j'ai baise ta mere.

Just yelling into the void at this point. No one reads my posts. And no one in my life will understand this. Idk how but my biggest ick, the thing that ruins my day, every day is seeing my partner's car. I cannot explain how much I hate it. There's nothing necessarily wrong with it but it just sits there, like a monument to every relationship issue we have. Like it manifested from every failing, every bit of resentment. Sometimes I fantasize about it being stolen. I think about it and ruin my own day. It seeps into every facet of my life. And worst, there is no way to rid myself of it, which is what upsets me most

To me, the ultimate dysphoria is still being mum in all aspects bar name. I am who takes on the majority load of housework. I am who is naturally expected to put a career on hold when our child goes to school. I will take her to and from school for at least the next 6 years. I am both the enforcer, and the mediator. I am the planner. I am the answers. I am the glue. I do everything a woman is expected to do still.

Not a single person would mourn me

I got off most social media, thinking it'd help my mental health and I'd want to off myself less. It hasn't. I feel like no one sees me. Knows me. I exist only for what can be taken from me. There is no hand in the dark, reaching out to hold mine. To tell me I'll be ok. I am alone

I wish I was dead