vivalicious

It feels ten times worse gaining after getting used to ur low. Like wdym I can’t just wear the first outfit I grab and I have to try on multiple before picking one I don’t look as fat in. And I have to actually pay attention to how I pose in pics bc I won’t be skinny in all of them. Skinny really does feel better than any food tastes.

I hate when my mom says I don’t look fat or I look normal/good now that I’ve gained. like I KNOW I’m not fat but I’m average which is the worst feeling. I just want to do the best I can with my body.

no period so far this month. my doctors going to kill me bro. i went from 100 lb to 108 lb and she wants me to gain even more. im not even allowed to exercise and my parents are watching everything i eat. i can't live like this its torture. like im just watching all my progress wither away while my friends go to the gym and get skinny. im so embarrassed to even leave my house like this isn't the real me.

Fuckkk I ate my entire salt and straw single scoop when I was only supposed to eat 1/4. Mind u NO ONE was forcing me or watching me im such a fat chud bruh. At least I skipped lunch and worked out secretly. If my parents let me go on a walk I’ll try running instead and hopefully skip dinner. I feel so sick and full and it’s only 3:00.

fuckkk im going to see my doctor on wednesday and i think i've gained since last time. thats what she wants so hopefully she'll relax but i feel so guilty and embarrassed. like im supposed to be 4na thats why im evnen there, im actually a disgrace.

i hate when i can feel the fat on my body even when im not moving. i feel like im melting if that makes sense.

I wish it was winter all the time 😞

My friends pmo so bad like when I was forced to recover and was being stuffed w food all the time they randomly decide to lock in and eat nothing. Now I’ve relapsed and they’re planning so many food related events. Idc abt the temptation of food bc that won’t work on me, but idk how im gonna avoid eating without them getting worried.