vorondil

So, as it’s roughly explained, the state alchemist program is a kind of “recruit potential human sacrifices” mechanism, with a side-order of “brute strength for the army”. But basically, the state alchemist title is mostly about being a researcher–given people like Shou Tucker exist, and given that the only requirement to stay a state alchemist is to submit a yearly report of your research that says “look I’m still being a useful scientist”.

So far, so far this is sensible, yeah? Father and the delightful children from down the lane are running a recruitment program for potential human sacrifices. So sure–butter them up! Give them lots of money, get them buddy-buddy with the government, and give them endless resources for research. It’s be pretty easy to trick a state alchemist in that position to open the portal if Sugar DaddyBradley is nudging them to do it.

And I’m still willing to go with this logic for the whole “draft the state alchemists into war” move. They make it pretty clear that was something of a last-ditch effort. And the blood transmutation circle around Amestris was an absolute necessity for Father’s plan. So the risk of a few state alchemists dying or resigning from your Potential Sacrifice Pool is worth it for the completion of the circle.

Now. To get to my fucking thought. 

Edward fucking Elric. This fucking fight-me 12 year old troglodyte shows up to the exam and performs circle-less transmutation in front of mother fucking Bradley, demonstrating to one of the seven Actual Fucking Homunculi that he’d already opened the portal. Ed was literally prepped as a human sacrifice before he showed up to Central. A fully set human sacrifice showed up at the homunculi’s door, said “hey look what I can do!”, proved he’d opened the mother fucking portal already, and said “hey yeah hire me”. Human sacrifice, free shipping, no assembly required, handcuffs not included!

They could have just tossed Ed into a shoebox and kept him there until the Promised Day. They wouldn’t even need to make up an excuse he attacked the f u  c k i n g president. That’s fucking treason babey. He’s 12, he’s an orphan, he’s from a rural town in buttfuck nowhere, he’s literally the easiest person alive to disappear. They could have arrested him for assassination crimes, kept him in gay baby jail, and just popped him out for the Promised Day

What do they do instead?! “Oh lmao this kid’s great. Let’s give him infinite money, no supervision, no governmental responsibilities, access to all our secret resources, and toss him on a train to who-the-fuck-knows-where-land”

They fucking did that

And like? They then had the audacity to be concerned when Edward “Fight Me” Elric almost got himself killed about 293 times. Just an endless game of “I thought u were watching him” from one homunculus to another when Ed fucking absconds half-way across the globe to go entice some other hostile entity into murdering him to death. That’s the whole series. Every arc is Ed baiting death while the homunculi are in the background like “:/ wish he wouldn’t do that”

This only gets worse when you consider they later learned Al opened the portal too because really?? These two stab-happy globe-trotting public menaces are 40% of your final evil plan for godhood. 40%. Almost half. You couldn’t fucking set aside a cardboard box to keep these idiots in?

Father didn’t baby-gate Ed because humans are like ants to him and he had no concept of how thoroughly Ed and co. could fuck his shit up

Father and the Hot Topic Brigade didn’t lock Ed up because they recognized the unbridled chaotic 12-year-old energy compressed into such a small vessel and they understood no jail cell on earth would reliably hold this thing

Fuhrer Eye Patch saw Edward “Catch these Hands” Elric and thought oh. He’s gonna cause problems.

But. You can’t look me in the eyes and tell me that Brad the Pissed Off didn’t also anticipate Roy “Don’t Mind Me Just a Manwhore Passing Through” Mustang causing problems at some point.

The solution? Give Elric to Mustang. The Human Blowtorch is going to spend so much time chasing and corraling the 6th grader who can turn his arm into a sword at will that it will be impossible for him to cause problems for CopyofHohenheim.exe.

And on top of that while the homunculus are trying to cover their asses and protect Ed from his suicidal tendencies they make personal fucking beef with Mustang. If it wasn’t on before because you’re threatening the country he loves and wants to fix/save it’s on now because you killed his best fucking friend. They really took a man who had a support system of two, obliterated one of them, made the other one Big Brother’s personal secretary, and expected him to not be unstable after that????

So not only did the homunculus have 40% of their human sacrifices dropped in their fucking lap but they also managed to partner those human sacrifices up with the man who takes down almost 30% of them!!! That partnership in and of itself being part of what convinces envy to rip his heart out.

Like even with Hohenheim, Father forgets he even exists! When Ed and Al show up in his home, mere months before the Promised Day (about 4 give or take)

Ed was like “HOHENHEIM????”

And Father was like “Who?” And takes a moment to think before being like “OH YEA! Hohenhei— how do you know Hohenheim”

Al just was like “he our dad”

Fathers like “but you’re the Elric bros…?”

And they’re like “we dumped his name”

“That’s awesome me and him partied hard!”

Also bro didn’t even know what Ed looked like. You’d assume they’d have a photo of each of the state alchemists for IDs or if some go rouge like Isaac.

Amestris is just a whole lot of “The government wouldn’t do that!”

And oh yes they would.

Also, I’m pretty sure he has a support system of like 1.5

Hughes and .5 Riza because as great as Riza is, if they spend too much time together alone, that is hella suspicious. Hughes was the one Roy could really vent to.

So like, bro was going on like 1.5, then Hughes died so he was going on .5 then Riza was taken as security guard, and suddenly he was at -.5 plus all his crew minus the Edward cause ain’t nobody able to get a handle on the kid who goes wherever he wants, leaving Mustang at -3 support system.

Also who let Mustang hand pick his own team? Like I know we don’t see much of other teams minus Hughes’s and team Sinsona, but like… break em up. They’re too good together. Don’t even let them form.

And just no. Father is an idiot and his plan was too dumb.

Like bro let Hohenheim loose, though I’m positive no one would care about him. After all the only people who know him are inside the two of them.

He let the Elrics loose and prevs did a great job of explaining that.

He let Izumi loose, which like, pretty fair. How do you justify that without having evidence she did Human Transmutation.

He didn’t even have a 5th to capture… like why?

Couldn’t they have just forgotten to make a rule about human transmutation=illegal.

Also why does that always try to auto correct to human trafficking…

This is some of the response I’ve seen over the Narnia director wanting to cast Aslan as a woman. My question is… why? Why are non christians taking an openly and explicitly Christian media piece and making it whatever they want it to be? Why are non christians so bent to take everything we christians enjoy and skew it to fit some sort of modern wokeness that C.S Lewis never pined after?

Aslan isn’t just a lion. He is the LITERAL representation of Jesus Christ Himself. He is explicitly male, and as such should be left a male lion. A female lioness also makes 0 sense for the role of Aslan himself if you have read even one book in the series.

Finally remembered my tumblr password......