virtual moss 𖦹 .ᐟ

having someone like this incredibly well informed specialist look at my genetic background and lifelong symptoms and tell me just how fucked it is has really solidified my desire to never have my own children, not that my body would even survive pregnancy, let alone birth. this is a nightmare. growing up i was told i was lazy and needed to stop complaining/making excuses, when it turns out i had VERY valid reasons to do so. disrespectfully, fuck my mother for neglecting me the way she did. fuck her for letting me almost die at 15 w glandular fever, which i’m still paying the price for. and fuck the paramedics that didn’t push to take me to hospital for treatment because my mother insisted i may as well just die on the couch. fuck my mother for allowing an abusive pdofile in our lives over and over again. fuck my mother for having more kids when she could barely take care of me. fuck my mum for the torture she’s forcing onto my younger brother, who became her carer at 18, just like her brother did with their own mother. my brother is almost 22 and a shell of a human. miserable and unable to seperate from his abusive mother thanks to the toxic codependency she grew onto us. fuck my mum for never hugging me or listening to me and never giving me the medical treatment i desperately needed. fuck her for laughing in my face when i cried or needed consoling. fuck her for removing everyone who ever cared from our lives and isolating us to the point of insanity. i’m ANGRY. our genetics aren’t her fault, but the lack of care, empathy and compassion she gave my entire life sure as hell is. she’s perfectly fine never talking to me again bc she will never take accountability for any of it. i am going to spend the rest of my life recovering from childhood neglect and abuse. the gratitude of the access to care and treatment will hit soon, but right now i am angry and grieving.