inter alia

Today, I saw a teddy bear on top of a bus shelter, and it broke my heart. I contemplated climbing up to save him, but I am a grown woman in a dress in the middle of Center City, and grown women in dresses don’t climb bus shelters for stuffed bears. I thought about my youth, when I was convinced that Toy Story was real and my stuffed animals had feelings and would get sad when neglected. I tried to push the thought out of my mind, reminding myself that Toy Story is simply a child’s movie and I am a grown woman in a dress who has no time for child movies. I recalled my own stuffed animals, probably collecting dust somewhere in a forgotten corner of my childhood bedroom. And then I pondered about the turning point in my life of when I transformed from a child who thought toys had feelings to a grown woman in a dress sweating at bus stop. And when the child that lives within us leaves, who is left to pick up the fragments of memories?

Fond fawned found sounds and created dawn Lost frost cost all of our skins, but we wouldn’t tell them our bones Appendages teemed with teams of worms that squirmed Ticks trickled down and cocked until the clock struck All were dumb stuck In the mud Formed out of swamp swarms of the previous precious ameba queen, Sheba She climbed forth from the froth and formed the first fort From fortunes fortitude growth grew and finally there was me and you

You are the cigarette between my lips Tempting me to inhale The hum your buzz brings intoxicates me But your essence is a tar on my lungs And memories exhale with a choke Stained fingers, your odor lingers An addiction slow burning and strong. But I quit.

Also I truly believe my anxiety has a 3 week grace period where Im allowed to feel at peace and then once it’s over no matter what’s going on in my life I feel like some type fire is about to start