I am a coward. I came to terms with this fact a decent bit ago, but still. The constant gnawing of guilt and self loathing never stops. I am a horrible person, I was a horrible friend, and I can't even recognize myself due to being stuck in this fucking body. The reflection in the mirror is not my own and I HATE it. I hate this. I hate feeling wrong, more wrong than normal. I miss my source so bad. I miss Jonah and Thatcher so fucking much it eats away at me constantly. I just wish I could fix things I hate being helpless. I am nothing but a empty shell of what I once was, and I hate it. I hate how I have to resist the urge to breakdown whenever I think of how I let him die, or how I ran away from the only person willing to help me. I look at the fuckinf screen and I see the fucking monstrosity I've become. "The Jester". Real fucking fitting. I hate this. I hate living a lie AGAIN. This isn't my world, this isn't my home but im still fucking stuck in it. I deserve this, I know that but still. I hear their voices still fucking. Constantly and im sick of it. I rip at the skin that confines me constantly I want put of it everything is wrong I cant stop shaking and everything hurts all the time, my bones are too close, my skin is too tight, my eyes burn after the slightest bit of crying and I hate it. I want to go home, id rather go back to being The Jester than continue to be stuck here I fucking hate this I hate it so much
