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He didn’t want to see or talk to anyone.

His heartbeat echoed in his head and each knock was making his migraine worse.

Who could be so insistent? He thought to himself.

Maybe they needed him on a mission today after all or they had to talk about his performance and his not so great attitude.

However, his work lately was impecable. He hasn’t missed a day or even been late in months. Anyone looking at his file would think that’s he actually doing really good and working hard on getting promoted, specially with how close his graduation was, but the truth was, he was on autopilot.

Exorcise, absorb over and over again.

The only things he could do without thinking, though he hated them lately. Sometimes he’d come back from a mission and didn’t remember if he did his job or not.

Though the taste of vomit and shit lingering in his mouth was a pretty telling sign that he did.

“Suguru you in there?” He heard Satoru called him.

They haven’t been able to see each other much with all the crazy amount of curses surging everywhere and how busy they both were. Specially Satoru.

“Maybe he’s out on a mission?” Suguru heard Shoko sugest.

“Nah, I checked his schedule, he’s got the day off.”

Gojo proceeded to unlock the door with his spare key, but only opened it a third of the way.

A small ray of sunlight made its way into the dark room.

Satoru’s white hair poke through the door, carefully scanning the room for his friend. His baby blue eyes filled with concern the second they met Geto’s, but quickly relaxed his expression, not wanting to show his concern for him.

He extended his arm, showing him a bag full of take out, as if presenting it as an offering.

“Hey, we brought you some food. It’s your favorite.” He said, almost singing the last part.

Satoru opened the door a little further and poke his head out a bit. His eyes met Geto’s once again, but this time around they were much softer.

“Can we come in?” He asked him politely, not sure if it would be okay to barge in as always.

Suguru thought about sitting up but gave up without even trying to do it. He just wanted to turn around and tell them to go away. He was exhausted, irritated and not good company at the moment.

He did not want them to see him in such state.

“You sick?”

“A little bit yeah.” Suguru managed to say in a low hoarse voice.

“Wow, You sound pretty beat up.” Satoru observed, crouching in front of the bed so he could be at eye level with him. His hand lightly stroked his forehead, combing the stray hairs away from his face. Suguru’s tired eyes followed his movements and Satoru tried to conceal how worried he was.

How long has he been without sleeping?

“Shoko, come check on Suguru, I think he might have a fever.” He asked her as she entered the dorm smoking a cigarette.

“You know what’s good for fevers? Some sunlight and a good smoke.” She stated, opening the courtains and sitting by the window nook. Satoru chuckled.

Shoko tried to keep her attitude casual and light. They didn’t wanted Suguru to feel like this was an intervention, though he looked like he needed one.

Her hands unlocked the window and pushed it open, which made Suguru groaned at the sudden change of lighting in the room.

“Have you eaten anything yet?” Satoru asked him.

“Not really, I was waiting for the line in the cafeteria to go down before I had breakfast.”

“It’s 2pm.” Satoru told him.

Confusion filled Suguru’s face, he was bad at tracking time lately, but couldn’t comprehend how could he have been laying in bed all day, without getting up once.

His friends exchanged a concerned look with each other, maybe this was more serious than they anticipated.

It had been an intense couple of weeks, specially with Haibara’s passing. Everyone was a bit gloom and more quiet than usual, but Suguru seemed to be dealing with something heavier.

“Well, it doesn’t matter ‘cause we brought lunch.” Satoru announced, trying to sound upbeat. “And some beer.” He added with a grin.

“Since when do you drink?” Suguru asked him, narrowing his brows at him.

He shrugged. “I thought it might fun.”

“I brought cigarettes.”

“And Shoko brought cigarettes.” Satoru repeted with a big smile, preparing the plates.

Geto felt the entire room spin around as he made an effort to sit up. He rested his head against the wall and grabbed his temples for a second before meeting Gojo’s concerned face while he served the food. He waved his hand at him, telling him it was nothing to worry about.

Guilt began to infiltrate his brain as he saw his friends being so careful around him. He had been trying to keep his low moods private, but it seemed like he didn’t do a very good job at it.

“You guys really don’t have to—“

“Don’t worry about it man.” Satoru interrupted him, putting a plate full of food on his lap and a beer on his nightstand.

Gojo sat back down with Shoko on the floor and raised his beer.

“To Suguru still being alive, ‘cause honestly we had our doubts before comming here.”

Shoko punched him on his shoulder.

“I’m kidding, to friendship.” He said, touching his glass with Shoko’s and he did the same gesture towards Suguru at a distance, imitating the high pitch sound the glasses make when they touch.

Gojo took a big sip from the bottle and immediately scrunched his entire face as forced himself to get the alcohol down his throat.

“Wow that is absolutely disgusting. Shoko how the hell do you drink this?”

Shoko laughed at him. “Keep drinking, it gets better.”

He shrugged. “If you say so.” He said, taking another sip and instantly felt betrayed.

“Are you sure about that?” He frown at her.

Shoko laughed at him again and Suguru chuckled for a fraction of a second, it was low and barely audible but of course, Satoru noticed and smiled.

They caught up about the things they were up to at the moment, trying to include Suguru every now and then, but made sure they didn’t pressured him to add anything lengthy. Besides, getting him to sit down and eat seemed like a win already.

Satoru shot looks at him often, trying to figure out what could be on his mind to have him this isolated and depressed, but couldn’t come up with anything specific, besides the obvious past events. Usually he was good at reading him, but recently he seemed more of a vessel than a human.

After they finished eating, Shoko went back to sit by the window and lit herself another cigarette.

“You know Shoko, I think you might have a problem.” Gojo mocked her.

”Shut up Gojo.” She ordered him nonchalantly, which made him chuckle.

He turned to Suguru, still looking like he got ran over by a car.

“You know what I also brought?” He told him enthusiastically, Suguru only look up to meet his eyes and gave him a weak smile.

“Some tunes.” Satoru said, taking his iPod out of his pocket and connecting it to the speaker.

“Oh god.” Shoko complained. “I’m going to need another cigarette.”

“What? My playlists are fire.” He said, turning on the volume and acting hurt by Shoko’s comment. Gojo put their go to karaoke song and started dancing along with the music.

“Just like your dance moves?” Shoko poked fun at him.

“You wish you could move like this.” He told her with a smirk and she rolled her eyes at him. Gojo tried to discretely move towards Geto as he danced.

“Get away from me.” He told him with a smile and pushing him playfully, Satoru laughed, relieved to finally see a full smile on his face.

“Aww you’re no fun. “ He complained as he slid towards his next victim.

“Shoko come here!” He extended one of his hands at her.

“Nah, I’m not drunk enough yet.” She laughed.

“Come on, you know you want to.”

She didn’t felt up for it, but she figured Gojo didn’t either. They were both exhausted from work, but wanted to make Suguru feel better and honestly all of them needed a moment to have fun given how things were currently.

So she took his hand and joined him.

They both started dancing and singing, incredibly off key. Gojo had an invisible microphone and passed it to her when it was her time to sing and vice versa.

Shoko tried to follow his movements and he got more and more ridiculous each time she copied him just to mess with her.

“What the hell is that?” Shoko asked him laughing.

Suguru smiled just by looking at them. He has been telling himself all week that they were growing up and just didn’t have time to hang out anymore. It was part of the job and he needed to get over it.

But the truth was that he missed them a lot.

Both Satoru and Shoko held their hands out for him, but he denied their offer.

“I’m good.” He said with a smile.

”But the dance break is coming.” Satoru told him with a sad expression, looking straight into his eyes and Suguru didn’t have other choice but to join in the foolery.

He still didn’t feel like it, but the beers helped. It didn’t take long for him to start smiling and then even managed to laugh. Which made Shoko and Satoru very happy.

They danced, sang songs they didn’t know the lyrics to and laughed until the sun came down. Satoru had hit his beer limit by then and fell asleep while telling a story that was going nowhere.

Shoko offered a cigarette to Geto as he sat down next to her in the window nook.

“I can’t believe he passed out after two beers.” Shoko made fun of Gojo.

They both laughed as Suguru lit up her cigarette.

“How are you feeling?” She asked him.

“Better than a few hours ago.” He admitted to her, lighting up his cigarette.

“You know, you can always talk to us.”

“We have such different schedules lately, I didn’t want to —“

“Stop, we all miss hanging out. Doing missions by ourselves is not fun.”

“No, It isn’t.” He agreed with a smile, relieved that someone finally said it. “I’m kind of sick of it, honestly.” He added.

“Me too. It’s been a tough year.”

Shoko started doing smoke rings and Suguru tried to copy her but failed miserably. They both chuckled at his attempts.

“You know we’ve been worried about you.” Shoko said after a while.

Geto broke the eye contact, taking a long drag of his cigarette. He didn’t know if he was ready to have this conversation.

“We barely see you around anymore.” Shoko added, full of concern for him.

“There’s so many curses sprouting out of nowhere, after I’m done with work I just want to lay down and sleep.”

“Yeah, I get it… I feel the same way. Then you have trouble falling asleep after all the shit you had to deal with during the day.”

Suguru agreed with her and noticed that she too, had dark circles under her eyes, although not as prominent as his.

He had spent too much time inside his head that he forgot that his friends were getting overworked as well. They were all trying to get things back under control as much as him.

They started talking about when they first got to Jujutsu High and how they met. All the inside jokes they had, the places they all been together, their upcoming graduation and… their late comrade.

Suguru closed his eyes tight after mentioning Haibara. He tried to hold back the tears, but they were already running down his cheeks.

“I’m sorry.” He told her embarrassed, wiping each stray tear with the back of his hand.

“Hey, it’s okay.” She whispered to him, squeezing his shoulders and resting her head on them. "I miss him too."

Suguru let himself cry, not being able to control his tears or how sad he was anymore.

It was embarrassing. He knew from the beginning what this job entailed and he accepted anyway, yet here he was crying about it, like they never warned him that this was complicated work with a high mortality percentage.

Shoko squeezed his shoulders tighter and let a few tears of her own fall as well.

They stayed like that for a while, both letting the tears run their course in silence to not wake up Satoru.

His chest felt less heavy after, even though they didn’t said anything or couldn’t do much about the situation, sharing their loss somehow made it more tolerable.

“Mind if I stay here for the night?” She asked him.

“Of course not.” He assured her, putting out his cigarette right after hers.

Saturu’s eyes lighty opened.

“When did it get dark?” He asked, still half asleep.

Suguru and Shoko laughed as they got on to the bed next to him.

“Don’t take all the covers.” He complained to Shoko.

“Go sleep on your own bed then.” Suguru told him.

“Suguru we can’t drink and drive. What’s wrong with you?”

Shoko chuckled. Sometimes she asked herself how can this idiot be the most powerful sorcerer.

Suguru laughed and laid down in between them, noticing how exhausted he really was. Satoru was already snoring lightly again and Shoko looked like she was about to enter the REM cycle.

He allowed himself to closed his eyes and focused on the sound of his friends’s steady breathing, thankful of their company and fell asleep almost immediately, for the first time in months.

Warm sun light filled every inch of the dorm. Shoko groaned as her eyes adjusted to it, while Suguru and Satoru snored by her side.

Geto was taking almost all of the space in the bed. He had his arm resting across her neck, and his leg stretched to her side of the mattress.

How did I even managed to sleep last night?

She fought the urge to slap his arm away, this might have been the first time in months that Suguru actually got some sleep and she felt like he needed it a little more than her. Not that she could stay like that for long, her body was already asking for nicotine.

Shoko reached for her phone and flip it open, trying to distract her mind from her cravings.

She hoped Geto would return to his usual self soon or at least some part of it. It was clear that none of them would be same after losing a comrade, but she wished they could, at least, kept whatever it was that made them so close.

A shiver when down her spine at the thought of losing them.

Now she really needed a cigarette.

She was in the middle of replying a text message from the day before when her phone started ringing, startling her.

All of them groaned in unison, but at least Geto removed his arm and freed her neck from it.

“Suguru turn that off.” Gojo complained.

“It’s not my phone.”

“It’s mine, sorry.” Shoko apologized. “Yes?” She said answering the call.

“Who the hell is calling this early?” Satoru complained again.

“I’ll be there in 5.” Shoko sighed and hanged up. “They need me in the infirmary.”

“What happened?” Suguru asked.

“They didn’t say, just that I need to get my ass there. Maybe it just a drill, they love doing that.” She said getting up. “I’ll be back as soon as I’m done. Please don’t do anything stupid.” She warned both of them, but was looking directly at Satoru.

“No promises.” Saturu waved her goodbye.

“Geto don’t let Gojo do anything stupid.”

He laughed. “I’ll do what I can.” He told her as she closed the door behind her.

Gojo yawned and stretched his body. “What time is it?” He asked him, turning to his side to face him, though he kept his eyes closed.

“Almost 8.” Suguru said as he laid back down next to him.

Satoru groaned. “I’m never drinking again.”

Geto laughed. “You barely did.” He told him, brushing the hair out of Satoru’s face.

Satoru grabbed Suguru’s hand and rested his cheek on it, ignoring his comment. “I don’t want to work.” He complained with a low voice.

“Me either.” Suguru agreed, smiling at him, though Satoru still had his eyes closed.

“Where do you have to go today?” He asked him, dosing off.

“To my hometown actually.”

It was the last place he wanted to go. He wasn’t looking forward to bumping into someone he knew or the elders in the town stopping him to tell him how much he grown and asking if he had a girlfriend.

He didn’t want his parents to see how much of a toll his work was taking on him either.

“That’s nice, I’ll go with you.” Satoru told him, half asleep already.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, besides, it’ll be great to see the in laws.”

Suguru smiled after hearing that. “You don’t have anything for today?”

“Yeah, but we’ll go to your thing and then we go to my thing. It’ll be fine.” He said casually.

Suguru got closer to him, resting his forehead against Satoru’s and closing his eyes. He let out a quiet sigh of relief, he hadn’t giving himself the chance to admit how much he missed him.

“Hey, Suguru?” Satoru called him, just as Geto was about to dose off. “Is everything alright?”

Suguru’s eyes flew open and was met with Satoru's baby blue’s staring back a him, not hiding their concern for him anymore.

He broke eye contact and thought carefully before answering. They haven’t had much time to spend together, he didn’t want to make the little time that they did have feel heavy.

But he also couldn’t hide how much he was struggling anymore, it was all over his face.

“I’ve been thinking that I’m not cut out for any of this.”

“Not cut out for what?”

“Being a sorcerer.”

Satoru narrowed his eyebrows, confused at his reasoning.

“What are you talking about? You already proven that you are more than capable.“

“I just don’t know if I want to be one anymore.”

Satoru felt his heart sank. Going on missions alone and having such different schedules already sucked. The thought of coming back from one and him not being here was something he didn’t want to imagine.

“So you’re thinking of leaving?”

“I don’t know… maybe.” He admitted.

Suguru was careful with his words. He didn’t dare to say what was actually going on in his mind and the stories that were starting to make sense to him. Not to mention, the scary thoughts that he was considering to bring into reality.

Deep down, he knew they were outrageous, but being so angry and so full of grief… He didn’t remember when this part of himself started making more sense than the way he had chosen to live.

Suguru met Satoru’s eyes again and saw only sadness.

“It’s just something that crossed my mind, I haven’t decided yet.” He tried to comfort him, hoping it would bring back the usual playfulness in his eyes.

It didn’t.

“Can I ask why you want to leave?”

He didn’t know how to answer that either. His mind was so scattered and disorganized… the only thoughts that were clear were the ones filled with rage and he didn’t want to say them out loud.

Not to Satoru, not to anyone.

It was enough of a struggle just by entertaining and even considering these thoughts to be true.

He hated how much space they were taking up in his brain and how every time he tried pushing them away they came back almost immediately, like a plague.

“Suguru?” Satoru called for him again, softly combing back the lose hair strands on his face.

“Do you think there’s a way to stop curses from forming altogether?” He asked him instead, not meeting his eyes.

Satoru thought about it. “A world without curses? Maybe, I don’t know.”

“Yuki said she was working on a way to make it happen.”

“Yuki?” Satoru asked surprised. “Define working for someone who never shows up for work.”

Suguru chuckled. “I just thought it was worth looking into.”

Satoru shrugged. “It sounds nice on paper. It would definitely make our jobs easier, although we would be unemployed if we get rid of all the curses.”

“I think we could keep ourselves busy, managing the aftermath.”

Satoru thought about it. “Maybe managing the curses doesn’t have to be our main priority in order to get rid of them.”

Suguru frown, a bit confused. “What do you mean?”

It was Satoru who hesitated to get his words out this time around. He tried to hide his worry, as always, but Suguru noticed it before he quickly went back to his usual smug expression.

Satoru let out a sigh and then let the words flow out of his mouth quickly.

“I actually been meaning to tell you, we’re probably gonna be offered some tittle when we graduate. I mean they’ll be stupid not to.”

“You want to be a sensei?” He asked surprised.

“Not really, but we can change a lot of things by being one. The higher ups might still be calling the shots, but we’re the ones doing the real work with the students.”

Suguru watched as Satoru’s eyes lit up.

“We can get rid of a lot of useless traditions, by not teaching them in the first place. Change the way curses and missions are managed. Focus more on finding sorcerers and expanding so they don’t get burn out or be overworked or you know get sold to a clan.

“It’ll be playing the long game, but the number of curses will drop slow and steady at first and then exponentially if we manage to change the foundation into one that actually works. Or at least that’s what I think… That’s what I hope.”

Suguru let his words lingered in his mind for a bit and then smiled at him. “You thought about this a lot.”

“Yeah, would love for you to be my secretary.” He told him grinning.

Suguru scoffed and rolled his eyes at him, but then joined him laughing anyway.

“And do you think is worth it? Going through all that trouble for the normies?”

Satoru frowned. “I’m not doing it for the normies. It’s for us, we need better working conditions. It just happens to also help the none sorcerers.”

Suguru couldn’t argue with that.

“The school needs to act as a home for jujutsu sorcerers, not a weapon factory.”

Suguru smiled again. “I agree… sounds beautiful.” He added after a while.

“There’s also a need for better support, we’re all working on different missions, but at the end of the day, we have the same goal. We should be able to lean on one another, without feeling like a burden.”

Is it talking about me, or about himself?

Suguru examined his eyes carefully and found them staring right back him with a hint of uneasiness in them. His chest filled with heavy guilt in an instant.

Satoru was talking about both of them.

He needed to lean on him as much as he was asking Suguru to lean on him for support right now.

The knots in his brain began to untangled. He felt bad for having seen the world by such selfish lens while his friends were just thinking about him.

“Satoru sensei.” Geto called him playfully.

“That sounds weird.” Satoru admited with a chuckle. “Suguru sensei… Yours sounds fitting though.” he said taking his hand in his again.

“I’m sure we can come up with a more effective way to manage curses and the school in general. If you decide to stay, of course.”

He pulled himself closer to him and placed his forehead on his neck.

“Besides, who more qualified than us? We’re the two strongest.”

The two strongest.

Satoru had surpassed Suguru a long time ago in his abilities, but in his mind he still saw him as his equal.

Suguru felt ashamed of how self centered he’d been all of this time. How bad he felt by no longer being next to him on the power scale, for keeping score, for even feeling envious of his power and here Satoru was, just missing his company. Thinking about how they could go about everything, together.

“I mean you don’t have to, but you know.” Gojo added, not wanting to put pressure on him.

Suguru chuckled, putting his arms around his waist and pulling him closer. “I’ll keep it in mind.”

How ridiculous all the arguments he had spent days ruminating on sounded right now.

“Suguru.” He called for him again. “I know there’s something else bothering you... Whatever it is don’t worry about it. We’ll figure it out.” Gojo whispered to him, sounding sleepy again.

We’ll figure it out.

He still didn’t know if the weak were worth fighting wars for, but Satoru was.

Suguru lean in and kissed his forehead gently, before making his way down to his lips.

“About time you did that.” Satoru complained, smiling on his lips.

“Shut up.” Suguru ordered him, smiling back at him and for the first time in a while, he felt hope.