VibrantVixen

The fucking usual ------------------------ The story begins with judgment. Notions that others think they know someone because of what they see. It starts with the girl with the blonde hair and green eyes, sitting on the bench of a bus stop. It's a typical hot Florida day thus explaining her red strapless dress with white polka dots. She sits there waiting, maybe for the bus or someone. No one really knows. She seems out of place and yet perfectly in place. She's young, slender, and her porcelain skin is sunkissed from the rays. Bikers riding by look onto her and wonder what her story may be. Others wait for the bus stop but no one approaches her except a muscular black man. He has kind brown eyes that seemed sore from emotion. Sadness it seemed. He sat down on the bench beside her. I remember feeling happy that he had sat next to me but also sad because I couldn't tell what was bothering him. Curiosity got the best of me as I asked him what was wrong through my cracked voice. For a second his brown eyes lit up and he looked down at me as if bewildered that I had spoke and much more that someone bothered to ask. He stayed quiet and contemplated if he should unburden himself to a stranger. Finally he closed his eyes and I could see him trying to hold back tears but time had taken its toll on his soul, he had kept in so much that his emotions got the best of him. He responded in a beautifully low alto voice. "It's been a rough year...I...I...lost my job....I'm losing my wife...I don't have money for anything...my car payments...rent....food...and I feel...I feel like I can't go on." I sat there awkwardly as I uncrossed my legs and shifted sides. I felt the sweat under my knees but it wasn't that which was bothering me. I wanted so badly to comfort him but I didn't know how. I didn't want to say the wrong thing but I also didn't want to stay silent. "I'm....I'm sorry" He opened his eyes and looked at me and smiled slightly. "It's alright... I didn't mean to unload on you like that." I smiled. "No it's quite alright. I hope things get better....no one deserves to live a life full of anything but happiness and wonder..." We sat there. So different in appearance but so alike in soul. There was this mutual understanding and comfort by our proximity. He put his elbows on his dark brown knees which were glistening with sweat from the Florida sun. His mahogany brown eyes looking down at the concrete but not really looking at it. He continued. "Do you ever feel like life is too much?" My eyes glistened as if he hit the head on the nail so precisely. "It's funny you say that...." I replied. He smiled as his dimples shown on his cheeks. The breeze blew by and it felt nice against my skin. I heard the plastic rustle of my sandwich bag and remembered I brought something to eat. I looked at it and then back at him. "You..want to split this with me?" He smiled more. I didn't know why he did but I was happy to see that crescent smile on his face, it almost stole the attention away from his swollen eyes. I gave him the other half of the sandwich and we started our feast. We ate in silence but it didn't seem to bother either of us. We enjoyed the company in a world where at times life becomes unbearable to go through it all by ourselves. "So what's your deal?" he finally asked me as we finished. I laughed. "The usual bullshit...dated the wrong person, trusted an even worse one, family issues, money issues and fucking insecurity." He laughs as I curse. "The fucking usual" he replies followed by more laughter. "....the fucking usual" Repeating the phrase as we laugh together at our miseries. For just a split second they didn't seem to bother us. Instead we relished at how life was going. You know. The fucking usual way.

I keep the key to my heart on my chest, the same way you keep your heart on your sleeve. ❤️🗝

Sometimes this vicious cycle of hurt feels like the plot from the movie “it follows.” You continuously run into the same old problems, with the same type of people. You change your direction, your perspective, and even your way of life but end up at the same results. It’s as if this bad situation plagues you to continue that cycle of hurt. However you deny passing on that hurt because you don’t want to contribute anymore bad into the world. So you break the cycle as it slowly breaks you down. But at least it ends there, with you and the vicious cycle of hurt....no more.

In life you are taught to speak up and to also listen. Most do the first but usually never the latter. However after listening to the world around us, we start to notice things that we may have never noticed before. We notice the music in the far distance 🌳🎶, the sweet smells which linger in the breeze 🌾, the hidden emotions behind people's facades 😶, the words of wisdom that are not put in bold print. It is then that the message becomes clearer.

Love is the deadliest poison 💋🌿💚🌹#love #poison #poisonivy #poisonivybatman #redhair #vixen

Welcome to the dark side 🌑✨ #darklips #grunge #darkside #vixen

Catnip #cupidsbow #pinklips #vibrantvixen #maryjane

Sleeping beauty #aurora #pitbull #puppylove #cuddles #dogpile

Love this 💚 #greeneyes #brightcolors #venomous #colorful #green

Have you ever met someone who made such an impact in your life, that at times you honestly believe in fate? Someone who has the ability to help you see in a new perspective? Someone who knows exactly what to say and when to say it? Someone who knows the bad parts of your life yet they never judge you on it? Where you both travel through life with similar situations and yet always find something new together? Someone who brings the absolute best out of you and understands the very core of your spirit? You wish you could convey in words how much they mean to you but the words never suffice. Instead you are left speechless with their wonder and close your eyes, hoping this never disappears.

I remember growing up like it was yesterday. I was young, happy and free. The world was my oyster and I was it's pearl. I felt incredibly lucky and loved. Growing up, I wouldn't have realized I was sheltered from the real world. Its hard to look back because I've repressed so much of the bad that sometimes it's surreal. I hardly talk about it and at times it haunts me and the corners of my smile. I remember wondering why the world was so cruel. I wondered how I could have been so blind. I remember holding everything in and everyone asking me why I was acting different. I used to be incredibly social and happy. My teachers would always comment about my happiness saying things like "if you could bottle up that happiness and sell it, you would make millions." I went from that to completely silent and watching life pass me by. The once happy story became a nightmare, no longer a pearl in an oyster, I felt like an abandoned animal at a shelter, betrayed. I remember running away from home, hoping I could run away from everything and find a place to disappear forever. I remember hugging my knees and hoping if I squeezed them tight enough to my chest, I would just sink into myself like a black hole and cease to exist. Everyday was a challenge. I became a good actor and held everything in. At times it would be incredibly difficult to keep it all bottled in especially when people asked about it. However I was an oscar worthy actress and always made up an excuse or reason but they all had one thing in common, to cover up my thoughts and feelings. While everyone was chatting about their first kisses and experiences, this dark cloud lingered and rained on my parade. I was so young and felt all too alone. I remember the few people in my life who helped me get through it. Simple things really that they did that I remember so clearly. I remember sitting on the bus and staring out the window when a moment of weakness emerged. People who repress bad memories will tell you eventually that there is a period of relapse. I started tearing up and swallowed my feelings. My friend next to me looked at me and asked quietly if I was ok. I half smiled without even looking at her because I knew if I caught eye contact, it would all unravel. I replied "yeah" with my voice just cracking though the syllables. She knew I was lying but she understood. She didn't push it but instead pulled out her iPod and handed me the ear bud. She replied "music helps" I put the ear bud in and listened as the sweet melody entered my mind. I closed my eyes and the dark cloud became bearable. The feelings dispersed and all I heard was the magic of music.