I don't use this blog anymore
My dad is in the hospital and I need a place to catalog my writing. I am incredibly depressed right now - to the point where I look at the world and it doesn’t look back. I feel like there’s nothing for me out there. I know this is not real, and this is not how things are. I'm somehow managing to see through this chemical imbalance for the façade that it is. I'm going to start journaling this experience because I feel like it’ll help me get some of these toxic thoughts out of my head. Irrationality doesn't survive in open air. I'm a big fan of killing irrationality with logic. Hold on to logic - sometimes it’s all we have. Fuck math. I'm going to watch every movie in the Marvel Cinematic Universe while my dad is in the hospital. For all intents and purposes, I have never seen any of them before. I have never been interested in them. 70 hours of content awaits me. I’m going to update my thoughts on each film, as well as my mental state, each day as I finish a film. I’m going to review each one, in depth, and find relation to my experiences. After a long period of deliberation, I’ve decided to watch them in release order. I believe that has me starting with Iron Man.
I’ve spent a lot of time focusing on work for the past week or so. It’s been the only thing that helps me escape the reality of my family’s current situation. I think maybe it’s time I immerse myself into something a little more fun, something passive, something that allows for idle thought. I’ve been grinding my teeth without realizing it and it’s been giving me headaches. I need to relax. Hopefully, this will do the trick. If not, this is the stupidest blog-style writing project I’ve ever attempted.
