𝕨𝕣𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕤 𝕓𝕝𝕠𝕔𝕜

“That shit won in 2015?” Iliass asked with a disbelieving look. He shook his head, not quite able to process it. “It’s bull crap.” Not only was it straight as Hel, it was also something you had to spend more time thinking about before you could actually jack off to it.

“I’ve been in this business, reading all the bad scripts, for a couple decades now?” He informed Jesse with an air of consideration. “And I have never heard something so awful as ‘Wizard’s Wand’ to refer to a cock.” He was chuckling despite his distaste, shaking his head a little.

“Member, organ, pulsing length, twitching girth, a pecker standing tall - I’ve heard all those. But never have I ever called my cock ‘His Emminence’.”

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If Illias has been reading scripts for decades and has never come across something worse than wizard’s wand, Jesse’s suddenly real tempted to start forwarding him article drafts from the magazine. Maybe he’d get a laugh out of them. It’s only fair, since Jesse’s definitely getting a laugh out of Illias soberly reciting various words for dick, all deadpan and rocking the professor vibes.

Jesse has to pull a yikes face at ‘pecker’, though. Even Illias’ handsome face can’t make that one sound good.

The dark-haired boy glanced at the other and smirked a little as the other called him pretty. He didn’t know what his looks had to do with him not knowing about terrible erotica, but he appreciated the compliment nevertheless.  “I hope they don’t make us start acting out these terrible erotica’s,” he chuckled. “That’s when I’m dropping out of the actor thing,” he answered smugly. 

Ant glanced at the cover of the next book Jesse pulled out his bag. The cover intrigued him, but Antonio wasn’t much of a reader. A magazine ro book with pictures of boys he liked on the front would have him flicking through in seconds. Muscle men weren’t really his thing. He liked slim frames, pretty faces and cute personalities.

The dark-haired boy rested his head against his hand as Jesse started reading through some of the pages in the book he had. He smirked at the words love mountains, and turned to face Jesse as he continued. Listening intently to the words that were escaping Jesse’s mouth. “Do people actually like that?” He asked. “Doesn’t do anything for me. Especially since theirs a woman involved,” he smirked. “The adjectives used to describe are really something, huh?” He teased.

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“Literally nobody likes this,” Jesse replies dryly. “It’s like... Sharknado. You remember that shit? Nobody actually thought it was good, but it’s hilarious, so it still sells.” Personally, he’s convinced that acting out terrible erotica would sell, in that B-Movie So Bad It’s Good way, but yeah, kinda couldn’t find Ant for not wanting to do that.

After all, who could say that shit with a straight face?

“My glasses suit my face.” He protested, frowning a little, but not truly offended. “They make me look proffessor-ly.” It played into the kind of character he usually played. He almost laughed aloud at the thought of any decent acting going into porn. A lot of those here are are because they couldn’t get into legitimate acting.

He listened to the kid’s words with narrowed eyes and a slightly nodding head, indicating he was taking it all in. In reality, it was mostly going over his head.

“What’s all the flowery language for?” He asked, sounding somewhat disgusted with it. “What’s wrong with how sex is written nowadays?” It was easier to digest, at least. He didn’t have to struggle to picture it happening. It was more direct.

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“Nowadays? This was written five years ago, not the distant ye olde 18th century, Professor.” Jesse just can’t help himself from that making that particular crack, because he’s seen Illias’ usual character -- it’s his job to know these things which, fortunately, gives him lots of joke material. “Although, in fairness, I did just read you the scene that won the 2015′s Literary Review’s Bad Sex Award. Sorry about that.”

Jesse does not, in fact, sound remotely sorry. There’s a camera man giving him a dirty look for reading that absolute bullshit out loud, and it’s making his day.

Illias was looking over the scene taking place with a small frown. His husband was up there and, despite his own rough tendencies, he didn’t like the idea of Danny being battered around by anyone else. It wasn’t comforting.

The question came as a distraction - a welcome one - but one he would only snort at before returning his own question:

“I dropped out of high school to persue porn. You think I have any clue about purple prose?” In all honesty, he didn’t even know what it was, nevermind how to make something up of his own.

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“You’re wearing glasses like that but you’ve never read some Mills and Boon?” Honestly, Jesse’s beginning to find out that there’s an alarming lack of knowledge of terrible literary smut among porn actors. He’s downright fucking scandalized, eyeing Illias like he just admitted to not knowing the earth revolves around the sun.

He almost feels bad for making fun. Almost. Not really. It’s just, he’s a bit of a fan. Not enough to stop from teasing him, apparently, and definitely not enough to prevent Jesse from digging a paperback out of his bag, opening it to a dog-eared page, and reading out loud:

The dark-haired boy looked at Jesse and nodded his head once the other told him his role at Vortex. “I am a porn actor,” he answered, before shaking his head at the other’s question. “I don’t even know what your talking about,” he chuckled. The actor lent back in the chair provided, making himself more comfortable and relaxed.

He watched as the other reached into his bag and grabbed out a book. Ant picked it up and turned it around, investigating it. He rested it on the chair of the arm for the time being, looking at the other. “Do people actually read these books?” He asked with a raised eyebrow. “I’ll give it a go. I don’t know if it’ll be my thing or not,”.

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“You’re too pretty to not have a working knowledge of terrible erotica,” Jesse sighs, and doesn’t even remotely explain what those two things might have to do with each other. Instead, he leans over to his backpack again, picks up another book, and starts flipping through the pages. “This is a whole industry, mate. Like ours! Except the people involved are less hot, on average. Better imaginations, though.”

The second novel he comes up with, Rough and Ready, has an oil panting of a man with, like, a dozen abs on the cover. Jesse clears his throat, and starts reading. He’s going to get kicked off set for this. He gives no fucks.

There’s a soft chuckle at the others reaction to his words, well the implication of the spare room anyway. “You’re aware most of the good looking fellow actors I’d be already fucking on film right? First time with someone has a chemistry they love to promote around here. Though I’ll admit, the something swanky is reserved for a second time. If they’re worthy of that. You think you are? Hm?”  He teased, his eyes dancing over at the other before he gives a little tilt of his head and click of his tongue at the others point. ‘ Hey, everyone’s gotta do something to pay the bills right? It’s zombie dicks or a boring office job. At least this is a little amusing.” He said giving a little shrug. 

There’s a little wider smirk at the mention of his orgy scene. “Oh so you did like it? Well I’m never one to say no to a good gang bang scene. “ There’s a loud laugh at the mention of the fake gun. “Oh my god” He covered his face with hand and a little chuckle.. “Ooof. I did my best at that. Listen, they just said look hot in the fake body armor and wave it around. It’s not the greatest cinematic moment, I’ll admit.” 

Because how could it be? There’s a little drop of his hand away as he gazed over at the other. “Nice to know that’s a moment that stuck out to you though. I may never live it down.” 

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“The fuck are you getting embarrassed for? It takes real talent to look good in fake body armor toting around a gun shaped like a cock, you should be proud of yourself! Goodbye Marilyn Monroe and the potato sack, make room for Ollie Fuckin’ Thomas and the gildo.” Honestly, Jesse’s only, like, 70% joking. Somehow, Ollie really did pull the look off. Most people would have looked stupid as fuck.

Just like... right now, actually. Most people would look like idiots, embarrassed, peeking over the top of their hands. Ollie somehow makes it look cute, with his big dark eyes and curve of a smirk, an interesting contrast to the confident sexuality he displays in his films. And if that’s Jesse’s writer brain talking or his libido, he’s not entirely sure. Maybe both.

“It pays to be aware of people think of you, so you can adjust and make improvements.”  Ollie pointed out with a little arch of his eyebrow at the others tone but hey, it’s not like Ollie ever felt like he should be embarrassed about at least being aware what reviews said of him. The porn awards were a thing, after all.  There’s a little shake of his head at the mention of title of the movie again. “Hey, trust me. I told them it was a stupid name but Hades was pretty firm on the “dumber name the better for a parody” thing. “ Ollie waved his hand in the air as if he was trying to will the name change into existence before dropping his hand back to his side. 

It’s hard not to miss that way the others eyes dip to watch his mouth, maybe it was just his line of business or maybe Ollie had just always been aware when people were…effected by him, either way it was a hard moment to miss and it has Ollie soaking in the pretty blond with a little bite of his cheek. Of course it’s hard to not enjoy hearing such wonderful things said about him, and Ollie soaked up compliments like a plant dying for a drop of water. “Aw, I’m touched. If you keep up like that, I’m gonna swoon. Or take you back to one of the spare rooms and fuck your brains out. “ He pointed out as he shifted back in his seat, his hand raising up to slide behind his head. “As for the scene partners. They put us with who they think is gonna sell. I’m pretty sure I don’t have enough clout to demand anything around here.  But thank you for the vote of confidence, handsome. It might have looked boring but i genuinely had fun in the orgy scene but the rest…was kinda dull.” He said giving a shrug. “I prefer kink but hey, zombie films pay the bills.” 

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He wants to scoff, you shouldn’t give a fuck what reviewers say, the fuck do we know about anything? He wants to say, you’ll give yourself a complex reading that shit, find your own metric for figuring out what you need to work. Or maybe, mate, there’s not a whole hell of a lot you need to improve. Or even, one time, an actor tried to fist fight me over a review and it was awesome.

In the end, Jesse just gives a quiet exhale, a sort-of-laugh, rolling one shoulder in a you do you motion. Ollie Thomas seems like the last man that needs a fucking pep talk, especially from him.

Well at least the other seemed happy enough with his answer, if the laugh was anything to go by. Ollie smirked and ran a hand though his hair as the other scribbled down all those next sudden flow of thoughts, Ollie’s eyes dropping to the page to note a few off what he’d written, the coming down the chimney one got a little scrunch of his nose.  “You think this environment is gonna be more pleasant? Naked dudes wandering around and moans echoing off every corner of the place? I guess that depends on your point of view. See, wizard’s wand is only acceptable if you have you wearing like, a harry potter outfit or a witches hat on the front of your vibrator or cock mold. Otherwise you haven’t earned it yet.’  Ollie mused as he tilted his head back, his long hair falling out of his face as he gave a little hum. 

Of course then there was the next words about the review of his last film,  which totally meant that Jesse had seen him both getting fucked and fucking, and that big orgy scene at the end. “The review of porn version of Resident Evil? Resident Gayvil? I pushed for a better title but..” he squinted at the other. ‘ You did really rip into it. Though Didn’t you say I was a stand out? Honestly that’s a compliment.” He pointed out as the ice princess gave a shrug and a rare smile over at the other. “So did you actually like it or should I take your words as the best of a bunch of terrible performances?”  He pointed out as he ran his tongue over his lower lip. 

Force of habit; Jesse’s writing down exactly what Ollie’s saying about the specific circumstances under which wizard’s wand is an acceptable euphemism. When he gets back to the office, he’s shoving this directly into the reviewer’s face and informing him that one of the porn actors thinks he’s an idiot. So there.

“Hah, you read reviews about your own shit,” Jesse crows, as if he just caught Ollie doing something super embarrassing, like singing Enya in the shower, or using affectionate pet names for his toaster. “And yeah, that one. Resident Gayvil. Worst title of 2020, by the way.”

After doing a scene for the day, Shane was feeling pretty good. He had received a call about a toy modeled out of his cock finally being close to release and he was pretty eager to see what his fans thought about it. And maybe watch some videos of… a hands-on unboxing. He had a silly, horned up smile when he sat on the back of the set, enjoying the filming of another scene in the same set, not realizing he was sitting next to someone. 

“Eh… what?” he said, rising his eyebrows as the other asked him something. “What do you mean by dick methaphor? Why?” he said, looking at the other’s draft, noticing his name on one corner of it. “Wait, you are reviewing my dick? Well not my dick, I mean the dildo modeled after… whatever,  you get my point. How is it? Does that mean you already got to see it? What do you think?” he started asking, unable to hold his enthusiasm back. 

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“Reading over people’s shoulders in a sin,” Jesse grumbles, turning his papers face-down so that Mr Snoopy McSnoopface over there can’t read anymore. Of course he had to accidentally sit next to Shane Fucking Emerald while editing a review for the toy modeled after his dick, because the law of irony apparently loves that shit. “And yeah, some of us that work for the magazine got a couple of advance prototypes for early reviews. This isn’t actually my review.”

He takes a moment to squint thoughtfully at Shane; dude seems downright excited over the whole thing. Makes sense, it’s his first model, right?

Idly flipping his phone over and over in his hand as he waited for the scene to finish, the assistant paid no mind to what was actually being recorded; or to what the actor he’d been assigned to for the day was actually doing. In fact, if he wasn’t watching his phone rotate in his grip he was glancing down at his feet; or glancing at the handsome stranger seated next to him. When the director finally called for a break in filming, Benjamin began to move forward in his seat so he could get up and check if he was needed for anything… but, instead, he found himself sinking back into place as a question was thrown his way.

“Uh, well, I don’t really talk about… dick,” he whispered the word as if they weren’t sitting on set of a porn shoot, or working for an adult entertainment company. “…but I guess you could say something like a throbbing length of attraction hardened by desire… or something?”

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“You can barely say dick, but you can rattle off throbbing length of attraction hardened by desire,” Jesse repeats dryly, the tiniest quirk of amusement catching at the corner of his lips.

Still, he dutifully writes it down, because it actually is pretty funny, and at this point, he’ll take any idea he can get. And as he writes, he wracks his brain for the guy’s name; he must be new-ish, because Jesse doesn’t recognize him straight off. Dude’s hot, obviously, but that doesn’t actually help with identification.

The actor glanced at the other sitting besides him and raised his eyebrow once the other asked for a metaphor for the dick. “I wouldn’t be the right person to ask. That’s why I’m an actor and not one of the editors,” the dark-haired boy chuckled. “I’m sure anything you come up with will work,”.

Ant grabbed his mobile phone out of his pocket and google searched the exact thing the other had asked him to look into. He passed his phone over towards the other and raised his eyebrow. “Any of these work?” He asked, scrolling through them himself, chuckling at some of the suggestions that were rated highly. 

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Jesse would be looking at the helpfully provided list of horrible alternate phrases for dick, if he weren’t busy staring at the guy, clearly scandalized. “You-- you’re a porn actor,” because oh yeah, he does recognize Antonio Saunders, of course he does, “and you don’t know shitty purple prose?”

This clearly needs to be rectified. This poor guy.

Ollie glanced over at the voice with a little arch of his eyebrow, the actor was notable for being one of the big people of colour at the studio. It did, unfortunately, make him stand out in some ways. Still the actor was tilting his head back at the question, giving a soft hum as his long hair fall out of his eyes as he considered his next words carefully. As if it was the biggest question in the world. “How about…  This candystick’s far better for your teeth than those ones that cause cavities, girl.“ Ollie said to the air, waving his hand a little before dropping it with an easy laugh. “It is the season for such things, isn’t it?” He pointed out before he finally let his eyes fall onto the other boy. 

It was almost impressive how angelic the other looked, with his bold eyes and blond air and yet, the guy had a vibe around him that was almost like a little cloud above his head. As if the last place he wanted to be was in the pornstudio. 

“Taking in the sights or something?” 

The provided line is so fucking awful that Jesse can’t help but laugh, because it’s also goddamn perfect. Yes, of course, why hadn’t he thought of holiday metaphors? He writes it down in the margin of his notebook, and resigns himself to jotting down immediate ideas like candy cane (fine, expected) and santa’s sack (iffy) and coming down the chimney (actually, yikes). The, “Or something,” he replies with is a distracted grumble. “Hoping a new environment will make editing more pleasant. This one toy reviewer keeps referring to his cock as his wizard’s wand, and I keep telling him, my dude, lay off the high fantasy, right?”

He might have continued on about his current plight and his plan of revenge by coming up with worse metaphors, but he chooses that moment to finally take a sideways glance at who he’s talking to. It’s Ollie fucking Thomas.

You should actually visit the studio once in a while, they said. Maybe your reviews wouldn’t be so critical if you actually met the talent and the crew, they said. Well, here Jesse is, defeating the point of actually visiting by tucking himself away in a chair in the back, in a slump of scuffed jeans and plaid, last month’s magazine draped over one knee and a draft covered in red pen for a review of a dildo modeled after one of the actors. The director’s had to tell him three times now to stop smacking his pen on the chair during a scene.

~ # { ben hardy | 27 | he/his | start a riot -- duckwrth, shaboozey} 𝐉𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐃 has been employed at Vortex as a { 𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐙𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐎𝐑 / 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐑 } for { 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒 } and has been described as both { 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐄𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄 } and { 𝐎𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 }. This is obvious when you look at their { 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐑𝐎𝐁𝐄 𝐅𝐔𝐋𝐋 𝐎𝐅 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐃 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐋 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄 | 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐋𝐘 𝐋𝐀𝐔𝐍𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐋𝐘 𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐃𝐘 𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐒 | 𝐈𝐍𝐊-𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐓𝐈𝐏𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐂𝐑𝐔𝐌𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐒 } credentials. They are a { 𝐁𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐎𝐌 / 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄 } and a { 𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐕𝐄 } ~ #

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