Loveless Passion

I miss texting you and that’s stupid cause I haven’t cared for 10 years and really your a crutch but why do I still wanna know how your day went ?

Really I don’t care but id be lying if I said I didn’t miss sitting and laughing with you.

I wish we could be friends, just friends and I could be free to find someone who actually wanted to spend time with me and talk to me and texted me good morning without me texting it first. Someone who listened to me yap even when it’s nonsense, who wants to be there, who can actually put thier phone down and live in the present. Someone who makes me feel wanted, who makes me feel seen. I know that love is out there for me but you have me chained to your hip. Maybe I should just break this off, you’ve done nothing but prove time and time again how you don’t care to change how video games are your one true love and how little you care if at all. I don’t understand when you killed the man I was in love with he bought me flowers and snacks and loved spending time with me, we used to forget our phones existed and just enjoyed each others company for hours. I don’t know when he left and you came but you are single-handedly the worst love I’ve had. You’ve taught me everything I don’t want and I don’t know how to tell you that nicely, maybe there is no nice way to say “hey you’re a shitty person to be in a relationship with or whatever the fuck you call this” since I’m not your girlfriend. You broke my heart and that wasn’t enough was it? You just had to come back you got me to give you a ride and help you pack your stuff to come back for this ? What the fuck was the point. If all you wanted was your bitch why the fuck did you bother with me. You could have left me in the peace I had found without you, the peace I’m finding again because you want to be a. Bitch and avoid telling me “hey I don’t wanna talk to you” like grow a fucking pair. Own your fucking feelings and tell me to my face how you disrespectfully don’t give an actual fuck about anyone besides your favorite bitch. I hope one day she comes around for you I hope it’s everything you want I hope it makes you happy and then I hope she rips your fucking heart out. I have you EVERYTHING I had and it was never enough, you aren’t even worth giving this much of a shit about. I never needed you, I wanted you and the fact you couldn’t even understand that should have been enough. Oh well it’s whatever who cares.

“I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad, the dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had” - Mad World

Honestly fuck you and everything you put me through, I supported you, I broke my fucking back trying to bend over backwards to please you, don’t you ever fucking forget how I put myself in debt trying to hold onto you, and your toxicity, refusing to help me in any way, making me feel like shit when I was the one working, cleaning, and cooking all for you, while all you did was sit on your ass and complain about me. Did you ever stop and think maybe YOU were the fucking problem ? All I ever fucking wanted from you was your time, your effort, you. You made me fucking miserable for only wanting you. So fuck you, you should’ve stayed the fuck away with your bullshit pull your balls out of your ass and figure your shit out. I’m tired of fucking trying and giving my all when you very very very clearly don’t give any type of shit for how you effect me.

It’s insane to me how you can be so stuck in your own ego, one day you’re gonna lose me over it and I hope it’ll be worth it because I deserve and am worth more than your indecisiveness, and your inability to either directly say you don’t want me or that you do. Maybe that’s my sign, the fact you can’t say that you do want to be with me, I should take it for what it is because you’d know if you wanted to or not. Maybe you just like having me stuck to you, like a little lost puppy not knowing up from down. I should do myself a favor and accept us for what we were and move on. You sure as hell don’t seem to care if I stay or leave so why the fuck should I. Stop being fucking stupid and decide what the fuck you want. I’m getting tired of your fucking “I don’t know what I want” bullshit. I think you do know what you want you just don’t have the fucking balls to say it.

I wanna ask you how your day is but you made it clear you don’t wanna talk

You broke up with me on our 2 year anniversary and yet, I still love you, I still wanna try and work things out with you and why? For what? You made me sad a lot more often at the end, it was like you stopped caring once you left and you promised you wouldn’t and now here you are doing all the things you said you wouldn’t do. And here I Am struggling to understand what I did to deserve this. I love you. I think I always will, you changed my whole life and you didn’t even notice it. I miss you but you wanted this. You left me. You broke my heart. Maybe for the last time. Maybe you’ll actually see a little of what I was saying and maybe you’ll change your mind but who knows. I just know I miss sitting on our couch and laughing till we couldn’t. I adore you so much. I always will.

Having to call in bc you need to sleep off the failed overdose

I wish you loved me the way I love you

My friends don’t realize how much I need them and I feel like they all hate me so much they don’t want to hear from me, I’ll miss them when I’m gone.