you fucking failed. i told you the time. we agreed to talk. you never responded.

i have a session in an hour and half. i want to pass out. i want to keep drinking but i cant. ive already had almost 6 shots and i still have to meet with a client. im gonna be fine. im just thinking about hurting myself to get my focus in check. its so stupid. and im about to meet with a client who struggles with hurting herself.

i wanted to call you this morning because of how much i was struggling. i wanted you to come over and put your arms around me and kiss my head and tell me it’ll be okay.

its kinda challenging to talk to clients who have the same thoughts i do without telling them that.

i don’t want to be alive. i don’t. i’ve already thought about it. the seizures would give me a good excuse.

beer in the morning. sleep through the day. watch tv and play phone games. another beer. sleep.