Jin Ling

tw for distressing themes , depressive tendencies , harsh language , ect .

SO I do not know who else needs to hear this but here goes.  I am here, I may be a little slow, but I will get back to you. I love all of you dearly you make a blurry , drab 2020-2021 great, your threads your plots, your beautiful souls. Sometimes we forget that there are people behind these characters and IRL can hurt and effect them. 

It doesn’t matter to me if you are gone for a day, a week, a month , a year , five years. Time is not a issue with me, neither is plots. If you want to pick up right where we left off, we will. If you want to plot something new - I am here for that as well. I love my partners, even when they are silent, or going through things I can not help with. 

If you want to do something, and you’ve been away, I am here. This goes for old friends new ones and anyone else I meet and make along the way. I am here for that, I am here for you. There is already so much ugliness in this world. we have to be good to each other. No one else is going to be. Were a community and unity is part of that word. Please be kind to each other, please care for one another. 

‘  i’ll  find  you  again ,  wherever  we  end  up  next .  ’

‘  the  enormity  of  my  desire  disgusts  me .  ’

‘  please ,  one  more  kiss  in  the  kitchen  before  we  turn  the  lights  off .  ’

‘  i’ve  been  lost  but  i’m  here  now .  you’re  the  only  person  who  has  ever  been  able  to  find  me .  ’

‘  almost  dead  yesterday ,  maybe  dead  tomorrow ,  but  alive ,  gloriously  alive ,  today .  ’

‘  you  are  not  broken .  ’

‘  you  can  love  and  be  loved ,  despite  what  may  feel  like  the  eternally  brutal  nature  of  the  world .  ’

‘  i  did  violence  to  my  own  heart .  ’

‘  will  i  be  forgiven  for  the  sins  i  did  not  commit ,  but  created ?  ’

‘  i  would  never  kiss  anyone  who  doesn’t  burn  me  like  the  sun .  ’

‘  i  would  rather  break  the  world  than  lose  you .  ’

‘  i  think  you  and  i  have  known  each  other  in  a  few  lifetimes .  ’

‘  i  didn’t  know .  i  had  no  idea  how  greedy  my  heart  really  was .  ’

‘  is  that  why  the  idea  of  losing  you  torments  me  so  much ?  ’

‘  how  long  have  i  been  without  you ?  ’

‘  am  i  foolish  for  wanting  this ?  it  will  end  in  flames .  it  always  does .  ’

‘  sorry  about  the  blood  in  your  mouth .  i  wish  it  was  mine .  ’

‘  if  i  love  you ,  is  that  a  fact  or  a  weapon ?  ’

‘  tell  me  how  all  this ,  and  love  too ,  will  ruin  us .  ’

‘  and  you  realize  the  one  person  in  the  world  who  loves  you  isn’t  the  one  you  thought  it  would  be .  ’

‘  it  cannot  be  a  mistake  to  have  cared .  it  cannot  be  an  error  to  have  tried .  it  cannot  be  incorrect  to  have  loved .  ’

‘  finally ,  i  plead  guilty  of  adoring  you .  ’

‘  a  child  weaned  on  poison  considers  harm  a  comfort .  ’

‘  without  realizing ,  i  find  it  in  myself  that  i  cannot  stop  thinking  about  you .  ’

‘  tomorrow ,  when  i  wake  up ,  i  promise ,  i  will  be  better .  ’

‘  someone  has  to  leave  first .  this  is  a  very  old  story .  there  is  no  other  version  of  this  story .  ’

‘  when  i  imagine  myself ,  i  am  always  leaving .  i  couldn’t  draw  my  own  face  if  god  asked .  ’

‘  do  we  simply  stare  at  what’s  horrible  and  forgive  it ?  ’

‘  i  wanted  to  let  go  of  the  pain  even  though  it  was  the  last  thing  that  felt  alive  from  you .  ’

‘  have  i  endured  loneliness  with  grace ?  ’

‘  i’ll  be  your  slaughterhouse ,  your  killing  floor ,  your  morgue  and  final  resting ,  walking  around  with  this  bullet  inside  me  ‘cause  i  couldn’t  make  you  love  me  and  i  am  tired  of  pulling  your  teeth .  ’

‘  and  then  my  soul  saw  you  and  kind  of  went ,  ‘ oh ,  there  you  are .  i’ve  been  looking  for  you . ’  ’

‘  sometimes  it  feels  like  someone  else  is  wearing  my  body .  ’

‘  i  spent  my  life  arguing  how  i  mattered  until  it  didn’t  matter .  ’ 

‘  who  knew  my  haven  would  be  my  coffin ?  ’

‘  dead  is  the  safest  i’ve  ever  been .  ’

‘  i’ve  never  been  so  alive .  ’ 

‘  you  know  what  i  was  gonna  tell  you  before ,  but  didn’t  have  the  nerve ?  you  got  your  name  written  all  over  me .  i  got  my  name  written  on  you ,  too .  ’ 

‘  you  already  are  something .  you  always  were .  and  you  still  have  time  to  be .  ’

‘  you  know  me  by  heart .  it  infuriates  me  that  you  know  me  by  heart .  ’ 

‘  why  am  i  waiting  for  you ?  hungering  and  thirsting  for  you  in  every  cranny  of  my  soul  and  even  in  my  ribs ?  ’ 

‘  you  came  with  a  handful  of  pain  and  a  smile  which  broke  the  ground  under  my  feet  as  the  earthquake  does  when  two  people  meet .  ’

‘  the  only  good  thing  is  that  i’m  getting  used  to  suffering .  ’

‘  the  return  to  time  was  not  my  choice .  ’

‘  we  are  built  to  live  inside  each  other .  this  means  we  are  built  to  ruin .  ’

‘  time  does  not  bring  relief ;  you  all  have  lied .  ’

‘  time  does  not  know  how  to  keep  our  hopes  safe .  ’

‘  you  needed  me  so  much  that  you  had  to  end  me .  ’

‘  there  are  days  where  i  am  morbidly  in  love  with  you ,  and  this  is  one  of  those  days .  ’

‘  i  know  no  end  to  desiring  you .  ’

‘  i  fear  that  i  am  both  too  much  yet  not  enough .  ’

‘  yes ,  yes ,  yes ,  i  do  like  you .  i  am  afraid  to  say  the  stronger  word .  ’ 

‘  a  heart’s  a  heavy  burden .  ’

‘  life ,  as  i  see  it ,  is  all  about  farewells  rather  than  reunions .  ’

‘  heaven  is  real  and  you  only  had  two  minutes  to  prove  it  to  me .  ’

‘  it  was  already  love .  ’

‘  everyone  desires  love  but  also  finds  it  impossible  to  believe  that  they  deserve  it .  ’

‘  i’ll  love  you  until  i  forget  how  to .  ’

‘  i’ll  love  you  until  i  forget  how  to  and  then  i’ll  fall  like  my  knees  aren’t  already  bruised  from  doing  it  and  i’ll  remember  why  you’re  worth  the  ache .  ’

‘  of  course  i’ll  hurt  you .  of  course  you’ll  hurt  me .  of  course  we’ll  hurt  each  other .  but  this  is  the  very  condition  of  existence .  ’

‘  nothing  makes  me  sadder  and  nothing  makes  me  happier  than  you .  ’

‘  i  love  you  and  i  do  not  want  to  love  you ,  it  is  too  much  and  too  difficult .  ’

‘  grief  is  just  love  with  no  place  to  go .  ’

‘  i  felt  my  life  with  both  my  hands  to  see  if  it  was  there .  ’

‘  you  do  this ,  you  do .  you  take  the  things  you  love  and  you  tear  them  apart .  ’

‘  i  hope  it’s  love .  i’m  trying  really  hard  to  make  it  love .  ’

‘  if  you  touch  me  again  i  might  burn  up  in  the  cold  air .  ’

‘  i  asked  you  not  to  leave  several  times .  ’

‘  i’ve  only  adored  you  lifetimes  ago  and  here  we  are .  it’s  nice  to  see  you  again .  ’

‘  all  time  ever  does  is  pass  and  all  i  ever  do  is  remember .  ’

‘  i  feel  as  though  we  were  never  strangers ,  you  and  i ,  not  even  for  a  moment .  ’

‘  i’d  choose  you ;  in  a  hundred  different  lifetimes ,  in  a  hundred  worlds ,  in  any  version  of  reality ,  i’d  find  you  and  i’d  choose  you .  ’

‘  nothing  about  this  is  soft  but  we  pretend .  ’

‘  maybe  you  and  i  are  just  a  dream .  ’

‘  i  know  you  loved  me  too ,  you  knew  me ,  and  it  gladdens  my  heart .  ’

‘  i  promise  i  shall  never  give  up  and  that  i’ll  die  yelling  and  laughing .  ’

‘  i  don’t  do  anything  with  my  life  except  romanticize  and  decay  with  indecision .  ’

‘  the  world  was  made  so  that  we  could  find  each  other  in  it .  ’

‘  you  don’t  meet  the  people  you  love ,  you  recognize  them .  ’

‘  i  think  you  and  i  have  known  each  other  a  few  lifetimes .  ’

‘  this  body  knows  fear  like  a  front  porch  knows  welcome  –  it  is  always  coming  home .  ’

‘  i  miss  you  more  than  i  remember  you .  ’

‘  if  i  could  have  done  it  all  again ,  i  would  have  loved  you  better .  but  i  could  not  have  loved  you  more .  ’

‘  we  could  have  been  happy .  i  know  that ,  and  it  is  perhaps  the  hardest  thing  to  know .  ’

Tired, Zizhen mused over his point. He could relate in ways that he didn’t expect to. Maybe the two youngsters were more alike than they had thought, just for different reasons. He kept his silence though, this wasn’t about him, and Zizhen didn’t want to make it about himself either, it would simply leave himself feeling selfish and upset. A deep breath. A small nod of his head. Zizhen wanted to signal that he was in fact listening, but he was still thinking about things. Trying to find the right words, a pep talk, something to convey understanding. It was much harder than he thought it would be.

“I understand why.” He began, “I can’t imagine how difficult it is to deal with what has happened.” It was a horror story that would be discounted from a storyteller or a play for being too dramatic and unrealistic. A story of one mans thirst for power and revenge, a product of the system that they lived in, of the demonization of an entire sect of people for simply who they were, the persecution of anyone who didn’t fit the established norm, why? For a handful of people and their power, their egos, their own gain at the cost of everyone and everything.

How did you recover from that?

How did their world recover from it? “One thing is for sure the world changed.” The events rocked  the very bedrock of their society, no institution, no sect, no leader, was left unscared by it. Manipulated by circumstance, they all had blood on their hands, they had all played a part. Maybe that was the hard part to swallow, that no one was innocent in any of this, and it was a screaming bloody, tragic and terrible example of how carried away and quick to judge they were collectively. How anything different was viewed with fear and suspicion instead of understanding.

“The world is a lot more complex than we were brought up to believe, right and wrong isn’t as black and white as we thought.” Where he was going with that point Zizhen didn’t really know, it felt like a fact that needed accepted though. “I can’t blame you for wanting to be as far away from all of it as possible.” All of them did in a way. “Both metaphorical and you know, physical.” Being in the same halls, the same places, where treasured memories had been tainted, and you’d learned the true character of someone you thought you know…had to be difficult.

"Not as hard as it might seem actually." he said finally when the other didn't scold him for interrupting him. "Its something where I am determined to not allow that to happen." he stated looking pointedly at him. "All of us owe it to the common folk, to those who are still terrified, to those who are bathing in muddy water because they are afraid of their Sects." he said "I took a lot of what my ShuShu had accumulated and I have sold it, people want things like that. I have begun to renovate the farms lands around Lanling, and I would encourage you to allow me to help you do the same, A-Zhen." he said looking up at him hopefully. "Its not going to make up for the War, but it a start...you know." he pressed his lips. A hand rose to his throat and lingered there. "I am not over it...but I will be." he said "Its hard to know which ShuShu was the real ShuShu but a desperate man will do things he normally wouldn't." he shook his head.

How did he make up for what his Grandfather had started.

"Yes, but the world is always changing." he said as he leaned against Zizhen and rested his cheek on the other's shoulder. "I don't think that is bad, but we need to shape the way it is changing, we need to do thing to help where we can. Why are people so fucking hell bent on glory ?" he asked quietly "Glory doesn't serve anyone but the person basking in it, and then it twists in your gut and it hollows you out so that's all that's there, no kindness, not affection or love. Rather command, and expectancy of things." he paused and looked up "I think you understand that better then me." he added "It's hard being home." he added quietly. "I go looking down empty halls for my uncle, and forget he's gone he's not here now." tears gathered, and Jin Ling didn't hide them. He just slipped an arm around Zizhen like he was a raft in the storm. He needed something grounding. Fairy could do it, but he didn't understand politics, and didn't care to. What he understood was taking care of Jin Ling and loving him no matter what he fucked up, no matter how bad it got at home, or in his head.

Jin Ling was only ever hands on with people he cared for or loved he was not one to allow others close. Close meant he could get hurt, be it a physical hit or a mental or emotional one. Zizhen had pretty much been the boy next door, for his definitive years in Yunmeng growing up. He stirred to look up and quirked a shadow of a smile. "You want me to run away with you ?" he teased now he knew the other was sensitive and romantic, the idea of just going away, going anywhere others wouldn't know them was such a temptation. "I mean I am sure I could get away for awhile, I recently survived another...you...know...attempt." he whispered softly by Zizhen ear. Like saying it too loud and having someone over hearing it would make the nightmare even more real. "They got in through my window, and hid in my closet, if Fairy hadn't been there, I wouldn't be here with you...I mean I know the game, I understand politics, but how pathetically childish of me to think, why are you trying to kill me I am only trying to do what's right, trying to fix things, I am only a boy..." he sighed and thumped his head back to Zizhen's shoulder. He was built stronger then Jin Ling sturdy, and it was reassuring. “But again I am not I am a man and I have to own that.”  he was rubbing his face with the wide golden sleeve of his expensive robes.

"The little piggy dumplings ?" he asked he vaguely remembered them from a well spent childhood, that ended far to quickly.

[c] from here / @luanzangxgang​ / Wei Wuxian!

It was windy out and Jin Ling's high ponytail danced in the air lifting and snapping around him the red ribbon, so like Wei Wuxian's own also caught on the wind. He had encountered Mo--no Wei Wuxian while he was out on his own Sect Business. Jin Ling had been taken aside and told only he could decide who he was and who he was going to be no one else could make that choice for him. Jin Ling had chosen to be fair and just. He was still growing up, life had dumped on his at fifteen but now he had least a few years under his belt.

The posture was impeccable and he stood tall. One hand to the back of his belt and his chin lifted as he watched the way the other seemed to struggle with his own emotions. His blade was in the other. There was not even a hint of Fairy being with him. Of course the dog had been waved off to the side. He did not wanted the dog to scare the man into running blindly into the wilds.

He would surely be blamed for it.

Jin Ling turned on the heels of boots to face him fully. A golden gaze flickered up and down the man. Lips forming a half grimace. "You are right here...you deal with the dead..." he said in a dead pan voice.  He had seen it first hand in Yi City  "Can you not tell, not read it in..." he glanced to the body and back to the man whom his Uncle had been of a divided mind on. "What ever this was...once...it has a human skeleton." the tutors said he hadn't retained anything -ha- on them. He learned he just didn't feel the need to parrot everything back to them. A huff from him and “I need to know if its a murder so it can be proper investigated, get the pompous asses who sit on my council to do something other then sip tea and judge everyone who passes through Koi Tower.”

Still he dusted his golden robes off and tipped his head looking at Wei Wuxian for a moment. Considered. "You know." he began his chin jutting forward as he glanced to the heavens and back to his Uncle twice over. "You could come visit." he stated "I have rooms there and I know even if he's going to have heart palpitation, he misses you too." he could read longing on a face he had seen it enough in his own, before he had found friends, well four of them. "If there are concerns you could even come with my honor guard." he stated "Even though he was not an active member, my Uncle Mo, was still Jin." he could not envision Wei Wuxian in Jin Gold, though it was an amusing thought. "You know the Lotus will be ripe soon, they still make the wine, and the seeds will be ripe enough to eat." Jin Ling had no memories of his mother or father, but he had memories of Jiang Cheng, lowering him out of a boat so he could grab a lotus for himself when he was small.

He smirked "Again, I am glad of that. " he stated what he didn't add was its kept me alive this long. When boys would bully him, or make fun of him. Lanling Jin heir or not. They were cruel to a parent-less child. Who's uncle told him to beat them up, when his other uncle said try to make friends. It left him bruised and battered more then once, and in tears hiding in his mother's garden. Golden eyes turned on him "Says the Jin, the peacock, the brat ?" he filled in for him and gave a little shrug. He took to the path, and he began to trace the way that the man had come from home to pick up tracks, of what had gotten him , or even where he had been. "These tracks are days old, they are going to be worn down and worse yet, the weather and other travelers through, do his rag look like an Sect in particular ?" he inquired. "Or was he just some poor citizen?" he wasn't about to bolt into danger, he'd learn some common sense.

Jin Ling would have bought him a years worth of drink, various drink if he knew what he liked. Outside of Emperor Smile, which was often sent through Lan Sizhui. "A-Yuan says you like emperor's smile, have you ever had golden kiss ?" he inquired "That's a Lanling specialty."

    remember to adjust for pronouns, pacing, wording, as you like !!!

“ Well, now you appreciate how I feel about you… ”

“ The promise was mine. ”

“ Why save his life only to kill him? ”

“ Was this something you and the others conspired to behind his back? ”

“ You’re a fine one to speak of conspiracies, love. ”

“ No fear, my dove. ”

“ Wake up, curse you! ”

“ I put a gravebone blade right between his ribs. ”

“ I cut his fucking heart in two. ”

“ …I actually let myself believe it was done. ”

“ Reunited at last. ”

“ —This is all rather exciting. ”

“ You’re trying to be charming, I assume. ”

“ That seems—excessive. ”

“ How much for passage, good sir? ”

“ ‘Byss and blood, it’s cold in here. ”

“ And, I trust your hollow victory will keep you warm at night. ”

“ Run, you fools! ”

“ More wine, anyone? ”

“ Blood is owed thee—and blood shall be repaid. ”

“ You will know the lie of that before the end of this. ”

“ He always said blood stains deeper than wine. ”

“ Our eyes are the windows on our soul, and I tell you true, his look in on an empty room. ”

“ If I wanted to hear from an arsehole, I’d go use the privy. ”

“ Shit—Shiiiiiiiiit. ”

“ Be it on seas, or dry of land, when you claim a man’s life, you claim all he was. ”

“ I’ll gift you a throne. ”

“ Don’t cry—please, don’t cry. ”

“ …you do lover her, then? ”

“ I promise to behave… ”

“ You can’t come here. I’ve just had the walls repainted. ”

“ I thought hard and long about how to end you. ”

“ You always were a prude. ”

“ So, you lie to yourselves, too. ”

“ We need to teach our children the truth of the world so they can survive it. ”

“ No parent really wants their child to change. ”

“ My venom works swift. ”

“ I shall see thee suffer for this. ”

“ How badly will I be found wanting? ”

“ Goddess, if only we’d known what she’d become. ”

“ There are names missing. ”

“ You feed it a piece of yourself, too. ”

“ I’d have killed the sky for you. ”

“ All I hear are lies from the mouth of a murderer. ”

“ The last thing you will ever be in this world, girl, is someone’s hero. ”

“ And, I’ll not let you drown. ”

“ All is as it should be. ”

“What’s funny ?” Jin Ling asked clearly curious he didn’t see humor in finding a half…was it eaten ? Body, out under a bush like some hidden terror. Jin Ling knew better then to assume that Wei Wuxian would dance to the beat of any tune but his own. Still he was Sect Leader now and he couldn’t allow a sign of weakness, or a show of anything but strength. Even though his gaze kept creeping to the half exposed skeleton under the bushes. He was not soft enough to show any emotion that might be perceived as too girly.

Of course Jin Ling was a little wary, but he doubted that the man would actually kill someone in such an open way. Still be near it and stop to chat if he had been responsible. It struck him as stupidity, and if the man was anything it was not stupid. A tip of his head and an extend of his lower lip to push his bangs out of his eyes in a patient huff.

“Oh, because they need to hear it, since this clearly happened on their watch, they delight in calling out my short comings, It’s fine to return the favor.” he answer the cupid bow mouth twisted into a smirk. “It would be even better to tell them what had killed it.” he chuckled “I know it sounds petty and childish, but I’ll take my wins where I can get them no matter how small.” he stated and nodded. “Pff, he has been threatening to break my legs since I was three.” he said seriously. “ I told him I’d save him the trouble and tossed myself into the Lotus Pond at five, he about broke his neck to save me…all talk.” he stated though the fact that he had to prove to himself that his uncle loved him enough to save him and not break his legs likely said more about Jin Ling then he let on.

“You afraid he’ll break your legs, for being around me ?” he countered asked.

@luanzangxgang​

"Or fire my entire staff and go through the pain in the ass of having to hire new ones." he said casting a glance to his uncle.  At the laughter a ghost of a smile tugged at his lips. "I swan dived in, and I can swim, no one with Jiang blood can't swim...didn't mean he didn't have a huge freak out." he stated with an almost devious look. "I hid under a large lotus, and held my breath...very much a brat, but he was flailing around and I felt bad so I popped up for air." he nodded "Oh I have lots of stories about JuiJui." he said "He practically raised me he and Shu..." he hesitated and shook his head clamming up again. “Well you know.”

"JuiJui has a lot of anger issues." he stated as he stepped closer and lifted his chin up. "He could break my legs if he wanted too. He doesn't really, but he has become like his own mother...at least that's what he said to himself when he drinks." Jin Ling never knew her and so he couldn't say. "He's trying to adjust I don't think he ever got over...you know anything that happened to him." the golden clad boy shrugged his shoulders faintly. "He misses you but he's hell bent on denying it..." he shot him a look. "You know in true Jiang fashion." he stated. "Depends on what killed this, it might be something that needs to be hunted." he said as he looked up. "I don't think night hunting for the sake of a night hunt is right, there are plenty of things, that aren't hurting anyone, but the things that do this." he pointed at the unfortunate corpse. "Needs dealt with." he cast a side long glance. “I’ll cover dinner and drinks afterwards.” more statement then offer.

                                    THERE’S BRAVERY IN BEING SOFT.