a blog with variety

I guess five years is long enough for nostalgia. Catching the last hour of the stream yesterday was nice. Helped bring back so many memories. And also made me realize how much I've forgotten. Once again.

I know that part of the lesson was appreciating things while we had them, and being able to let go when the time came. But I still find it interesting. Not only how much I've forgotten. But also how much they forgot.

Not necessarily about the channel directly. Just about how much has happened since then.

It really puts things into perspective when you think about all that has happened between Ethan, Mark, and Amy's lives. While everyone remembers the most recent (Mark & Amy's wedding), there's been Ethan's new house, Ethan's rebrand, creator clash, 3+ podcasts between them (plus a new one starting), Mark and Edge of Sleep, the production of Iron Lung, and so much more even I've probably forgotten.

So much of my perspective has shifted over this time, too. In the last year alone, I went from having no idea if I would ever get a job to "fit" my degree to now being a few months deep into a new job that I never imagined with coworkers who make my days enjoyable and I would do anything for.

And all the while I still haven't quite given up on my dream.

Part of it is because I'm a sentimental sap who can't let go and would hate to lose these reflections, even if there's no one reading them but me year after year. Part of it is because I think I can still do it. I just need to figure out how.

Who knows, maybe by next year I'll have a better idea of how to edit my content and record new stuff and upload things the way I want. That would be ideal. But we'll see where life takes us.

And ultimately, as long as I am living my life to the fullest, and spending time with the people I care about the most, that's all that matters to me.

So we'll see where life takes us, shall we?

See you next year, folx.

Four years ago today we were faced with a point where we knew that our lives would never be the same, forever changed beyond that point. Many felt numb and grief-stricken as we came to terms and accepted the loss of what became such a profound movement. Others still clung onto the memories, and in a way, it made us stronger, helped us to find each other, as we reflected on what an impact one year had had on our lives. Many took it for granted. Others would extend the end. But those of us who really, truly got it, we know what it meant, and have carried forward in our own ways.

It's crazy to think all that happened in one year. It's crazier to think what has happened in four. Each year that goes by, I find myself further and further removed from the memories and feelings I so cherished all that long ago. And yet, the lessons stay with me. I try to cherish every moment to the fullest of my ability, make memories and connections worth making. Putting my best foot forward, so that when I do meet my end, I know I have spent my time how I wanted, and how I want others to remember me by.

I started making these annual reflection posts as a way to both reconnect with this community which was, in a way, reforged with the end, and a milestone marker to see how I have progressed on my ultimate current dream--the true reason I created this blog.

So where am I at. Well, I'm finishing school. By this point next year, I will theoretically (and in a large case ideally) have a job or internship where I can start my life in the "real world." I can have time to see about using my time for my means and my desires, and maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to start again.

I do really hope to one day finish my video edits and start up my youtube channel. It's just so hard for me to see the end when the means are so impossible at the moment.

But hey, maybe now that I'm getting used to exploring this app you might see more regular updates.

Until then, things are still in progress. But one thing will remain true.

I'm putting this here 'cause a) it feels appropriate and b) tumblr deleted my personal blog for no reason so... that's fun, but here we are. Besides, I meant to use this blog for more stuff related to content creation, so this is tangentially related, right? Anyways,

I'm currently trying to edit a few videos for a side project and it's literally not all that hard. Minimal edits. It's literally just me presenting a workshop. One video recording, one audio recording. That's all. The hardest bit is me syncing up the audio between the two.

So I finished one of two videos and uploaded them (it's private and for a club, so no, they're not going up on my channel --that's it's own thing), but my overly concerned and perfectionist self decided that, ah yes, having people just watch the video on it's own is not enough, you need \*captions* that *you type*. Which, also, really isn't too hard (as I said, it's me presenting something, so I'm the primary speaker for like, 90% of the video), but it's just taking me so longgg. This video is already like, almost three months later than I wanted, but finishing the captions has felt like such a chore.

Motivation just sucks at the moment, and once I get a drive to do this sort of stuff, I just power through and then, the moment is gone just as fast and I don't want to do it anymore.

Anyways, that's a tidbit on how I function.

And part of why videos are taking so long to... *exist*.

Three years is a long time for anything.

This year alone has put me through so much that many things got lost and forgotten, including this post being late by a day. I thought that maybe, just maybe, I'd be able to find myself this year, get my act together and finally feel like I had everything under control. But alas, here we are, a year later and I still have yet to take the first step.

Yesterday a friend wished me a happy death-iversairy, and I went to find them a GIF to try and show them how much I had appreciated the gesture. Afterall, we both loved the channel to bits and still love talking about it when we remember, so I wanted to return the wish with more than just a message or meme. But going through the GIFs (primarily clips from those videos), I realized just how much I had forgotten. How much I had lost. All in the span of three years. How could something so pivotal, so life changing, so motivating, have completely escaped my memory? How, after all those videos pointing out the importance of spending the time you had wisely, had I left time eat away at me? How had I let go of so many goals and dreams?

As this calendar year comes barreling to an end before my eyes, I find myself not feeling much of anything at all. On the one hand, I haven't made much progress actually putting in work into starting my channel. On the other hand, I have kept up a few of the lessons I learned thanks to the channel. I support all the creators I love in all their endeavors. I engage with the communities beyond just liking videos when I want to. And I stay true to my interests and spend my time how I want to -- when not dictated by school, at least.

As for updates on my channel: I have recorded more footage for my channel! Now it's a matter of editing it all. I also have better hardware so I can run different games and store my video footage easier, as well as record better voiceovers. When this will all come into fruition? Still not sure. But I haven't given up. I will do this. Because I want to. Recording videos for my channel has been fun, and I want to do more! It just all comes back to time.

So, now what. Well, last year I encourage everyone to pursue their dreams, take that one leap, take chances. I still do believe that you absolutely should. This year I continued to have moments where I took chances and have been grateful for them, regardless of the clouds of responsibilities that hang over me. I wish for you, dear reader, to have the same, if you can. We only have one life to live, so take the leap and see where you land, 'cause it might very well surprise you. I, as many others, will continue to carry the memories of the channel in my mind, even if specifics slip away. But the spirit lives on.

Hi, it's me, back at it again.

It really is hard to fathom that it's only been two years since the channel was deleted. This last year has felt so long and drawn out with something happening at every corner, that I really haven't had time to process everything.

Do I still miss the channel to pieces? Yes. Do I still hope to become a content creator one day? Yes. Am I close to coping with those two ideas? No.

I mentioned in my last post that my channel would need to be postponed for the time being. Well, circumstances haven't changed all that much, and it doesn't really look like they will any time soon. One day I'll be able to fulfill this new dream I've set out for myself. IT will just take some time.

So, if you're reading this in a string of other annual posts talking about how the channel impacted our lives, to you I say una lita, my friend. One life. If you are able, take that jump and pursue that one thing that's been nagging you or that you've wanted to try or that you might never have the chance to again. The best moments of my life in this past year have been from times when I've taken those chances, and during my dark times I'm only more grateful that I have those memories to look back on.

And if by some chance you are reading this and believe in me becoming a content creator in spite of me literally showing no content whatsoever, thank you. I appreciate you. One day it will happen: just not now.

I must admit, emotions are kinda all over the place for me right now. I'm finding myself missing them an enormous amount, which I didn't expect at all, but I suppose that on anniversaries things are different.

A year ago I made an affirmation that I would commit some time in my life to pursue making my dream as a content creator a reality. As you can probably guess, that has not happened. Instead, life gave me new priorities and activities, while simultaneously slapping me in the face with responsibilities, self-doubt, poor time management which it could be argued I already had, demotivation, as well as additional mental struggles setting me back from life, let alone my side passions.

Some of my goals with my channel were to start on my own, create for the sake of creating and enjoyment, promote others, and to keep at it along with everything else in my life while staying true to myself in the moment. Now a days, I find myself more on the side of supporting and promoting other creators, enjoying their content for what they decide to give in that moment. When I think of my own channel, I only see unreachable aspirations with near impossible goals to reach the top and create the community I want to see. So for now, my plan to make my channel the guiding light for all that I see in my head will be put aside. Perhaps I am just more suited as part of the audience rather than as a creator.

Like, the program, not the person.

We love twitch not posting and/or recording a 2hr stream correctly so all you have to show is the 15min before your internet crashed.

Dear Unus Annus,

Thank you so much for everything. Watching you guys over the past year has been one of the most fantastic things for me and has helped me through so many tough times. Not just you guys, but also countless other Youtubers and channels have inspired me to the point were I hope to eventually start up my own Youtube Channel, with the aim to do what I want when I feel like it just to show all my different passions and interests. I even hope to send love to some of my other favorite channels, many of which are little known and I feel could really deserve some love. Being a part of this has been one of the best experiences of my life.

So here’s to Unus Annus, and appreciating the friends and creators we met along the way. Memento Mori. And even more, Memento Unus Annus.