forever yours

quest ; 

i could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; i would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. i would know him in death, at the end of the world - the song of achilles, madeline miller

if a million loved you, i am one of them, and if one loved you, it was me, if no one loved you then know that i am dead - letters to milena, franz kafka

xyx ; 

if, however, your feelings have changed, i will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and i love...i love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on - pride and prejudice, jane austen

i love you in this way because i do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no i or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when i fall asleep your eyes close - cien sonetos de amor(100 love sonnets), pablo neruda

toasty ; 

and sometimes i have kept my feelings to myself, because i could find no language to describe them in - sense and sensibility, jane austen

i love you without question, without calculation, without reason good or bad, faithfully, with all my heart and soul, and every faculty - juliette drouet's love-letters to victor hugo,  juliette drouet

owl ;

if someday the moon calls you by your name don’t be surprised, because every night i tell her about you - shahrazad al-khalij

i love you. today. tonight. tomorrow. forever. if i were to live a thousand years, i would belong to you for all of them. if I were to live a thousand lives, i would want to make you mine in each one - the retribution of mara dyer, michelle hodkin

onion ;

i can listen no longer in silence. i must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. you pierce my soul. i am half agony, half hope... i have loved none but you - persuasion, jane austen 

The sun is high in the sky, shining directly on him like a spotlight. Illuminating his every feature for your eyes, as if the galaxy itself sees his beauty, and cannot help but focus on it as well. His tanned hand interlocked with yours, eyes occasionally shifting over to you, little smile never leaving his lips.

“Have I ever mentioned how beautiful you are?” you begin, “If I haven’t it would be a shame, for your beauty transcends even farther than the mortal eye can view.”

You can see his reaction before he even says anything, how he straightens up, gripping the steering wheel a little too tightly.

“What?”

He knows he took too long to respond, and he knows you know, if the way he’s avoiding looking at you says anything.

You push on regardless, “With the sun shining on you, you look profoundly beautiful right now.”

A smile plays on your lips, as you see his ears flush.

“Doll you cannot be doing this right now. Do you know what you do to me? Ohh, you are playing  a dangerous game.”

“Is it so wrong? For me to want to compliment the love of my life?”

When he gets a chance to look at you, he wonders what he’s done in his past life to be so blessed. The way you look at him is nothing short of unadulterated adoration, like he’s the only man in the world. It can’t possibly be good for his heart, just how much you love him. How you make his heart constrict, how you make him tear up with words alone.

Time with you is sacred, and leaving your arms has become a monumental task as of late. It’s worth it, if he could come back to you forever, assured of your presence in his life through the little things.

“You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love...I love you.” he begins, thinking of the novel, and how you can never get enough of it.

“I never wish to be parted from you from this day on, “ you finish, a smile playing on your lips, words whispered into the air. Words that sound so loud, that they ring in his ear long after you finish.

He doesn’t think he can get enough of you, your touch, your words, your love. From where your hands interlock, he spares a moment to lean over and press a gentle kiss to the back of your hand, eyes lingering on yours for a touch afterwards.

He knows he can’t get enough of you. Since the day you saw his face, a vulnerable moment in time. From that fateful meeting onward, he could not imagine a life without you by his side.

Sometimes, he wonders what you’re thinking when you look at him like that. Like he’s your entire universe, like he hung the moon and the stars in your name. 

You’re like a drug, and goddammit if he isn’t addicted. Maybe it’s bad, maybe he has become codependent. But if you asked him? He wouldn’t have it any other way.

Arguments sucked, there was no beating around the bush. You and Ghost rarely got into fights, there was no need to let your feelings get in the way. It was different this time, it felt different. Meticulously packing a small bag, you thought back on the argument. It was over the very mission you were packing for, how ridiculous.

“Cobra, you'll be sent off solo. Your goal is to play the long game.” Price slid a file towards you, “This is your target. You are going to use him to get us what we want.” “What’s my role?” “You’re going to infiltrate his closest group, we want an in on what he’s doing.” Flicking through the file, you skimmed the information. In your head, you didn’t realize the briefing ended. When you looked up, he was looking at you. Gaze heavy, you met his piercing eyes and tilted your head down slightly. You kept your eyes on him, even as he stood up, and stepped forward.

Once. Twice.

Close enough that you could see his hazel eyes, a rare sight, as he was always moving. Never still.

“I don’t want you on that mission.” You paused, bewildered, “What?”

In a way, you understood intimately what he meant. Long missions meant days, even weeks apart. Never really reassured of the other’s safety. At the time though, you were more impulsive, less understanding.

“You heard me Cobra. I don’t want you on that mission.” “You can’t stop me, Ghost. I can’t just abandon the mission before it even starts.” His gaze hardened, “But you can abandon me?” “I’m not abandoning you? I’ll complete the mission, and I’ll be back before you know it.”

Tension arose, the pressure like a snake, wrapping around you both. It was suffocating. Ghost always had a one-track mind. Once he was set on something, he wasn’t giving it up. Unfortunately, so did you.

Astounded, you rose to your feet, “I’m not doing this with you. I’m going on that mission and you can’t stop me.” When you slipped around him, his hand twitched, like he wanted to grab you and pull you close, but ultimately refraining.

“Do as you wish then.”

That was the last you heard from him since then. It’s been a month now, and you’ve successfully infiltrated the group. As soon as you did, calls with the Task Force became more frequent. Information and stories shared late at night.

He never showed up, not once. You never saw a glimpse of him, and when you inquired about his location, no one would talk.

That’s fine though. If he wants to avoid the issue, two can play at that game.

(Sometimes, late at night, long after the call ended. You wished he was here, by your side like he was for every mission prior.)

OKAY SO FIRST OF ALL - he has such a thing for petnames, and will Melt if u reciprocate

absolute pro at not being able to take what he can dish out, dont fret though, he absolutely builds a tolerance

ironically uses terrible pet-names in public, if you use some on him he Will make it a competition and he Will win ("snookums here wants a refund on this." "yes sorry, mcdreamy here said it didn't look good on me" "oh schmoopy , how you wound me i did not sa that")

xyx is such a people-pleaser, so he Knows what you like and what you don't, he'll keep an eye on your expressions subtly ("hey babe why is there so much snack you really like in our pantry?" "it was on sale!")

he will Spoil you, he's not the type to spend a lot of money on himself but on You?? oh you better watch out

still careful with his money but if you're eyeing that bag, or pair of shoes, or poster, he will buy it for you.

even if you off-handedly comment wanting something, expect it in your arms Soon ("i saw this really cool poster at the mall today?" "oh really? what did it look like doll?" "it was like, of my favourite character holding their love interest" "oh thats very cool" schemes)

will absolutely do the evil villain chair in dark thing with Cat if you come home late ("i've been,, expecting you" "babe its 1 am what are you doing up?")

he knows your favourite drink, exactly how you like it, and it tastes perfect everytime. YOU NEVER TOLD HIM EITHER, he just had you try a buncha things and watched your reactions ("hey love, im trying out a new recipe, wanna try?" "of course!")

dont think about it but seeing him playing with cat, watching the muscles in his arm flex??? him Noticing you noticing and flexing a lil harder, before going all out, Cat meowing indignantly over his bicep???

stop thinking about xyx coming home from work, seeing you and Cat cuddling on the couch?? being so in love that he scored someone as amazing as you?? he is just, so so so, in love with you at the moment?? that he just, comes over, picking u both up and twirlin you around. Cat immediately, outraged bats him the face but he doesn't notice because you're giggling so hard rn

if he's meeting your parents??? ohhh be prepared, he is such a smooth talker and hes Proud. He comes in, nicest most neutral cologne, nice powersuit, a subtle chain necklace with your initial???

he is All smooth talk, keepin an eye out for any cues of like or dislike on topics, always complimenting whoever cooked

when getting to the Interrogation? oh he's Ready ("so what do you do for a living" "oh well i work as a lawyer, it makes me elated to be able to provide for mc like i can" "nice, nice" *visibly impressed*)

the car ride home after??? oh he is Menace, he is all grins, puffin out his chest like a bird ("doll they loOoooveee me" "did you see that? arent you proud love?") you're gonna have to keep saying yes but its okayyy because you're both sickeningly in love with eachother

him being hella cheesy, tellin u one day ("hey doll, i bet i can hold the entire universe in my hands" "what??") and immediately cupping your face??? pulling you into a soft kiss??

you keeping that in ur mind,,, ready to strike back?? sitting on the couch with him laying between them, cheek pressed into your thigh as you both play with Cat? when Cat leaves, leaning down and cupping his face in your hands??? ("you are so gorgeous babe") and he goes Red (mc - 1 / xyx - 4million), his breath Stops.

leaning down to kiss him??? catching him even more off-guard?? absolute knock-out. he tries so hard to play it off ("ill never be as gorgeous as you doll") but being sooo off his game? so caught off guard??

a sunshower happening, cue you, dancing in the rain like a madman??? him coming over and seeing you?? glad u cant see him because he is Positive he looks so sappy rn. eventually meeting his eye?? running up to him and grabbing him by the hand?? leading him into the rain?? he immediately takes over the dance, spinnin and twirlin you around.

pulling you into his arms?? arms resting on your hips as you grab him by the face?? pulling him into a kiss???? laughter breaking out between you two, as he peppers your face in kisses??

doing research on filipino wedding customs, finding out that you traditionally ask the parents for their blessing

ASKING XYX'S PARENTS FOR THEIR BLESSING?? going over to their house for a dinner plan, getting him distracted and asking his parents for their blessing??? planning the wedding with them??? burning the unity candle?? the rice toss?? the money dance???

at the altar, can't even get though the first line of his vows before he cries ( "and i, xyx tak-" *literally sobbing*)

DOING HARANA FOR HIM??? getting all the members of the bloomic server to participate, as you sing his praises? good at singing or not he is so choked up in giggly, hands over face ugly bawling

lighting the unity candle with him is a whole ordeal, neither of you can stay still long enough to keep the flame steady, almost lighting the tablecloth on fire

him holding you as close as you can fit against him?? teary eyed all over again because wow, he cant believe that you really wanted to marry him??

post first dance, as the night wanes, hiding behind the couples table, on the floor, in his arms??? as he feeds u mango sticky rice and vice versa???

sayin sum cheesy shit like ("oops i missed a spot, hold still love") before leaning in for a kiss??? not realizing the photographer AND videograper saw this and got it all in 4k??

the discord prompts that inspired me, thank u i luv u all(real)

He didn’t mean to let you in so far, let you see so much of him.   

(He doesn’t regret it)

He remembers when you arrived, the memory lingering in his mind.

You arrived like a hurricane, loud and bold. Always happy, always smiling. He was annoyed at first, but like a mint plant you quickly planted your roots down, and breached his walls.

“Sargeant Cobra at your service.” You jokingly bowed.

He really hated you at first. You seemed so carefree, almost reckless.

Your first mission with the crew was a story to tell for years on. 

It was as if your entire demeanor changed. From the moment you exited the heli, you put up a serious persona.

“Cobra really lives up to their name, huh?” Soap commented, seeing you slide through tiny area’s they saw. Moving fluidly, barely noticeable if they didn’t already know where to look.

The way you wrapped your arms around the enemy before mercilessly slitting their throat.

That moment really changed his perspective of you. He became more open, and eventually something happened between you two.

“Why on Earth would you take the shot for me?” Exasperated with his attempted explanation, “Tell me Ghost.”

“I couldn’t stand the thought of a world without you.”

“What?”

“Nothing”, insecurity creeped into his mind and he tried to leave. 

You wouldn’t let him leave.

He remembers the day vividly.

“I couldn’t either.” He almost couldn’t believe it.

When he asked you to repeat it, he was half expecting you to say something completely different. You repeated it louder, “I couldn't either. I love you too much to let you go.”

Your words rang loudly in his ears, and he pulled you close, whispering your name softly.

Days went by, and his adoration for you only seemed to continue to grow. He learned more about you, and you learned more about him. 

“I did ballet for 6 years.” You blurted out one day, pen against paper.

He looked up from his report, jokingly surprised, “You don’t have a graceful bone in that body dove.”

An exaggerated gasp followed, like you couldn’t believe he said such a thing.

Your death was not something he expected, no one did. It felt like karma, the universe giving him something and taking it away, just like that.

It was his fault.

He knows you wouldn’t agree, but you weren’t here were you? 

In the same sense, where you arrived like a hurricane, you left like one too.

It’s been a year since you were on the team, months since you started dating. The next mission was like any other, get in, obtain a flashdrive, and get out. It was easy, you told him, you’ve done this a thousand times.

He believed you, of course he did. You had yet to fail a mission.

It went smoothly up till then, it was a trap. 

(He should have realized)

“Cobra speaking. Evac asap, it’s a trap. I repeat. It’s a trap.”

“Loud and clear Cobra. Get outta there.”

No response.

At the time he didn’t think anything of it. You were likely pre-occupied evacuating.

(His first mistake)

He was waiting at the truck, impatiently eyeing the still building. He didn’t know what the trap was, you didn’t explain. It was quiet, eerily silent.

Suddenly there was sound, loud in the dead of the night. Static filled the air, as Soap responded to the comms.

“Cobra are you there?”

”See you -n an—er —fe” Your voice was quiet, he could barely make out a word.

The meaning wasn’t lost on either of them however. His blood ran cold, rushing through his veins down to the tips of his fingers. It was quiet again.

If he hadn’t froze you’d still be here, safe in his arms.

(Don’t lie to yourself)

Suddenly, there was noise. Soap cursed as the building exploded. Rubble rained down on them, pelting the truck.

“Drive Lt!” 

He kicked into gear, but instead of doing as Soap said he rushed towards the crumbling building. 

If he hadn’t froze, he could have saved you. 

(Wishful thinking)

He found out later that there was a bomb, as soon as you accessed the computer, it was rigged to explode as soon as your hand left the keys. There was no hope, you sacrificed yourself for the team. ‘Your boys’ as you had fondly called them.

Things were never the same, he mused placidly. Blinking dust out of his eyes, arms limp beside him.

You came into his life, and left it just as suddenly. He wondered if it was karma for what he’s done in life.

(Why did it have to be you)

As he laid, reflecting on his life. It was almost amusing, how you were still the only thing he could think of. Even in death, you resided in corners of his thoughts.

(He didn’t, still doesn’t, deserve you)

He could faintly hear Soap talking to him through the comms, smelling copper, tasting metal.

(Recklessness, his eventual downfall)

He wondered where you were, how you were. Briefly entertaining the thought that you both would meet again in the afterlife.

(You probably hated him, an irredeemable monster)

Trembling fingers reached into his breast pocket, pulling out a small figurine and your dog tag. Holding on tightly, his breath slowed, and his eyes drifted shut.

“Ghost. GHOST! Where the fuck are you?”

He hoped you’d meet again. Longed to hold you once more.

(How selfish)

I doubt he’d lose many, if any of the habits he made while in the military. While he might not wear his skull mask or balaclava, he probably wears a surgical mask.

Sleeps with his gun on the nightstand, and one under the bed frame. Very rarely fully covered by the blanket in case he needs to move fast.

Even if you met him after the military they probably provide enough to sustain you both without having to do actual work.

Soap and Ghost definitely resigned from the military together, but Soap probably lives in the city.

He still comes over a lot to eat your food and hang out.

In the first few months/years he had trouble with waking up calmly, or really sleeping deeply.

If you met him after, it's probably a year into his retirement, and it probably took another year before you both start dating. 

If you worked together you probably got together while in the military, and moved in together from the very beginning.

The house you stay in was absolutely hand-built by Ghost from the ground up. He wanted to ensure maximum protection should anything happen, thick walls, bulletproof glass, and it’s hidden behind acres and acres of farmland and forests.

Late nights on the patio on sleepless nights, held firmly in his arms as you share stories and look at the stars. (“When I was younger I really wanted to know what rosin tasted like, cuz it was so pretty.” “Why would you do that” “It didn’t taste good” “Huh, I wonder why”)

After the entirety of  Task Force 141 eventually retires, hosting a small gathering.

Price manning the grill alongside Ghost, making puns at him and exchanging recipes.

They never really got out of the habit of using each other’s call-signs and any personal nicknames, regardless of when you met you also got in the habit of using their call-signs. (It causes major confusion whenever you’re in public sometimes.)

When you get married, he takes your last name. His name has enemies searching for it, better off hiding that part of him forever.

Does not seem like it, but he has the biggest green thumb, finds planting therapeutic, feels good to know that his hands can do more than kill.

He’d also get into painting, absolutely not good at it but you hang all his pieces anyway. (“Ey Lt, that a giraffe?” “It’s a tree” “oh.”

He loves animals. A lot of strays make their way to your property so it's not uncommon to just, see a dog chilling at your door.

Both of you tend to join militaries, picking a side and fighting for the hell of it.

That's what led you to Task Force 141.

Rumors quickly spread, how you two were a force to be reckoned with.

And yet, no one could solidly describe your appearances, much less your actions. One minute Ghost would be using a SCAR-H and then suddenly the gun was gone, and he wielded a blade.

The ruthlessness in your movement, blood coated blades and the thuds of the dead not far behind you. Unable to see your movement, just barely visible. One moment in the street, the next in an alley-way stepping over the dead.

The way he walked, so silently and yet it demanded attention. Never far from his side was his fellow Lieutenant.

You always walked absurdly loud, and yet it felt unnatural. Your steps are too precise and planned too carefully. People speculated that you stepped purposely, as to assert your presence.

Bodies always tense, and ready to move at a moment’s notice. How neither of you ever seemed to relax.

You both were often compared to the Gods, how ironic that you shared a name right? (“I’m surprised we’ve never been found out.” “Maybe one day.” “Wouldn’t that be interesting?”)

Unlike Ghost your face was “common” knowledge. How odd is it, that no one could really agree on your features. (“He has a roman nose. What are you talking about?” “Are you mad? He has a flat nose”)

The glamour is always hiding you, keeping your true forms under lock and key.

Power always seems to ooze out of your veins, demanding that their eyes be on you.

Both of your eyes are always shifting in color, his eyes just slightly too red, yours too vibrant.

Soap insists that your eyes glow in the dark, you both laugh at his words. But how far off is he really? (“I swear, their eyes glowed in the dark on our last mission! You were there too Gaz!” “Okay, I think you’ve had too much to drink”)

People talked, of course they did, they talked about how ironic it was that their two lieutenants shared names with ancient gods. How your call-signs were planned around each other.

Star-gazing with Ghost, late at night, as gods don't need sleep. Ghost removes his mask, and you both release your glamour. The stars shine brighter when you do, the moon’s light lighting up your paths.

Early mornings with Ghost, sitting together watching the skies. Soft voices speaking about things long gone. Past conquests, wars previously won. (”That cloud looks like your mask.” “That cloud looks more like your chariot.” “Maybe you need to get your eyes checked dear.”)

In active battle, knowing he should not be favoring you. You’re strong, you’re here for a reason. But he can’t help but keep you in his peripherals, intentionally putting you on a team with him. (”With me Mamba.” “Understood sir.”)

After every mission, ensuring that you get checked up, having you negotiate and tell him if you go he has to as well. (“I’ll be fine Ghost, it’s a minor wound. You however! You got shot.” “It can get infected, go to the medic.” “I’ll go if you get that gunshot wound dealt with.” “Fine.”)

Knowing that it’s not safe for either of you to be distracted, but not being able to help it.

The eye contact during meetings?? Always listening in, but not always comprehending. Your knees just barely brush against each other when sitting side-by-side, intentionally slouching farther to have more contact.

Post mission adrenaline, and sparring together to relax. (“Missed me lov--” “You were saying?”)

Never really leaving each other's sides, showering at the same time, sleeping in each other's rooms.

Swapping between little and big spoons, depending on your moods. Ghost definitely prefers little spoon.

Surprisingly domestic when you’re both off missions, just living together in your shared safehouse.

May not seem like it, but refuses to leave each other's side on a bad note. In this field of work you never know if you might not make it back, arguments are avoided at all costs, and if they do happen you both prefer to resolve it asap.

Has his moments, he isn’t perfect, if you even attempt to sacrifice yourself to save someone else, he won’t hesitate to pull you out.

Him holding your waist band, driving with one hand as you lean out the window and shoot at the people following you. (“Stop leaning so far out the window, I’m still driving.” “Shut up, I can't reach the motherfucker this close to the window.” “If you fall I won’t catch you.” “Didn’t take you for a liar love.”)