Getting to know a guy is hard

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@voxies-box
Getting to know a guy is hard

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I'm still writing and revising, but enjoy this small blurb: insert will smith pointing meme here
“You know what - hold that thought.” Simon cuts himself off abruptly and gets up out of his chair. He doesn’t even bother taking off his headset this time around, so everyone can hear the faint noises of him opening his office door and walking out into the apartment. It’s rare that Simon steps away from his set-up, and even rarer for him to not bother taking his headset off or muting himself.
The entirety of chat seems to be holding their breath for this.
“Where did…?” a soft meow cuts in, prompting a pause in movement, “No not you, where did you put your father? You don’t know? Then what do I feed you for!?” There's a dramatic kissing noise before Simon seemingly continues on, a soft “aha!” finally alerting them to what he’s looking for.
“Hey, do - stop screaming it’s me - do you want to bake a cake with me for charity?”
I can hear him say that to their cat so clearly 😭😭
They can hear Grace say “I’d love to but you know I’d be doing all the work right? Last time you tried to make a cake it didn’t end well.” Then there’s a pause before Grace adds “it means you do get to sit there and look pretty~” before they hear a kiss sound.
Klapollies
Dude, your glasses
Rocky the Eridian was a cosmic horror movie protagonist for 50 years.
Until Ryland Grace showed up and changed the genre to buddy comedy/ space opera.

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things that I believe in my HEART are on the Beatles' message to Earth (Project Hail Mary)
taumoeba (obviously)
instructions on how to use taumoeba (obviously)
50+ hrs of unedited footage of Grace fucking up a bunch of stuff in the ship
so much info about Eridian language
1700+ hrs of unedited footage of Grace and Rocky fucking up a bunch of shit in the ship
Cannot emphasize how much info on the eridian sentence structure there is here
a weirdass knit sweater pattern that takes people weeks to realize is for Rocky
literally hundreds of pages of Grace just describing Eridian linguistic history which like honestly isn't even his field why should we even listen to this guy- (hes the only one to ever fucking met an intelligent alien Dave. we'll take him at his word)
Why the Goldilocks Zone is for Idiots Part 2: Biological Diversity all across the Petrova Line (subtitled "We haven't found them yet BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN THEY DONT FUDHING EXIST-")
what are essentially just those reaction videos "Alien watches Legally Blonde for the first time" "Alien gives thoughts on movie Cats (2019)" "You'll never believe what this Alien thinks of the movie Fantastic Mr. Fox"
Grace's modified cardigan charts because someone was asking for them on his Ravelry and he never actually got around to posting them
(people have already fully recreated this cardigan just months after his launch. but they appreciate it)
very respective, kind eulogies for everyone who died in this mission (Grace AND Rocky's crew)
a lace shawl pattern inspired by the petrova line with a beaded fringe. knitters everywhere weep in despair because those instructions are gOD AWFUL, the man had 0 (zero) test knitters AND THERES NO PICTURES FUCK
Rocky make Grace cringe compilation statement
Grace's final goodbye to Earth ig
bloodmary dredge au where grace is a fisherman who lost his memories looking for someone with only a book to guide him and simon is the eldritch eel god thats responsible for the fuck up shit happening in the ocean and ava is the lighthouse keeper telling grace to stop searching but all the ex scientist wants is to see his husband one last time before both of them gets consumed by the bloody ocean
Child of the Hail Mary AU
There are some PHM fics where Eridians mistakenly think Grace is a pebble because of his age which got me thinking: what if there's an AU where Grace is genuinely a kid during the events of the book/movie?
What if the rate the astrophage dims the sun is slower than cannon so Project Hail Mary has time to add more food and breed enough astrophage so that the suicide trip becomes a really long round trip. Added bonus of more advanced tech for a variety of more situations.
What if one of the astronauts on the original Hail Mary crew is unknowingly pregnant when they all blast off into space? Everyone enters their comas none the wiser. For the next nine months, the little baby grows with Armando doing its best to care for this unexpected development. It doesn't wake anyone because the astronauts are all supposed to stay asleep until they reach their destination, so it delivers the baby and does everything it can to care for him as he grows into a toddler. The Hail Mary plays him TV shows for babies and toddlers that teach alphabets and words from the stuff Stratt pirated to try to keep him occupied. The child slowly starts to learn to talk to the Hail Mary, asking questions like who are these people ("She my mama? What's mama, Mary?") and why aren't they waking up, getting answers he sometimes doesn't understand. The Hail Mary doesn't have a name for the child, so he picks Ryland from a TV show and Grace from his mother. He often curls up on the bed beside her, wrapping her limp arm around him to pretend that she's giving him a hug like on the TV shows.
Meanwhile, the coma systems start to fail one by one as Grace grows up. He doesn't understand why Armando starts taking away the sleeping people (sealing them in their pods). Scared that his mama will be taken next, Little Grace tries to learn about the coma machines and why they aren't working. He asks Mary to help him learn, so the ship directs him to kindergarten and 1st grade level science materials on the laptops. Grace feverishly pours over everything he can, but his mother, the last astronaut, dies before he can even get a solid grasp on the basics. Devastated at her loss and the fact that he's now alone, Grace throws himself into learning everything he can so that something like this will never happen again. He'll know everything there is to know and maybe he can fix what went wrong.
Time passes and Grace soaks up everything like a sponge. At some point the crushing failure tainting his education journey lessens and he starts to really enjoy learning new things (especially since there isn't really much else to do). As both his body and mind grows he comes across scientific journals discussing astrophage which leads to him discovering the astrophage crisis. Cue a deep dive into what the internet had on Project Hail Mary up until launch. Grace learns who his mama and the astronauts were and why they were all in a ship in space. He wonders why there's no mention of him, though. He decides that since his mama can no longer solve the astrophage problem, he will instead. He declares as much to the pods holding his dead crew, promising that he'll fix it.
With renewed enthusiasm, Grace throws himself into building his understanding of the universe to greater heights. Math, science, physics, biology (oh, so that's where he came from! Ew) chemistry, history, language, programming, everything he can get his hands on. He studies like the world depends on it ('cause it does) as the clock counts down to his arrival at their destination. Grace makes sure to know every inch of his home the Hail Mary inside and out so he knows what everything is, how it works, and what exactly he's working with. This leads to him discovering what he eventually dubs the "don't go crazy room" where he can experience scenes from Earth in a much more immersive way. Sometimes he'll load up a video of a classroom and pretend to teach everything he's learning to the other kids on the screen. Not only does it help him retain the knowledge, it also makes him feel like he's making a human connection, at least for a little while. His love for Earth grows and adds to the physical ache of loneliness in his chest. He wonders how he can miss a place so much that he's never even physically been.
The years pass (Tau Ceti is not the destination, I want Grace to grow up a little before he meets Rocky so they're heading a bit farther out. Again, the astrophage isn't dimming the sun as quickly in this AU, so Earth has some time to spare) and Grace has absolutely devoured everything the laptops have on science and other subjects, becoming a child prodigy in the process (not that he knows that). He finds and corrects the error in the feeding tubes for the coma system, feeling both elated at the solved mystery and depressed that it was too little, too late. The Hail Mary arrives at its destination and he experiences zero gravity for the first time (he feels sick at first but grows to like it). Excited to finally start solving the problem that is his entire reason for existing, Grace fires up the Petrova Scope and quickly notices Rocky's ship. When he realizes that there's another intelligent person in this solar system he gets super excited to actually try to communicate with his first real person EVER.
Events progress until they're finally face to face. Grace is hyped, nervous, enthusiastic, and in general a little overwhelmed at his first real conversation with a real person. Rocky, in the meantime, is starting to get suspicious about how hyperactive and giggly this small alien is. He acts more like a pebble than an adult. It isn't until they've established numbers, a bunch of common words, and Grace proudly showing him his math of his calculated age that Rocky realizes that this alien is, in fact, an actual child and is completely alone with only the corpses of his crew and his parent for company. Horrified, Rocky decides that he'll have to watch over this strange child since there's no one else to do it. When he offers to watch Grace sleep, Grace gets excited at his first sleepover with his first friend. He runs back to the Hail Mary to get his bedding and makes a very quick video log to gush about it.
Grace and Rocky continue to collaborate their information, making a solid plan to go to the planet in the system with the Petrova line and find out why it isn't eating the star. Rocky is impressed with Grace's expansive knowledge, especially when he's able to figure out what killed Rocky's crew and explain relativity to him. He feels hopefull that with Grace's advanced scientific knowledge and Rocky's own engineering prowess, the two of them together can save their respective stars. He needs a better way to keep an eye on this kid, though.
Grace is ecstatic when Rocky moves in and happily shows him his favorite videos of earth. He answers Rocky's questions to the best of his ability, but he is saddened by the reminder that he only knows facts and has never experienced Earth for himself. He doesn't know what its like to swim, he's never touched a tree let alone climbed one, he's never seen any of the animals on these videos, and he's never walked the streets of a big Earth city. Rocky, in an effort to cheer up this sad little pebble, shares stories about Erid and what life is like there. Grace soaks it all up eagerly, asking what his family is like and what is it like to have living relatives (Rocky's hearts can't catch a break with this adorable walking tragedy). The two grow close, bonding over lost loved ones and dead crewmates. Rocky asks why Grace has kept their bodies aboard the Hail Mary. Grace admits that he talks to them sometimes so he doesn't feel so alone, but he's always wanted to give them proper funerals. Rocky helps him research what to do and gives him the emotional courage he needs to finally say goodbye after all these years. One by one they commend the bodies of the astronauts to the stars until his mother is the only one left. Grace tearfully thanks his mama for bringing him into the universe, promises to her that he will solve the astrophage problem, and shakily gasps out his goodbyes before commending her to the stars. Once her body is gone, he collapses to the floor, sobs wracking his body. Rocky settles down next to him, huddling as close as he can while Grace reaches his little arms as far as he can around his xenonite ball and cries himself to sleep. Rocky makes sure to remind his little alien friend to take care of himself when he wakes up, nudging him to go eat and hydrate. He's Grace's emotional rock. The two become even closer, looking out for each other and supporting each other. Rocky does his best to help in whatever way he can.
Grace finds life in the samples they collect at Adrian, kick starting their plan to capture astrophage's predator. It goes just as catastrophically as it does in the book/movie, with Rocky not wasting a single second before bursting out of his atmosphere and into Grace's to save his motionless little pebble. Grace wakes up after receiving medical treatment from Armando and nearly hyperventilates himself into a panic attack at Rocky's condition, the fear of losing his only friend overwhelming his tiny body. He promises to watch Rocky sleep before he falls apart, pressed against the xenonite as tightly as possible. He's not ready to say goodbye, he's not.
Grace works to study the predator samples they collected in order to distract himself. The moment he realizes that the answer to the astrophage crisis- the entire reason his mama and the crew died in space, his reason for existing- is right there in front of him, he has a small meltdown before feverishly working to make sure this amoeba could survive in a partially nitrogen atmosphere. Rocky wakes up to a massive hug from Grace and the solution to their problems. The two celebrate, giving each other gifts before realizing that it is time to part ways. Rocky is reluctant to leave his pebble and Grace doesn't want to go back to being alone. They both, however, know they need to go back to their planets. With heavy hearts they say goodbye and part ways. Neither are okay.
A little while later, Grace awakens to the alarms that there's a leak. He quickly deals with the escaped Amoeba, realizing that Rocky is going to be stranded in space if he doesn't do something. He makes the decision to turn back for Rocky immediately, surprising himself with how easy it is to give up on going to Earth. He thinks he understands the phrase, "home is where the heart is" a lot better now. Grace stuffs the beetles with Amoeba and everything he's learned about it, as well as a few personal vlogs that explain who he is, details everything that happened aboard the Hail Mary, and declaring what he's going to do next. With that, he launches the beetles and turns back for Rocky. He's sad to leave Earth behind, but excited to be heading towards the person he loves. Soon enough, he finds the Blip-A and reunites with Rocky.
The two head to Erid aboard the Hail Mary. Rocky officially adopts Grace as his own pebble much to Grace's delight and many tears. Rocky watches as Grace begins to grow up over the years they spend on their way to Erid. It's definitely a learning curve for both of them (puberty, yikes). Grace is a teenager by the time they arrive.
Adrian is very quickly charmed by this gangly, clumsy pebble tripping over his two feet with strange voice cracks sometimes changing his pitch when he speaks. They and Rocky both do their best to raise the little alien into a fine young man. All of Erid officially claims Grace as an Eridian and looks out for him. A therapist visits him twice a week to help him work through his trauma. Grace, meanwhile, is really enjoying teaching everything he knows to classes of little pebbles, running lots of experiments in his lab in his biodome, and slowly healing while surrounding himself with his new family members. He's home.
Meanwhile on the Earth, the beetles make their way back home. Humanity eagerly looks forward to the knowledge the astronauts sent back, hoping for a solution to their eminent extinction. The first video reveals an unknown child dressed in ill-fitting clothes aboard the Hail Mary. Humanity is first shocked and then horrified as this child solemnly reports the deaths of the original crew and the circumstances for his own presence on the ship. A child born in space outside of their solar system, raised in isolation, and yet functional enough to study and learn until he was able to send back the thing that would save a whole world he had never even seen with his own eyes. A child who spearheaded the first intergalactic collaboration and sent back knowledge on their neighbors in the 40-Eridani system. A child who, with tears in his eyes, informed humanity that as much as he longed to see the planet he came from and meet the people of Earth, Rocky was family and he would be taking him home to Erid. A child who asked if his hello could be passed on to any living relative of his mother and father. A child who had tucked away a few of his drawings into the beetles and asked if someone could hang them on a fridge somewhere, that would be nice, thanks.
Copies of the pictures are made and sent to every space agency on the planet for them to hang up on their fridges while the originals are delivered to the remaining family of Ryland Grace's mother. More and more copies are made until almost every family on the planet have one on their fridge. The Amoeba is sent off to Venus and the sun begins to brighten once more.
And Humanity comes together once again to launch a second interstellar mission with the intent to travel to the 40-Eridani system and bring messages and pieces of Earth to Ryland Grace, Child of the Hail Mary.
Thinking of the Actor!Simon AU (I must leave angst land for fluffier waters). Simon starring in a romance/movie with a romance subplot and him and Grace aren't together yet, but his acting has something special in it the audience picks up on bc he keeps thinking of Grace during scenes. BTS photos of projects getting released, and a couple have Simon looking out of frame with a similar look. Some people think Simon is dating the co-star of the movie. Maybe during the press tour for the movie he gets some questions about romance. Grace getting hired as a science consultant (during the summer so he's free) on a movie Simon is working on so they have time to hang out (shyly flirt) between takes. I feel like Simon is the kind of actor who is a lot shier in real life, and while his childhood was bad, he enjoys his craft and escaping into someone more confident in the ways he isn't.
Oh my god YES!!!
It’s a Jody film and she asks her brother in law (because her and colt are married) Grace to come onto set and be the science consultant and he agrees and at the begin, until its summer break for the kids, its over the phone. Simon hears grace’s voice telling him how to do the scene and Simon is like “I can trust this guy he knows what he’s talking about.” And grace offers for Simon to have his number so he can call him anytime and they talk at night before a shoot with basically Simon asking “so in this scene i have to do this. Any advice?” And it’s literally only for one week until Grace can fly out to actually be on set.
You know Jody took a photo of the two of them as a Polaroid and they both get one and when she walks away, Simon says to Grace that he never wants to forget this experience and Grace feels the same. Also whenever someone is like “oh do you know where I can find Dr Grace/Simon?” Someone else is like “try either of their trailers. They’re always together so if you find one you’ll find the other.”
Soon...

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Part 1 of “From Eden”
eva who got herself a fake wedding band to stop people from hitting on her. ava who makes her a real one (out of iron).
ok imagine: a bloodymary + trolley operators au where when Simon gets pulled into the hail mary verse, Stratt gets pulled into the world of the iron lung as a kind of exchange. and while Ryland and Simon are having their sweet little healing romance, stratt is working on getting complete control over the COI in order to save the universe with Ava’s backing (after she managed to save ava from the blood ocean and Ava recognized that she was exactly the kind of person they needed). idk am I cooking or no
Hey I actually took some notes months ago on this exact AU! Here are my thoughts:
Very very good ironic tragedy— Stratt betrays her best friend and sells her soul and nukes Antarctica and paves over the Sahara to save Earth, and SUCCEEDS, only to be unceremoniously teleported to a universe living in the aftermath of her worst nightmare: what would have happened had she failed.
Ava would drive herself even further into madness searching for a way to recreate the transuniversal portal, to get all of humanity out of this dead universe, and to get Stratt home. Stratt would likely also drive herself mad trying to save this miserable universe
Ava & Stratt could be the one island of peace in a miserable reality for each other
Stratt goes from having the entire world's resources at her fingertips to having to McGuyver shit with ten-times-recycled titanium and human-hair-rope
Stratt is never 100% sure that this whole debacle isn't an elaborate delusion born of her solitary confinement. But she refuses to let that bleed into her actions
There is no more nicotine or caffeine in this universe (if there are any plants at all they are food and CO2 scrubbers only). Stratt is going through dual withdrawals for the first few months while trying to bring the COI under her command
Stratt and Ava make for a terrifying dynamic duo. The woman from Somewhere Else and the Sole Survivor of the SM-5. One dedicated to merciless efficiency and pragmatism, the other dedicated to endless sacrifice, both devoted to humanity's survival.
I think with the trolley operators ship, Ava would get very "submissive in the way a livestock guardian dog submits to the sheep it kills for." Yk what I mean?
Like, Eva is everything Ava is trying to be. She stopped the stars from dying out. She committed to her cause, no matter what it took. Where Ava died trying to save Simon, Eva sent Grace to his death without a second thought. Eva stays cold and neutral in the face of impossible odds. She never lets her uncaring mask slip. Ava is loud, aggressive, and never comes off as certain as she wants to be.
Ava so desperately wants to be the woman who pulled her ashore from the freezing ocean after she was certain she had died. In lieu of crawling into Eva's body and wearing her skin, Ava devotes herself to Eva with the fervor that Eden had for the last tree. She would kill or die for her. She feels an envy so deep that it's carnal. Eva Stratt is the emblematic of the COI itself, she is Ava's ideals given form.
Eva is disconcerted by Ava's behaviour. She doesn't believe she deserves the worship Ava gives her. She killed a man, her only real friend, and she's certain she'll burn in hell again after she's lived it on earth. Still, selfishly, she doesn't stop Ava from praising her. Even if she doesn't deserve it, Eva feels the pit in her stomach let up when Ava holds her.
I'm gonna be honest I am rapidly becoming obsessed with Ava x Eva Stratt from the Bloodymary crossover (thank you so much @blonsh) and I especially love how it's just so much of a horrible taunt from the universe for Ava.
She has spent her life desperately scrounging around in the darkness, trying to keep humanity alive with scraps, committing utterly horrific and indefensible acts because she genuinely believed it would help humanity in the long run (yes dozens may die in the subs, but if there really is something, anything, that can help keep the rest alive it's worth it it will all be worth it it HAS to be worth it). And then she's dead, killed by the very thing she was hoping would be humanity's last hope— but she isn't dead. She touched something in the beast's mouth, something unknowable, and suddenly she's somewhere else. Somewhere bright and clean. She turns to the side, hacking up blood, and out the window is the sun.
The sun is back. The stars are back. Earth is back. But only she is here to see it. All the others she was fighting for? They're stuck back where she came from. She sold her soul, she DIED, because she didn't matter, only the rest of her people mattered— and only she was saved. Only she gets to see a world where none of it happened. A world where everything she did, everything she sacrificed, never mattered. Never existed.
And there's someone just like her, with practically the same NAME as her, here too. And she succeeded where Ava failed. She sold her soul and bought humanity's saving Grace. Her Sun, her Earth, they live because of what she did.
How can Ava do anything but collapse in the face of that? But she's spent her whole life learning how not to collapse. So she soldiers on. She throws herself into figuring out how to get back, how to reopen the portal, how to save her people, the same way she always has. But it's no use. She can't reopen it. She's failed again. But this time, there's someone there to catch her. Someone there who understands. Someone whose eyes have the same weight Ava sees in her own when she looks in the mirror. Someone who might even be able to love her, even despite all she's done. Because she'd have done the same.

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When it comes to Bloodymary and Trolley Operators, in my head Elli is essentially an isekai bus who causes people from the Iron Lung universe to be transported to the Project Hail Mary universe when she kills them
what if Simon and Ava both get yeeted to PHM universe at the time of death. as is usual, Simon onto Hail Mary, and Ava somewhere on Earth where Stratt is. maybe just post prison break. they get along, Ava throws herself into helping Stratt save Earth however possible, because saving humanity has always been her goal whichever life.
then, the beetles get back to Earth. they're watching the logs, seeing what the crew was up to. and then Simon appears on screen with Grace and Rocky and Ava is like 'what the fuck'. but Simon is there, and he's doing whatever he can to help of his own volition, and Ava can't help but feel like she misjudged the guy (she did).
so now both she and Stratt can agonize over their sacrificial lambs coming so close to making it back, but choosing not to for the sake of someone else in an impressive showcase of personal growth. and the only thing they can do is take the taumoeba and do their best.
parallelism yay!