Electrifying!

batman will provide a list of rules for the JLA any time they need to work in gotham and the JL will just look between the rules and the group of kids hanging out behind batman like. hold on now.

flash: no metas?

batman: yup.

flash: who’s that then?

batman: that’s signal, he can glow and he’s lovely, now take his fucking name out your mouth.

flash: …

~

superman: and you said no guns?

batman: yeah absolutely no guns allowed.

dick: *from upstairs* dAAAAAAD I’M GONNA BE LATE FOR WORK HAVE YOU SEEN MY BADGE AND GUN?

batman: *yelling back* I THINK YOU LEFT THEM IN THE OFFICE.

dick: OH YEAH, THANKS.

batman: NO PROBLEM SWEETIE HAVE A GOOD DAY AT WORK!

superman: hm.

batman: he’s different.

superman: how?

batman: i love him.

~

wonder woman: you are against taking human life, are you not?

batman: absolutely and that is non-negotiable. we are not judge jury and executioner.

wonder woman: i see. turn around.

*jason and tim two rooftops over, arguing how best to dispose of the loa assassin corpses they just took down*

batman:

batman: i dont see a problem here. those are my sweet boys.

jason, distantly heard from behind: yeah fuck you we’re his sweet boys.

wonder woman: *sighs*

~

batman: honestly the most important thing is that we serve justice and keep morality intact even when dealing with the toughest cases.

green lantern: damian has a secret prison under the titans tower where he’s been torturing their villains rather than trying to reform them.

batman: he’s so cute and small. my baby.

green lantern: bruce-

Flash "Hey Bats, I know you're busy with Gotham shit, but I've got a huge problem and I was wondering if you could help me with some tech stu-what are you doing?

Bruce reaches into his cape and pulls out a sleeping Tim and deposits him in Flash's hands "Bring him back by Sunday Wally"

Superman "Bruce, I think Luthor is using drug trade routes to smuggle a bunch of kryptonite across international waters and I was wondering if you could draw me a map or something to follow?"

"Hm"

5 minutes later

"This is Red Hood, follow his advice exactly, and he's only allowed to kill 5 people. We're trying to ween him off it but he needs enrichment"

Wonder Woman "Bruce, I have a huge problem.

"Hmm?"

"I'm attending this dignitary's ball and sll the boring pompous old men i hate will be there and I need a plus one who can be catty and subtly insulting with me"

"You're going to need to help me narrow down those options"

Pssst, hey kids, wanna buy some Robins