VHS IS COOL

Literally haven’t felt this sad in years. I don’t want to know anybody anymore.

I know she’s probably never gonna reach out to me but I’m trying to be happy for her. My texts go unanswered but I keep wishing her well. The occasional tiktok she sends me makes me hope that I’m in her thoughts like she is mine but I doubt it. She never answer my replies to them. I wonder if maybe I had stayed religious and been the church girl I was raised to be that maybe she’d still love me the way she used to but there’s no way to know. I didn’t want to be that girl anyways but I still wonder at the cost it took to become who I am now. And like I wish she’d just never send those videos. I’d rather the ghosting take full affect. Because I’d rather you not love me anymore than to hold a dim and passing affection in your heart. At what point am I losing self respect as I continue to hope she’ll pick me up again like a forgotten toy at the bottom of a hamper? How long am I permitted to love her despite everything until it becomes pathetic. She’s getting married now and she didn’t wish me happy birthday. I still text her Happy New Years even though I don’t enjoy that holiday. I never hear back until she sends me an unrelated video of Mr. Darcy or The Kardashians. It hurts every time and it makes me sick that I still care. We were girls together and now we’re almost strangers. I haven’t felt a worse kind of heartbreak.

Friendship heartbreak so real