woem

(Like I went to the gym, I’ve been eating breakfast, I got work tasks done, I just went grocery shopping, I’m responding to people, I’m slowly cleaning my place, etc.)

I SIMPLY COULD NOT.

I'm able to feel love a little deeper than I used to, and it scares me.

It also scares me how easily I can say "no" now, and how badly I want to say "yes' and know I'm safe.

It's startling to start believing in my own choices without the snide insecurities running through my head.

It is baffling to let myself fail. Spectacularly fail. And to feel loved.

--

And it's really weird to revisit all the symbols from a couple of years ago, and be confirmed in what I should have learned. Because I didn't learn back then, I couldn't have. They still led me. Some part of that information seeded into my brain, and I couldn't even make sense of it if I tried, and I didn't try because I didn't know where to look.

And now I see how much those symbols led me here.

--

And it's frustrating to know what I don't know. Or what I do know and have experienced, and how that's influencing me. And I won't know until later.

--

And I'm just supposed to accept all this.

A huge part of myself already has.

Because of what I break open in my own veil

I am realizing more and more that She is some sort of

Tool, or Process, or Operation

I'm not sure if I have the choice or if the choice is some sort of

Collected Bytes of

Me?

--