your training spot, trying your best to ignore the lingering laughterâher laughterâ that hung in the air.
she didnât seem to care, still beaming at you (like always), completely unaware of how her teasing had managed to chip away at your usual composure. you felt that odd warmth again, but this time you didnât bother hiding it.
âstop laughing. youâre actually going to wake the whole castle this time.â your words came out sharper than you meant them to, but they lacked the firmness they usually carried.Â
you were only half-serious, trying to hide the way your heart had skipped a beat. âyouâre truly annoying, you know that?â
"absolutely," she replied, grinning ear to ear. "but donât worry, iâm going to let you get back to your echolocation training now. just try not to wake up the entire castle next time, alright?"
âyou try not to wake the entire castle up with your laugh.âyou just waved her off, though there was a softness in your demeanor now, a quiet that wasn't quite like your usual aloofness.Â
when you picked up your sword again, you couldâve sworn she had already noticedâmaybe she was even smiling to herselfâbut you wouldnât dare let her catch the flushed look on your face.
sophia made her way back toward the castle, humming a tune to herself. sheâd never know how her laugh had done something to you.Â
but tonight, it didnât matter. sophia had just managed to make you feel something that she didnât even realise she'd been doing all along.
â---
finding herself in the ever-so-lavish solar room of the castle a week later after the midnight run-in with you who had never really ended up bringing it up again, sophia found herself stuck and confined in the silk-lined walls with thread spools scattered around her in every unimaginable colour as she sat stiffly across her mother in the embroidered velvet chaise, early sun filtering through the open windows of the castle.
her mother coughs softly. âfifi, sweetheart, your debutâs just around the corner,â her highness, queen laforteza started, lips quirked into a small, knowing smile.
sophiaâs hand stilled on the embroidery hoop perched on her lap, halfway through finishing the attempt to embroider the laforteza house crestâthough one of the griffins looked like a lopsided duck instead.
sophia didnât bother to muffle the groan that escaped her lips, dramatically dropping her head back to meet the golden edge of the chaise and bringing the hoop up to cover her face. âplease donât call it that.â
âdonât call what what?â her mother said innocently, threading a new color into her needle. âyour debutante ball? your formal entrance into society?â she gasped, feigning shock. âyour grand unveiling?â
âmy god,â sophia muttered, dragging the needle through the fabric with a little more force than necessary, brows furrowing as she stared back at her mother unimpressed.
sophia wasnât dumb. far from that. give her some credit. she knew exactly where this was going. her mother was inching toward the topic like it was some diplomatic strategy that her father had given her the task to look over, all smiles and cunning eyes.Â
and of course, the first dance was at the center of it. which, to be fair, any mother would want to know in order to guarantee the safety of her daughterâand in this case, it was the one and only princess of the laforteza kingdom.Â
not to mention the suitors. oh, for godâs sake, the suitors. they seemed to multiply with every passing day, letters stacked in neat little piles outside her room after a worker had done their daily rounds droppiung mails to each royal family, always signed too formally and written too stiffly. she sat up, continuing to work on her shit attempt at needlework.
she loathed it. just the mention of it makes her shiver. by god, she canât deal with them. doesnât even want to think about them approaching her next year because she knows for a fact that they will, because their ego just truly is at an all-time high whenever they lay eyes on her when really, sophia only knows the only reason why they do is because they either see her as a trophy, or the siren call of the throne.
her thoughts somehow drifted to you.
queen laforteza continued, arching a brow. âand have you thought about who your first dance might be with?â she asked, the question light and playful, but unmistakably pointed.
sophia didnât look up from her needlework. âmom, my debutâs not until next year.â
âand you say that as if that gives me no reason at all to start planning now,â the queen said, voice airy. âyou do know who your dear mother is, donât you?â
sophia rolled her eyes. âyou plan things like theyâre battle strategies.â
âwell,â her mother said, threading a perfect knot into the fabric, âi did grow up married to a war general. was his assisstant for quite some while too⊠still kind of am.â
sophia sighed, lips pressing into a thin line. âiâd rather have a sword in my hand than dance with any of those obnoxious lords who canât even look me in the eye without turning into a puddle.â
âthen who can?â her mother said gently. âthere must be someone who doesnât turn to dust under your stare.â
sophia hesitated. her fingers slowed against the hoop. her thoughts drifted to you once more.Â
because she was right. god, was her mother right.Â
someone can keep their composure perfectly still under her stare and dish it right back, who, even after all these years, never once broke eye contact unless sophia showed signs of discomfort at the exchangeânot even when sophia was being absolutely ridiculous or bratty (asking you to play with her dolls with her when she damn well knew you were born with a sword in your hand).
she stayed quiet, not daring to utter your name. sheâd have otherwise, were she in the comfort of her own room, but not here with her mother to hear and her too keen eyes peering at her.Â
so instead, she stabbed the needle through the fabric a little too hard, forcing a shrug. âi donât know. maybe iâll just pick randomly and call it a day.â
the queen gave her a long look but said nothing. only smiled to herself, as if she already knew the answer and was simply waiting for her daughter to admit it out loud.
âalright.â
â
sophia had felt suffocated.
it was only 5 pm in the afternoon and she had already felt the life sucked out of her being after the particularly long session of tea etiquette, posture corrections, and painfully long lessons on âhow to cross oneâs ankles like a proper lady.âÂ
which after being dismissed by her etiquette teacherâan old, stern woman who looked as though sheâd been plucked from the dustiest corner of the royal libraryâshe made a beeline to where she knew youâd be, eager to run away from the womanâs judging gaze and almost tripping over the skirt of her dress.
she needed air. so in turn, she needed you.
âhey, echolocating knight-in-training, come with me.â her voice was soft and amused as it echoed across the courtyard, breaking your focus just enough.Â
you were in the middle of footwork drills as your eyes flicked up toward her, finding her leaning lazily against one of the stone pillars to your right, her silk, pastel pink dress catching the breeze.
she smiled at you, open and easy, albeit a little smugâand you had to suppress the involuntary shiver that crept up your spine at the sickly sweet sight.
you scoffed, unamused. âand why should i?âÂ
sophia chuckled, shaking her head as she pushed off where sheâd been leaning on the pillar and made her way to you, footsteps light.Â
you halted your practice, wiping your chin dry of sweat that ran down your cheek. âyou forget yourself, y/n.â
âyou forget your princess.âÂ
then, without explanation, she extended her hand out to you, palm tilted slightly upward, waiting. you stared at it blankly, caught off guard by the sudden movement.Â
your eyes flicked between her hand and her face, trying to piece together what on earth she was doing. âwhat are youââ
âkiss the back of my hand, you idiot. gentlemen do it all the time as a greeting.â she wiggled her fingers impatiently, eyes squinting at you with a barely concealed amusement.Â
âguess we canât say the same for you.â
you groaned but took her hand anyway, your fingers rough and calloused from years of hard workâone sheâd closely watchedâasharp contrast to her soft, perfumed skin.Â
you brought it to your lips with a gentleness that surprised her, brushing them across the back of her hand with the kind of reverence usually reserved for sacred things, or those in higher rank than you are.
sophiaâs breath caught, just for a second.
she hadnât expected that.
sheâd thought she could handle it. it was just a joke, a moment of teasing. she didnât except you to actually go through with it.
her etiquette teacher had done it to demonstrate, and sophia hadnât blinked thenâpossibly because she was a fossilâ. but this? this was you, and her heart had the audacity to trip at the way your lips touched her skin.
âiâm not a man,â you muttered, your voice low and even, but your grip on her hand stayed careful, firm. you paused, then added softly, âiâm a woman.â
it shouldnât have made her stomach flip. but it did.
her cheeks flushed, heat crawling up her neck as she yanked her hand back, clearing her throat. âwell. clearly.â
you shot her an âare you kidding?â stare, sighing softly at her interrupting your practice once again. a daily occurrence that you shouldâve been used to by now.Â
âso, where are we going?â
sophia spun around before you could read her expression too closely. âthe gardens,â she said over her shoulder, pretending like her face wasnât on fire.Â
âand the lake. iâm tired of breathing in dust and listening to lady maribelle complain about my posture.â
you trailed behind her as she walked ahead, arms swinging with a freedom that had you quietly smiling to yourself.
the gardens were nearly empty by the time you and sophia reached them, the sky shifting into shades of orange and yellow as the sun began to dip behind the castle walls. the breeze smelled faintly of roses and lavender.
but sophia didnât stop to admire themâsheâd seen them way too many times to gag over them. she kept walking ahead, skirts gathered in her fists, guiding you down the stone path that led behind the hedges and past the willow trees, straight toward the lake.
â...weâre not just going to look at the water, are we?â you asked warily, already eyeing the small wooden boats bobbing at the dock.
sophia glanced over her shoulder, her grin suspiciously wide, eyes crinkled into crescents. ânope.â
âplease tell me youâre not expecting me toââ
âget in the boat,â she sang sweetly, already stepping onto the dock and reaching for the nearest one painted gold.
you didnât move. âsophia, iâve been training all day.â
âand this is me rewarding you.â she turned and held out her hand againânot to be kissed this time, but to tug you forward. âyou can row me around like a charming little gondolier.â
you sighed, staring at her like sheâd grown two heads. âi hate you.â
âand yet, here you are.â she tilted her chin with mock arrogance, eyes glinting.
you groaned under your breath but followed her anyway, climbing awkwardly into the boat while she settled into the seat like it was the throne/, fingers trailing through the water. you grabbed the oars begrudgingly, shooting her a tired glare that only made her giggle.
fuck.
âyou know,â she said after a few minutes of quiet rowing, âyouâve got a nice rhythm. maybe you were a sailor in another life.â
you raised an eyebrow. intrigued. âa sailor?â
âmhm. gruff voice. tragic, tragic past. always looking at the horizon like youâve got unimaginable memories out at sea.â
you snorted. âyouâve clearly read too many romance novels. now i know why you spend too much time in the library with your nose buried in a book.â
she leaned back in the seat, eyes closing for a moment as the breeze sifted through her hair. âand you clearly donât row me fast enough.â
you splashed her with one oar, just enough to make her yelp and sit upright, eyes wide.
ây/n!â
âoops.â
sophia narrowed her eyes but was still smiling, wiping her now-damp sleeve with playful offense. âyouâll pay for that.â
âgood luck,â you muttered, rowing a little faster, trying to ignore the way your heart kept doing jumping jacks at how pretty she looked when she was mock pouting, sunsett dusting her skin like gold, water around her glowing.
you told yourself it was just exhaustion.Â
definitely not the way she kept watching you with that quiet amusement, like she could see right through you. like she always had.
â---
the solar room hadnât changed at all. the same velvet cushions. the same lace-curtained windows. the same faint scent of lavender and rosewater that clung to the cushions, the walls, even the thread in sophiaâs embroidery hoop.Â
the only real difference was the tapestry she was working onâno longer clumsy or full of crooked stitches, but neat, straight.
and her mother, of course, still sat across from her, spine perfectly straight, pale blue gown immaculately laid around her, with her embroidery in hand and a glint in her eye that made sophia immediately suspicious.
âdearest, your actual debutâs around the corner now,â queen laforteza said, voice lilting and casual. too casual, sheâd dare say.
sophia didnât even look up from her stitching, words tugging at a memory she hadnât planned on revisiting.Â
suddenly, she was seventeen again, hands clumsy, posture slouched, hiding behind a half-finished crest while her mother teased her about first dances and suitors.
the memory irked her slightly. especially because nothing had changed, and yet everything had. if that made sense.
âhave you picked out whoâll be your first dance now?â the queen added, sipping her tea like she didnât already have a shortlist of eager young noblemen memorised from months ago as she requested for names of those interested.
sophia hummed, tying a knot in her thread with practiced ease. âiâll just have basil as my first dance.â
that got her motherâs attention. the queen blinked, lowering her teacup mid-sip. âwait, but your brotherââ
âiâve already talked about it to him,â sophia said calmly. âhe said he was fine with it. didnât feel comfortable enough to have someone else dance me instead. i couldâve ask father to do it too, but i fear heâs already got too much on his plate. with the new knight recruits and all.â
her mother didnât respond right away, which was rare. she simply studied sophia for a moment, as if trying to uncover whether her daughter was being genuineâor evasive.
âsweets,â she said after a beat, âare you sure you donât want to pick a noble to be your first dance instead? i heard marquess barrettoâs son leon, is interested.â
sophia groanef immediately, slumping slightly despite her attempt to stay firm. âmother, leon barretto wears more perfume than i do and nearly tripped on my gown last week trying to kiss my hand. iâd rather drown in the lake.â
her mother pressed her lips together, clearly trying not to laugh. âheâs not that bad.â
âheâs that bad,â sophia deadpanned, finally setting her embroidery hoop down in her lap.Â
âbesides, itâs not like the first dance has to be romantic. itâs ceremonial. traditional. it doesnât mean anything.â
âit used to,â her mother said gently.
what she didnât say was that the idea of dancing with a stranger made her skin crawl. that the thought of twirling in a room full of watching eyes, arm in arm with someone she barely knew, made her chest tighten.
and maybe there was someone else sheâd rather offer her hand to. someone who stood steady in the moonlight and made her laugh when she wasnât supposed to.Â
someone whose hands were rough and real and held hers like they were afraid to hurt her, like she was the most fragile thing in the whole world.
she found herself unable to articulate it into words again with her mother in the room.Â
her mother watched her quietly for a long moment, then gave a soft sigh and returned to her embroidery. âwell,â the queen murmured, âif basil steps on your toes, donât say i didnât warn you.â
sophia cracked a small, lopsided smile. âhe wonât. and if he does, iâll blame it on the wind.â
â
the golden sun hadnât even finished crawling its way over the castle walls when you were draggedâhalf-asleep and wholly unwillingâup and off the bed to stand barefeet in your chamber, marble flooring cold against your feet.
you hated breaks in your training. hated breaks in general. hated stillness. they made you feel like a blade left out in the rain, dulled and useless.Â
but as the kingâs guardâs commanderâs daughter, and more importantly, as the personal guard to the princess herself, you were expected to be rid of all training and any hard work the day before the debut of the kingâs only daughter.Â
so, instead of sparring or drilling or doing literally anything useful, you were subjected to a full day of tailoring that commenced at the break of dawn. stupid, stupid, tradition.
the fabric was heavy and foreign on your skin. the uniform was modeled after your fatherâsâsame deep navy blue tones, same sharp gold embroidery stitched along the lapel and hemâbut unlike his, yours bore no jewels, no medals, no markers of great achievement.Â
it was a blank canvas, clean and awaiting, quiet proof that your legacy had not yet begun.
itâll have one, one day. iâll make sure of it.
now, hours later, you were only half in it. your jacket draped halfway up your shoulders, the sleeves rolled awkwardly around your arm as you stood at the edge of the training grounds, watching the new recruits go through their drills.
 it shouldâve been you out there. every muscle in your body ached to move, to sweat, to strike.
âthatâs what youâre gonna wear for the princessâs debut?â yunjin called out, amusement thick in her voice as she twirled her practice sword lazily.
 âwow, so fancy, y/n. unlike you, we have to stay in these heavy, uncomfortable pieces of metal.â
keeho laughed behind her, clutching his stomach in mock agony. âhowâs a man supposed to pick a woman up in this?âÂ
he groaned, dragging a hand through his sweat-matted hair and down his face. âat this rate, youâll sweep every single woman in the vicinity.â
you scowled, arms crossed over your half-dressed chestplate. âyouâre there to support and show your loyalty to the kingdom. that armour is there to protect you in case something happens. youâre not there to pick up women, keeho.â
he gasped, utterly affronted. âgod, you sound like my mother. geez.â
âmaybe sheâs smarter than you,â you muttered, and yunjin barked out a laugh.
truth be told, the uniform felt strange. it fit, sure, it had been measured to the bone, trimmed and cinched and hemmed perfectly to your body, but it wasnât you.Â
it felt like wearing someone elseâs skin. someone softer. someone still figuring out who she was underneath the polished buttons and polished roles, made to perfection as overlooked by your father.
tomorrow, you wouldnât be in the shadows like you always were. not with sophia standing in the middle of the grand ballroom, not with every noble eye on her, and by extension, on you.
you didnât mind being her sword. her shield. her quiet. but you just werenât sure how to be seen.Â
still, as you watched your friends spar, the laughter between them easy and real, your hand tightened slightly on the edge of your sleeve. you could do this. you would.
because tomorrow wasnât about you. it was about her. your princess. sophia. the same one whoâd slowly chipped at your walls ever since she barged into your life all sunshine and rainbows.
and youâd wear this damn thing like it was yours. because sophia deserved someone who could stand beside her without cowering beneath the pressure of legacy. even if your uniform didnât carry medals, your loyalty didnât need stitching or .
â--
this was it.
the music slowed to a hush as the double doors opened, and all conversation stilled. heads turned, gowns rustled, fans fluttered shut. the grand ballroom, lit by towering chandeliers and flooded with golden candlelight, held its breath.
at the top of the staircase stood sophia.
she descended like something out of a paintingâdressed in a gown that shimmered faintly with every step, the soft blue silk catching the light like moonlit water.Â
her hair was pinned with delicate gold leaves, and her gloves, the palest cream, trembled just slightly as she reached the last few steps.
you were already there, waiting.
my god, of course you were.
you stood at the foot of the stairs, back straight, gloved hands behind your back until you extended one forward for her.Â
your uniform, tailored and formal, fit you like a second skin, and though the medals were missing, your presence felt like its own badge of honour. sophiaâs eyes found yours immediately, her expression unreadable but drawnâalways drawnâto you.
a faint smile appears in her lips at the notice of your uniform matching hers.
she slipped her hand into yours.
gloved hand in gloved hand, you escorted her across the ballroom floor, past suitors and murmured gasps. your steps were steady. hers were lighter now, as if walking beside you was enough to melt the nerves off her spine.
you led her to her brotherâbasil, dutiful and already stepping forward with an awkward smile. sophia hesitated, only slightly, before she turned to you once more, her voice low.Â
for you and for your ears only.
âwait for me?â
you gave her a nod. âalways.â
then she turned, and basil offered his hand. the music swelled, and sophia began her first dance under the eyes of the kingdom.
â-
time passed. champagne flutes clinked, music floated high into the domed ceilings, and laughter curled around crystal chandeliers.Â
you had tried, god you had tried, to disappear into the crowd after your brief appearance at her side, but your father had other plans. like always.
âyou will socialise, y/n,â heâd said, placing an annoyingly firm hand on your shoulder before nudging you toward a young noblewoman who looked just as uninterested in the conversation as you were.Â
he wanted you to make a name for yourself.
gabriela, she introduced herself. from some lordâs house you didnât care to remember. sharp eyes, sweet but cunning smile. she was fine. too curious, maybe. too flirty.
you were halfway through a polite excuse when the music shifted again, and she reached for your hand.
and somehow, you let her.
you werenât thinking. you were tired. you were overwhelmed. and the thought of getting yelled at again by your father had already made your shoulders tense. so, you danced. you gave in.
your first dance, ever. not with the person you'd wanted, not with the person youâd imagined, but still, a dance.
across the ballroom, sophia had just finished her second spin in the arms of her youngest brother, oreo, whose too small tux kept making her laugh between steps.Â
she ruffled his hair after the last note and watched him scamper back to where the rest of the royal family was seated, cheeks flushed with pride.
then her smile fell.
because there you were. dancing.
not standing off to the side. not waiting for her like you said you would. always, my ass. but dancing, with someone else.
gabriela laughed at something you said. sophia could only assume it wasnât even that funnyâgod, youâre not even that funnyâand your hands were still joined, her other palm resting on your shoulder.
sophia didnât even wait for the song to end.
she marched straight toward the drink table, lips pressed into a thin line, her expression far too aloof to be casual.
manon, trailing behind with lara following suit, raised a brow. âthat was quick.â
âi need a drink,â sophia muttered.
âyou just had a drink,â lara said, nursing a half-finished flute of champagne in one hand.
âi need a stronger drink,â she said, already eyeing manon. manon caught the implication.
she didnât bother saying a word. just reached into the inside of her embellished cape and handed her a hip flask with all the ceremony of a royal decree.
sophia didnât even blink. unscrewed it. took a slow sip. let the burn bloom across her tongue and down like acid into her stomach.
lara watched her carefully. âeverything alright, soph?â
 sophia lowered the flask, eyes sharp as they slid across the ballroom to where you and gabriela were still dancing.
âpeachy,â she said flatly.Â
hands off. she knew that this woman could have anyone else, nd god, why did she have to pick you of all people? fuck, she might end up begging if she doesnât let go og you anytime soon.
manon didnât bother asking. she knew. so she just handed her another sip. and the two of them shared a look.
â-
âyou know, fifiâs fond of you. like, really, really fond of you.â
your head turns to watch oreo under the moonlight. youâd found the kingâs youngest child in the balcony after seeking for coolness and peace after the dance with gabriela and the chaos of being surrounded by nobles desperately wishing for sophiaâs hand in marriage or for just a mere danceâwhich props to her, sheâs only danced with her brothers.Â
the fact settles you.
âshe shouldnât be.â your reply garnered a laugh from the boy, like he couldnât believe what he was hearing.
âbut she is, though. itâs⊠unsettling, sometimes. makes me wonder if sheâll actually ever wind up finding a lord or something to date, because she spends too much time trying to, uh, whatâs the word, have your friendship grow? i donât know.. but you know, i just thought youâd want to know. âcause⊠yeah.â
you nodded, brows furrowing in thought as you leaned your elbows on the railing, lost as to why oreo, of all people, was telling you this.Â
youâd barely talked to the boy before, and youâre more than sure that this is the first time youâd had a proper conversationâwhich just happened to be about sophia.
you werenât surprised it was about her. not that you minded, anyway.
âi heard marquess barrettoâs son might be a potential match.â youâd commented after a beat, and oreo hummed.
âyeah, i overheard them talking about it. donât think fifiâs as fond of him as she is of you though.â he replies casually, like it wasnât anything big of a deal.
the two of you stood outside for a few more moments in silence, comforted that youâd both reached an understanding and bridged a new friendship that was built upon the love and concern for sophia.
then he spoke. calm, slow, took his time. he wanted it to linger, that much you knew. every word enunciated firmly, yet heavily blanketed with warmth.
âi hope itâs you.â
â---
the ballroom had grown louder. brighter. unbearably warmer.
and somewhere between her second drink from manonâs flask and the half-glass of wine sheâd sipped too quickly after, sophia lost sight of you again. she was a lightweight, surprisingly (not) enough.
the music spun and so did the chandelier, her steps a little less poised now as she slipped through groups of nobles, skirts brushing against her gown, their laughter buzzing like gnats in her ears.
her mind was foggy. her throat was dry. her eyes eere hazy. her head was a mix of bass, violin, and the sharp reminder of of your betrayalâirrational and sticky, crawling beneath her skin like fire. burning hotter than the liquor that ran down her throat.
you had danced with someone else.
her stomach twisted every time she thought of it. the way your hand had rested so easily on gabrielaâs waist. the way you let her smile at you. like it was nothing. like it didnât mean anything.
how dare you.Â
how dare you dance with someone else that wasnât her. it was her debut. her ball you were supposed to keep your eyes on her and her only. dance with her and her only. god, why didnât you? you didnât keep your promise.
you didnât keep your promise.
her heel caught on the edge of someoneâs coat and she stumbled forward with a sharp breath, hands out instinctively to grab onto somethingâand thenâ
âwhoaâsophiaââ
you caught her before she hit the floor, arms wrapping around her waist without hesitation. her gloved fingers curled into the front of your uniform, clinging, her cheek resting against your chest.
âyouâre drunk,â you muttered under your breath, keeping it together like her close proximity didnât do things to you.Â
âam not,â she mumbled into your jacket, and then, louder, âyou danced with someone else.â
you stiffened. âsophiaââ
âyou did,â she huffed, pulling back just enough to glare up at you. her eyes were glassy, but sharp with frustration.Â
âi saw you. with that girlâgabby? gabâgabrielaâmanon told me.â
you hushed her immediately, grabbing her by the shoulders and casting a quick glance around. youâd already caught one or two nobles side-eyeing the princess in your arms, and the last thing anyone needed was this being tomorrowâs headline in the newspapers.Â
no, your dad would kill you. the king would behead you. (youâre dramatic. but itâs a possibility.)
âweâre going,â you said, low and urgent, slipping an arm around her waist as she swayed again. âyouâre done. come on.â
âdonât wanna go,â sophia slurred stubbornly, stumbling as you started to guide her through the crowd. âsâmy party.â
âyou can barely stand.â
âstill mad.â
âdonât care.â
you maneuvered quickly, expertly, keeping your head down, fingers steady around her arm as you led her past the sweeping golden drapes and into one of the side corridors.Â
the music dulled behind the ballroom doors. the cool air of the hall washed over you like waves, blessedly quiet.
sophia groaned dramatically as you pushed open the door to one of the unused sitting rooms. she sagged against you, like every ounce of tension had finally slipped from her bones the moment the door clicked shut behind you.
you helped her to the couch, kneeling in front of her to unclip her shoes as she flopped backwards, arms flung over the edge like a drowned, tragic poet. her tiara tilted sideways.
âyou looked pretty,â she murmured suddenly into the quiet. âstill look pretty.â
you froze. you couldnât believe what you were hearing. ââŠwhat?â
âin your uniform,â she mumbled, cheeks flushed from more than just the wine. her lashes fluttered. she wasnât even aware she was saying this.
âmade it hard to breathe, âcause youââ she made a vague gesture toward your body, eyes half-lidded as she watched you with softness. âjust stood there with your jaw and your shouldersâand then you had to go and dance with someone who wasnât meââ
you closed your eyes, took a slow, steady and calculated breath.
âi wasnât thinking,â she continued, voice growing softer, more fragile around the edges, eroding like your walls around her.Â
âand now iâm thinking too much and my headâs spinning and i hate that i care. i hate it. i hate it so much.â
you looked up at her.
and for a momentâjust a momentâsophia laforteza didnât look like a princess. she looked like a girl with a heart too full, slumped sideways in a chair that didnât belong to her, whispering confessions sheâd never dare say sober.
fuck.
âyou need water,â you said finally, inhaling sharply.
âno. what i need,â she said, eyes fluttering closed again, âis for you to never dance with anyone else ever again.â
you blinked. your mouth opened. then closed.
âand, to kiss me.â
âwhatââ
too fast for how drunk she was, she grabbed a fistful of your collar with ashaky, determined hand and pulled you down into her.
her lips crashed into yoursâmessy, heated, desperate. she kissed you like she was trying to memorise something with the urgency of someone afraid of forgetting. like sheâd waited too long and couldnât hold it in anymore. and for a second,
you kissed back. you actually kissed back.
because she was soft and flushed and trembling (scared youâll push her off), and it was her. the girl who haunted your thoughts during drills. the girl who laughed like the world was hers, and somehow made you feel like it could be yours too.
that she could be yours.
but your hand caught her wrist gently, and you pulled away, breath uneven, your forehead resting against hers as she blinked in a daze.
she looked up at you then, hazy eyes widening, horror flickering across her expression like a crack in the sky. her lips parted, like she was about to say somethingâapologise, maybe, or backpedal into silence.
âhey,â you whispered, still close enough to feel the heat of her skin. âtell me who i am.â
she blinked, confused. âwhat?â
âtell me who i am, sophia. justâŠsay it.â
she blinked once, then her brows furrowed with focus, her hand still twisted in your collar.
ây/n,â she said softly. âyouâre⊠y/n. youâre my knight.â
âand your name is?â
she swallowed. âmy name is princess sophia elizabeth guevara laforteza, 122th heir to the throne after my brother.â
and that was all you needed.
you exhaled a breath you didnât realize you were holding. âokay,â you mumbled, almost to yourself, brushing a strand of hair away from her face.Â
âokay⊠you understand. youâre not fully drunk yet.â
âyeah, no crap i am. what are you doing?â she asked breathlessly, voice low, still dazed.
you stepped back, gently but firmly, slipping her hand from your shirt and keeping your voice as steady as you could manage.
âwe shouldnât be doing this here,â you said. âsomeone could see.â
she didnât argue. she didnât tease. just nodded once, slow and sure, trusting you the same way she always had.
you led her out of the quiet room with a careful hand on her back, her weight leaning slightly against your side, every step quick and quiet as you took the back corridorsâthe ones only you and the guards knewâuntil you reached her bedchamber.
the door closed softly behind you. the room smelled like garden roses and her.Â
you helped her out of her gown without a word, careful, respectful. she helped you out of your uniform, clumsy fingers and sleepy sighs. neither of you spoke of what it meant and what it stood for next.
she curled into your side not long after, head pressed against your shoulder, bare legs tangled under silk sheets, devotion silent in the night.
â-
basil approached you the next day. you knew what he was there for before he could ask you. like oreo, you and him had a different kind of understanding. quiet and aloof, but close acquaintances.Â
heâd told you about his distaste for becoming the king, and how heâd pass the throne onto sophia the moment heâd been deemed worthy enough to lead his own royal guard.Â
âsophia disappeared sometime yesterday night in the party. were you with her?â always quick to the point, basil was. he never liked a chase.
you respected that about him.
you nodded curtly. you knew better than to lie. you watched him take note of the faint, dark purple mark on your neck, tucked away beneath the collar of your tunic. the corner of his lips curled up a fraction.
âi was with her, yes.â
âin more ways than one, i presume.â
your lips pressed into a thin line, throat bobbing. he chuckles softly. âitâs fine, y/n. ease up. iâm glad it was you, and not one of those snobby lords.â
a scoff was pulled from your throat, though it was more of an amused sound. âyour sister knows better than that. sheâs a woman that knows what she wants.â
âwhat she wants and what she gets.â he commented, and you nodded.
a beat passed. neither of you spoke. you both watch the movements of the knights-in-training. watched a younger knight fumble his footwork while yunjin shouted at him, keeho cackling in the background.
you donât feel guilty about being interrupted.
then basil shifted beside you, voice softer. âi trust you wouldnât break her heart.â
your brows furrowed, the thought that heâd even think that was insulting and offensive to everything you stood for. for the kingdom. for oath. for her.Â
you shot him a glance that morphed into a glare. âif anything, itâd be her thatâll be breaking my heart. she hasnât said a word to me since we woke up this morning.â
his gaze followed yours and caught sight of sophia.
she was approaching the training grounds, walking with purpose, blue day dress trailing slightly behind her, sunlight wrapping itself around her like she were a daughter of the sun, glowing, radiant.
she didnât belong anywhere near the battlefield. if anything, she looked like she belonged to you.
basil gave a low whistle, already stepping back. âthen i guess iâll leave you to it.â he gave your shoulder a brief, meaningful squeeze. âgood luck.â
you swallowed, throat tight, and turned just as she stepped in front of you, her hands clasped neatly in front of her.
you opened your mouth, not knowing what to sayâonly for her to speak first.
âcan we talk?â
you nodded wordlessly, following her as she led you away from the noise, around the stone corridor that wrapped behind the courtyard, until it was just the two of you.Â
quiet, save for the faint echo of swords meeting shields in the background.
she turned to you slowly, nervous, but determined nonetheless. âyou thought i wouldnât remember.â
to be frank, you hadnât expected her to come. not after how quickly sheâd disappeared that morning. not after she couldnât even look at you when she slipped out of bed.
you looked away. âyou were drunk.â
ânot drunk enough,â she said. âi remember all of it. i remember everything.â
you stayed silent.
âyou looked like you thought it was a mistake,â you finally said, voice low. âand itâs fine, sophia. it was a mistake. a lapse in my judgement, and i shouldnât have let it happen or initiated anything.
her brows furrowed, eyes darkening. not with anger, but something deeper. hurt.
âit wasnât,â she said. ânot for me.â
your breath hitched. she stepped closer, her voice quieter now, the words meant for your ears only.
âi tried so hard to remember everything, y/n. not because i was scared i did something wrong. but because i wanted to remember it. all of it. i was scared of forgetting the feeling of your warmth against mine, scared to forget how it felt like i truly did belong somewhere with someone.â
her hand hovered, brushed your sleeve. she gulped, eyes looking up at you with silent begging, desperation. she needed to hear you reciprocate the feelings that had been gnawing at her since your first meeting.
âi love you, y/n.â
she canât be the only one who felt it. and she was right.
âi love you more, sophia. ever since that night in the courtyard, where you fucked around teasing me about echolocation,â she laughed softly at the mention, âiâve loved you ever since.â
your hand moved,Â
she leaned into your touch like sheâd been waiting for it all her lifeâlike your palm on her cheek was a missing piece she hadnât known she was missing until it fit just right.
âsay it again,â she whispered, barely audible. her lashes fluttered, her eyes on your lips.
you didnât hesitate. âi love you.â
sophia smiled. soft, genuine. the kind of smile that stripped her of title, crown, and duty. just sophia. just yours.
then she surged forward, pressing her lips to yours in a kiss that felt like a promise kept. it was slower than last night. no desperation, no effects of wine. just certainty. it was clear and steady and warm, it was everything sophia is.
when she pulled away, your hand still holding her face like she might vanish, she exhaled shakily. âi thought you hated me this morning.â
âi thought you regretted it,â you said, your voice rough with emotion you barely understood how to carry.
ânever,â she replied, and it was immediate. âi regret not doing it sooner.â
you let out a breath of disbelief, a soft laugh that cracked at the edges. âyouâre a freak.â
âyou love me for it.â
âunfortunately.â
she grinned and bumped your shoulder with hers, fingers drifting down to take your hand in hers, entwining them easily like it was something as natural as breathing.
you decide that honour and loyalty arenât the reason to fight for the kingdom anymore. sophia is now everything you stood for.
â-
you were both twenty when the first declaration of war from a neighboring empire had been announced. it was everywhere. in the newspapers, down to the leaflets and the frantic whispers threading through the markets and corridors of the kingdom. the empire of eyekonia hath declared war.
it struck like lightning. swift, absolute, and deafening. the court held emergency councils. generals moved like shadows through the halls. flags were lowered, then raised again under tighter command. the world sophia knew shifted beneath her feet.
she didnât care about strategy or supply lines or how many allies the crown could still call on.
all she could think about was you.
sophia had found you in the eastern wing, halfway through your patrol, and without a word, she grabbed the back of your tunic, dragging you quietly, urgently, through the stone halls, past startled servants and guards who knew better than to speak up.Â
she didnât stop until she found an unused meeting room, where the shutters were drawn and the heavy oak door groaned under the force she slammed it with. you stumbled inside after her, confused, the back of your shirt still wrinkled where her fingers had clutched it tight.
it had been a year since you both started seeing each other in secret. a year since that fated night that linked you together for an eternity, a year since sheâd relished in the comfort of your presence.Â
she didnât say anything at first. just paced the room, fingers trembling ever so slightly, her breath coming in uneven bursts. and when she finally turned to look at you, her eyes burnedânot with fury, but with something far worse: desperation.
âyouâre not fighting the front lines, are you?â
you blinked. the question caught you off guard. truly. but then the weight of it crashed into you like a tidal wave. the news, the fear, the look in her eyes.
you stepped forward slowly, shaking your head. âno. my duty lies with protecting you.â
her body deflated in an instant, all the tension draining from her shoulders like a storm finally passing. she crossed the room in two quick strides, arms wrapping around your waist like she could shield you from the news of the war and the war itself.
she could stay like this forever.
âthank god,â she whispered into your chest. âi thoughtââ
âi know.â you murmured, pressing your lips against her hair.
you didnât tell her how your father had been summoned to the war room before sunrise. how heâd returned with a rare look of relief in his eyes, saying that the king had other plans. that you, your father, and basilâwho finally got his wish of his own royal knights and got the approval of the king to step down from becoming kingâwere to remain behind, at the palace.
âthe frontline is no place for heirs or shields,â the king had said. âthe royal family must be guarded. my blood must be protected. and sophia⊠she will need people she trusts.â
you had bowed. not for the kingdom. not even for the king. but because of her.
âiâm not going anywhere.â youâd whispered, feeling her arms tighten around you and nuzzling further into your neck like sheâs trying to mold you both into one, warm breath fanning against your skin gently, grounding you. âiâm not going anywhere.â
âpromise?â
âpromise.â
â-
you were both twenty-two years of ageâtwo years into the war with the empire of eyekonia, and the kingdom was bleeding. losing men like they were mere numbers on a scale, names carved into stone more often than into medals. they were dropping like flies on foreign soil, dying for oaths that no longer felt like promises, but debts too heavy to repay.
and youâever composed, ever sharpâyou were unraveling. slowly. quietly. like silk being pulled from the hem.
your restless nights didnât go unnoticed. not to sophia.
she noticed the determination and focus in your eyes whenever youâd all meet up in the great hall to talk strategies for the way, the way your leg bounced up and down in an agitated tic, barely perceptible beneath your uniformâtoo subtle for those whoâd merely glance your way. but not sophia.
never sophia.
sheâd prided herself with knowing you better than yourself. the rhythm of your breaths. the slight dip in your voice when you were trying to keep emotion at bay.Â
the way you bit the inside of your cheekânot out of anxiety, but out of restraintâwhenever someone proposed a strategy that would cost more lives than it should, before promptly leaning forward in your seat and shaking your head because the men arenât just casualties that racked up numbers.Â
and then youâd lean forward in your seat, voice calm but firm, always with that same line: "there has to be another way."
because to you, the men werenât pawns.
they were names. faces. boys youâd trained with. soldiers who greeted you in the early hours, who held open doors and passed messages and laughed at keeho and yunjinâs bad jokes. men who had families, stories, dreams. they were men who youâd seen each day, given empowering speeches to and playfully cheering after.Â
they were your men as much as they are hers and the kingdomâs.
and sophiaâshe would watch you from across the room, something tender and painful blooming in her chest. because she knew what it cost you to care this much. and she loved you all the more for it.
noticed the way youâd softened through the years, the way youâd let yourself feel and show more feelings, instead of casting them away in a bottle and hiding it under a chest you wonât ever open, leaving the lock for generations and generations to look for.
noticed the way youâd been treading carefully around the idea of joining the front lines, not wanting to sit back and watch as the kingdom fell apart around you that could potentially risk the royal familyâs life. sophiaâs life.Â
noticed the way you steeled yourself whenever numbers of lives lost were brought back to you at the end of the way, and sophia could feel her resolve that hung by a thread shaking, because she just cannot afford to have you, the person sheâd lost nights to, rolling in bed and giggling like a teenager in love.Â
you, the person who used to be too scared to sleep in the same bed as her given the fact that youâd already slept together before, all unusually meek and unsure of your actions when youâd always been so sure of yourself.Â
you, who she was sure sheâd spend the rest of her life with, have a family, grow old together and die beside each other. you who she wanted to marry.
and you, who she cannot afford to be a mere statistic of the kingdomâs casualties in a war she didnât want. a victim to her fatherâs ambitious plans.
she feels sick.
she cannot fathom the thought of you out there, all alone while you stood in foreign soil soaked with the kingdomâs blood, away from the castle walls where she could keep you safe, away from her, away from the promise of forever. of a life with her.
she knew you were trained for this. it was a huge factor as to how youâd reached the levels and earned your place in the kingdomâand more importantly, a seat in the great hall where the king and queen, their oldest son, close advisers and commanders, and her, the heir, all gathered. you got there not because your father is one of the kingâs trusted advisor, but because you worked for it.
she couldnât look at you properly that night. couldnât even face you in the bed as you both laid next to each other, eyes wide open and sleep not planning on visiting your eyelids soon. a lump formed in her throat and her limbs moved before she knew it, propping herself up on her elbows to sit up on the bed, back flushed to the headboard.Â
she watched you do the same. watched as you silently sat up next to her, adjusted the covers on top of her to make sure sheâs hidden away from the cold. the action oddly spikes annoyance in her.
because how dare you. how dare you have thoughts of leaving the kingdom. leaving her behind to walk men to their demise because of her fatherâs foolish, ambitious plans that had dragged everyone into its whirlwind? how dare you have those thoughts and not tell her? how dare you ingrain the image of her waking up to an empty side of your bed, of leaving without telling her, just to hear word of your passing in her mind?
how dare you assume she doesnât know you well enough not to notice.
âwill you ever marry me?âÂ
the question lands flat. your lips parted in a moment of surprise, eyes widening slightly at how blunt sheâd been. she looks tired of everything, and rightfully so. sheâd been tired of the war, of the stench of male ego to strike up a treaty to stop the killing, and even so of the unnamed and unfinished promise of forever with you.
she doesnât know how much longer she has you before you tell her you want to go to war.
her eyes tear up, hot tears rolling down her cheeks as you stayed silent, fingers twitching but not reaching out. just watching. just watching as the fabric of her nightgown dampened and grew darker in colour as tears fell.Â
she hates how she leans in almost immediately at your touch on her cheek, pressing her face in your palm and god, sheâd never been this vulnerable before. she gets why you hate it.
âof course i will.â
âbut will you, though? because at this rate, iâm scared that iâll keep waiting and waiting and waiting for you, and i will, because i love youâand i cherish you more than anything in this worldâand that thereâll be a time thatâll come where you wonâtâyou wonât even be here, because i see it in your eyes. i see how much you want to fight the empire, even if right now, it seems like a lost cause. i see how much you look like youâre ready to choose the kingdom over me and iâm scared because i know that once you put your mind to it, that you will. and iâm scared because i know you have the capability to. and most of all, iâm scared that one day, iâll wake up and youâre not even going to be here anymore. that you wonât be here to hug me when you know i need it without telling you to, to listen to me ramble on and on about something unnecessary, that you wonât be here when i need you the most. and iâm going to be stuck here, because god knows i cannot and will never find another to love. because youâd carved yourself into every. single. piece. of me. and iâll never forget you. i donât ever want to forget you.â
you donât know when it started. sophia was too busy pouring her heart out to take notice, too, when you started pouring your eyes out. it hadnât dawned on you, until now, that sheâd always be waiting for you to come home, wherever you go, whatever you do. the realisation makes your heart weep.
you grasp her hands, tears streaming down your face just as much as the ones rolling down her flushed cheeks, hot to touch, and kiss her empty ring finger.Â
âi promise to you, that when the war ends and we can breathe easily and freely again, that i will marry you. this is my oath to you, my heart, that i will make you my wife the moment i can, and we shall live the rest of our lives together. maybe build a family, even turn the garden much bigger as you wish. weâll have the rest of our lives to figure out what weâll do together.â
and sophia finally feels like she could breathe.Â
â
you were both twenty-three when things had looked even more grim than before, and twenty-four when you decided that there was no better time than now to enter the battlefield, four years after the war had been declared.Â
sophia sat stiffly. you both knew this day would come. it was just a matter of if or when, and youâd picked the day a week before your twenty-fifth birthday. sophia had wanted to spend time with you on your birthday, do as best she could while the kingdom slowly crumbled into shambles, try and focus on something else that wasnât stained with blood.
but now here you are, dropping the decision on her lap like it wasnât anything heavy. like you didnât just tell her that youâll be off to the thorny battlefield that swam with dead bodies.Â
would she really ever have the chance to marry you? to slip the ring in your finger and for you to slip the ring in hers, branding you to have a lifetime of love ahead of you? would she ever see you grow old beside her, all wrinkles and gray hairs, and a tired yet content smile on your lips as you watched your grandchildrenâif you somehow manage to have childrenârun around the garden, otherwise, youâll be watching either basil or oreoâs grandchildren.
she doesnât know what was worse, not spending a lifetime with you, or you wrapped in deathâs embrace somewhere in a place she couldnât reach.
she decides its both. because it doesnât give her you, either way.
SOPHIAâS POV.
you tell me youâre leaving like itâs a simple thing, like the ground wonât open up beneath me the second youâre gone.
i donât cry anymore. i just sit there, watching you, memorizing every detailâthe slope of your shoulders, the way your fingers curl restlessly against your knee, like maybe some part of you is afraid too.
âdonât look at me like that,â you whispered.
but how else am i supposed to look at you? how else am i supposed to let you go?
when youâre gone, the earth will have you. it will hold you tighter than i ever could, wrap you up in its quiet, endless embrace. and i will be left here, hollow, staring at the ground beneath my feet and hating it for having what i lost.
if you must die, i'll envy even the earth that wraps your body.
â--
it had been a week since youâd left for the war. youâd already turned twenty-five.
 your father had struck up a deal with one of the advisors from the empire of eyekonia, and wished to send troops to seek if the empire will hold up their line of the bargain. and the kingâafter a lot of nagging and persistence on basilâs endâhad begrudgingly allowed his eldest son to come with his troops on stand-by beside your own.Â
keeho and yunjin looked uneasy and queasy on the way to the empire. the week had gone by quick, and thanks to your expertise and basilâs troops who had served as reinforcements, quickly wiped the enemy troops down, not a single knight sat on their horse unscathed or untouched by stains of blood. you yourself had suffered a deep gash wrapped tightly in bandage.
you stopped your horse just in front of the seemingly barren castle gates of the empire. it was daunting, the beheaded troops of your kingdom sat decomposing on pikes and up for display for everyone to see. you heard somebody retching behind you. basil rides his horse to stand beside yours.
âthe sun is setting. we should set up camp near and leave this till the morning. i have a bad feeling about this.â you shook your head at his statement, wanting to get the whole thing done and over with, so you could go home to sophia and celebrate your twenty-fifth with her.
âno, stay here. iâll go check it out.â
âabsolutely not. iâll come with you.âÂ
you stared at the eldest royal sibling with furrowed brows, and after coming into terms that he wouldnât back down, you relented, sighing deeply and hopping off your horse, patting the animal and glancing at yunjin and keeho.
âkeeho. come. basil, take four of your men. yunjin, iâll leave you in charge of the rest, keep an eye out for anything and shout if something happens. weâll go check what weâre dealing with.â
everything felt wrong. from the moment you, basil, keeho, and four of basilâs men stepped foot in the courtyard with the rest of the forces outside the wide open castle gates, everything felt damn still and wrong.
there were no guards who greeted you. no banners waved. the gates stood open like a mouth waiting to swallow. and the airâgod, even the air was dead.
"stay close," youâd muttered, hand never straying from the hilt of your blade.
you didnât like it. none of you did. but orders were orders. and your fathe had sworn the eyekonian emperorâs closest advisor was loyal to ending the four year long war. she had extended a rare, desperate olive branch: a treaty, drafted in secrecy and sealed with royal insignias.
she was supposed to meet you. and she did.
but when she appeared at the top of the stairs leading to the dining hall, something in your gut coiled. she was too poised. too calm. and her green, sharp eyes lingered on you just a little too long.
still, you followed her. you had no choice but to. for the kingdom and for sophia. through the dust-slick halls that seemed to have not had a single soul clean it since the start of time. through the grand entryway of the dining chamber where a feast had been laid but left untouched. like it was meant for someone else.
you could cut the tension in the air with your sword. basilâs fingers twitched. keehoâs jaw was locked. none of the other men spoke.
"the treaty?" she asked silkily, voice echoing around the stone chamber.
you reached into your coat, pulling the sealed scroll and stepping forward. âfrom king laforteza. a formal end to the war, by decree of both kingdoms.â
you extended it with care, but she didnât reach for it.
instead, she smiled.
and in that smile, you saw everything unravel. too fast, too quick.Â
too late.
a flash of sophiaâs smile glinted behind your eyelids.
âpoor child,â she said softly. âyou shouldâve stayed in your little castle with your little princess.â
before your sword could even clear its sheath, her hand shot forward, sharp and inhumanly fastâmetal glinted under her sleeveâ
and the blade plunged right through your chest plate.
you gasped as the steel cut through bone and heart and air, the force of it throwing you backwards as your knees buckled.
basil shouted. keeho moved.
the witch barely had time to twist the blade before basil was on her, fury igniting in his veins. he drove his sword through her neck, slicing with such force her body collapsed in a heap of blackened smoke. a whispered âlong hail the eyekonian empire!â lingering in the air like a ghost.
you hit the floor hard, breath stuck in your throat, blood pooling beneath you, warmth draining fast from your limbs. you couldnât breathe, the damage was far too severe for a quick movement, a rather large chasm where you heart laid and the surrounding areas.
coughing blood as it invaded your lungs, your blurry eyes caught keeho hastily ripping the metal plate covering your chest while the other soldiers screamed for the troops outside to come in, feeling hands pressing to try and regulate the bleeding, even if it was a lost cause.
but the damage was too severe to resolve. blood dripped down your lips, splattering on basilâs chestplate and the kingdom's insignia. him and keeho had looked horrified, like it was hard to believe that youâre here, dying in front of their eyes when you were just fine a few moments earlier. that the years of your life spent in training had gone down the drain with a quick snap of a wrist.
sophia had appeared in your thoughts once more.
sophia, sophia, sophia.
sophia.
you wonder how sheâll react to your foolish decision of rushing things to get home to her. the lapse in your judgement and eagerness to leave costing you your life. sheâd have scolded you if youâd lived. mumbling something along the lines of âalmost losing my future wife.â
you wonder how sheâll cope. nights spent in utter silence, when usually youâd be there to fill it with soft murmurs of something dumb keeho or yunjin had done while training. you wonder if she could even stomach seeing your empty side of the bed that awaited your return, of the fact that youâd practically broken your promise of marrying her when the war ends. you wonder if sheâll even be able to forgive you.
youâve broken her heart, her trust, your promise.
you wonder if sheâll marry. you know she wonât, but you wonder if sheâll even consider it. she wonât. you hope she won't.
you feel someone lift you up, eyes droopier by the second. you donât know how long youâll last, hanging on by a thread in hopes to have at least the littlest consciousness by the time you arrive at the kingdom. the ride home is at least four days, and youâve been stabbed through the heart.
sophia, sophia, sophia.
the girl who youâd swore to protect, to stand by her side till the end of time. and in by doing so, youâve protected her and the kingdom. but at what cost?
she was right. itâll always be duty that youâll pick.
â--
the troops arrived a few days later, just before the sun set.
the people gathered in hushed clusters near the gates, whispers trailing behind the guards who bore the burden of grief on their shoulders, despite the victory of the empire and the end of the five year war.
at the very front, a body lay still atop a wooden cart, draped in the laforteza colorsâdeep navy and silver, lined with the kingdomâs sigil. the cloth covered everything, but it did nothing to hide the shape beneath it. nothing to dull the cold finality of it.
sophia stood at the castle steps, hands clenched at her sides. she didnât need anyone to speak. didnât need the confirmation of names or reports or letters from the front.
she knew.
she knew the slope of those shoulders beneath the fabric. knew the way the blade of your nose had always cut sharp and proud, even in rest. she knew the stillness wasnât sleepâit was silence. finality.
âno,â she whispered, barely audible.
âno.â
no one dared stop her when she stepped down the stairs. not even the guards dared look her in the eye.
she stopped at the cart, breath trembling, heart thudding violently against her ribs as if it could somehow drum you back to life.
âplease,â she murmured, to no one and nothing. âplease donât do this.â
her hands lifted, shaking as she reached for the cloth.
and when she peeled it backâ
her knees buckled.
a choked sound tore out of her throat. her hand flew to her mouth, as if she could stuff the scream back inside. you were pale. still. lips tinged blue. your armor had been cleaned, but the dent at your chest plate was still there. and your swordâyour favoriteârested by your side like it belonged with you in death, too.
sophia dropped to her knees beside the cart, clutching the edge like it could hold her upright. she could hear basil somewhere behind her, voice low and broken as he tried to explain. but she wasnât listening.
she was supposed to marry you.
you had promised.
and now, the war had taken what even time dared not touch. basil wrapped his arms around her from behind, trying to hold her upright as wails so painful and gut wrenching pierced through the air, your father freezing in place at the sight.
heâd unknowingly lead you to your demise.
you were newly twenty-five when youâd died, and sophia never married. never planned to if it wasnât you, anyway. she kept sleeping on your side of the bed no matter how painful it was, kept the blood-stained letter found in your pocket framed on the bedside table as a remembrance. kept your sword as a remembrance. kept everything you had as a remembrance.
because she was starting to forget you as time passed. was starting to forget how you felt, how you smiled, how you moved, how you looked at her like she was worth dying for and did. she was starting to forget.
and she wanted to remember.
she wanted to remember everything, down till the last pulses of her heart weakly pumped blood and basil and oreoâs children had gathered around her bed to say goodbye, a privilege you never got to have. she wanted to remember everything down to her last breath, how warm your skin felt beneath her fingertips, memorising and mapping your skin like it was the last thing sheâll ever do.
she never married. until death, she waited for you. waited for ninety years, if it meant coming home to you. she ruled with the strength you left her, carried the weight of the crown like your blood hadnât been spilled across the kingdomâs soil to make peace possible.Â
she turned her pain into purpose, rebuilt a world you couldâve lived inâshouldâve lived inâand still, every night, she slept facing your empty side of the bed. made it possible for the end and the start of something new. she died on your side of the bed, your letter addressed to her clutched to her heart. creased, worn, and faded.
âthe queen walks beside her knight again.â
a/n. finished in time for beautiful chaos releaseđââïž did not mean to write this long but oh well yall have to deal w this now. will fix thr layout of the pairing nd shit in the morning. this was NAWT proofread ts was long asl im highk not bothered to look for spelling mistakes nd shiđđ„đ„đ„đ„ ts also took THREE gruelling months to finishđ„đ„đ„ its the reason why the mamma mia updates hv been locked in the basement
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