Unbetitelt

So many things to imagine…. So many things… just thinking so many thoughts…

The funny thing is I watched that movie a long time ago without being very aware of Jensen. But now that I’ve been VERY aware of him these past few years, my mind comes back to this movie more often.

I just feel like everybody should know about this

Dean : depressed, sad & injured

Sam : mocking , scheming, cold

Castiel : alien, confused, curious

When I wasn’t watching actively supernatural, but watched like 5 episodes, I thought I would be a Dean girl. From the outside he seemed like your typical bad boy of a love triangle. My favorite type of guy as a teenager. Angsty, mean, player…

When I actually started to watch it as an adult I was like oh no I’m a grown up - I like Sam now. Sad, smart, has his issues but tries to be good & empathetic. Then I kept watching and that familiar pattern of being attracted to the guy I feel the most pity towards made me realize I love both but Dean really subverted my expectations. His life was so unfair and all he wants is his family but he can never ever get what he wants. #needthat

Then I was like “why is everybody talking about this castiel guy??” I really didn’t get it. Then he appeared season 4 and I was like “so this is the guy EVERYONES taking about” and I have to say I wasn’t getting it… that being said… one day SUDDENLY while watching the show- a flip switched in my head. I don’t know what changed but suddenly I got it. I understand. I’m obsessed with that guy and I don’t even know how it happened. Literally one second to the next.

A friend of mine has a lot of online friends and they bond over their shared interest and they text everyday and there is a certain expectation that comes with that, that i am scared of not meeting I guess. Because I think these are real friendships and people kind of loose interest in me once they realize that we can’t always talk about our shared interests and look for other people to do that with. I really really want to talk about my interests in depth and for hours sometimes but if there’s a bond online, you can’t just not text them for days because that’s kind of the only connection there is. There’s not really a way to only text a few messages a week and then meet and catch up on our lives, which is what I would normally do with my friendships irl. Also I think that I am awkward enough as is and I’m scared people might misunderstand me through text.

All my life I have been a Fan of so many things; Bands, Genres, Animes, Games, Tv Shows, Movies, etc. I have only ever lurked through YouTube and such. When I was younger I had my best friend who I could sometimes share my thoughts and opinions on these things with, because she usually liked many things I did too. But since we only ever saw each other ca. 2 times a year, I got used to being a fan by myself. Now we still like many things we used to like together but our interests have changed. I was very aware of fandom culture on tumblr and I tried to get into it but I never really got it. Everybody seemed to already have their friends and groups and getting into those in a meaningful way was too exhausting for me since I’ve been struggling with my mental health since I was a child. I feel like I don’t really know how to connect with people on the internet that much which is funny because I think so many people have the exact opposite problem. People on wattpad and tumblr were always so nice and welcoming but I can’t help but feel awkward and shy away from their outstretched hands. I know wattpad isn’t what it used to be anymore but there was a time!

Oh my god I have literally no one to talk to abt his ass 😭😭😭